Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Whirligig Wednesday

Who comes up with words like whirligig ? Or fortuitous ?


Had a very relaxing day today...too cold to go outside and work, had to be here waiting for the guy to come repair the satellite dish, took a nap...all in all a nice day. Did a tiny bit of sponsee-talk. Did some reading. Watched some television with my darling husband. Loved up some dogs and ran a vacuum cleaner.

The exciting life and times of Annie Kelley. Wow. Maybe I should write a book.

I have had some adventures in this life. I have had some terribly lonely times. I have been loved ferociously, hated venomously, and totally ignored. I have been kinda rich and very poor. I have been so dry I was about to burst into flames and so drunk that I couldn't stand myself. I have been married, single and anything in between. I have been a bride and a widow. I have travelled all over these United States and into a couple of other countries and to Hawaii. I have lots of places I would still like to go. I have been hungry and I have been fed and I have been so thirsty I thought I was going to die. I have had a child and lost that child for 9 years when he was kidnapped by his father. I have been a success at times and a failure at times and everything in between. I have analyzed my life and behaviors, I have deluded myself about my life and I have looked myself square in the eye. I have loved me and hated me.

And through it all, I managed to stay in the middle of my own life and not waiver. By a thread, sometimes. I am a survivor. A childhood violence survivor and a rape survivor and a drug abuse survivor and a drunken survivor. I was robbed of my childhood at an early age, and have been frantically making up for it ever since. I have gone twice as far, worked twice as hard and done twice as much of everything-to try to feel half as good as you. Those feelings of worthlessness fueled a lifetime of ambition.

I'm now past my middle fifties. I enjoy a modicum of balance and self restraint in my life today. I'm sober nearly 19 years. I'm happily married for nearly 17 of those years.

So, gentle can see the wellspring of blessings. I am a mosaic of every single experience I have ever had and today I am grateful for each piece of that puzzle. Some more than others, to be sure. From that 6 year old standing on a chair cooking dinner for her [then] 3 siblings because the person supposed to be doing that was drunk and passed the funny happy old broken bodied lady that sits at this keyboard---it has certainly been a journey. From a confused and dazed teenager looking for any solution, any a dopeless hope fiend. A sober woman, walking the walk, one day at a time.


I AM especially blessed.



Andrew said...

lol...a dopeless hope fiend

I like that!

Love to you

Prayer Girl said...

"WOW" surely does say it.

A 6 year old on a chair cooking for her siblings - that's a pretty powerful picture you paint.

God bless you, your life, and those you touch.


steveroni said...

Yep, Annie. Write a book, in fact, just about every recovering alkie I know could write a book--with help. Especially me (help!)