Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Wild Wednesday

I love this Native Blessing. Especially that first line...May the winds of heaven blow softly upon your house...

Just home from a speaker meeting. Picked up a sponsee who has been AWOL since the birth of her first baby. I hope she'll latch back on and get herself back on track. We talked about trying to find the middle always. In my own life, I have found myself swinging from one extreme to the other in most things. It isn't easy to find the middle road when we're trying to juggle work and family and AA and whatever else life decides to throw our way. Part of the thrill of living is always, I think, trying to stay the course and find that safe and comfortable path down the middle. It's always about balance, my first sponsor used to say. I find this to be true.

After spending a fair amount of time this past few weeks with some very young 30'ish women, I'm grateful I am closing in on 60. lol There's a remarkable amount of freedom that comes with age. I am ever aware as well, of how childish and selfish alcoholic women can be. I know I was the same when I got here at 37 years old. Drunkenness takes away any choices we have to be responsible and sensible and reliable. When I think back about the last couple of years of my drinking, I am amazed at the way I behaved. Amazed at the way alcohol took every bit of decency I had left. Every bit of self respect. Every bit of consideration and compassion.

What a blessing to be sober in this time of life. What a blessing to have stayed sober long enough to regain all the important things I had lost. To have my family back, my life back, my love back.

How much does my Creator love me? I see it in every sunrise, every rainbow, every babys smile. How much does AA love me? I see it in every meeting, every Step, every prayer.

I think of all the ways things could have gone differently and badly. I see God's hand in it everywhere. Tonight I am feeling especially blessed. My 10th step helps me to look over the day, and know what I have to do to be a better person tomorrow than I was today. You people have given me a blueprint for living...Trust god, whatever you believe God to be. Clean House, clear away the wreckage of your past. Help others, and live a life that will surpass all your wildest dreams, where you will once again feel useful and learn the plans that your Creator has for you. Pretty big promises for useless drunks. But they happen in our lives and we get to share the wonder of sobriety with people just like us, looking for a new way to live.

I'm ready for bed. Busy day tomorrow, women's meeting speaker/potluck and I have to have the sloppy joes and hotdogs and lemonade there in the late afternoon, then go back north and pick up hubby from work. And of course, there's sponslings and pets and heaven only knows what tucked in here and there. And I can handle it all, because today I'm sober. A sober woman.

It's all a freaking miracle for a drunk like me.

God's got a deal for drunks that don't drink.



Carol said...

I love that you used the phrase 'latch on' for the woman who had the baby as it makes me think of breastfeeding and how you want the newborn to 'latch on' to what is life sustaining. We want the newcomer to latch on.

It amazes me, aside from whether they are addicted or not, how people pound down the booze. I'm in my fifties and co-workers are looking forward to getting cooked on the wknd. I work with elders and there have been a good half dozen of them come by that have daily ETOH intake. Come On People!! Thanks for a great post.

Zanejabbers said...

The Indian prayers often remind me of Irish prayers.

Akannie said...

Me too, Zane....I know there's a lot of Irish intermixed with the Cherokee, which is what I am. In fact we have some in our family.A great great aunt was black irish, whatever that is.
Carol--I hear you. I am constantly amazed too. We are starting the summer midwestern tradition of festivals and fairs. Big time drunks for a lot of people who do nothing but get hammered every weekend.
Sheesh...glad I'm not among their ranks anymore!!

Ginnie said...

Two things that I heard recently in AA that I love.
"if you stay in the middle of the bed you won't fall out."
and "in AA we celebrate our differences." (wouldn't it be wonderful if the whole world could do that?)