Truly Tuesday

It was one of those days when you are grateful to be sober.

A day when more than once, I found myself staying in the moment and being mindful of the things and events around me. Savoring. What a rich and delightful experience it is to live this way. If I could figure out (or remember?) how to do this more often, it would indeed be a wondrous thing.

I have been thinking about how much I learn from nature. From the trees and the flowers and from the critters all around me. From the unconditional love I have from my pets to the learning to bend in the wind from the willows. From the rebirth of the world every spring, to the quiet rest of winter. In class last night, we were discussing (among other things) the way some people seem to take a personal affront to the weather every day. Like it's a contest of wills...or a punishment. I have a hard time seeing things in a black and white way anymore. I'm not so sure there's really good and bad...maybe it's all just experiences that we get to learn something from. It is what it is. I guess that sounds incredibly simplistic and naive to some, but it's how I view my world. I have very few unpleasant experiences in my life and I'm sure it's because of the my perspective. Always something to learn...what to do, or what NOT to do. Always 2 sides to every coin. It leaves lots of room for speculation, I guess.

All I know is that I might be one of the happier people I know. My worldview has been shaped and polished by my experiences on the planet so far. So many ways to look at things, and so little time. lol

I'm off to bed. Getting up early to keep the car. Have a date with a bunch of drunks at noon and then off to pick up about a hundred "hens and chicks" the succulent plants and 5 Rhubarb plants. Gotta love Craig's List !!!!

Blessed to be feeling the serenity of my humble little abode today. Blessed to have had a great conversation with my Creator this morning and the feelings of peace that came as a result of it. Blessed, especially, to be here now and having the wherewithal to be grateful for it all.

Sleep well, bloggers....


Namaste

Totally Tuesday

I am connected, baby..... LOL A very nice young man named Eli appeared at my door just when he said he would. The install that was supposed to take about two and a half hours wound up taking almost 6. He worked through a bad storm and winds and did everything...

When he first got here, he was looking around trying to figure out how to do this thing because, once again, so many trees... He said something, and I thought he wasn't going to be able to do it. So I said, well...who do I send this equipment back to? And he put his hands up and said .."Whoa, Mama Bear...Hold Up ! I just have to think about this a little more. We ARE hooking you up!"

And he did. And I am back online and so far tonight I have not had a bit of trouble on the internet. WooHoo!!!!!!!

In the Voluntary Simplicity class last night, one of the essays we read was about internet and tv usage and how it steals so much of your time. And everyone was nodding and agreeing that they spent way too much time online. I just sat there, grinning like an idiot. And I said, not me....I don't feel that way at all. And my darling husband piped up and said that he didn't spend much time online, but that I did. That just this morning I was "chatting " with a woman who lived in Australia and was going through some scarey medical stuff, and we talked away like we'd been best friends since childhood. And he talked about the friendships I have made with people all over the world, and how it has really expanded and enriched my life, and that he has benefitted from it as well. He talked about the gathering of people we host at our place in summer and how it really is a pretty cool thing for some people, but he doesn't have the patience to learn it.

I am especially blessed to have a life that is full. A far cry from that existence of isolation and despair that claimed me. To be sober today and happy. And loved. To have my furry babies who make me laugh and cry and be responsible ...and who teach me every single day about unconditional love.

I am grateful to be back online and to be able to get back into my routines. To read emails and blogs and recovery forums. To play a word game or two to stave off the Altzheimers.

I'm taking the husband to work in the morning so I can get to a noon meeting and hook up with one of my sponslings. She has 14 years, and is moving within the month permanently to about 2 hours south of here, where she has gotten a good state job and her life is winging off into undreamed of bliss. She got engaged at Christmas and her life is taking a good turn these days. I just tell her....

"God's got a DEAL for drunks that don't drink."



Namaste.

[Maureen-in yellow shirt]

I just got word that my old sponsor from North Carolina died this afternoon of a brain hemorrhage. She collapsed and never regained consciousness. Originally from New York, she was old school AA all the way. I believe that she had about 38 years in the program now.

She probably knew me better than anyone has ever or will ever know me. She guided me through some tough times with her wise and gentle sobriety. From the first time I met her, I wanted what she had. And she was surely the best example I have ever seen of giving back what has been so freely given...

I sit here with tears of grief and gratitude all mixed up together. I was truly blessed to have been a part of her life and to have her as part of mine. Since we had no family there, we spent many a holiday at their house and always felt like part of their big Irish Catholic family. She made the best NY Cheesecake I have ever eaten. And her Irish Soda Bread was outta this world.

They had a huge blended family, both of them in recovery when they first met and married, both widowed, he with 5 kids, her with 6 kids and then they had a baby together.

I am grateful for the women in AA who have shown me how to be a wife and mother and sister ...and especially, there will always be a piece of my heart that belongs only to this wonderful woman that I met at 6 years sober, who walked me through my marriage, through the industrial accident and medicating that happened as a result of that, and through each step of my sobriety for almost 9 years.

Rest in Peace, you angel....your journey takes you on new roads now...


Namaste.

Wowsa Wednesday

I experienced a wonderful moment today in a meeting at noon...there were more women there than men!! LOL...and out of 6 women there, I sponsor 4 of them. It was one of those moments that happen to you that pull you back to the earth and ground you in gratitude. These women range in sobriety from 2 months to 15 years. They teach me so much on a daily basis and help me see the world around me with new eyes every moment. I could probably point out the time that each and every one of them came into my life on that Divine schedule.
I moved here 4 years ago and knew no one in the recovery world except my son. He introduced me to his sponsor. That was it. When we actually made the move here from Asheville, NC , I remember thinking that maybe I needed a break from AA. I wasn't going to stop going to meetings completely...I was just gonna slow down and take it easy. Not get so involved. Lay low. I lived (sober) in NC for 10 years. There towards the end, I was feeling nibbled to death by ducks. I sponsored a lot of women, did a lot of stuff. I was tired. I was burned out. I just wanted a little ME time. God had different plans for me, I guess. (What's that old saying?? "Man makes plans and God laughs." )

After the first few meetings I went to here, I kept hearing women say, oh-we don't have a lot of women here with any long term sobriety! Oh, we're so glad you're here! Oh,Oh,Oh!! I ducked my head and went home. Back out to the country, where it takes me a minimum of 25 minutes to get to a meeting. Seemed safe enough. LOL
Fast forward a year, and my phone rings constantly. I am the GSR for my new home group. I am involved in the new CSO that's being organized. I am speaking all over the place. And being the total and complete EGOMANIAC that I am, I am eating this stuff up. I am having luncheons for groups of women at my house. I am having dinners and game nights and just in general running right back into what I left behind when I moved. I only say all this to give you a snapshot of just how little I understand about boundaries and slowing down. lol
Fast forward another year. I am backing up a little and life is more balanced. I still do things, just not so much. It's enough though, to keep me connected and sober and relatively happy.
Now I'm looking back over this past year, and I can see the writing on the wall. We (the local recovery community) have had our share of tragedies this past year. We have gone through growing pains. In my own life, I can see mirrored the highs and lows and the growing and most especially the love. I can understand better than ever before that I have to take care of myself. I have to keep the quality of my sobriety and my spirituality and my physical being at peak levels. If I don't, I will not be useful to God or my fellows. So...sometimes I don't answer my phone, letting it go to voice mail. Sometimes I say No to requests. Sometimes I just go out and sit in the backyard and recharge my batteries. And I pray and I meditate and I care, care, care about the people in my life.

And I care about me, too. I am a gift, a tool. This is a quantum leap from the woman who walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1990. That woman was broken and hopeless and useless. The love in here brought me around again, gave me a second chance at life again. These 12 simple steps changed me forever. They changed the way I see myself, they changed the way I see you. You told me I had to give back what was so freely given to me. They changed the way I see the events in my life. And that is the biggest gift of all...I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I am who I am, and would not be if it weren't for all the amazing things that have come down the pike.

I am a survivor. I am a teacher. I am an artist. I am a cook. I am a sister. I am a mother. I am an aunt. I am a friend. I am a grandmother. I am a person who thinks before she speaks (mostly). I am you. And I am me.

And I am gloriously and unabashedly SOBER.

Wow. That's a lot of blessings and gratitude.

Tuesday's Tuesday

[Need a ride? Seamus the wonder dog...] click to enlarge

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Watched Stump the Sussex Spaniel win Best of Show at the 133rd Westminster Dog Show tonight. It was pretty cool, he is 10 years old and the oldest dog to ever win. Pretty neat...

I am heading for the bedroom, have to get up early (5) and take hubby to work so I can keep the car for the chiro appt. I'm getting acupuncture tomorrow too. It's almost midnight already...sigh...time seems to fly when I am sitting in front of this computer. Why is that ??

Had a great day with my critters and am ever blessed by their unconditional love. I used to know a guy who always said "Everything I know about LOVE I learned from my dog." I get it, now. lol

Memorial service for my friend Ray has been set up for next Monday. I hate these things, they stir up all kinds of emotions in me and feelings of loss. I have had a lot of loss in my life. Maybe this is the Universe's way of giving me a chance to work it all out. One more of those life on life's terms things that I'd just as soon do without.

I have a gratitude list a mile long tonight. Suffice it to say that I am grateful to be sober and to be happy, joyous and free most of the time.

I'm meeting the Sandman....

Namaste.

Thursdays rock!!

...mostly because I get to go to my women's meeting. And it was a great one tonight...honesty, willingness, love...all the ingredients for a truly heartfelt meeting.

I'm off to bed early tonight because tomorrow I have to go with a sponsee to court. She's trying to get custody of her daughter and this is the final hearing (I hope). It's a blessing to be trusted to be part of this proceeding. She's sober 14 years and the daughter is 11. It's ablessing that I can suit up and show up. I'm asking for prayers for K and A that God's will be done here (and not just the will of the father who can afford a lawyer!).

I did some yard work today and things are looking pretty good out there. I did a little service work in the form of making and printing fliers and phone lists. I got to give a newbie with 8 days a ride to a meeting. I got to make a lovely dinner for my husband. I got to play fetch with my recovering JRT. I'm feeling pretty blessed today.

I found this and thought it was apropo...

Steps in the right direction: Tools for balance.
1. Each day, ask the Universe how you may be of service.
2. Cook with intention, and bless all you consume.
3. Do unto others.
4. Take time to center yourself daily.
5. Take time to enjoy the community of others.




I heard a woman speaker say..."Every night I ask God to have people treat me tomorrow the way I treated people today." I like that.


Blessings on all your little bloggerheads. I'm outta here....

Wednesday's puppies

I feel especially blessed to be the caretaker of these 3 dogs at my house. Lately, due to the addition of a new baby puppy, I feel more like a referee. The baby is getting along famously with the lab mix, Lucy. Molly McGee, the Jack Russell Terrorist, is a cranky and bitchy 2 year old that growls every time the puppy comes near her. And is she would be that way all the time it would be okay, but she alternates between playing with the puppy and hating its guts...so the puppy never knows how to respond to her. Sigh...

This year has been really bad for bugs, with all the rain we had. We dose these guys with topical flea stuff from the vet, but the 2 older dogs go in the pond several times a day and it weakens the strength of the stuff (I don't care WHAT the package says). We put flea collars on them as well. And still we have fleas. We put Advantage on the puppy and she still has fleas. SO, we either have super fleas out here, or the stuff I'm paying through the nose for at the vet is old or something. It's one thing that makes me look forward to winter....

I am grateful for my newest sponsee, who has been calling me regularly. Just got off the phone. Talking to newcomers always helps me really see the blessings in my own life, so thanks to ALL of you. lol We talked about how hard it is to ask for help, and how we are affected by stress and how starting a day with your head spinning is not a good thing. Just basic life stuff. I love going through the steps with new women too...it is so good for me.

I am blessed by the way the puppy snuggles up to my neck when I hold her. I'm sure it lowers my blood pressure by 30 points....just that simple act of love and trust.

..."when we accept that we always exist in a state of grace, we are able to live our lives more graciously. Knowing that we are graced gives us more hope, makes us more generous, and allows us to trust that we are taken care of, even when we are going through difficult times. Grace is our benevolence of heart, our generosity of spirit. Grace is unconditional love and the beauty that is our humanity. When we know that we are blessewd with grace, we cannot help but want to live our lives in harmony."