Friday, February 20, 2009

Fascinating Fridays

It's a good day when you haven't had to use booze as your core solution to all your problems. I am one of those people who, in the past, would do anything to change the way I felt, because I was never okay. I would pour copious amounts of booze into this hole in my face, take any and every drug imaginable, move, sleep my way across the country, shave my name it and I have done it. And mostly it would work for a little while. But in the end I always wound up back at ground zero...wondering how I was going to make it through my life.

And then the earth opened up and I was swallowed whole by my disease. The bottom fell out. I hit the wall. I was face down in the dirt, and I was in that horrible place where nothing worked anymore and nothing made me feel better. I couldn't stop using drugs and alcohol and I couldn't keep on using them either.

And that was when my Creator sent a guy into my life that helped me shift the paradigm. If it wasn't for him, heaven only knows where I would be today, or IF I would be today. (My mother died of this disease when she was 1 year younger than I am today). Anyway, I have a shrine in my heart for this guy that saved me. And he knows he saved me, or helped save me, because when I was 2 years sober, I wrote him a letter thanking him for the part he played. His name was Officer Reynolds, and he worked for the California Highway Patrol. He's the guy that arrested me and then broke a bunch of rules, like not handcuffing me and letting me ride in the front seat with him down to the police station. He sat with me in the holding cell while I waited for them to come and fingerprint me. He talked to me about this organization called AA and that they helped a lot of people like me. He told me that since this was my first offense, the judge would probably make me go to some meetings and pay a big fine. He told me that I could be okay, and that I could find a way to live without having to be drunk all the time.

I don't know what got me to thinking about Officer Reynolds today. I don't know why I got one of the nicer cops that night. I was a sloppy , stupid, obnoxious drunk. There's more to this story, but it's enough to know that I have never forgotten him or his face or his name in over 20 years.

I was thinking about how blessed I am to be sober today. To have a relationship with my Higher Power. To have friends that I can call when I am experiencing that dark night of the soul. To have a place to go where people know me and help me in ways I would never have imagined.

The Elegant Blessings of a sober productive life...full to the brim with love and self respect and compassion. It doesn't get any better than this....


steveroni said...

Your Guardian angel's name is Officer reynolds IMO. You spoke of him as saving your life. I speak of him as being sent by God--as God's messenger to you.

Then YOU grabbed whatever was there, and lived the way people told you to live, and here you are today, Annie, helping others, just as God intended way back (before 'then') in the FIRST place.

Steve E.

Zanejabbers said...

That my dear, was a God Shot.

Fireblossom said...

Good for you, and good for him as well. It's really neat that you let him know how much he helped you.

I am a friend of Bill W's myself. :-)

Mama Zen said...

I think that it is absolutely wonderful that you wrote to him. That probably meant the world to him.