It was a beautiful day here in this middle part of the country...69 degrees tops and sunny and comfortable. Turned off the air in the car and rolled down the windows.
On two different occasions, I spent some time down by the pond in the swing. I bought that swing in 2 pieces, and refinished the metal frame and then later found a new seat for it, as the one that came on it was shot. It was such a deal...15 dollars!! I am such a thrifty bitch sometimes.... later I found the seat itself for 10. This winter I will put it in the garage and work on sanding it all down and repainting it. I am a thrift store and yard sale devotee...found treasures are my favorites! It was so peaceful down there, with the birds singing and the woodpeckers tapping out their lovely drumbeats. Listening to the fish splash and the frogs jumping from the banks into the water...a very zen melody, in all. I said some prayers for the healing and health of the Dalai Lama, for a friend recently diagnosed with prostate cancer, and for some help in controlling myself. The sun filtering through the lacey tree canopy lulled me into a contentment that fills me with peace. NO where to go, No One to be, Nothing to do.
Today I am glad to be an alcoholic. I have planted a garden of gratitude in my heart that is there for me to get to at a moment's notice. I am blessing my way through life, so watch out, because everyone that crosses my path gets on the list.... I attended a meeting today and the topic was the 3rd step. I'm grateful that I was stubborn at the beginning of my sobriety, not just running with the herd and acting as if I really and truly believed the way you guys all seemed to. I meditated and contemplated and wishy-washed myself into near insanity...trying to decide if I could trust a power greater than myself and turn over everything. I remember whispering to a woman that I didn't know if I believed in God, and she whispered back "It doesn't matter...God believes in you."
And throughout my time here as a sober alcoholic, it has always been the whispers that I hear the loudest. I have been in groups where people seem to be trying to out-pray each other, and I feel my voice getting smaller and smaller. It happened today. At the end of the prayer I looked at the guy next to me and inquired whether or not his god was DEAF. He looked puzzled for a minute....I have heard the whispers about the still small voice. I have heard the whispers of comfort. I have heard the whispers of a touch, a hug, a smile.
When I hear the whispers....I am connected. And I am part of a whole. And life gets more real by the day.
I feel especially blessed today.