It has been one of those days when I feel like I'm living someone else's life. There's an old song that goes..."these must be somebody else's blues..." or something like that. It's kinda how I feel.
The word in the header, saxicolous, means, growing among rocks.
That describes the feelings of being uncomfortable in my own skin, to me. And I don't know why this happens to me every now and again. I used to feel like this all the time, and now that I don't...well, I don't like it. And all I can do, pretty much, is hang on until it passes. Or take an action-change a feeling. But this one is different, and somewhere inside me, I think I need to sit with it and see what it is. It hasn't been a horrible day, nor has it been so uncomfortable that I want to drink it away. Just off kilter. In a place I don't belong. Growing among rocks.
I sat for awhile today, pondering it all. Once I was able to quiet my mind, I immediately thought of something that I used to have growing around my home in California, up on the far north coast, near Oregon. It was a beautiful little plant called Rose Moss. It looked more like a succulent than it did a moss. Little colorful flowers. The stuff grew on rock walls and in cracks on sidwalks. And I thought, Rose Moss is okay. It's just got different needs than lots of other plants. It's quite lovely, in its own spidery way. And it is certainly a sight to behold, just growing there, thriving among the rocks.
So, maybe the message is that it's all good. Doesn't matter where you are, or what's happening in your world. That there is a place for everyone and everything, and beauty in it all.
This place of discomfort is maybe just another view into the myriad of me's that reside here. It's also a vehicle that slows me down, keeps me home, and makes me look at myself. More than once I've done a 4th step after an episode of this (for lack of a better description). It never lasts terribly long, a day or two at most. And I come away with a little more insight into what goes on in this brain of mine, and what I want, and what I don't.
Feeling blessed in a blue-sy kind of way.
Feeling grateful for the people in my life who love me, warts and all.
Feeling like I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight.