Sunday, June 28, 2020

This life of mine...



  I found these at Aldi's last week again finally.  I first had them about a year ago and fell in love...and they never had them again.  They are awesome pretzels.  Oh so good.  Not that I need to be snacking on anything. I have gained 13 pounds since the shut down started.  And unfortunately I don't care. I am having all kinds of old people shit going on and as much as I wish I was 27 and 104 pounds, I am not. And never will be.  So... I'll be a jolly fat person for as long as I live maybe.  Or maybe not.  

   I have to be careful because I have been having some creeping up the scale blood sugar issues.  I probably should be eating a low carb diet, but then what would I do with this ?? 

 Because it's peach season (at the grocery store. Mine are later).  I did use minimal sweetening in it, so it's tastes like a pastry full of fresh peaches.  But still...

  I had a pretty severe diverticulitis event last week and wound up at the Urgent Care for antibiotics. I was diagnosed with that little gem about a year and a half ago when I had a serious problem with pain and bleeding that put me in the ER. The big D is a goofy thing. All the things they used to think caused or exacerbated it, they have now debunked.  They simply admit they don't know. But it is extremely painful and after the initial event, I only had a couple of mild ones that cleared up by themselves in days. Until last week.  Blech. I was down for the count for about 5 days. It sucked.

  Then I had some kind of a hissy fit one morning in the shower... came out and cut off 8 inches of my hair. Didn't just cut it off, like I usually do, but butchered it beyond repair.  Tonight my personal groomer came over (lol) and did his best to shore it up and make it look presentable. Bless his heart. lol  I have hair about 1 inch long now. And it could just be that I'm in shock, but it looks completely white now. I have several very thin spots on my scalp as a result of chemo back in the 80's. So it really looks like hell.  When did I get so vain ??

  And then...  All of my life my teeth have been bad. I got no dental care as a kid. I had one trip to the dentist that I remember because I had a permanent tooth come in behind a baby tooth. It was the bane of my existence most of my life.  About 18 years ago, I had a ton of dental work done, including a bridge. Nothing could be done about that tooth... the bridge, that I wore for 15 years, caused all kinds of other problems in my mouth and as a result, some of my upper teeth are loose. I need dentures, but ... so anyway, that tooth came out the other day.  The tooth itself is small, but it left a gaping hole in my mouth. I am extremely self conscious about it.  That damned tooth, that drove me crazy all my life is gone, and now the feelings are worse.  How crazy is that ??  

  So this is my rant against aging I guess.   Isn't it funny ?  I have never been a vain person (I didn't think)  but now I am a short, fat, balding grey headed old lady with missing teeth that wants to hide under a rock.  I need to get to bed as it's almost 1 AM and I have things to do in the morning before leaving to take a friend to a dr appt.. I don't sleep well anyway, and I promised her daughter I would bring chicken and dumplings to her when I pick up her mom at 10 AM. My husband , bless his heart,  just says that he loves me no matter what.  I think it might be the peach pie talking...

3 comments:

Wendy said...

I hear you. I am with you. Every time I pass a mirror I just cannot believe it. I know I should kick my beep but sometimes... It is just so unfair. Why can't we just "preseve" better :-) Hope you sleep well and tomorrow is a lovely day. Get a nice tan on those bald spots, you might have a panther theme there. I will duck at the next mirror. We have to keep our humor.

Hope said...

I hear you, too on all of this. I do not mind my grey hair at all. I am a little stunned about how much I weigh and yet I know that diet mind is behind me. I am having a second mastectomy in October so I will be flat with a very large Buddha belly. But you know, my heart? That is so much more beautiful than it has been in years past. So I count it all a win even while I wrestle with reality.

JACKIESUE said...

I have medicaid and UHC and they have 1,500 for dental care..I had one of those chipped front tooth and hated to smile..I had a great smile..thanks to them and my granddaughter who works in a dental office..and my dentist..they took care of it..have uppers and now my smile is big again..so I know how you feel..
I'm a diabetic and I have gained 10 pounds and it's cause I'm eating shit I KNOW I shouldnt be eating and do it any how..fuckme.