Sunday, June 28, 2020

This life of mine...

  I found these at Aldi's last week again finally.  I first had them about a year ago and fell in love...and they never had them again.  They are awesome pretzels.  Oh so good.  Not that I need to be snacking on anything. I have gained 13 pounds since the shut down started.  And unfortunately I don't care. I am having all kinds of old people shit going on and as much as I wish I was 27 and 104 pounds, I am not. And never will be.  So... I'll be a jolly fat person for as long as I live maybe.  Or maybe not.  

   I have to be careful because I have been having some creeping up the scale blood sugar issues.  I probably should be eating a low carb diet, but then what would I do with this ?? 

 Because it's peach season (at the grocery store. Mine are later).  I did use minimal sweetening in it, so it's tastes like a pastry full of fresh peaches.  But still...

  I had a pretty severe diverticulitis event last week and wound up at the Urgent Care for antibiotics. I was diagnosed with that little gem about a year and a half ago when I had a serious problem with pain and bleeding that put me in the ER. The big D is a goofy thing. All the things they used to think caused or exacerbated it, they have now debunked.  They simply admit they don't know. But it is extremely painful and after the initial event, I only had a couple of mild ones that cleared up by themselves in days. Until last week.  Blech. I was down for the count for about 5 days. It sucked.

  Then I had some kind of a hissy fit one morning in the shower... came out and cut off 8 inches of my hair. Didn't just cut it off, like I usually do, but butchered it beyond repair.  Tonight my personal groomer came over (lol) and did his best to shore it up and make it look presentable. Bless his heart. lol  I have hair about 1 inch long now. And it could just be that I'm in shock, but it looks completely white now. I have several very thin spots on my scalp as a result of chemo back in the 80's. So it really looks like hell.  When did I get so vain ??

  And then...  All of my life my teeth have been bad. I got no dental care as a kid. I had one trip to the dentist that I remember because I had a permanent tooth come in behind a baby tooth. It was the bane of my existence most of my life.  About 18 years ago, I had a ton of dental work done, including a bridge. Nothing could be done about that tooth... the bridge, that I wore for 15 years, caused all kinds of other problems in my mouth and as a result, some of my upper teeth are loose. I need dentures, but ... so anyway, that tooth came out the other day.  The tooth itself is small, but it left a gaping hole in my mouth. I am extremely self conscious about it.  That damned tooth, that drove me crazy all my life is gone, and now the feelings are worse.  How crazy is that ??  

  So this is my rant against aging I guess.   Isn't it funny ?  I have never been a vain person (I didn't think)  but now I am a short, fat, balding grey headed old lady with missing teeth that wants to hide under a rock.  I need to get to bed as it's almost 1 AM and I have things to do in the morning before leaving to take a friend to a dr appt.. I don't sleep well anyway, and I promised her daughter I would bring chicken and dumplings to her when I pick up her mom at 10 AM. My husband , bless his heart,  just says that he loves me no matter what.  I think it might be the peach pie talking...

Monday, June 15, 2020

When I was young...

    I can't tell you how excited I got when my son brought about 8 tons of driveway rock to my house last weekend. They raked and shoveled and worked their butts off for about 5 hours to get it all spread. ( I have a big driveway). 

  I got an extra parking space/ turnaround too.  AND a little path up to my sidewalk.  I was over the moon.

  I haven't always been like this. Getting all excited about things like gravel.  There was a time when only really outrageous things excited me.  Like the time I got to drive a boyfriends Porsche 135 mph in the desert in the middle of the night.  Or the time I flew to South America, and stayed there for 4 months, unbeknownst to any of my family.  (They knew I was gone.  I think.  They just didn't know where).  Or the time I picked up a guy in a bar because he told me he owned a sky-diving business and I wanted to do that. Always had wanted to. It was AMAZING, falling through the sky. Ahhh... when I was young. And fearless. And foolish.  Bulletproof.  Immortal.

  Now I get excited about gravel. And jams and jellies that actually set up LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO !!  Or getting 45 quarts of green beans out of my garden and canned.  Or the number of hummingbirds that grace my feeders every year. Visits from friends.  Word of cancers seemingly cured. Notes from old friends that I thought I had lost touch with.  Surprise gifts in the mail.  You know... those things.  As I start the slide into  the end of my 60's decade,  I think about that girl... that silly foolish daredevil girl who didn't think twice about taking risks or expecting the biggest best things in life.  I have traveled in my middle aged life and seen some pretty remarkable stuff.  Been all over this country and visited a few more.  Most of it was never as exciting as the first few times though, and I guess that's the way of it.  I miss the adrenaline rushes and even the chaos. Today I have to choose which things I might try to get done instead of jumping into life with both feet.  I'm tired.  And I'm starting to feel old.  I hate that most of all. 

  So... I am trying to learn to grow old gracefully and some days I fail miserably.  I stomp and raise my fists at the sky and yell... because of the limitations I have to deal with daily.  Other days I sit comfortably on the porch in a rocking chair with a new book and marvel that a) I survived my life, and b) that I am as comfortable as I am doing next to nothing.  

  It's an interesting  thing, isn't it ?   And now, having just celebrated our 28th anniversary, I am headed into the kitchen to cook another Monday night supper. I was musing the other day about how many meals I have cooked in 28 years, but it made me dizzy. lol  Tonight I have pounded and marinated chicken breasts in Italian dressing.  I will cook them on the little Foreman grill and accompany them with a quinoa salad and a steamed vegetable medley. I will take pictures of the food, with the idea that someday I might write a cookbook. And then I look at the calendar. But hey-- who knows ? I am proof that absolutely ANYTHING can happen, right ?