Silent Saturday

[The whole clown family...]

It's a quiet kind of Saturday, that feels like Sunday. Or something. Maybe because yesterday was so busy. Or maybe I have crossed that line in my head between reality and fantasy. Who knows?

I spent a delightful hour online with my youngest grandson today, IM'ing nd playing checkers and pool and sharing photos. He's 12. He's a little angel of a boy and I adore him. He IM'd me saying, Nana-I'm bored! Some things never change. I told him if he was bored he should go clean his room. lol He laughed and said dad said you would say that. It was always my standard answer when my son was young...

That of course, sent me off into a reverie about life 35 years ago. This is a common playground for old people, isn't it? Reliving the past, remembering things from 3 decades ago, when an hour ago, I couldn't remember where I put my glasses 3 minutes before. Anyway, it got me thinking about how different the world was, and yet how much things haven't really changed. Boys are still boys, and the dogs still track mud into the living room. Basic human traits, good and bad, are still prevalent.

When my son was young, he had acres and acres to roam around and play on, and he wasn't ever considered missing in action, as long as he showed up to eat. lol He had a grand imagination and was an only child, but he grew up with a plethora of pets, everything from dogs and cats to raccoons and flying squirrels. He made pets of wild bunnies he would find whose mothers had been killed. He brought home baby birds that had fallen out of nests and more than once on laundry day, I would turn out the pockets of his overalls to find dead and dried up lizards and frogs and salamanders.

He would spend hours drawing and writing stories and playing all the parts himself. He started learning to play the guitar when he was about 12, and played the trumpet in school band. By 16, he was writing music and singing his heart out. In high school, at a parent teachers night, his art teacher told me he "wished he had a whole class full of kids" with Tom's talents. It was a very proud moment for me, albeit confusing. I had no idea where he had garnered all this inborn talent. lol

Here's a classic example of the kind of kid he was:
He learned how to tie his shoes at 3 years old. That Thanksgiving, we had all the family at our house, and I was working myself into a frenzy in the kitchen, when I hear all this laughter and oooh's and awwww's coming out of the living room. I stick my head in, to se every pair of shoes in our house, all lined up across the living room floor. He is methodically untying and retying every single one of them. Each time he finishes a shoe, he holds it up proudly and beams. And all the grandparents and aunts and uncles and greats and cousins, all give him a round of applause. It was a moment of glory and an introduction to idolatry that would haunt him as he unerringly looked for his audience for the rest of his life.

To this day (he will be 38 years old this July) he is the class clown, the center of attention, and one of the funniest people I know. I adore him as well. lol

He came to visit us in North Carolina. There is a river there that's called the French Broad River. He saw the sign, his eyes lit up, and he said: " Huh. That river? It used to be called the Mademoiselle River, but none of these southerners could pronounce it, so they changed it to the French Broad." Ba da bing.
That's my boy.


Okay--got to get to bed. Tomorrow is the Area Assembly, about 2 and a half hours south of here. We'll do our duties, and then on the way home stop by my brother that lives about 30 minutes from the Assembly. I'll get to see my niece and sister-in-law and their new baby Cockapoo. Have to get up at 5 so we can leave by 6:30. WooHoo!!
ROAD TRIP !!!!!!!!!!!

Namaste.

Fellowship on a Friday...

It as a lovely and bittersweet meeting tonight, to memorialize the passing of our fellow and friend, Raymond W. He struggled with this stuff for a long time. He finally had a couple of years under his belt, for the first time in the 20+ years he'd been coming around AA, and then he got drunk again around Christmas time. And then he couldn't get sober and stay that way again. He passed earlier this month from a goofy accident, falling in the bathtub and breaking his neck.

Adios, Amigo....

On a lighter note, we had 4 kittens born sometime late night/early morning today. There are 4 of the tiny helpless creatures and they are little beauties. Mama is in good spirits and seems to have survived the birthing process very well with no human aide or intervention. (Imagine that...)

The meeting tonight was a nice blend of people who have been in and out, like Ray was, and strangers who knew him a little, and the regulars who had various and assorted stories to tell about him and his generous heart and loving spirit. When I heard he had died, my honest first thought was "His fight is over." I haven't cried about his loss, really, but tonight as I shared I got a little choked up and teary eyed. I'm a better person for having known this kooky guy, and he taught me more about God in the scant 5 years I've known him than I have learned in the preceedng 50.

On the way home, hubby said...I sure get tired of having to attend the funerals and memorials of people in AA....I knew just what he meant.

I am emotionally drained tonight and will be off to bed in a minute. I am so very grateful for the alcoholics, drunk and sober, who walk through my life on a daily basis. And most especially the ones who leave their footprints on my soul. I am grateful to have been Grandma Annie tonight for my little 2 year old daughter of a sponsee, whose real grandma died just after Thanksgiving. I got to hold her on my lap and play and love her all up. It was good for both of us, I'm sure. I am grateful to have been able to see someone tonight who looked at me in amazement and said LOOK--I just found this card you gave me with your phone number on it over 4 years ago ! I was going to call you tonight... I'm trying so hard to get sober again....

I'm grateful to have an unending source of love and caring in my life today. I'm grateful for music and spring and unanswered prayers.

I'm especially blessed today, to be sober. And as long as I don't forget that, I will be okay.

Night all....I am bone tired.

Namaste.

Tittilating Thursday

[My beloved Blue Ridge Mountains]


What is it with some of us? (And by some of us, I mean ME). That song comes to mind, old Joni Mitchell, ..."Don't it always seem to go--that you don't know what you've got til it's gone..." I was thinking about how I couldn't wait to leave North Carolina. And now I look at pictures like this one, taken when my oldest grandson came to stay for 2 weeks one sumer, and I miss it like crazy. We did all kinds of totally cool stuff, and he had so much fun. We went gold panning, and we hiked in the mountains, we went to the Carl Sandburg house and we went bowling. lol He and I went up on the Blue Ridge Parkway, up by Sliding Rock, and after a day of playing in the water and sliding down the slick rocks over and over, he took pictures and I let him come home and download everything and we made him a big picture album just before we left to bring him back home. Sigh...

The women's meeting had 3 newcomers again tonight. We read A Vision For You out of the Big Book and discussed the differences between now and then. And discussed the similarities, the jumping off place and the Four Horsemen. It was a good meeting and once again, I came away especially glad to be me and to be sober.

Tomorrow we have a memorial service to go to for our friend that died earlier in the month. We're having a lasagna dinner, a service and then a meeting. Then I have to be back up and ready to chair the Eye Openers meeting at 10 the next morning. It'll be good...

We had some hellacious thunderstorms move thgrough here tonight. Torrential rains that were so bad I drove 20 mph with my flashers on for about 2/3 of the way home from the meeting. Couldn't even see the lines on the road. And it was lightning like crazy...coming into Bunker Hill (last leg of the journey) the smell of sulphur in the air was thick.

I am making the salad for the dinner tomorrow, and will have to go to the store in the morning to get the goodies for it. I'll make a really big one with all kinds of stuff in it. I was gonna stop at the store tonight on the way home (and get gas too) but it was raining so hard I decided to wait until morning.

I am tired and stayed up watching tv longer than usual. Time to get some sleep...

Namaste.

Wowsa Wednesday

I experienced a wonderful moment today in a meeting at noon...there were more women there than men!! LOL...and out of 6 women there, I sponsor 4 of them. It was one of those moments that happen to you that pull you back to the earth and ground you in gratitude. These women range in sobriety from 2 months to 15 years. They teach me so much on a daily basis and help me see the world around me with new eyes every moment. I could probably point out the time that each and every one of them came into my life on that Divine schedule.
I moved here 4 years ago and knew no one in the recovery world except my son. He introduced me to his sponsor. That was it. When we actually made the move here from Asheville, NC , I remember thinking that maybe I needed a break from AA. I wasn't going to stop going to meetings completely...I was just gonna slow down and take it easy. Not get so involved. Lay low. I lived (sober) in NC for 10 years. There towards the end, I was feeling nibbled to death by ducks. I sponsored a lot of women, did a lot of stuff. I was tired. I was burned out. I just wanted a little ME time. God had different plans for me, I guess. (What's that old saying?? "Man makes plans and God laughs." )

After the first few meetings I went to here, I kept hearing women say, oh-we don't have a lot of women here with any long term sobriety! Oh, we're so glad you're here! Oh,Oh,Oh!! I ducked my head and went home. Back out to the country, where it takes me a minimum of 25 minutes to get to a meeting. Seemed safe enough. LOL
Fast forward a year, and my phone rings constantly. I am the GSR for my new home group. I am involved in the new CSO that's being organized. I am speaking all over the place. And being the total and complete EGOMANIAC that I am, I am eating this stuff up. I am having luncheons for groups of women at my house. I am having dinners and game nights and just in general running right back into what I left behind when I moved. I only say all this to give you a snapshot of just how little I understand about boundaries and slowing down. lol
Fast forward another year. I am backing up a little and life is more balanced. I still do things, just not so much. It's enough though, to keep me connected and sober and relatively happy.
Now I'm looking back over this past year, and I can see the writing on the wall. We (the local recovery community) have had our share of tragedies this past year. We have gone through growing pains. In my own life, I can see mirrored the highs and lows and the growing and most especially the love. I can understand better than ever before that I have to take care of myself. I have to keep the quality of my sobriety and my spirituality and my physical being at peak levels. If I don't, I will not be useful to God or my fellows. So...sometimes I don't answer my phone, letting it go to voice mail. Sometimes I say No to requests. Sometimes I just go out and sit in the backyard and recharge my batteries. And I pray and I meditate and I care, care, care about the people in my life.

And I care about me, too. I am a gift, a tool. This is a quantum leap from the woman who walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1990. That woman was broken and hopeless and useless. The love in here brought me around again, gave me a second chance at life again. These 12 simple steps changed me forever. They changed the way I see myself, they changed the way I see you. You told me I had to give back what was so freely given to me. They changed the way I see the events in my life. And that is the biggest gift of all...I do not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it. I am who I am, and would not be if it weren't for all the amazing things that have come down the pike.

I am a survivor. I am a teacher. I am an artist. I am a cook. I am a sister. I am a mother. I am an aunt. I am a friend. I am a grandmother. I am a person who thinks before she speaks (mostly). I am you. And I am me.

And I am gloriously and unabashedly SOBER.

Wow. That's a lot of blessings and gratitude.

MoJo Monday

[It's been quite a journey...]

A day that felt like my Mojo was workin'... when everything happened in order and in a timely manner. Nothing was FUBAR. I saw at least 10 bluebirds in my yard today. (Bluebirds are always a good sign). The meanest rooster in the world did not beat me to the door today. The phone rang just enough today, but not too much. I experienced several little glimpses of HOPE through the eyes of others. I got to be of service to my fellows, a steward in my marriage, a caretaker of my home, and a friend. And a big sister. I got to be a mother and I got to be a wife. I got the chance to look in the mirror and want to be me instead of somebody else. I got to talk to a 2 year old who said "I wuv you, Ahnie". I got to watch a puppy who a month ago couldn't walk, race around the yards and house 3 times without stopping, in absolute ecstacy. I got to live in today, and even in the moment a few times.

How blessed am I ??

I made a big pot of vegetable soup, some for the freezer and some to eat. Almost exclusively made with items from my own garden. It is wonderful and nutritional and comforting. That's why I like soup. The old 1-2-3 punch.

I got an appointment with my tax woman for tomorrow at 3:30. That means I get to go to a nooner AND get my taxes done before March 28th.
Yea, ME. I had to get copies of 2 sets of W2s sent to me because I lost them, and the second one arrived today. So now we can see what the damage is.

My friend that had the sailing accident is bumped and bruised, but not broken. I am extrememly grateful. I will see his smiling face in June and may just kiss it to pieces.

I sit here thinking about the blessings in this life that I probably don't deserve. I look into the horizon and think about what I can possibly do each day to even the score a bit more. I love to consider the possibilities...what's the old saying..."Yesterday's history and tomorrow's a mystery..." One Day At A Time is sure a marvelous way to live on this planet.

Thanks for letting me in on the secret....

Stunning Sunday

A stellar day all round....Sean Penn took home the Oscar for his portrayal of Harvey Milk. Slumdog Millionaire took away the most awards. And the gorgeous and talented Kate Winslet won Best Actress for The Reader.

Annie Kelley had a most relaxing and easy going day. lol

The neighbor dogs that we are caring for are getting very impatient fo9r their mom and dad to get home. They arrive on Tuesday, so it won't be much longer. We play with them and pet them when we're there to feed them, and even go over a little extra just to love them up a little. But you can tell they're missing them. The longest we've been away from ours is a week. And that is hard. We have cats and dogs and chickens that need feeding daily. And I miss my pets a lot when we go away.

A dear friend of mine was injured in a sailing accident this morning down in Key West. He was rescued by a passerby and the Coast Guard was called. He will be okay, but it was a scare. He had other plans for this week that he is having to cancel, which is terribly disappointing for him. I am just glad he's okay....

Life is precious and a fragile gift. Blessings flow through us and gratitude speaks volumes. I hope that I never forget these things.

It's time for some much needed rest, and I am going to bed grateful for the people I love. Grateful for the people I don't. Grateful for every life lesson that comes down the pike.

Elegant blessings, flowing through me like a fountain. Changing my life and touching the lives of those around me. A great arc of energy and love that showers all who pass close by. This is what I hope for, anyway. Like the rings emanting from the pebble skipped across the water, ever widening the circles of my life.

Sweet dreams...

Simply Saturday

[ Muffin...the mama-to-be that took up residence in our garage]

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Husband and I watched a movie tonight...a documentary, I guess, called Young at Heart, which is the group's name. It's about a choir of elderly people who live in North Hampton, Massachusetts. They sing and perform all over the world now. The oldest one was 96 and the youngest was a mere 70. If you can find it, I highly recommend it. It was the most moving and heartwarming thing I have seen in a long time. They sing everything from punk to hip hop to jazz to folk. It was a hoot watching them sing Purple Haze.... they perform in halls and in jails and in nursing homes I guess. It had me laughing hysterically one minute and tears running down my cheeks the next.

Then we watched the other movie he brought home...wait for it...Mummy III--oh god--will it ever stop ????? It was actually quite fun, though the new actress is no Rachel Weiss...but she did okay.

I have 2 cats with the sniffles and sneezes. One puppy that chewed up a stick in the living room like a beaver. A bird that has started whistling for the dogs every time things quiet down. 2 dogs that are totally uninterested in anything puppy has to say, no matter how insistently and loud she has to say it. And a new stray pregnant kitty. Well, kinda new. This is a crazy house.

I woke up this morning to an outdoors covered in snow. It wasn't much, just enough to make everything look so pretty. Just enough to make the dogs paws good and wet so they could come back in and track up the hardwood floors I just mopped yesterday. sigh...Not to mention hubby's boots. I have had to sweep the floors twice today to pick up the big chunks of mud. It's no wonder my house is just clean enough to keep the health department from shutting me down. lol

I am getting revved up about the upcoming gathering of friends of BillW this summer at my house. Anyone from 'round these parts that's interested in coming, please send me your email and I'll send you the official up-to-date-information Evite. We have these every year and we always have a ball. It's so cool to meet friends from forums and blogs face to face. There has not ever been one weird thing happen, which seems to be the worry of some folks. Not ever, in 7 years. I think my email addy is somewhere on this blog, isn't it?? lol

I'm feeling all contented and happy and sober and warm (27 degrees here). This is all I ever wanted when I was out there all those years ago. Looking at the blessings in my life doesn't demand any kind of long distance stuff these days. It's all right here, right in front of me. Family, friends, and that "attitude of gratitude" that you guys give me on a daily basis. What does she say in "Freedom From Bondage" ??

" The great experience that released me from the bondage of hatred and replaced it with love is really just an affirmation of the truth I know: I get everything I need in Alcoholics Anonymous-everything I need I get- and when I get what I need I invariably find that it was just what I wanted all the time."

So, the blessings just keep on coming, as long as I stay sober.

God's got a DEAL for drunks that don't drink....

Namaste.