Oh me, oh my. Such a day I have had...
It was gorgeous here today. 75 degrees and overcast parts of the day, but so warm I worked outside in the yard a lot. Didn't get a whole lot done, lol, but I was out there....cleaning up the dead leftovers in several flower beds, namely the sedum and the hollyhocks and the rose of sharons. and the roses. I got out the trusty loppers and cut some stuff out. Errant trees that pop up here and there, that kind of stuff. I have a pile and a wheelbarrow full...so I guess I accomplished something.
Looking around my place, listening to the geese circling and coming in on the pond, hearing the chit-chit of the hundreds of bright red Cardinals and their olive and rust mates...hearing the bullfrogs starting their symphonic contributions to the ebbing of the day...it was heavenly out there. Made even more so by knowing that tonight is going to get cold and tomorrow and the next few days will be back down in the "typical" temperatures. So, I decided to make hay while the sun shines...lol
The past couple of days have really been an eye opener to me about my behavior sometimes and what a short fuse I still have, when provoked. Sigh...seeing it is half the battle I guess. A man was harrassing me about a key and wouldn't stop. I had just gone through the motions of getting up at 5AM to keep the car, making arrangements to be 30 miles away to pick up a woman and take her to a detox that was another 45 minutes from there and she didn't show, so I went to a meeting instead and there he was. It's a power trip really, and I just have this thing about these old white guys that think they rule the world. And after I tried to disarm him gracefully, (and unsuccessfully) I pretty much shouted at him to SHUT UP. I couldn't take one more stupid word out of his mouth. As I sat through the rest of the meeting with him alternately glaring at me and refusing to make eye contact... I was struck by how little tolerance I have when I don't feel well. (OR I am annoyed). And I have been on a 2 month binge of chronic pain. I left there thinking maybe I should just hibernate and not be around humans for awhile. lol The amazing thing (to me) is that after a few hours had passed, I was ready to quit the homegroup, shove the key up somebody's *** and never darken the doors of that club ever again. I mentally listed of all these people I was going to call and inform. And there it was... So~~I did nothing. LOL
Ah, my life is such a deal some days.
I'm grateful for the people in AA who constantly give me lessons.
I'm grateful that I don't have to immediately act on every thought that comes into my head.
I'm grateful to have the amends process in my life. (Which I may or may not use!) lol
I'm grateful to be sober, above all.
Life is good.