Friday, July 31, 2009

Fridays Finish

Here we are...the 31st day of July. Tomorrow starts another month...

Went to a meeting tonight and the topic was acceptance. Heard some good things and some interesting things...but this drunk was in good company. About 15 of us stayed sober one more day.

Had an interesting Reikki encounter this evening. A friend that I didn't even know practiced this offered to help with a whole body healing for me, and so I went to her house and we meditated a bit and then she put her hot hands on and around me. I have had Reikki before, and I felt the rearrangement of energy just like I have in the past. I wish she wasn't leaving town next week....when she comes home, I would definitely do this again. It felt very healing on a lot of levels.

It's late and I'm tired. I wanted to take a moment to look over my day and be grateful for everything in my life. I haven't had to drink, or become homicidal, of suicidal. I haven't had to live under a bridge. I haven't had to leave my husband, or scream at my kids, or move in the middle of the night.

On the other hand, I did have a plumber here today to get ready for hooking up the water!!!!! I did get to go to a meeting. I did get to spend some quality time with people that I really care about today. I did get to "practice these principals in all my affairs." I did get to help someone else, so I don't feel all useless and shit. Someone called today, just to see how I was doing. I go0t to work in my garden, nurturing and caring for plants and vegetables and fruits and flowers.

Life is a banquet....Rosalind Russell once said....and most of you suckers are starving! Reach out today and grab as much of your life as you can hold. Love the people around you with all you've got. And don't forget to be good to yourself.

"You are a child of God...So ACT like it!"


Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Monday Night/Tuesday Morning

These are a sweet little thing called Surprise Lilies. About a month after the green sword-like leaves all die away, up pops this long green stalk and !SURPRISE! ... lilies... They're quite beautiful, and the tips of the leaves are edged in the most subtle baby blue.(Click the picture to enlarge) You can see it if you look real close. lol They come up fast, and I think they came up about 3 days ago. I have a couple of clumps of them this year...started out with just one pot from Pappy's Market.

The sun is blazing out there today. It's only about 85 degrees though, but feels quite hot when you're weeding a garden. I picked a smidgen of okra today, and 2 bell peppers and a load of cherry tomatoes and a good handful of green beans. Enough stuff, I think to saute and throw in with some pasta for supper. I have some whole grain farfalle pasta I got on sale and with sprinkling of fresh basil and some shredded parmesan cheese, it should be wonderful.

I am doing a lot of thinking about food and cooking with intention today. I have to do the opener for the Sustainable Living Class, and this session is on food. Great articles by Micheal Pollan and Barbara Kingsolver and a host of others. A Zen tale tells us to see the pot as our head and the water as our blood. The art of cooking involves preparing foods mindfully and projecting positive energy into what we eat. And part of bringing out the life force is showing loving respect for the labor involved in the cultivation and preparation of food.

I am so blessed to have the tiniest bit of awareness that I have about food and nutrition and cultivation practices. Not sure where I got it or why...but grateful that it's a part of me.

I am so blessed to have a plot where I can garden...a piece of dirt that can and will grow things.

I am so blessed to almost have water!! *grin

I am so blessed to be sober and useful human being and willing to be a part of life today.

I am so blessed ...just so blessed. By friends, and family and dogs and cats and sunshine and trees and everything.


Monday, July 27, 2009

Sunday Night/Monday Morning...

Where does the time go?? The older I get the faster it goes...and here it is, the last week of July already. Seems like we were just making plans for the gardens and ordering seeds, waiting for them to show up at the mailbox. Already I am watching the waning of some parts of the garden, and we could sure use a little rain right now.

We dug new potatoes for supper last night...a combination of the Ruby Crescents and the Banana fingerlings...OMG...they practically melt in your mouth. I picked the first of the okra, and some onions and and potatoes and tomatoes and blackberries. I need to get out there and pick cucumbers too. I think I'll have some cucmubers for breakfast, as a matter of fact. A little sea salt sprinkled on top...mmmm.

Living off the land is easy to do in the summer, especially in the summer. I picked 3 peaches yesterday that were the size of softballs. This tree is only 4 years old, so I am right proud of it. We didn't have a lot of peaches this year, as a storm took off most of the flowers. But the ones that are here are gorgeous and I can't wait to bite into one.

It's easy to look around me out here and be thankful for the abundance and prosperity I have in my life. What really amazes me is that it comes in many different forms, and not in the ways that I always used to think of abundance. I don't have much money in the bank. In fact we live pretty much paycheck to a lot of people in this country do these days. Wasn't always like this-but it is now. We have about exactly enough to pay the bills, and God help us if there's any extra emergencies. I have a grocery budget that I try really hard to stick to, and when we have more garden stuff, I buy more dry goods, etc. to stock the pantry with. But I have a beautiful little slice of country out here. It's nothing special, and it has its problems, but it's peaceful and it's a roof over our heads and it's ours. I can sit out in the backyard for hours, just listening to no other sounds than birds singing and dogs barking and roosters crowing. It's a symphony in its own right. I have enough love in my life that I am not unhappy or discontent or alone. I have enough clothes for 3 people (probably) -by some standards- and I have several pairs of shoes that I can wear. I have no running water at the moment, but I do have gallons of spring water in the back room and I do have a pond that I can bring water up for flushing toilets. It's a little primitive (What??WAY primitive, you say??) lol but it's not life and death. My loved ones are all relatively healthy and happy and unafraid. I have a program and a fellowship that, if I do my part, insures that I don't have to be a drunk ever again, if I don't want to. I have a car that runs, animals that are fed, and a relationship with my Creator.

All in all, a life of Elegant Blessings.


Friday, July 24, 2009

Full Up Friday

I love sunflowers. And I'm not even from Kansas! lol (Of course, everyone knows that the sunflower is the state flower of Kansas, right?) I plant them around my gardens every year, here and there, usually a good stand of them, like here by the potatoes and green beans. Then I have volunteers that come up all over the yard and garden by themselves because they are in the birdseed I buy that I fill my feeders with. I adore their cheerfulness, their steadfastness, their ability to bend in the wind and not break. I love that they look so beautiful, draw bees and butterflies into my garden, and then at the end of the season, they feed the birds. How great a life is that?

You can see from my picture what a jumbled mess my garden has become. I'm not complaining...everything is growing like crazy and when you garden like this (biointensive), instead of in precise little rows, this is just what you get. The thing I love the most is that you get flowers sprinkled all throughout the garden little treasures waiting to be discovered.

It was a good day today. Yes ((Paxaa)) it was indeed little Miss Tina that got the promotion and she is so proud of makes me tear up to watch her. She has also gotten a rental that is ridiculously affordable, and gets to move in in 3 weeks. When they had her in the office, giving her the promotion, they ..."said all kinds of nice things about me...good, real stuff...about how I was a good employee and that I brought a lot of love and compassion to my job..." This is one of the miracles of sobriety...I told her this is what happens when you call your sponsor every day. One of the presents of the program. lol We went to an 8 o'clock meeting tonight (the one we always crash when the Gathering comes here) and it was just a happy, joyous and free meeting...all the way around. There was lots of laughter, lots of love and lots of AA spoken doesn't get any better than that.

I feel so so blessed to be able to attend meetings whenever I want to, to know that, for me, those feelings of uselessness and self-pity have disappeared. I feel so grateful that I have been delivered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. I got a hotline call today from a woman who cannot stop drinking and cannot imagine that she could live if she did. I got to share with her that I felt that way myself once. I got to tell her what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. I got to see a little snapshot (once again) of myself--and how I could be again, if I don't do these few simple things that keep me grounded in sobriety and in conscious contact with a power greater than myself. In the end, she said she would do anything...except go to those damned meetings. And as I rang off, I wondered what possessed me to surrender my will and my drinking life over to a Group of Drunks all those years ago. I wondered what magick changed me enough, in one nanosecond of breath, to allow ME to ask for help, and to put my hand out, and to have never let that hand go...all these years later.

What a gift sobriety is....


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Tickle Me Thursday...

The Posse...

A long Thursday winding down at last. They look like I feel tonight. lol

Tornado sirens going off tonight as we sat outside gabbing right before the womens meeting. It rained like crazy there (15 minutes south of me) and seemed a little intense for a minute. Later, as I drove up this way, the roads were dry as a bone. Go figure...

The newly planted irises could have used a drink of water...

Too tired to write tonight, and am heading off to bed. I'll revisit this post in the morning, 'cause I'm SURE there's something that needs saying. *wink My brain is just a lumpy grey mass right I shall bid thee adieu! And be off...

*************************************************** I TOLD you I'd be back this morning..well, sort of--it's 3 PM now... Unfortunately, there is nothing left to say, as it's all been said. That being said, I'll let you know one true thing I know...

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous has never let me down. the people have let me down sometimes, but the program of action and living has not once ever yet let me down.

'Nuff said.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Woeful Wednesday

All I'm saying tonight...a quote from the Daily Buddhist Wisdom:

Don't be afraid of doing good. It's another name for happiness, for all that is dear and delightful-this phrase "doing good".

Whoever would live well
Long lasting, bringing bliss-
Let him be generous, be calm
And cultivate the doing of good.

By practicing these three,
These three bliss bringing things,
The wise one lives without regret
His world infused with happiness.
----Itivuttaka Sutta


Monday, July 20, 2009

Manic Monday

(I LOVE this!! And must admit, I kyped it off another blog.)

I had so much to do today, and got a smidgen of it done. And that's okay. (in my best Stuart Smalley voice) *grin

I am in severe pain from planting the irises yesterday, as I knew I would be. I'm all hunched over , like the Grandmother of Notre But I got all the laundry done today, and went to the springs to fill 29 gallons of drinking water. Yes, 29 gallons. I nearly spit! If my lower back didn't hurt enough, by the timeI had all those jugs filled it did. I carted them around back using my trusty garden wagon and got them all into the mudroom too.

I'm a freaking work horse.

I also got groceries and went to the Rural King for scratch for my chickens, lye soap for my husband (poison ivy), biscuits for my dogs and a bottle of bleach for me. Then I picked himself up from work and came home and fixed corn on the cob on the grill with teriyaki turkey burgers and grilled fat onion slices. We ate like big dogs.

Speaking of big dogs....I called the no-kill shelter in Benld and asked if I could bring Fred there. They said they were full up and unable to take any dogs that wouldn't be immediately adoptable. That translates to : something small and cuddly and cute that people want. So, Fred is still here. Not sure what the next step will be, as we really cannot afford to take care of one more animal. Especially a 75 pound guy named Fred who likes to chase cats. Sigh...I hate to call Animal Control...they will take him to the pound and after a few days or a week, he will be put to sleep. I tried to check his ears for a microchip. If there's one there, I sure can't feel it... I know that I am such a sucker for these animals, but it breaks my heart...

I am ready for sleep....kitchens cleaned, lunches made, breakfast egg sandwich made and waiting in the microwave, litter pans scooped, food and water for cats and dogs and birds all checked and filled. My darling boy is already sawing logs for the past 3 hours. I will not be getting up at Zero Dark Thirty again tomorrow. I am staying home. One of my sponslings is coming over at noon and we will have a nice little chat about the 2nd and 3rd Steps. And lunch. Not sure what I'll make yet...perhaps a quiche....I have some beautiful cantaloupes that need eating as well, and lots of blackberries too. Maybe a quiche and a little fruit salad on the side. Yummmm....I have to get up early enough to get my juice made and straighten my house a bit.

Want to shout out a WOO HOO to Macdaddy for being nominated for a black blogger award in about a gazillion categories. This man is some kind of wonderful, baby--and I am proud to be one of his stalkers. lol xoxoxox You go, Daddy....

Wishing you all the sleep of the innocents...sweet dreams and restful bliss.


Sunday, July 19, 2009

Celebrating Sundays

Have you had a kindness shown?
Pass it on;
Twas not given for thee alone,
Pass it on;
Let it travel down the years,
Let it wipe anothers tears,
Til in Heaven the deed appears -
Pass it on.

~Henry Burton, Pass It On

I thought this was just lovely.....Don't know Henry Burton...but, thanks, Hank!

I am the proud owner of 2 new iris beds as of about 5 PM today. lol I worked my butt off digging and trimming and planting irises that I got from my friend Chris. Free flowers are my favorites. Not just because they are free *wink* but because they are something that someone has passed on to me. Something that someone said, Hey-I bet
Annie would like these! Somebody thought of me, in a generous and loving moment. I can't explain how much that means to me...
I was looking around my yard this evening and thinking about how it looked when we bought the place. Old cars, rusted sheds, ruts from tires in the yards, crap everywhere....And now it is slowly becoming my little haven. Probably 75 % of the flowering plants in my yard were given to me by friends, family and neighbors. Or I dug them up on the side of a road somewhere. Today I have these plants in flower: hostas, tiger lilies, day lilies (5 different kinds), Rose of Sharon, black eyed Susans, Shasta daisies, petunias, Evening Primrose, Zinnias, Marigolds, Pink and White Coneflowers,Nasturtiums, Rose Moss, Honeysuckle and sunflowers. I was thinking maybe tomorrow I should go out and take pictures of nothing but flowers. It's absolutely beautiful out there. Today I planted lavender and yellow irises. They won't have flowers again until next year, but look out! I planted them along the west side of the house and then along the rock wall bottom and still had a few left to plant out back. And that was AFTER I gave my neighbor about 30 of them for her yard. All the trimmings went into the compost bin. All in all, a very good day.

433w2 ( A message from G-Rod the little yellow kitty) Not sure what it means...

I've had a bath and have to get up early tomorrow morning. I'm pretty whipped from all the manual labor. The dishes are done and I'll make hubby's lunch in the morning. We watched Night at the Museum tonight (well, the second half of it anyway) after supper. It seemed to get late fast! lol

I'm blessed today, if for no other reason than I am a child of God. So are you. So, every chance4 we get...let's ...Pass it on....


Saturday, July 18, 2009


(I've always been one to give my "ALL" for a good cause...)

It was a strange and lovely day today...weird ass July weather in the mid 70's for crying out loud!! We attended a family get together that was just wonderful and came home around 6:30. Stopped at a local produce stand and got 2 glorious large cantaloupes. Both are sweet and meaty and fragrant. Left them in the trunk of the car and when I opened the car to leave, the smell nearly knocked me over.

Got to spend some time with my favorite 6 year old niece and my brother and sister-in-law.

Am dead tired now. Thinking I will stay home tomorrow while my beloved goes to his meeting and I'll plant irises and do a little clean up work out there. I need to make a grocery run as well, sometime tomorrow, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Feeling greatly blessed tonight that I have a loving family. A bunch of cracked pots, certainly, but still... I feel blessed that we can break bread without breaking each others necks. I feel grateful that we're all doing alright, both financially and healthwise. We're not a rich bunch or anything, but we've surely all got everything we need on a daily basis. And we all love each other. My son came today too, with his wife. We had a good time and I got some hugs and kisses from my sonny boy. Every mom is grateful for that!

Feeling glad that tomorrow is another day and that I am loved and able to love...all the people in my life....


Friday, July 17, 2009

Fried day...

Oh Lordy, lordy...we have had us some rain in the past 24 hours!!

Torrential bucketloads, thunder and lightning like only the midwest can do. Had to pull off the road on the way home last night, wipers on high couldn't clear the windshield. Had to unplug the computer 2 days in a row. Wowsa...

The day before yesterday it rained over 4 inches in less than 5 hours. The roads were all flooded, it flattened my corn patch(see above picture!), my back deck was a roaring mess alright. Stayed overcast and pretty dry most of yesterday, and then the storms came back in late in the day. ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!! My garden is drowning, raised beds and all. I have worked way too hard to watch it all go by the wayside, just because we are having ridiculous weather for July. lol The highs for the weekend are only supposed to be around 75. It's crazy I tell you...

Today I see the surgeon about the knee. It is feeling much better for some reason, ((PG)), and Aleve, I think. Still isn't right, but at least the pain is more bearable. I'm feeling especially blessed by THAT, believe you me!

A friend is coming by in about half an hour to help hubby with the deck. I am going to my son's for a shower before going to the doctor, as we are still; without running water. (A minor inconvenience, really).
But today, the sun is shining and tomorrow I go to my brothers for a bbq and to see my other brother and his family...a little family get together. It'll be good, as I have a ;large crazy family who couldn't love me more. And I love being loved. It just feels gooooood.

Welcome ((daddy))---so good to see you here. How's the vacation going?? :) I have a sneaking suspicion you just might be my brother from another mother.... I love those women too... and I adore Betty Carter. Hard to find her music sometimes all time fave--Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most.... Have you heard the cd that Joni made doing all torch songs? Awesome.... My other fave is Johnny Hartmann--that man is pure liquid love...what a voice!!!

Alrighty...we have a new stray that I made posters for the 2 markets here in town. Hopefully someone has lost him and will be so grateful to get him home....he's a very sweet old dog, but we need one more dog here at Annie's Ark like we need 7 more holes in our heads...

In praise of sunshine and dry, blue skies....


Monday, July 13, 2009

Magnetic Monday

Had the MRI first thing this morning...quite an invention, that. Was tickled at all the questions they ask...about body piercings, tattoos, metal plates in your They asked if I had had brain surgery. Over they phone they asked if I weighed over 350 pounds. I said "Not yet."

Stopped by sisters house for a quick chat and came on home. I fielded some phone calls, and then decided I needed to get the lawn mowed since it is supposed to rain tomorrow. I took it slow and easy and actually managed to get almost the whole thing mowed. I picked some blackberries, picked some apples, picked some more cucumbers and picked 3 peaches. Then I took a good rub-a-scrub and called it a day. I pulled some bbq pork out of the freezer and thawed it for supper. Then I put my leg up and took it easy the rest of the night.

We watched the Clint Eastwood film "Gran Torino" tonight. Excellent film. That old codger has still got it...

These crazy kittens have been in hyperdrive all day. It doesn't seem to be letting up, either. They're presently running with joy around the living room. I had to move the cockatiel into the guest room, as they won't leave him alone. The stray dog is STILL in the front yard. I wish he would remember where he lives and go back there....

It was a nice relaxing evening and I am winding down for bed. (((Andrew))) Have a good trip to the to you and your family as you remember Uncle Bill.

I'm falling asleep in my chair...Nighty night...

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sultry Sunday

A day of off and on rain and overcast skies...made for napping and reading and laying around with one's leg UP. lol

I got a call this afternoon telling me that one of our lambs had gone off to be sacrificed. It was the sponsling of one of my sponslings...dead of an overdose, leaving 2 small boys without a mommy. It breaks my heart, and yet I know how she struggled and couldn't ever seem to "get" this thing... I guess now her struggling is finished and she is done with all this pain of a life lived in the grey areas.
Again I am blessed that my Creator saw fit to pull me out of that seemingly hopeless state of mind and body..once I was so beat up and hopeless that I had no where else to turn. Blessed to be teachable today, when I watch the lessons others take on for my benefit. Blessed to be able to say a prayer for the departed and the broken family left behind.

The MRI is early early tomorrow morning. I am off to bed.

Blessed Be.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Saturday Rantz... other blog has "lost" the blogroll when I changed themes. This kind of techie stuff makes me loony. I've been screwing around with it for an hour, and can't figure out how to get it back on there.

I'm grateful for a relaxing and quiet day today. Had the young grandson Thursday and Friday and such a blessing he is!! BUT--he's still highly energetic and leaves me ready for a nap by the time he's gone home again. THIS is why young people have the

My youngest brother is coming up later this next week. Apparently his plant is on shutdown and he's got a week's vacation. So, I guess we're all meeting up down at my other brothers house for a bbq and family gathering. Criminey. We were just together in June. lol I can remember a time when I never saw any of them more than about every 5 years. Now I see them all the time, most of them are on Facebook, and they all have my phone number. What IS the world coming to?? lol

I've been thinking alot today about all the things I have to be grateful for in my life. Not the least being that I am scheduled for an MRI to get this knee taken care of. MRI on Monday, orthopedic doctor on Friday. Thank goodness. The gimpiness is getting to me...and the pain--well, never mind. Soon it will all be over. And I'll be ready to dance.

I was at a meeting on Friday night where 4 people 'fessed up to a relapse. YIKES! That may be an all time record for me. Luckily I only sponsored one of the four. lol

I was told early on that a SLIP meant S-sobriety L-loses I-it's P-priority
Another good one is EGO E-Edging G-God O-Out
And my all time favorite is NUTS N-Not U-Using T-The S-Steps

I feel especially blessed that I have been able to come here and stay here...I know that's not how it is for a lot of people. There have been a couple of wobbly times, but somehow my Creator managed to keep me firmly anchored in the middle of this tapestry of my life in Alcoholics Anonymous. For that I am forever grateful.

I feel especially blessed to be married to a guy in the program too. Most of the time. *grin
I feel especially blessed to have a son who is clean and sober almost 10 years now.
I feel especially blessed to have been given a whole new life in sobriety.

The beauty of a life filled with grace and love and a relationship with indescribable. I am glad that I didn't get what I thought I wanted (or needed) and I am forever grateful that I didn't quit...5 minutes before the miracle.


Thursday, July 9, 2009

This is Thursday??

A day of days.

On a bright note, I picked up a big pile of yellow and lavender irises that a friend dug up in her yard and gave me. I just have to figure out where to plant them and then get it done.

On a less bright note, I called the doctors office this morning at 8:30. They took a ,message (about the referral) and then no one bothered to call me back all day. At 4 PM I called again, asking to be put directly back to the person in charge of the referrals. Her name is Aiyesha. She said, very nonchalantly, yes, I got the message that you called. I said well??? She said, I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I very calmly said, What? You haven't gotten around to getting me a referral to a specialist from an appointment 8 days ago? I can barely walk. Exactly how long does it take for you to call another office for a referal?
She very quietly said, No, I have not. Your chart isn't marked URGENT. So, I'll get to it whenever I can get to it.
I said WHAT ?!?!? And she said--I SAID I will get to it whenever I get to it.
At which point, seething and angry and hurting, I said "Don't bother. I will see a different doctor." And I hung up.

After I spent a moment crying in frustration, and walking around the house in circles, I called the new branch of this same healthcare foundation which just last week opened in Bunker Hill. I got a very nice woman on the phone who, when I gave her a quick rundown of the problem, apologized for what just happened. And I said I wanted to make an appointment and she said, I'm sorry, we aren't taking any more clients today, I can't get you in until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. I said, relieved, that would be perfect. I will see you at 10 o'clock. She asked for a little info so she can get my records from the database.

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Tonight, my grandson is here and we had root beer floats while we watched a movie and he is now firmly ensconced in his favorite bed (hideabed in the living room) surrounded by all the dogs and cats. I'm ready for bed too.

The pain in this damned knee is now at about a level 8 constantly. I am worried that I am doing more and more damage to it by walking around on it. Trying to be sensible and keeping it elevated, which helps relieve the pain a bit. Skipped my meeting again tonight becasue it hurts to drive so badly. I may have Patrick get my crutches down from the garage storage...

I am more grateful to be sober tonight than usual. To be able to find solutions, in spite of other people. To have the clarity of mind to be able to stand up for myself and make a decision that's in my best interest. To be able to be proactive in my own healthcare. To be able to be assertive. Things I never could do when I was drinking.

I'll be way glad when my life gets back to being all full of light and laughter and rainbows shooting out my ass all the time.... I'm getting sick of hearing about all this all the time.


Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Whining Wednesdays

This is a print by C. Don Ensor called Mothers Mandolin... I picked up a pair of his prints at a sale one time...

It's been a long good day. I stayed close to home til about 7:30 PM when I hightailed it out to a meeting. Really glad I went. Several newcomers and a good topic. Even if I was late, lol.

I tried to call the doctor all day today. No luck. Turns out that whole section of town had a massive power phones, no computers, no electricity. (Lack of power was our dilemma...) I called the specialist that I was supposedly being referred to, and they said they have not been called by the office. I got so angry I threw my phone across the room. I don't often have fits of rage like that these days...but I lost it. It was a week ago that I was in that office and she sent me for the xrays. It doesn't help that I'm hurting so much. I think tomorrow I will call another doctor on my own and see what happens. The receptionist at the specialists office said I can't make my own appointment with them-the doctor has to call. Unbelievable.

I did a tiny of bit of housekeeping, a tiny bit of garden work, and watched a movie and took a nap. I need to be in bed now, because I have to take Pat to work so I can go get the young Prince tomorrow morning. He's staying through Friday...we haven't seen him for a couple of weeks.

I've had more anger than usual these past couple of days. There are extenuating circumstances, but I always have to keep my fingers on the pulse of my emotions. Anger takes me places I don't want to go. I sat in the garden for awhile this afternoon after my little conniption fit. It helped calm me down and gave me pause to look at the positive side of things in my life. Birds singing, flowers blooming, garden growing like crazy.I'd like to get this knee fixed before canning time is here. Once that starts I will be on my feet for hours at a's hard enough on my broken body without the added mess of a swollen knee. Sigh...

..."and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in Gods world by mistake. .." (Alcoholics Anonymous, pg 417)

And once again, I take a deep breath and step back. Tomorrow is another day and today I didn't have to take a matter what. Odds are good that I won't have to tomorrow either, if I can remember a few simple ideas and trust my Creator to take me through the day.


Tuesday the 7th

[When baby Lucy came to stay...]

Had a great class tonight...many of the same faces and one new one. Feeling glad that I managed to get the reading done (at the last minute) and make it there.

It was a harried day...had to go to the laundromat, get some pet supplies,make juice... blah, blah, blah. I was overly tired, and cranky [still] and annoyed at having no water. It just makes things more difficult than they have to be. Especially cleaning up the juicer after juicing 6 quarts of juice. I used peaches, sour cherries, cucumbers, carrots, celery and 2 kinds of apples. Oh, and some watermelon and cantaloupe. It tastes very good...

I realized today that I am spending more time in meditation when I feel like this than when I don't. Or maybe it's just a different kind of meditation... at any rate, things like injuries and pain slow us down and make us take time to go more slowly and contemplate our actions a bit more than when all's well and we're scurrying through life.

I'm grateful tonight that I have a program that leads me into actions and behaviors that are more in line with a life of quiet contemplation than I have ever known. I'm grateful that the hamster wheel in my head is out of commission. lol

Blessings are all around me, when I take the time to look. In the faces of friends and family...even the friends I have yet to meet. In the laughter of small children. In the shades of green in my garden. I am especially blessed to be a sober woman, on this planet, at this time.
When I think of all the years I ran around like a maniac, never seeing the world around me, always looking for the next "thing", always waiting for tomorrow and never being in amazes me that I didn't turn out to be a lost of the grey people that walk around the land looking for something they'll never recognize...a contentment with things being exactly the way they are supposed to be.

Time for bed. And a good nights sleep, with no troubling conscience, no worries, and no unfinished business.


Monday, July 6, 2009

Manic Monday

Looooong day today and tomorrow promises to be more of the same.

I heard a 5th step, took my SIL out for a congratulatory lunch (she passed her certification test...the one she was so sure she'd flunked!) and then came home to put some stuff away and it was time to get himself from work.

I am in pain from this knee and the pain pills aren't helping much. They have one more chance tomorrow to get this appointment set up or I'm doing it myself. I'm no hero, ((Steve)). This really sucks.

I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart (((Anna))) that I didn't get to you on your birthday! I hope you had a grand day and want you to know that YOU are one of the people that inspire me. I want what you have, girlfriend! Congratulations on 24 years.

I hate it when I get so tangled up in my own stuff that I forget important things.

Have to get up at 5 again and take himself to work so I can go do laundry in town tomorrow. Sigh...

I want to take a nice long shower, but the pump has been out since Saturday again. I feel like a little kid that needs a nap.

Grateful for:
*Medical care
*Sobriety(which is really number 1!)
*Blessings, elegant and otherwise.

Stick a fork in me, cause I'm DONE.


Sunday, July 5, 2009

Simply Sunday

The bbq was a success, and we had lots of fun. The computer was down for a couple of days, and I am just now getting caught up, because I have been totally useless today. I did get yesterdays party all cleaned up this morning...but otherwise I have been laying around and sleepy all day. I'm just checking in here quickly and then heading for bed.

The pain is just getting worse in my knee and I know that is part of my crankiness. I'm also just physically I leave you with this thought:

"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there."

Swim, baby...swim.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

July's first Thursday

The hollyhocks at the front of the yard are blooming. I really love these kind of old fashioned flowers...and so do the Japanese Beetles. We have a terrible time with them every year...they eat the hollyhocks, the rose of sharon, the green beans...We seriously need to invest in the milky spore, but it's not cheap. It creates a network of underground fungus that kills the grubs of the JB, thus preventing infestation. Forever. It spreads and spreads... They are showing up now, those JB's...

We had a summer salad buffet for the potluck at tonights meeting. I picked cucumbers and snow peas and onions and basil and kale and mustard for the salad I brought. I also put grape tomatoes, 4 kinds of lettuce and spinach in it. The speaker was excellent, the attendance mediocre...bad time, I guess, right before the holiday weekend. Still in all, we had a good time.

I go tomorrow morning for the knee xrays and will be glad to have that done. The darn thing is making me limp and now causing my hip and pelvis to hurt...from walking funny, I'm sure. It will be good to have it over and done with.

All the little towns around us are having 4th of July in Bunker Hill, one of the local county government guys is going to read the Declaration of Independence. Another little town is having a street dance and music festival, and here in Bunker Hill we always have a 4th of July parade. I have to wonder how many people even know what the Declaration of Independence says. lol

Feeling really grateful, tonight, for having been blessed to live in a country whose ideals are relatively magnanimous. For all the things wrong here, there are a lot of things right. My sister and I were talking the other day about our dad...and I was telling her about how he and I used to fight like crazy about the VietNam War. She is 10 years younger than I am, and of course, remembers nothing. lol My dad fought in WWII, in Europe. He was a true blue American, like many people of his generation. He always felt like he could trust his government to be honest with him, to always do the right thing, to tell the truth. By the time I was a 16 years old anarchist, lots of things had happened that were a sign of times changing. He was heartbroken when all the truth about Watergate came out...the truth about the war, and he apologized to me later in life, and said "I cannot believe that they were were so right about it all along" And he meant it. He would always say, [in these arguments] "I fought for my country! I love America!" And I would say "If my country were attacked, I would fight too! It was a whole different thing!" I really miss my dad...he was a wonderful man and he was really very openminded about things. And (like me) the older he got, the more mellow he got. This weekend is going to be busy. I'm looking forward to it, but even more to Sunday, when it's all over. lol

A few of the things I'm grateful for:

*Freedom from the drink
*Good memories of me Da
*A nice sleigh bed with clean sheets
*A snoring, farting lovely man to share all these things with!

Sleep well, and dream dreams of peace...


Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Wild and Wooly Wednesday

Happy July, everyone! It's been a long first day of the month for me and I'm grateful to see it winding down.

Saw the doc today. She poked and prodded and practically stuck her fingers inside my kneecap thru the skin. Looked at me gravely and said..."This is bad." Through my tears, I said..."I know". Sooo--I am set up for xrays and they are procuring an appointment for me with an ortho guy, and she gave me some pain pills. She said--this has got to be excruciating. You have an incredibly high threshhold for pain, don't you? I pointed at the tears rolling down my cheeks and said "Not so much." lol I have to get the xrays done so they'll be ready for Dr Rogowski. I'm just relieved to be having the ball rolling.

Had a lovely lunch with a sponsee who just got back from a week in Prague. She got me a lovely gift...a gorgeous garnet necklace from the 40's, she found it at a flea market while she was there. It just so happens that garnet is my birthstone. I am so blessed to have people like this woman in my life. She made a wonderful salad for lunch that was made of: spinach, snow peas, cucumbers, onion, tofu and artichoke hearts. Had a slightly sweet/sour dressing on it--YUM! (I LOVE it when other people cook for me!!!) lol We looked at her photographs from the trip...made me want to go there even more than I already did! The architecture was breathtaking.

It was a beautiful day in the high 70's today. The world looked all beautiful and people were a lot nicer than they were when the temps were over a hundred. lol Me included. Tonight after we had dinner, hubby and I went out to pick a few peaches and the last of the cherries. I also picked a few cucumbers for the big salad I have to make for tomorrow nights speaker mtg/potluck. Found a few more snow peas (they're about gone, although this cool weather has started some flowering again!). The garden is looking all wild and overgrown and things are (I swear!!) about 4-6 inches higher every day.

Today, I am grateful for:
*A sober life, where I can give and receive love
*Friends and family
*Watching them dig trenches for!! WATER LINES!!! just down at the bridge!!IT"S COMING!!
*Nice weather
*Fresh Peaches
*Music and art and Natures beauty

Tomorrow is my sons 38th birthday. Wow. Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday, he was a little toddler, getting into thjings and learning about his world.

No wonder I'm so