Thursday, March 22, 2012

Prayer Flags...

  Check this out.  It was posted on my Facebook page by Wild Magnolia...and I think it's an awesome idea. I'm gonna get to work on mine tomorrow...


  It's been a long chilly rainy gloomy day around these parts.  I went over to sit with my neighbors husband for most of the day and then came home to make some vegetarian chili and get ready to head to the discussion group at 6:30.   It, of course, was wonderful.

  So was the chili.  lol    I started out with sauteed onions, added some small diced carrots and celery, garlic, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, cannelini beans, bell pepper, yellow crookneck and zucchini squashes. I put in a small can of diced mild chilies.  I added extra water. I threw in a couple of handfuls of dried corn.  I added cumin, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and smoky paprika. Then I put in a little more salt.  lol  It was really wonderful.;  There was enough to freeze a couple of the big yogurt containers and still put a container with another meal's worth in the fridge. We had it with sun dried tomato tortillas, warmed with a little butter. I'm tellin ya, was good. Chock full of chunky vegetables and nothing bad for you in it at all.  And EXTREMELY flavorful.  That smoky paprika (that I bought for another recipe recently) has been worth every penny it cost. It really lends itself well to dishes like this one.  I think it cost something like $1.07 per ounce .


  I'm pooped tonight. I went to bed in tears last night after some emotional breakdown and then couldn't quite make it stop. So, naturally, I woke up my poor husband and he was well, just wonderful. And then my nose was so stuffed up from crying that I couldn't hardly sleep.   It all started when  everybody I freaking know had to get grandchildren this past few days. I swear... and when I read Mary Moon's blog about Lily's home birth and all the family there and saw the pictures of that little guy....I just lost it.  I just sat here and sobbed and sobbed.  It was all triggered (I'm sure) by the fact that my daughter-in-law went in and had her tubes tied on Monday. Which means that I will most definitely never have grandchildren of my own.  And I guess last night was just my night to process all that grief. And I'm tearing up again, just writing this.

  It isn't like I haven't  always known that she wouldn't be having more children. She has 2 from previous marriages. And has always been very clear that she didn't want more.  And I respect that. It's her body and her choice. But....I actually thought, last night..."He's only 40...he could still meet someone in her 30's who's been dying to have children, and have 4 babies in 5 years...."   Sweet lord.  I really did think that. Fleetingly. 

  Just more proof that I am demented or going senile or something.

  Anyway... I am tired from not enough sleep and am turning in a little earlier tonight.  Hopefully I will sleep like I need to and wake up early tomorrow morning, refreshed and ready to jump into my life.


  Leaving you with a lovely hopeful quote from Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa

    " The winds of grace blow all the time.
       All we need to do is set our sails."



DJan said...

I hear you, Annie. I know I will never have grandchildren because my son died before he became a father. I do really enjoy the grandkids that my blogging friends share with me. It helps me to cope, but every once in awhile I get teary about it, too. You are not alone.

But you ARE the best cook on my blogroll! :-)

Dirt Lover said...

Oh, Annie. What to say? I'm so sorry you are sad. I guess we all have to cope with what life throws us. When I get overloaded with life, a good cry seems to make it all just a little bit better. And, bless your hubby for understanding and just being there. I hope you feel a little better this morning.
I love the saying at the bottom of your post.

Rita said...

Dagan and Leah have always said that they never planned to have any children. They will be married ten years in May so I don't think they're going to change their minds. I am a vicarious grandma, too. :(

Your chili sounds wonderful. I have never heard of smokey paprika. I'll have to look for that.

Set your sails, lady. All we can do is set our sails. :)

Rubye Jack said...

Nope, you're not alone Annie. It looks like I will never have grandkids also. At times, I think of foster children but don't really think I'm healthy enough. Family is such a huge part of our culture that it makes it hard for us who don't have all the members we'd like to have. But gosh, that Chili sounds dynamite.

Beth said...

Annie, I will never have grandchildren because my daughter was unable to have any. She wanted but couldn't have.
My sister in WV has 5 grandchildren that she adores but she tells me that the worry for them far exceeds the worry she had for her own children. Take heart dear Annie and eat a bowl of your wonderful chili for me.

Judi said...


Thanks for sharing the prayer flag site. Nice idea.

Mariodacatsmom said...

Join the group Annie. I'll never be a grandma either as my daughter has serious arthritis and has enough trouble caring for herself. But I enjoy all the grandchildren of my friends.

CiCi said...

Understanding that you needed to process some feelings shows how strong you really are. And how sweet that your husband is caring and understanding.

Anonymous said...

Our only child doesn't want kids and a husband no not indeed..She is fiercly independent and loves her sweet cat..she is happy and well adjusted too..I love little babies and many of my friends grandchildren I get to babysit and watch and love on them as they say..One cannot control what happens in life, only go with the flow..your chili recipe sounds so yummy, sorry you are so sad, but you do sound like a loving, sweet human being, you should be very happy about that, love your blog, recipes and all your writings..