Feels like autumn today...

And as such, I'm thinking about chili and soup and corn muffins...

 Maybe I'll make a roasted root vegetable stew?

Or a hearty lentil soup with slabs of home made bread ?

Or a big pot of minestrone soup with crusty homemade Italian bread?

Hmmmm...it all sounds like good fare for a fall day.

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  I have company coming for supper...actually coming around 3 and staying for supper. A friend who has a new love that's she's bringing 'round..and just before she moves.  It'll be nice. The Irishman is off at an Assembly again today. The boyo has gone to work in Iowa for the week. It's just me and the varmints here this morning and it's so nice and quiet and peaceful...we have a music channel on our satellite tv that is called Moodscapes, and I play it alot when I'm here alone. It's almost New Age-y...very serene sounds and I love it, although nobody else in this family does. lol

  So that's the setting here this morning...a cool breeze outside (it was 50 when I got up) and going to be a cool day all around.  I've been out to feed the chooks and pick them a morning salad of kale and chard and dandelion greens. They love me.  lol   Picked some carrots as I passed by the garden, so I gave them the tops of those too. They are in chicken heaven.  And I am getting from 5-7 eggs a day and I can barely keep up. Going to take my neighbor a dozen today. We can eat a lot...I hard boil a dozen a week and keep them in the fridge for snacks, lunches and sometimes I eat a couple for my breakfast if I'm not too hungry and don't want to eat. Once a week or so, I might make some devilled eggs, omelets (breakfast or supper) or a quiche now and then. The quiche doesn't really take many eggs, but I've thought about making a few at a time and freezing them.  Maybe.

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  Yesterday we stopped by Walcrap and picked up a couple of things...actually went in looking for the nasty old rubber dog toys from China they used to carry (didn't find them) because they make the ONLY ball that Molly the Jack Russell Terrorist cannot destroy.  At the front door, they had freestanding fire pits on sale for 20 dollars..the nice little saucer shaped ones. 50% off.  The Irishman has been talking about getting one, that he'd like to have one...and I kept saying why?? We have a chiminea on the back deck. If you want a pit, build one with some concrete blocks.   Anyway, we got the one for 20 bucks yesterday, and he is happy as a clam. Small price , I guess.  lol  So, he put it together and built a fire in it last evening and we sat out there and held hands and drank hot chocolate into the night. It was very nice. And although I got no dog toy, I did find a can of stuff my friend was telling me about that I wanted to try...Media Crema..a Nestle product that is canned cream.   I am not crazy about Nestle. I am not a big dairy user. But now and then I need something for a recipe that is a little more than just evaporated milk.  So...there you go.

We spent a good part of the day at a Powwow yesterday. It was a ceremonial powwow honoring veterans, and it was a good time.  I have really missed going to them, haven't been to one since I moved back here 7 years ago.  There's another one coming up in 2 weeks, and I might just go to it too.  AND...I have pretty much decided to go to North Carolina for the AA convention that I used to always attend. Trying to talk my friend into going with me. ah lah...

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  Well, I have drawn up a list of things to get done this morning before my guests arrive and so I guess I had better get busy doing them.  I have to water bath can something for my online class...I have to make kimchi...I think I am definitely going to make the Italian bread.  I picked a bunch of jalapenos yesterday that I thought I would pickle and water bath for 15 minutes or so. That might be cheating, but I am not new to this method of canning like some are...and I need to pickle those peppers. I have a big sheet of them out drying. I also have lemon grass drying. I worked on my pantry a bit Friday. Got 4 gallon jars of dried foods packed up and labelled.  I have a basket of tomatoes on the counter that I could use in soup..depending on what kind I decide to make.  Or I can slice them and dehydrate them.

 O--the glorious OPTIONS I have in my life today !!!!!!!!!!     lol


  I hope you are all having a wonderful Sunday...spending it in contemplation, with family, worshipping  or whatever you do on a beautiful Sunday. Me, I will cook a little and clean a little  and spend time with the people in my life that love me.

  Surely it doesn't get any better than that.



Namaste,

On a scale of 1 to 409,756,960....

  It's been a pretty good day. Remembering to stop and breathe...to understand that only a very few things are really that important anyway...and to mindfully take the day one bit at a time.  I had plans, of a sort, for the day, and not a single one of them worked out.  So, I took a breath and did something else. 

 I heard a wise woman say once that ..."if I start hitting roadblocks, then I change where I'm going."  It is a lot easier to do that than to get my knickers in a twist and be angry or resentful or frustrated.  Keeps the blood pressure down and keeps the song in my heart. Flexible.  That's the key...and keeping gratitude at the forefront of my mind helps me to remember that it's all a gift anyway.

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   The first part of the day was incredibly beautiful--sunny, 65 degrees when I woke up, blue skies. I absolutely reveled in it.  By late afternoon, the skies were getting dark and the wind was picking up and the clouds started rolling in.  There was thunder and lightning and not a lot of rain. Yet.  lol  It was so warm that when Roxie and I went in search of pine shavings for bedding for the chicks, I had to put the cars AC on. We went to 3 different places and found only cedar, which won't work. It's too strong for the babies...And since we were there, we went ahead and got the oil changed in the car and new windshield wipers put on. All ready for the big trip on Saturday.  I stopped and picked up a few groceries too and then we came home.

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  I have a big stockpot of vegetable tailings simmering away on the stove...been saving them in ziplock bags for making soup stock. I'll can it tomorrow, maybe. Although I'm thinking of freezing this batch.  So the house smells like cabbage and onions, lol, since there's a lot of cruciferous  vegetables being eaten around here lately.  Pat came in from work and said "Mmmm...what's cooking?"  lol

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  I didn't cook anything or bake anything today. I did make egg salad from the eggs I boiled yesterday. My lunch was a bit of leftover salad with an egg salad sandwich made on a whole wheat bagel.  It was really good and really satisfying.  The Irishman went off tonight to the shindig at the Jacoby Arts Center and I stayed at home. For supper I had a big soup bowl full of sauteed onion, Chinese cabbage and spinach with salt and pepper and a cup of leftover steamed vegetables on top. It was awesome.  

  Tomorrow I will sit with my neighbor's husband for about 4 hours so she can get away and have lunch with her friends. Then I'll come home and figure out what we're going to do for date night...usually dinner out and a movie. Then I' up early on Saturday morning to go pick up my cousin and my youngest sister and the three of us will take a trip to southern Missouri to meet (for the first time) my paternal grandfather's brother's family.  It's about 3 and a half hours from here.  We've chatted online, but none of us have ever met...

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  I need to get the flyer made for our family reunion in June and get that out. I want top get it made so that we can take some down to Missouri with us and hopefully some of these folks can come to the reunion and meet more of us crazy Morss'... Exciting stuff. 

   I have the day use site all reserved and paid for, so that's a done deal. I do this every year for the last too many and I think it's time somebody else took over. I'm putting it up for discussion at the Sunday noon meal at the reunion.  

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  Thinking today about all the things in my life I have to be grateful for... it's funny how we go through our lives and never even look around...only focusing on how bad we've got it, or how good we've got it..and not realizing that somewhere in the  middle is where all the good stuff is...in the days where we get a respite from pain, or from poverty or from tedium.  In the moments when someone calls and says "I've had you on my mind"...and we suddenly don't feel so lonely anymore.  Those times when we get to do something for someone else, even if it's just make them smile, or feel cared about, or fed.  I know people who don't feel like they matter, who think they are a waste of space.  I know people who are the opposite--who have SUCH high opinions of themselves that they set themselves apart from the rest and become lonely beyond comprehension.  

 There was a guy in the grocery store parking lot today that triggered some of this. He was sitting off to the edge of the lot, in a beat up old car that had definitely seen better days. When I was driving by, he had his head on the steering wheel, shoulders slumped and looked just..hopeless.  I circled around to see if he was okay, when I saw a woman and a little girl coming through the lot towards him. The mother had one small grocery bag in her hands and the little girl was skipping alongside as they made their way to the car. They got to the door the same time I pulled into the parking space beside them. At first they didn't notice me, and he was smiling as the little girl climbed in to the front seat with him. Then the little girl waved and I waved back...and rolled down my window and said "How are you guys today?"   The little girl excitedly said "We got bananas!!! "  I laughed and said "I got bananas too!"   He started the car and I watched them drive across the street to the little park.  I sat there thinking..I've sure been there. And once again, I was gobsmacked by a gratefulness so strong that it nearly knocked me over.  There isn't nearly as much gratitude in my daily life as there should be. Not nearly.  

   We don't have a lot, but we have everything we need.  We have a roof over our heads and two cars and enough food to keep us fed.  We have enough money to pay our bills and then some. And we have family and pets and books and computers and the list just goes on and on.  And like the little family in the beat up old car...we have love. And that, my friends, is one of the most precious commodities on this planet.

Namaste.

O, my....where has the week gone??

 It has been a busy week...finally back to MissB's after having the dreaded nasty bug making the rounds for 2 weeks--that wore me out.  Then it was my beloveds birthday on Wednesday the 8th. I didn't get home until late that night,  and promised him a birthday feast for the following night, to which he replied "Don't forget, we're back at l;a Vista on Thursday night."  NOOooooo!!!!!!  So, I called the director and said, hey--is it okay if I bring food and dessert Thursday, it's Patrick's birthday --and she said--Yes,please.

  And so, there you are.  lol

  I spent a solid 5 (F-I-V-E) hours cooking on Thursday afternoon...as I decided to fix the Asian feast I've been wanting to make. And it is all vegetarian, so it lent itself well to this group.  The above picture is my recent attempt at making sushi (only the second time I've ever made it).  I tried to make some of it with brown rice, but it wasn't sticky enough, and the sushi rolls kinda exploded. (Oops.) I made an assortment of combinations, inside-out rolls and regular rolls, with daikon, carrot, avocado, radish sprouts, scallions, cucumber, and cream cheese. All mixed up and willy nilly and it was fun. It got more fun as it went along and the rolls got better looking.  lol  They were really good...and we are still eating them (almost gone).

  Then I made an Asian slaw --ribboned Napa cabbage with shredded carrot, daikon and finely diced cucumber and thinly sliced  scallion tops. I dressed it lightly with a mixture of sesame oil, tamari, and rice vinegar.  It was delightful...topped with chopped cilantro and a sprinkling of black sesame seeds.

  Then I made a pot of soba noodles, which are a Japanese buckwheat noodle. (Somehow forgot to take a picture of them...) Oh my sweet lord...are they good. I tossed them with a dressing of peanut sauce, ginger, rice vinegar and tamari, mixed in some chives and tossed in some sesame seed. 

  For dessert, I made a tofu cheesecake for my husband...he loves them,  He is lactose sensitive and so I've been making these kinds of desserts for him for a while. This one was lovely with lemon overtones, and a graham cracker/pecan crust...garnished with organic blueberries and starfruit.  Almost everyone loved it...(there's always a tofu hater in the crowd, whether they've actually had tofu or not) lol. 

  

  We had a great time and I am so glad that they changed the day of the week they meet so that I can get back in the groove with this eco-discussion group.

    On Friday the Irishman and I went to town for the afternoon. He wanted to see a movie, but I begged off. I am coughing still, and I hate it when people go to the movies and sit there coughing. So, instead, we had a decadent and leisurely late lunch, spent 2 hours browsing in the new Books-A-Million (that took over the old Borders) and then moved on to the Petco for dog biscuits before heading back home to the country. By the time we got out of the restaurant, it was starting to act like winter, with sleet and rain and snow...

    We made it home just ahead of the icky parts, thank goodness, and watched a movie on tv and snacked on leftover sushi...I had to go to bed early as my Saturday schedule is changed and had to get up by 5:30 to be at MissB's by 7.  The good news is that I am home by 3:30...one more night that my sweetheart and I can have supper together. (The one thing I hate most about not being home all the time....)

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  Today when I got home, the Irishman and a friend from Kentucky were out hiking. I was surprised to see his truck in the driveway when I pulled in, because he said he would be going to J's house. This is a typical Saturday event. Turns out they decided to come here and hang out, playing guitars and banjo.   

  All the way home I had been humming my favorite Carolina Chocolate Drop's song..Cornbread and butterbeans  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xOxHyTP91c... Since he wasn't going to be here, I thought I would open a can of butterbeans and heat them up, butter a piece of 12 grain bread and pout them right on top! Add some chopped onions and VOILA!

  So, instead, I asked J if he would stay to supper and he said What are you having?  I laughed and said --cornbread and beans. And he said--oh, hell yes.  I opened a jar of my home canned pinto beans, sauteed some carrot, celery and onion in a pot and dumped them in. Then I found a ham steak in the freezer and cut that up into big chunks. While I was out there, I brought in a quart bag of frozen turnip greens too. While the beans cooked and the greens thawed, I whipped up a batch of buttermilk corn bread and got the trusty cast iron skillet all oiled and put it in the oven to heat. I always pour the batter into a hot skillet.

  The turnip greens are easy enough...saute a little onion and chopped garlic in the small cast iron skillet, and cook the greens a little. I added just a smidgen of sugar to counter balance the sometimes bitter quality and it all turned out to be a wonderful supper. The Kentucky boy just kept saying to the Irishman --My god..do you always eat like this???  (We hear that a lot.)  lol

   Well, I am whipped. I've been up since 5:30 and it's now almost midnight.  I am good and tired and ready for that big sleigh bed to carry me off into the realm of the Sandman....

     Sweet dreams, all....

Namaste.

Saturday in the Tundra...

Half heartedly looked for pictures of ice, ice storms, ice on the chicken coop...anything! But there was nothing I could fine that suited me.  LOL  I did not take any pictures yesterday or today.

   Got a call from MissB's niece this morning asking me about getting out and said it didn't look good over here. She said not at her place either. I got to stay home today with my Irishman. I got to stay in my pajamas ALL day and watch schmaltzy Hallmark Channel movies. He almost went outside to get the kerosene heater cleaned up and ready to use if needed, but he never made it.  (He even had his big mud boots on!) We had a late breakfast of home made buttermilk pancakes and eggs and hot dark chocolate.  Then about 3 we had a big bowl of popcorn.  Then at about 6 we had pizza and salad...with peach short cake for dessert.  It was an absolutely lazy day. 

  The movies we watched were all  a string of stuff all based on books written by someone named Janette Oke (Love Comes Softly)...about homesteaders in the late 1800's (I think)  and all about love and family values and God.  I told the Irishman that I was nearly family values saturated...but they were lovely movies.  (Probably not anything I would ever have watched unless we were having an Iced-in day ). And actually, it was really something, watching the trials they faced and the hard realities of living the homesteading life back then. 

  By dark, all the ice had melted off the roads and the temps actually came up to about 30. At one point , all the dogs were in the house but one, and when I went looking for her, I stepped out the back door and called her. Her location was given away by 2 male cats sitting in the yard and staring intently at the pond. Of course, it was the snow dog.

  You must know that one of my biggest fears here this time of year, is that one of the dogs will be traversing the icy pond and fall in and get caught under the ice and drown.  I called and called and she finally came dancing across the ice and got to the shore and came in. Her poor little pads were very cold and sore to touch, but she was thrilled with herself.

  So....here at Honeysuckle Hill, we had a very atypical Saturday...lazy and homey and filled with love and cats and dogs.  Short posting tonight as I am very ready for bed (did NOT sleep well last night, tossed and turned all night.  I thought about doing laundry and a myriad of other things, but I didn't.  Just laid around and loved me some pups and loved that big old man of mine.

  Goodnight all...I'm heading for Dreamland....

 Namaste.

Have you ever....

...been driving the road home, and suddenly just lose it?  There was a song playing on the radio that was the song my ex-husband used to sing to me.."you are the woman that I've always dreamed of...I knew it from the start...."  and I just burst out crying.  And I cried for about 15 minutes...for lost love and for broken dreams and for all the things we would never know about each other growing old. I felt like somebody slammed their fist into my solar plexus and it took the wind out of me. And I thought "He has died."  And it opened a big hole in my heart that I thought time and new love had closed.  If he has indeed died, it would be of alcoholism, and no one will bother to ever tell me, I'm afraid. I haven't laid eyes on him in over 16 years.  I did speak to him once, about 10 years ago, and the conversation was so painful that I never did it again. We separated when I got sober, when I was 37 years old, almost 22 years ago.  And for a while there tonight, the pain was as raw as it was then. 

  Do our hearts ever heal when they break down the middle?  Does the yearning ever stop and the wistfulness subside?  

  I have made a good life for myself with a good man.  And that is beside the point.

  I have been having more and more minor psychic experiences again...small de ja vu's  and a sense of someone or something hovering at the edge of my consciousness.  Perhaps this is more of that.  Perhaps not. I am reminded of the part of the story of Daughters of Copper Woman (I think)  where the shimmering cords that connect her to everyone who has ever been part of her life manifest and oh, hell...I cannot think straight right now...it's after 1 AM and I should be in bed. Maybe tomorrow I can finish this or wake up a little more enlightened and sure of what I'm even talking about or remembering.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

Goodnight.

Rainy Days and Mondays...

 I just loved this picture, that's all. Kinda says it all.


  It is raining cats and dogs out there. The morning's humidity was so high that I had a constant glitter of sweat on my face constantly. It wasn't nearly as attractive as you'd think. It was late afternoon when it finally started to rain..a soft rain, as the Irish describe it. A constant drizzle. By early evening it was torrential. Lightning and thunder and the whole nine yards. Coming home tonight around 8, the country road I live on was a  flooded mess. I had to go out back and check on my chickens, then down to the road to pull the garbage can back up to the house and when I came back in, my pantlegs were soaked up to my knee. There is a good 4 inches of water standing in the driveway...All the fields on our road are looking more like lakes than fields. It's a mess, and it isn't supposed to let up any time soon.


  It's warm in the house, but I'm afraid if I open windows it will get too cold overnight.


  I'm going to lunch with a friend tomorrow...am thinking I may call her up to come here instead if she will.  She might.  lol  I really don't feel like eating out, if you can believe that.  And it isn't even the eating part...my time at home is so precious to me I don't want to waste it.  Starting this week, I am cutting work hours down from 6-7 to only 5 days a week.  2 days off...in a row.  I cannot wait. 


  My little dog is lying here, dreaming of chasing rabbits and whimpering and kicking.  I saw her again today, sitting at the edge of the yard, looking and looking for Lucy, her best friend, to show up. She looks so sad....it chokes me up and makes me cry. The first day she was gone, the little dog went from room to room looking for her everywhere. I guess I am such a sap....but it breaks my heart. And I KNOW I should not be hating and blaming my neighbors for this....but I do.  I know that once the hurt has subsided, I will feel differently...at least a little. In the meantime it is all I can do not to go over there and scream at them. And so I mutter and pace and shoot dirty looks across the pond at them...and wait for the grief to subside.


   This has been a long day and I am tired. Guess I'll go climb in that big sleigh bed and snuggle up next to the Irishman and listen to his soft breathing for a bit before I fall off to sleep.  I have been listening to that breathing for a lot of years... and it anchors me and cradles me and reminds me that there is big love in this world. I just finished reading a glorious post by Ms.Moon that warmed the old cockles of my heart.  Got me to thinking about love and how it really is all around us...blessed by love. In all it's different guises.


  Night all....




Namaste.

Moving out of February...

 

Today was a gorgeous tribute to the end of a short but brutal month. The temps hovered around 50 degrees and the sun shone brightly, bidding good-bye to the month of February. All that said, there was just enough wind to make it chilly if you stood in one place too long, reminding us all that spring is not yet here.

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We drove about 35 miles today to visit a Unity church in Collinsville. It was a very small congregation and a small and beautifully simple place. Also just happened to be the Sunday monthly birthdays potluck, so we got lunch. lol  The folks we met were very welcoming and it was a lovely service all about God's love for us and our love for each other. There was a reading by Emmet  Fox and a nice meditation time as well. We attended Unity in North Carolina and always liked the upbeat tone of the services.  Anyway, it was about a 45 minute drive for us, which is a little far.  I think next week I will go check out my neighbors church, which is about 15 minutes max down the road. They attend a United Church of Christ, and I've never been to a service in that denomination.  There was a nice poem on the back of the program for today's service by James Dillet Freeman:

The Church That I Love Best

The church that I love best is small,

It is no grand pretentious hall'

 Set round with works of holy art--

It is the chamber of my heart.

Where else but in this secret place

May I catch glimpses of Truth's face,

And even catch, however dim,

A sense of being one with Him?

 I have no church until I find

Holiness in my own mind;

Once found, wherever I may be

Becomes the house of God for me.

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Tomorrow I have to go down and help my sister who has broken her wrist and her ankle. Poor thing...she is beside herself and her husband is like a lump and completely unable (or unwilling, according to her) to help her at all.  So, I'll put on my big sister hat and go down and help her in and out of the bathtub and wash her hair and get her straightened away.  I have a feeling part of the problem is that she's taking pain pills and she has a hard time with that.  It scares her and because she has had petit mal seizures in the past, it feels like that to her. So...I'll see what I can sort out and what I cannot.

I have to get to work on clearing out the spare room too (it's full of Xmas decos that I haven't been able to get back to the storage because of the weather. A week from Tuesday, my inlaws will be here, so that room has to be cleaned and ready for them,. They'll only stay one night, but I need to get it cleaned up anyway. And then I'm going to start in on this office. I've started taking things off the walls, so I'll finish that and clean it and get it ready to paint. I'm painting it something bright and cheery, like buttercup yellow, I think.

I'm going to sleep early so I can get a head start on the day tomorrow.  Lots to do, one thing at a time.  Someone to meet at a noon meeting, go to my sisters, pick someone else up who's come back in after a scouting expedition and take her to an evening meeting.  I'm grateful to know it is NOT any better out there.  Think I'll just stay put.  lol

I'm feeling a lot of gratitude tonight...for my husband, who took such good care of me when I was in that industrial accident 9 years ago, and again when I have had my surgery this time.  Over and again, I am shown how much I am loved and cherished by that man...and that is a real gift.  I forget that every woman doesn't get that.   I am grateful for people who trust that they can talk to me when they're having a hard time or are scared or sad. That is a true blessing indeed.   I am especially grateful for my own family, and my friends...all of whom, are there for me any time I need help. All I have to do is pick up a phone. Sometimes not even that--they anticipate my needs and they shower me with love.  Sometimes my world is so saturated with LOVE that I forget that there are lonely people in the world, people who don't have any family, or anyone's dirty socks to pick up from the floor, or breakfasts to cook. And I am most grateful for the gift of Hope...in a world where there are so many without it, and so many who live hopeless lives of desperation, because they can't find any other way to go.  My prayers today are that every one of us get what we need and maybe even some of what we want, if it is for our highest good.  And that we can make a difference in someone's life, no matter how small. 

  I'll end tonight with a part of the quote from Emmet Fox....

..."It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble; How hopeless the outlook; How muddled the tangle; How great the mistake.

A sufficient realization of Love will dissolve it all...If only you could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world..."

Namaste.

Love...

The Claddagh. An Irish symbol of Love, Loyalty and Friendship.  Associated with the Joyce Clan and County Galway, this symbol is indicative of the pride of Irish heritage . I bought this beauty (it's painted on slate) at a gift shop in   Hendersonville, North Carolina.  I also have a silver ring that was given me by a girl who worked for me as a bartender. Her father brought it back from Ireland to give his daughter, Maggie. She was showing signs of drinking problems and in a huff, threw it at me and said--"...here. I don't want another one of these damned things."

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  Love is a lot of things. It's that overwhelming emotion that consumes you when you look at your newborn baby the first time.  Full of promise and hope for a better life.  Overflowing with grace, as you count all the fingers and toes, and look him over to make sure all the right parts are in the right places, and marvel at the miracle of it all.  Feeling that tiny heart beating against your breast, hearing the suckling sounds and feeling the grasping of  tiny fingers. as you feed him for the first time.

  Love is that comfortable, all's right with the world feeling you get from sitting with an aging parent and talking about family.  And looking into those eyes that have looked into yours for all your life.  Tracing the lines on a face that is as familiar to you as your own.  Being able to finish a sentence for them and hold their frail hands.  To see the continuity of family. The foreverness of DNA and history.

  Love is that insane rush of adrenaline that overtakes your senses and makes your heart pound. It makes your pupils dilate and your face flush.  Your body temperature rises and your respirations increase. That feeling that nothing can ever be as good as this moment and no one has ever loved like this before, ever, in the history of the world. When you can't live without  that face, that touch, those eyes. It makes you giddy. It robs you of decorum, of common sense.  And you couldn't  care less.

  Love is that place in your heart that makes you reach out to the people in Haiti or in New Orleans. It is a commonality that opens us to immense compassion and caring. It makes us want to make a difference. It makes us feel so good when we do, that it opens yet another horizon for us and makes us want to do more. It helps us to know that we are all one, all brothers and sisters in this world, on this planet.  To know that what happens to one of us, happens to all of us.  It lets us put things on the backburner for a while and look past the pettiness of  our daily lives, and take actions, however small, that enable us to feel like we can make a difference.  Somewhere, somehow.

  I have seen Love.  I have seen it in airports and parks and Red Cross Blood Drives.    I have seen it on television and at concerts and in the most unsuspecting places.  I have seen it in nursing homes and in backyards and on the ocean beaches.  It wears a lot of different costumes, this thing called love. But I have seen it, and I have come to recognize it everywhere I go.  It is the Divine Mystery, it is God, it is Buddha and it is Gaia.   It is the angel bending over a blade of grass, whispering "Grow....grow."  It is the uplifting dance of swifts in flight, a red maple in all it's glory, the smell of lilacs across an open field.  It is a little brother holding a little sisters hand as they cross a street.

  Today, look for love. You'll find it everywhere you go, and when you know this,all the hopelessness and despair will fly away from your heart.  And your heart will grow, bigger and bigger until finally it cracks wide open...and then more love will rush in to fill it up again.

  And then...then you will know God. You will know peace.  And your life will never be the same....

  Namaste.
 

Good news about the "L" word

(image from stock.xchng)

February is the month for lovers. It is now, anyway. Once upon a time, there was no name for the 2 months of winter, that we know as January and February, as the civilized world based their entire reality on the growing season, which had nothing going on in the 2 dark winter months.


Much has been written about love. Most of us experience numerous kinds of love in our lifetimes. Parental love, romantic love, platonic love, spiritual love. We celebrate it, we mourn it's passing or it's loss. We extol it's virtues, we despise it's power over us. We all want it, we all need it. Marketers get rich on it. It's as varied an experience as you'll find anywhere in anything. And love itself-- that comforting, protective pleasure--has as many definitions as you can imagine. One I like especially is: ..."unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his good." First Corinthians 13 , read at weddings and often the text for sermons, has won the hearts of people across the world as the best definition of "love" ever penned. It goes like this:


"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." (NLT)


In the middle of this month we celebrate Valentine's Day, a day acknowledging and honoring love and lovers, and named after a guy and a massacre. We buy massive amounts of chocolate and jewelery and Hallmark cards. We laugh, we play, we go out to dinner. Or conversely, we brood or we stay in bed with the covers over our heads, waiting for it to be over. We tremble with the idea that we are not loved, not loveable and will die old and alone...suffering through holidays like this for the rest of our miserable lives.


Peter Ustinov said " Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."



"Hatred paralyzes life, love releases it. Hatred confuses life, Love releases it. Hatred darkens life, Love illumines it." Martin Luther King, Jr. (Strength to Love, 1963)


Finally, a Yiddish Proverb says "Love is sweet, but tastes best with bread."



Love and blessings!


Namaste.

Well, hells bells...

Got this adorable award from Chris at Enchanted Oak...the deal is link it back to her and send it on to at least 3 other bloggers? I've never done this, because well, you know...I'm a technotard!! And then list 10 things that make you happy. So, I'm sending it on to...Roxy, and Kathy, and Carol, and Gary
WooHoo! You're tagged!!
My list of (only??) 10 things that make me happy:
1) That Irishman
2) Friends
3) Spring wildflowers
4) Good Coffee!!!
5) Family
6) Furry friends
7) Random Acts of Kindness
8) Being Sober and living ODAAT
9) Other happy people
10) Writing, Reading, and all the other things I take for granted.

And there you have it.

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I have been feeling great all day, until about 4 this afternoon, suddenly started hurting like the dickens. Laid up and read, took it real easy...this afternoon earlier, I gently swept the kitchen floor and walked out to the mailbox on my crutches. Then around the house to the chicken coop, where I gathered eggs. Hobbled back in and it hurt quite a bit, and I realized it had been feeling so good all day I hadn't taken any pain medication. So I took some and didn't think too much more about it. When hubby got home from work, I asked him to help me change the ice packs because I was feeling rough, and when we opened it up there was blood everywhere. Apparently, I broke one of the stitches on the left side of the knee. (They only have 2 stitches in each one). It's been bleeding off and on all night, so first thing in the morning I have to call the doctors office and see what they want me to do.

It's scaring me a little. One tiny little hole shouldn't be causing me this much trouble. lol


I slept really well last night and didn't get up til after 9 o'clock this morning!!

And I just want to say thank you to you all for your kindness and concern. It means so much.

Tonight I had to wake the Irishman, and I always try to not ever do that...he's an early sleeper/riser and our schedules are pretty mismatched, because of his work hours. Bless his heart, he scolded me for apologizing for waking him up...but I know he doesn't do well without his requisite 8 hours.

So goes day 1 of the recovery process. I hope that I haven't done any grave damage, I don't think I did and the doc said full weight bearing on the knee...so...I guess I just have to wait and see.


Anyhoo, it's off to bed for this old cow...see you tomorrow earlier, with my Flash 55....

Love and big sloppy smoochies to you all.



Namaste.

A Pocketful of MIracles

I really love this picture. It has all the components of what makes life miraculous. Mystical magick of a rainbow. The incredible hues of a bluebird. Mother Nature. A sky that's a color that is hard to imagine showing up to cover a world.


I have been thinking today of miracles. Of how I lived for a lot of years in misery and in fantasy and in denial of who I was and what I wanted out of life. Probably it's all part of the learning curve, but if you're a person of my ilk, you barrel through life not paying attention to stuff, intent only on the journey. Never looking up to see where you're going or what you're doing to get there. Burning bridges and breaking hearts and always on the run, run, run. Of always trying so hard to catch up with the how it used to be's...even though I was never that crazy about how it used to be. It was more of an obsession to be in the fast lane. And not really knowing what that was.


Having known the kind of people who inhabit both extremes of the spectrum, I have always been amazed at how people settle for so little in their lives. I felt like that back then, and I feel like that now. Of course the parameters have changed, but it's still thought provoking to me when I see someone still living in the same town, still doing the same things, still with the same people. I couldn't wait to be shed of this place when I was young. I knew there was a big world out there (I was a reader, you know...*snort), and I knew that SOMETHING was waiting for me out in it. And by the time I was 18 years old, I had already lived in 3 states. I would take off for little periods of time, up to a year, and then I would come back and hate it all the more.

What I didn't know then that I sometimes remember now is that ...wherever I go, there I am.What I didn't understand about all those other people who were content to just stay in their familiar little corner of the world, was that THEY weren't being chased around and around their heads like I was. They had some serenity--I had none. They didn't sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop like I did. They weren't constantly living in another reality, because this one was just too much to bear. They were getting on with their lives and their loves and I was whirling like a dervish that couldn't afford to stop long enough to even figure out what I wanted or who I wanted to do it with.


And so the race continued.

Until I was so worn out and so used up and so freaking exhausted from it all that I felt like I was going to die. And that was about the time that a Power completely outside my understanding intervened. And a series of events took place that was to change my life forever. Things happened that could only be called incredible. The stars lined up and the planets followed suit and before I knew it, I was a changed woman.


A Course in Miracles says that a miracle is a shift in perception.When you take someone like me, and you take away all the mind altering drugs, the booze, the collection of what I thought were my survival tools (men, sex, work, money, security, denial), you take away the ego, you take away the old way of life....something is bound to shift. And in that shift, that chasm between the old life and this new life, miracles are born.

Alcoholics Anonymous tells me to "Expect a Miracle". They tell me that for a person like me to recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body is nothing but a miracle. They are absolutely correct.


In my own mind, when I try to reconcile the old me with the present me...the obvious result is awe. I am completely amazed at the things that bring me joy today...things (that are never things) that I used to never even see. Things I thought couldn't possibly matter, in the great cosmic scheme of things. Things that I dismissed...not worthy of my attention.


I know that fear is what separates me from God and from my fellow human beings. I know that love is the only thing that can glue that crack in my cosmic egg...that can repair the damages in my life. Ipso facto, God equals Love. And Love equals God.


And that's all I really need to know. Love is always the answer.



Namaste. What I didn't understand about all those other people who were content to just stay in their familiar little corner of the world, was that

Saturday January 16, 2010

Happy Belated Birthday, Dr. Martin Luther King. I knew it was yesterday, and thought about you, but forgot to mention it. IN honor of the great Dr King, here is my favorite quote from him:

" Hatred paralyzes life, love releases it. Hatred confuses life, Love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life, love illumines it."


This man was all about love and life and is one of my heroes. I have the above quote taped to the top of my monitor, where I look at it every morning, reminding me that we always have a choice on how we look at life, and how we deal with things. We can always choose love, as Marianne Williamson says. And that's what Dr. King was saying too. Choose love. In every small and large aspect of your life. Choose love. Learning to act and react from that place of love inside you..in your heart or your genes or wherever it lives...learning this one small thing will change everything. Love is compassion. It is empathy. It is small kindnesses. It is consideration. It is a smile, a touch, a shoulder, an ear. Love, at it's core, is what we are.


So...happy birthday, Dr. King. Long may you be remembered as one of the heroes of our time. I have a dream, too.....






Namaste.

Friday January 8, 2010

OOPs...forgot to take the birdbath down. Good thing it's about 200 pounds of concrete.


It snowed a good part of the day today, and even better than that, the winds kicked up and blew all the snow out of the fields and across our road. So, the road we drove home on was 10x more treacherous than the one we'd driven out on earlier in the morning. It aided in the decision to just stay in tonight. So, we both skipped our usual Friday night meetings.

This morning we left with all intentions of buying me a set of French Bread pans at the restaurant supply store, or at the Chef's store. Then we were getting some groceries and stopping for some lunch before coming back to the ranch. Luckily, I called the supply place first to make sure they were open. They were and the guy that answered the phone said he had never heard of French bread pans, and so was sure they didn't carry them. (???) Alrighty, then. The Chef's Store, on the other hand, carries them but are currently out (big Christmas item, apparently). We wandered around the store which is beautiful and ridiculously over-priced on every single item they carry (because they are a CHEF'S STORE). *snork The pans are my birthday present from husbandman. So he was all hung up on buying me something from this store, and I practically had to have him sedated and removed from the premises. I'm sorry, but I just cannot allow that. I think the only thing I have EVER bought from one of those stores was my brulee torch, and only because I couldn't find one anywhere else. I asked the store person how much the pans were, and she went into a big elaborate explanation of how they are Chicago blah,blah,blah...only the very best perforated nonstick pans, blah blah blah. I told her she could stop right there, because I wasn't buying anything nonstick, but thanks. She hollered after me as I left..."$32.95...they're only $32.95!!!!!"


Anyway, then we left and went to our favorite little Chinese place, The Orient, for lunch. We had a soup-for-two called Special Soup or something...it was marvelous. A rich broth with scallops, shrimp, crab, mushrooms, carrots and onions. We had a small order of fried dumplings. And we ordered the Seafood and Tofu Pot...a delightful covered dish of dark Hunan sauce full of chunks of braised tofu, crab, shrimp and scallops, and of course, steamed rice. We ate almost all of it...it was heavenly.

We came home and I went online and found exactly the pan I was looking for, Italian Bread Pan...for NINE dollars. Yup, nine dollars. plus shipping of course, which brought it up to about 15 dollars. So I am very happy, needless to say.


I grilled chicken breasts on my little Hamilton Beach grill (like a Foreman, only cheaper). I marinated them in an Italian dressing, in honor of the bread pans, and served them over a beautiful Caesar salad, with artichoke hearts and grilled onions on the side. Food fit for a king (of my heart).

We watched a movie tonight called "Things We Lost in The Fire" with Halle Berry and Benecio del Toro. It was a big time tear jerker and a beautiful love story. If you've not seen it, DO.

It's past time for me to be in bed. I have been f-ing around with Shelfari for an hour or more. I am so grateful for the miracle of love and of sobriety in my life. I am so grateful that I can read and am in a position to own books and get books. I am so blessed to be loved by a wonderful man who would walk through fire for me.

(See--when I am overly tired, I get all mushy about things like love...) lol.

It's 7 degrees with a minus 5 wind chill factor right now. I'm gonna go climb in that big bed, under that wonderful quilt and lay as close to my sweetheart as I can manage. And say a prayer for him and his happiness and his health and his welfare. I cannot imagine my life without him in it.



Namaste.

Thursday December 3, 2009

Miss Lily (torti) and Leo de Catrio...
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I have had a most wonderful evening, and am dying to tell you about it. lol

One of the women at our meeting recently moved here from another state. It was one of those moves we have all made, where you haven't much choice than to leave almost everything you own and GO. She was staying with family, and now she has a new apartment and was stoked about that, but had no furnishings. Tonight at our women's meeting we had a little surprise shower for her new place, and the generosity of these women in my life just knocked my socks off. And she was so overwhelmed that she could barely speak, lol. Afterwards, a couple of us followed her to the new digs and helped unload the cars of all the stuff. We filled her pantry with food, gave her dishes and glasses and silverware. We gave her a bed and a couch and a television. We gave her things she really needed and some things, like napkins and napkin rings that our souls just need. She got some candles, some sponges, a gift card, and lordy...you name it. It was wonderful to be a part of and to watch.

I never cease to be amazed (and grateful!) at the generosity and courage of the women I have met in AA. We are really something...and I am so blessed to be a part of it all.


The endless compassion that some people have has been on my mind a lot lately. Over and over again, in my years on this planet, I have seen miraculous things happen as the result of the small acts of kindness that come from the most unlikely sources. The people who have the least are often the most generous. The ones who are suffering from incredible maladies (be they physical or spiritual or emotional) are the ones who are there first, putting out a hand to help someone else. The miracles happen daily. When we can open up to give, we are opened up to receive. When we think of someone else first, we step back into riches we never imagined. Something magical happened tonight in that little room, and I could see it on the faces of everyone present. And I am so thankful today that I get to witness these things firsthand, because I am right in the middle of them.

I am especially grateful and blessed by the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, for changing me in ways I could never have known possible. For opening my heart and my eyes. For giving me the opportunity to be a part of such a group of people. For taking this worthless, useless shell of a human being, and turning her into a woman of substance. A woman who can be generous and can be courageous and can be filled with a love so marvelous that she shines. I feel , sometimes, like I am radiating this stuff that you have all given me. And I will be thankful every day for my life, for my sobriety and for love.

Thank you all for making me the woman I get to be today.


Namaste.

October 27,2009...Tuesday night

(I know, I know...you've seen this before. But..it amuses me.)

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Long busy day again today and another tomorrow. I will be up at 5 (ohgod-it'safternidnightnow!!!!!!!!!!!) and am meeting with someone at 9 and then someone else at noon. I am full to the brim with newcomer sponslings suddenly. I always have one or two, but right now I have 5. And all the others. Of course the others are not high maintenance at all, as they range from 1 year to 16 years sober. Let me rephrase that. LOL. Many of them aren't high maintenance. In the past month, I have given out a 1 year and a 3 year and a 14 coin. A 6 month coin. 2- 30 day coins. And it has all been a giant blessing to me. My life in sobriety has been filled with grace and people and love and annoyances. And I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Autumn is upon us. The colors are breathtaking this year (because of all the rain I guess). I walk/drive around with my mouth hanging open every day. Detour Road is glorious...looks like the Master Painter dipped his brush in crimson and gold and magenta and orange and then flung it about madly. I love the fact that it's cool, and you can smell the woodsmoke in the air. The fat woolly caterpillars are everywhere. A few days ago, we had a splash of warm temperatures that brought on an invasion of ladybugs and it was like a Hitchcock movie out here! Gazillions of them....swarming like hornets. It was a trip. Beautiful chrysanthemums are everywhere...burgundy, gold, dark orange and cream. The cattails are a gorgeous orange gold color...right before they turn brown. Lots of rain has brought the green back to the grass.


I think about all the years I drank myself into not seeing any of the beautiful world around me. I see now what I missed. And I have had the good fortune to live in some of the most extraordinary places in this country. I am glad I can experience and appreciate the beauty today. That I can sit out back and take a deep breath and feel the hand of God all around me. That I have ..."Nowhere to go...No one to be...Nothing to do.".... And can saturate myself with nature and all her blessings. The first year I was sober I was out walking on the beach at Humboldt bay and marvelling at all the things I'd never noticed before...and I had lived there a long time. I looked up from the sand to see a large pod of whales migrating...it took my breath away. Today my life is all about moments which take my breath away. Flowers, sunsets, butterflies, love. The smell of fresh baked bread. A perfect brown egg.


I am especially blessed.....



Namaste.

Wednesdays wandering

LOL...Remember this? I had to post it again when I saw it in my pictures because it never fails to make me laugh out loud.


The end of a productive day. I am grateful that I am a list maker...there's nothing so satisfying as marking a line through things I have accomplished in the course of the day. Today I cleaned carpets and changed sheets and dug potatoes. I did a little grocery shopping too. And now it is late and I am ready for bed.

I got a call at about 11PM...a sponsling wanting to know if I had a recipe for a Gooey Butter Cake. LMAO...she wants to make one in the morning. I didn't, but I do have a computer, so I found a recipe on Paula Deen's website that looked pretty good. While I was at it, I looked up the recipe for gooey butter cookies as well, and printed both of them out for ME. Nopt sure when I'll make them, but at least I have the information. lol

Tomorrow will be a full day....the speaker /potluck is at 6...a Mexican Fiesta! I only have to chop tomatoes, lettuce, onions...bring sour cream and shredded cheese. Because it is one of my sponslings' birthday (4 years Yippee!!) I will also be baking her a cake. So...I really was going to bake it tonight, but I'm too tired, so it'll have to be first thing in the morning. And then while it is in the oven, I'll finish straightening up the house a bit and get some French Onion Soup going. Have a sponsling coming at noon to do a bit of step work for a couple of hours, and then we'll go on to the meeting. We'll have some soup and bread for lunch. As weird as the weather is for this time of year....I love it because soup's a perfect meal. Today was about 72 again.

My sister is coming from Florida this weekend. It was supposed to be Friday, but now she's changed it to Saturday. It will be what it will be. One of the best gifts I have gotten from sobriety is that my happiness is never contingent on someone else's actions. LOL. I think I will get one of the turkey breasts out of the freezer (I bought several when they were .99 cents a pound!!) and put it in the roaster on Friday night. We can have sandwiches or whatever...whenever she happens to arrive. Voila! Problem solved. lol

I am feeling a lot of gratitude today. (And not just because we have water!!).

• Grateful that I have a house that's just the right size that I can manage!
• Grateful that I have family that loves me.
• Grateful that I have food to share, an expression of love for me.
• Grateful to have a social life.
• Grateful that I have hobbies, and that my life is NEVER boring.
• Grateful that I don't have to drink today (this is huge!).
• Grateful that I know that I can do ANYTHING for 24 hours.
• Grateful for the 5 gallon bucket of lovely fingerling potatoes I dug in my garden today.
• Grateful to live a life of elegant blessings and grace.
• Especially blessed to have found friends in recovery who blog!!
• Grateful for the good nights sleep I am heading off to.......

Namaste.

Thoroughly Thursday

One of the many beautiful waterfalls near Brevard, North Carolina....
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I was thinking today of how blessed I am to have had the life I have lived. I've lived around the country quite a bit, and met lots of really great people, and seen some of the most fantastic scenery a person could ever hope to witness.

I'm from the midwest farm country, here where I am back living again. The plains have a beauty all their own, the lush green and lots of trees. The skies are wide open and the air is clean. I grew up here with a good work ethic and a solid foundation for surviving whatever life decided to throw me. As a young person...I couldn't wait to get out! lol I live here across the river from St. Louis, in Illinois, in a place I like to call Corntown lol


I've lived in America's Dairyland, Wisconsin. When I was about 19 years old I lived for a year in Lake Geneva. It was gorgeous. A resort town and sweet and the famous Wrigley's moored their boats there. I met a beautiful soul named Gary Micheal, he nicknamed me Sunshine. It was a year of falling in love and getting my heart broken and growing up. My memories of it (and the people I met there) are all warm and fuzzy....


I lived in Denver, Colorado for a year or so... Rocky Mountain High. The summers were hot and the winters were cold and I loved it. I spent some time working in a place that housed teen aged runaways. I met a guy named David who was going to college to become a psychologist and we became great friends. I met a lot of very cool people from all over the country...in 1975, Denver was Mecca for a lot of us. I still have a lot of pictures from there and lots of great memories. A woman named Maya became my very good friend...she lost her husband in a work accident, he was electrocuted moving irrigation pipe one day. Good times and bad times...

I lived in California...first in a resort town called Clear Lake for about 6 years or more and then on up to the North Coast in Eureka/Arcata. I stayed for about 20 years. Northern California is maybe the most stunning place on earth. While there I got to see things like Yosemite and Cannery Row and Monterrey and Disneyland and San Francisco. I got to finish my drinking (finally!!) and get sober there. My heart is there. I would go back in a blink if I thought I could afford it these days. When I got settled in California...I was home. My whole being, right down to the cells, sighed in relief. There was Randy and Polly and Jake and Marcia. There was Carl and Katie and Nancy and Barbara. There were so many people...so many faces and lives that intercepted mine. All of us on a journey somewhere. So much love. So much life. I found my partner there. I found myself.

My job sent me to Portland, Oregon for a year to work. I missed California, but Oregon is nice too. I am not a city girl, and wasn't crazy about Portland. I did love the Columbia River Gorge, the Rose Gardens, and Powells--the biggest bookstore I have ever seen. I went up on Mt. Hood in the snow in July. THAT was pretty cool. I travelled to Astoria and on up to Seattle and did lots of sightseeing the short time I was there. I was ready to leave when it was time though.

I lived in Western North Carolina for 10 years after that, in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was heavenly. I had a bit of a time trying to live in the South, but I was in love with the countryside. The mountains are sacred to me. I did lots of travelling those 10 years...everywhere from Key West in the south to the Allegheny Mountains in the north. I visited Gettysburgh, Savannah, the Poconos, Nashville, New Orleans, Texas, Mexico, the Florida Panhandle. I had friends across the border in Knoxville, Tennessee. I had friends on the Cherokee Reservation in the beautiful Maggie Valley. I felt a great spiritual impact on my life there. My fathers mother was a Cherokee, maybe that was part of the connection. I spent lots of time hiking the Blue Ridge Parkway, picking wild blueberries up there and taking pictures and just soaking it all in. I saw Carl Sandburg's home in Flat Rock, NC and spent a good amount of time on Table Rock. I fished in the French Broad River and watched the minor league baseball team play. I picked apples and grew organic gardens and went gold panning. It was good. I made so many good friends there...all moved there from somewhere else. Karen from NY. Dave and Jules from Florida. Marv and Joyce from Ohio. Jeff from Virginia. Debbie from Ohio. Kathleen from Colorado and K'Sitew from the Yukon.


And now I am back home. Older and greyer, maybe a little wiser. And full of the blessings of this sober life. I am on a little piece of ground that is my own, making lots of new friends in this land where I grew up as a kid. Sometimes it feels eerie being here again. Sometimes it feels just right. Back in this place where, in 1977, I swore I would never come back to. Back home.


Thomas Wolfe once wrote, "You can never go home again..." Maybe it's true. It's never the same. But in this part of the country there are lots of things that have remained unchanged, and the spirit finds its place...and settles back in, until time for the next great adventure.



Namaste.