[Maureen-in yellow shirt]

I just got word that my old sponsor from North Carolina died this afternoon of a brain hemorrhage. She collapsed and never regained consciousness. Originally from New York, she was old school AA all the way. I believe that she had about 38 years in the program now.

She probably knew me better than anyone has ever or will ever know me. She guided me through some tough times with her wise and gentle sobriety. From the first time I met her, I wanted what she had. And she was surely the best example I have ever seen of giving back what has been so freely given...

I sit here with tears of grief and gratitude all mixed up together. I was truly blessed to have been a part of her life and to have her as part of mine. Since we had no family there, we spent many a holiday at their house and always felt like part of their big Irish Catholic family. She made the best NY Cheesecake I have ever eaten. And her Irish Soda Bread was outta this world.

They had a huge blended family, both of them in recovery when they first met and married, both widowed, he with 5 kids, her with 6 kids and then they had a baby together.

I am grateful for the women in AA who have shown me how to be a wife and mother and sister ...and especially, there will always be a piece of my heart that belongs only to this wonderful woman that I met at 6 years sober, who walked me through my marriage, through the industrial accident and medicating that happened as a result of that, and through each step of my sobriety for almost 9 years.

Rest in Peace, you angel....your journey takes you on new roads now...


Namaste.

Fellowship on a Friday...

It as a lovely and bittersweet meeting tonight, to memorialize the passing of our fellow and friend, Raymond W. He struggled with this stuff for a long time. He finally had a couple of years under his belt, for the first time in the 20+ years he'd been coming around AA, and then he got drunk again around Christmas time. And then he couldn't get sober and stay that way again. He passed earlier this month from a goofy accident, falling in the bathtub and breaking his neck.

Adios, Amigo....

On a lighter note, we had 4 kittens born sometime late night/early morning today. There are 4 of the tiny helpless creatures and they are little beauties. Mama is in good spirits and seems to have survived the birthing process very well with no human aide or intervention. (Imagine that...)

The meeting tonight was a nice blend of people who have been in and out, like Ray was, and strangers who knew him a little, and the regulars who had various and assorted stories to tell about him and his generous heart and loving spirit. When I heard he had died, my honest first thought was "His fight is over." I haven't cried about his loss, really, but tonight as I shared I got a little choked up and teary eyed. I'm a better person for having known this kooky guy, and he taught me more about God in the scant 5 years I've known him than I have learned in the preceedng 50.

On the way home, hubby said...I sure get tired of having to attend the funerals and memorials of people in AA....I knew just what he meant.

I am emotionally drained tonight and will be off to bed in a minute. I am so very grateful for the alcoholics, drunk and sober, who walk through my life on a daily basis. And most especially the ones who leave their footprints on my soul. I am grateful to have been Grandma Annie tonight for my little 2 year old daughter of a sponsee, whose real grandma died just after Thanksgiving. I got to hold her on my lap and play and love her all up. It was good for both of us, I'm sure. I am grateful to have been able to see someone tonight who looked at me in amazement and said LOOK--I just found this card you gave me with your phone number on it over 4 years ago ! I was going to call you tonight... I'm trying so hard to get sober again....

I'm grateful to have an unending source of love and caring in my life today. I'm grateful for music and spring and unanswered prayers.

I'm especially blessed today, to be sober. And as long as I don't forget that, I will be okay.

Night all....I am bone tired.

Namaste.