Monday, January 30, 2012

In the still of the night...

 Every chance to touch another life,  every chance to be the bigger person, every chance to say the kind word, every chance to not pass on the gossip, every chance to feed the hungry, every chance to house the homeless, every chance to comfort the inconsolable,  every chance to guide the lost, every chance to love the unlovable, every chance to help the helpless, every chance to stand tall and be proud, every chance to lie still and be quiet, every chance to make someone smile, every chance to be the best person you can be, every day.

  Because you just never, ever know....

************************

  My friend Roger died today.  For him, this part of the journey is finished and I have high hopes that he will continue onward, ever onward.  I am sad, yet relieved, and the paradox coupled with the fact that he violently died at his own hand causes me great conflict. In my meditations this morning, I got to think about the illusions of this life and the emotional charges we attach to these illusions. In The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, it clearly states that "...when we are faced at death with the FACT that our body is an illusion, we will be able to recognize its illusory nature without fear, to calmly free ourselves from all attachment to it, and to leave it behind willingly, even gratefully and joyfully, knowing it now for what it is. In fact, you could say, we will be able really and completely, to die when we die, and so achieve ultimate freedom."

  And so, this is what I wish for my friend, to achieve the ultimate freedom in death. And wish him a continuing journey of peace.

******************************



   It has been an interesting day. Taking it slow(er) and easier, I put a small pork roast into the crock pot this morning and spent the rest of the day doing small things and napping.  I didn't accomplish much, besides 2 enlightening phone conversations I had with two separate women. I don't feel up to snuff still and think I will take the rest of the week to recuperate as much as I possibly can. I walked outside a time or two, but not for long, as I have to avoid sunlight because of the antibiotic. I fed my chickens and gathered eggs later in the day. I walked down to the mailbox. It was a ridiculously warm day, apparently we broke a 120 year record with temps of 69 degrees.  They think it will be over 70 tomorrow. Last nights supper included braised kale from the garden, tonight I steamed broccoli crowns. I'm trying to include more alkaline foods every day. We already eat a lot of greens anyway...it feels like spring, and for the first time in 7 years of living here, I had a January electric bill of UNDER 200 dollars !!!!  I turned off the furnace and opened windows today for a short while (I was dressed in sweats) and turned on the ceiling fans to try and blow out some of the cooties that I am sure are swirling around in the air from my coughing.  lol  It was only for a couple of hours, and when the house temperature reached 65, I closed all the windows.  It felt so good to breathe fresh clean air.

****************************

  I should go to bed. It's closing in on midnight and I'm tired enough.  The dogs have all been out twice, the cats are in (mostly) and the leftovers are put away. I haven't done the dishes and I really don't want to...think I'll wait until morning. There's not that many....

  Thank you all for your kind words yesterday, I feel loved and supported by your prayers and kindnesses.

   May we all be especially blessed....



  Namaste.

93 comments:

LindaM said...

I'm very sorry about your friend but I have to agree that he is now completely free of his torments. I have not had to deal with suicide among my loved ones but I have had to deal with lots of premature deaths which included murder. I don't think that his death will stop haunting you anytime soon. Its another struggle to understand life in the flesh. I believe that my loved ones are at peace as they should be. I'm happy to hear that you also believe this of Roger.

DJan said...

I am so glad to hear you are on the mend, still. I am also sorry to hear about Roger, but it is for the best that he has gone and is not lingering between life and death.

The warmth of this winter is confusing many plants and animals, I suspect, not just us two-legged ones. I do hope that a cold snap doesn't await all those little budding flowers.

Beth said...

Annie, I am so very sorry about the loss of your friend. You are right when you caution us to live one day at a time and embrace our family and friends. My family is mostly gone now as I have only one brother and one sis left from 7 siblings. I cherish my children and I let them know it by word and action.
I am glad you are feeling better.
It got up to 60 here yesterday, it was beautiful!

Rita said...

So sorry about Roger, but I think he's probably in a less painful place right now. Hopefully he is finding the peace he didn't have here. You're so right about being aware of everything and everybody around us because you just never know.

The weather has its pros and cons. The people who plow and move snow and the skiing and other winter sport spots folks have not been happy up here. We haven't had much snow, but we sure have had cold off and on. We had some days that felt like spring in January where I had the windows open, too. Nutty! But felt so good! :)

I hope you take the time to heal. You deserve it!

Dirt Lover said...

I am sorry to hear about your dear friend. It's never easy to comprehend, and then adjust to what has happened. I can only hope that both you, he, and everyone that loves each of you comes to peace. Please take care of yourself. You are so right about enjoying each and every day. We never know when that will be taken from us. Bless you, Annie!
~~Lori

Cloudia said...

Condolences.

Together. Sharing. Wisdom.


Bless you, my Sister


Warm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >

Petit fleur said...

Sorry about Roger. It always sticks with me when someone takes their own life. Makes me ponder all sorts of things. I hope your prayer for him is realized.

We are having crazy weather also. Not sure what to make of it all.

Hope you get some good rest.
xo

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