Thursday, January 11, 2018

Whoa... another new year ?

  It slid in there, between 2 bouts of the crud (flu/not flu-- who knows).  Finally feeling better, but still a little tired. Not sure if it's leftovers from the crud or the fact that starting January 1st, I eradicated sugar and most carbs from my diet. Hoping to lower the inflammation in my body and clean up things a little more. I need to lose about 45 to 50 pounds and if that happens too, then yay. If not-- I spent the first half of my life underweight and if I die fat, I'll just call it balance.  lol

  It's taking a lot of time researching new recipes and reading labels..something I've always done really, just looking at different things now.  The husbandman thinks it's crazy strict and not healthy. He is taking his own path, as usual. That's okay.  I can still cook him some rice and potatoes, and buy him bagels. lol   Mostly it hasn't been too hard and I'm feeling a little better, after the initial detox from sugar (right after Xmas)  and the other stuff that goes with starting a new way of eating.  Yesterday I bought a veggie spiral cutter. Tonight for supper he requested "that garlic chicken you made that had too much garlic in it, with a little less garlic".  I'm laughing because I have no idea what he's talking about. So I found a low carb  baked chicken recipe: Baked Garlic Butter Chicken. I will make that for supper, with a side of "zoodles"  (zucchini cut into spirals and cooked like spaghetti) with marinara on top. There's leftover rice in the fridge, so he can have that if he wants instead. He's a little skeptical about some of these dishes, although he's usually good about eating whatever I put in front of him. I was out shopping yesterday and couldn't find spaghetti squash. He likes that okay. He'll probably like the zoodles too. (Notice how I am already learning the low carb lingo ?  Zoodles, net carbs, BPC, lavash flatbreads -- the list goes on and on and on). They have their own little cult, these people. There must be a hundred sites online with a gazillion members. Most of whom support each other and brag and cry about how their weight loss journey is going. Some are regular Nazi's about the rules, some say do what feels good, some say throw away the scale, some say weigh every day and pee on a stick.  Having spent a lot of my life thin and thinner...this stuff amazes me. I always had one of those metabolisms that enabled me to eat everything I ever wanted with no repercussions. Then I had a hysterectomy at 35. I started slowly gaining weight, about  2 or 3 pounds a year probably.  Still, wasn't particularly bad or unhealthy. Then in 2001 I had the shit knocked out of me in an industrial accident. Couldn't walk without assistance for over a year.  Chronic pain, limited mobility and medications like I had never taken in my life. Changed everything. At one point I walked past a storefront window and was shocked at the sight of myself.

  At this point I have become sadly comfortable with my body. I would laugh and say-- skinny half my life, fat the other half.  I love to cook, as you know. I love food-- growing, preserving, cooking and eating it. I love feeding other people... a nurturing exercise that I need.  I am not so happy with my body anymore and the inflammation in my joints (from a combination of  osteoarthritis, too much weight and an extremely acidic diet) has to be addressed. So- happy 2018. I'm down 8 pounds and starting to feel a little better already.  Hopefully I can get creative enough to keep cooking and enjoying life, while eating better.  I don't expect to be 27 again, but hey--  sometimes less is more.

  Other than that, this year so far has been interesting.  I turned 65 on the 12th day of Christmas. It was a nice enough day. We have had crazy temperatures roller coasting through the midwest,  55-60 for 2 days, then sliding back down into the single digits. We had some wicked cold weeks for a while there, and had snow for the holidays. Everybody and their uncle is sick with the flu. Hospitals are packed, no doctor appointments available, schools closing.  Trump is still in the oval office, but maybe not for much longer.  Maybe.  There is so much unrest... it is scary.  I am trying to stay where my feet are. It's all I can do.

  My car was out of commission for over 2  weeks. I was sick for one of those. So home I stayed and hunkered down and snuggled up and got a little nervous at how easily I could become a hermit. I'm getting out a little right now, and trying to find some balance. Some days I feel like I am being pulled in a 20 directions.  Nibbled to death by ducks. Dreaming of 40 acres and a mule... just far enough out to justify never having to go anywhere I don't want to ever again.  
  I have realized something important: How much I need discipline and structure in my life, even at my age.  As you may (or may not) know, I lost all my chickens at the end of last fall (predators). Not getting more until we revamp the chicken coop and run. The simple act of having to get up and take care of those chickens everyday was a profoundly grounding experience for me.  Now I stay up til all hours and sleep until noon sometimes.  It's crazy. I spend a lot of time spinning in circles, it seems. I get almost nothing done generally. I feel lazy and slovenly and unkempt.  It's only January and I am so sick of winter and cold weather that I could pack up and move to New Mexico.  Tomorrow.

  Sigh....  so much for the ramblings of an old mind.  The laundry is ready to go in the dryer. I have a massage appointment this afternoon.  I have a puppy that won't leave me alone and wants to play play play. My house looks like a demented day care, with puppy toys everywhere (3 dogs here).  I pick them up, put them in the box and they get them out and methodically distribute them all over the living room floor.  I straighten the slipcovers on the couch and loveseat, and they pull them off to burrow underneath.  The puppy has started taking mouthfuls of dog food out of the bowl and walking away from it munching, and dropping bits of kibble everywhere.  Instead of eating the stuff she dropped, she goes back and gets more.  And drops a third of it as she walks away.  

  This is my life.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.

  See ya later, taters.