Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Woeful Wednesday

Ah...I have just learned that one of my blogger friends has lost her husband almost 4 weeks I read her blog, the tears were streaming down my face. It was sudden and it ws quick. Thank God for that. She hadn't posted in a while...I thought they had taken a trip or something. I had no idea.

You know that my sponsor from NC recently passed. The week before that, my ex-father-in-law passed. 6 months ago, one of my sponsees lost her husband. All these deaths leaving a spouse to stay behind, trying to pick up the pieces of their lives. I don't know how you keep putting one foot in front of the other at these times. I don't know how you sleep in that bed ever again, or sit at that breakfast table. Or empty out those drawers and closets of clothes. Or walk past his shoes still sitting by the door, because you can't bear to move them...marking the truth of it all.

And yet the indomitable human spirit prevails...and one tiny step at a time, we go on. We manage to get out of bed and to brush our teeth. We are somehow able to get dressed. Somehow able to smile and say thank you to one more person who offers their sympathy and condolences, when what we really want to do is just scream. Time passes and we can choke down food again, getting it past that huge lump in our throat. We can wash the dishes and tidy up the house. And one day, we notice that spring has come again and the trees are starting to leaf out and the grass is greening up all over. And the times when we feel as though we have been physically punched in the gut come less and less. And we are able to be okay out in public. And somewhere down the road, we can go shopping and buy a new hat. Or a pair of gloves.

And life begins again.

But the hole in our heart never heals. And we put our grief away. like the medals from an already finished war. And we steadfastly and resolutely hold on to our famillies and our friends and our God...and we look at the world through new eyes. And we cherish every waking moment of our lives, forevermore.



steveroni said...

How beautifully written, with compassion, empathy, and love for others. thank you Annie.
Steve E.

big Jenn said...

Grief wakes you up I think. I will never be the same and I am grateful. Loss has made me more loving, more human, more of who I really am.jeNN

Prayer Girl said...

Beautifully put.

"And life begins again." Reminds me of my 'death by alcohol' and how life began again when I found Alcoholics Anonymous and sobriety.


Gabriella Moonlight said...

I am so grateful for being able to get out of bed each day and the ability to put one foot in front of the other, thank you so much for writing this blog, it touched me deeply and please let your blogging friend know that they are being held in others thoughts and prayers.

Pam said...

I'm so sorry that your heart is hurting right now.
Please ask God for some of his soothing grace. It is like balm to our spirits when we are hurting.

Zanejabbers said...

Just a simple HELLO.