The Last Day of August, 2009

Oh, my.....just LOOK at all that water. Know where else you can find water?....In EVERY SINGLE FAUCET IN MY HOUSE!!!!! And the toilets. Oh my....it has happened. The city water is at my house as of about 6:30 this evening. And by "at my house" I mean every pipe is in the ground, every trench dug and covered, and water is flowing like manna from heaven RIGHT INTO MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!


Am I excited? (Oh yeah, you betcha). Finally, finally. Tonight I did the dishes, singing the whole time. It was so much less work than it has been that I actually enjoyed it. Paddy O'Kelley took a long hot shower after work. I filled dog and cat dishes. I washed my hands A LOT. I'm going to take a long hot shower too.

It wasn't that long ago in this country that showers and baths stopped being considered such a luxury. Now we take it all for granted.

As you can imagine, I am feeling particularly grateful today. I am blessed to be sober and alive. I am blessed to be blessed, and to KNOW that I am blessed.

I had a wonderful time at the Saturday night bbq and meeting up on the tip top of Pere Marquette State Park. It is incredibly beautiful up there, and was even more so this year. There lots of new "friends of Bill" to meet from across the river, one very nice couple from up Springfield way. When I got there, someone hollered "THERE she is!!!!" and I felt like the prom queen, lol. I was wearing my Expect A Miracle t-shirt too, just in case, lol It felt good to be there and see some people I don't get to see real often. The meeting topic was on humility, which seemed to fit perfectly. Lots of lovely honest shares, and it was good.

Sunday was a bit of a laid back day, after the morning meeting. We came home and just lay around reading and puttering. Very restful, just the way it should be. I was asked to come tell my story at an Alanon meeting, so I did. It was good.

One of the girls I sponsor drank again. It breaks my heart to watch her. She is so arrogant and so sure she is "strong" and in control. And there's no talking to her...she bobs her head up and down, I know, I know...until I want to scream. People die from this stuff. It's not a joke, and it's not a game. I want to shake some sense into her....and yet I know that all I can do is keep the doors open so that when she finally is finished (if she lives) she can walk again into the sunlight of the Spirit. So I go sit in the quiet and ask for some guidance about what to say to her this time. And once again, I am so grateful to be me with my life and my troubles and my blessings.

Here are the 12 steps, in plain English:

1. Alcohol will kill me.
2. There's a power that wants me to live.
3. Do I want to live or die? (If you want to die, stop here.)
4. Write about how I got where I am.
5. Tell another person all about me (Let God listen).
6. Want to change.
7. Ask a power greater than me to help me change.
8. Write down who I hurt.
9. Fix what I can without hurting anyone else.
10. Accept that I'm human and will screw up. Fix it immediately.
11. Ask a power greater than me to show me how to live.
12. Keep doing 1-11...and pass it on.


Blessed Be!!!!

Freaky Fridays

~~~Frankie Figgs~~~~Generally one of the least user- friendly cats we have. But recently he has been all over me, wanting pets and treats and hugs and kisses.



Just had the most wonderful IM with a friend from Down Under. I adore her. It was everything spiritual, practical and loving...what a perfect combination ! I am so blessed to have such people in my life.

It's almost 2 AM and my house is filled with the aroma of fresh baked bread. It's about ready to come out of the bread machine. I forgot to stop and pick up a loaf on my way home tonight...so thought I'd throw a loaf in the old whiz bang bread maker. The unfortunate part is that once it's done (a matter of minutes now) I will be OBLIGED to eat a chunk of it hot, with butter. It's a honey oatmeal bread...and OMG, does it smell like heaven!! And I know it will probably do one of two things. Either I will eat that hot yeasty bread and it will give me a stomach ache....or I will sleep like a baby. LMAO!!! Either way--I don't care. I'm willing to risk it for that soul comforting feeling that you can only get from warm homemade bread.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OMG. It's delightful. It's a beautiful caramel brown, the crumb is perfect and the taste is outta this world. I'm eating the end piece....It has whole wheat flour and unbleached flour, and flax meal, oatmeal, honey and butter in it. And water and yeast. And salt. Is there really anything better on this planet??????????

I'm home from a birthday meeting, so I'm feeling pretty grateful tonight. Watched someone get 35 years. Wow. By my best guesstimate, there must have been over 300 years of sobriety in that room. It was flat out AWESOME. I feel very lucky to be living in a place where there is so much sobriety and so many meetings.


My gratitude list for today could easily be a gazillion items long. lol I love counting my blessings instead of my problems. I love knowing that no matter how I might be FEELING at any given moment throughout the day, the facts are these: I am especially blessed.

Lets put it like this:

• I will have running water on Monday.
• I have all my needs met today.
• Today I know that joy is the blood and heartbeat of God.
• I am a strong sober woman.
• Those feelings of uselessness and self pity have disappeared.
• I know how to keep my thoughts positive.
• 63 degrees is good sleeping weather.
• Tomorrow I get to have food,fellowship and fun (and a bbq!) in one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.
• Today, I got a new sponsor!
• The trigger finger problem I had seems to be going away. By itself!
• I know love.
• All kinds of love.
• Cat and dog and chicken and bird and man and woman love.
• I can live in a state of grace today. No matter what.

Namaste.

Thursday Mornings Sure Feel FIne..

Didn't post last night, as I got home late from a meeting and then a foray into the big grocery there in town. Needed apples and Good and Plentys. Yes. I needed licorice. And then I ate it until I wanted to puke. lol Somedays are just like that. This morning I feel a little hung over from all the sugar. When I used to have presents of the wonderful Kookaburra licorice lovingly sent me by a friend, it never made me sick. lol Now I can't find it anywhere...a lovely soft licorice, mmmmm.... I slept a little late and then puttered around a bit. I need to get some beans cooking...in the crockpot. I've been hungry for beans lately...I think my pantry has several bags to choose from: Great Northerns, Pintos, and Black Beans. What I really want is Butter Beans..those big limas that melt in your mouth and taste so right piled on a slice of buttered whole grain bread in the bottom of a bowl, with chopped raw onion on top. And fresh ground black pepper. I seem to have a food obsession going on here. lol At my age, and at this point on my life, I find it amazing that I can have so much passion about something so primal. lol I just made a smoothie from 3 overripe bananas, a splash of half and half, a cup or so of water, a few ice cubes, some nutmeg and some Kashi Energy shake mix. It tastes delish! I'm blessed to live in a world where there are so many things right at my fingertips. Bananas, and nutmeg, for instance. And a blender. That works when I plug it in. A phone to be able to call and check on a sick friend. A computer that works (most of the time). A love for the planet I live on that keeps me thinking and mindful of my actions. And mostly for the body I've been given...a body that is resilient and healthy and capable of doing things like carrying me to the back yard to feed the chickens and check the garden for errant veggies and sweeping the back deck. For a body that houses a brain that can read and write and love. That can draw a little and write a little and understand and have empathy for other human beings. That can take simple steps that lead to grand epiphanies. It's the little things that all add up to all the big things. It's my Creator, the wind in the willows, the stars blazing across the night skies...it's fresh clean water and air that is breathable. I'm going to end this with a poem by Hafiz that I found when cleaning my desk this morning. It says it all for me:


Every Child Has known God.
Not the God of names,
Not the God of Don'ts
Not the God who ever does
Anything weird.
But the God who only knows four words
And keeps repeating them, saying: "Come, dance with me."
Come.
Dance.
~~Hafiz



Namaste

The last Tuesday in August...

I know...I know.... it's looking like the only photos I can find today are the ones...

OF WATER LINES BEING PUT IN MY FRONT YARD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Am I giddy with the thought of doing laundry at home again? Oh, yeah.
Am I especially blessed thinking of being able to wash dishes in nothing flat? Uh, huh.
Am I delirious just contemplating shampooing my carpets???? I certainly am !
Am I dreaming of shampooing my dogs?? hmmm....they sure need it!

Tonight I will no doubt dream of the lovely sound of flushing toilets....


Miss Molly McGee has managed to hurt her back leg again. I'm not sure if she got herself into a tussel with another dog (not likely) or has jumped down into one of the water trenches and bruised it. I can't find anything stuck in her paw. There don't seem to be any broken bones. But she's walking around (and running!) on 3 legs and so something has obviously happened. She's such a little adventuress that it could have been anything, anywhere.

I got the juice made today (Cleanup is a nightmare!). I filled all the hummingbird feeders. I swept the front porch and walls down. Did a tiny bit of gardening and spent a short amount of time reading as supper cooked. I made a vegetarian dish tonight with quinoa, carrots, red beans, garlic, onions, okra, green beans and peppers. It was quite tasty, if I do say so myself. Trying to get back on the track of eating more and more vegetarian meals. Purposeful eating.


Blessings abound today. Stayed home all day and tomorrow will be a different story. Need to stop and see my sister, pick up some stuff for husband, and pick up a few groceries. I'll go to the 8PM meeting I've been attending. It's a good evening mtg for me to go to, since about 4-5 of my sponslings always go to that one. We have a lot of fun. I want to get out in the studio and make a thank you card for the woman in the class that hosted the potluck last week, too. It'll make for a busy day. I also have a sponsling who had surgery that I need to try to see. Sigh...just not enough hours in the day sometimes...

I've started reading the Stephen King book that my friend sent, Dumas Key. It's good so far....only about 70 pages into it.

Life's a dance...when you know the Steps.



Namaste.

Monday is the One day...

The beautiful pipe organ at the St. Louis cathedral in New Orleans...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was thinking today of how blessed I am that I finally got to New Orleans. AND that I beat Katrina there. We were on our way back from Texas/Mexico in February of 2005 and took a day trip through on our way back to North Carolina. We rode one of the horse and carriage tours and that was alot of fun. We walked through parts of the French Quarter, and I remember thinking that I was kinda glad I never made it here at Mardis Gras. lol It was one of those mecca things that all drunks talk about doing, and I talked with the best of them, but never actually made it there. I would have either died there, or moved there. lol

Just finished cleaning up the kitchen. Lunch is made, his breakfast is made, and I am ready to put my feet up. I made a supper of pork steaks with red potatoes and steamed asparagus. Simple, but filling. I'm reading a mystery/thriller (Secret Prey) by John Sandford, and spent a lot today with my feet up and a glass of iced Earl Grey tea. As I am finishing up the book (about 2/3 of the way through it), I am thinking I've read it before. Doesn't matter- it's good and I'll probably finish it tonight. Then I'll be starting Duma Key by Stephen King. Sent to me by a friend,though I'm not a big voracious King reader, everything of his I have read I have enjoyed. Not sure why I don't read him more....curious.

I sat out in the yard this afternoon and thought about all the reasons I'm grateful to be living in this little ramshackle place with no running water. I looked at the flowers and the trees, and felt the clean cool breeze on my face. I listened for road noise, and there wasn't any. I listened for birdsong, and there was lots. My big wind chime (a birthday gift from one of my dearest friends) which is tuned to the key of D was playing a beautifully haunting melody in the front part of the house, and the sounds of it carried around the corners and over the roof of the house, and spilled over into the treetops. The chickens were scratching in the dirt and cluck-cluck-clucking softly. It was a symphony pulled together by the leaves of the trees gently playing their own percussion, tickled by the breeze. I thought about people who have never lived anywhere but cities and in apartments. Who would never know the love song that plays out here. Who had no idea what they were missing. lol

And then I was reminded of a song by Sweet Honey In The Rock, about "There were no mirrors in my nana's house...." and it talks about the sounds and smells of city/apartment life. And how..." the beauty of everything...was in her eyes...." It is one of the most beautiful songs by some of the most beautiful women I have ever known. If you aren't familiar with them, a great place to start is their cd Still On The Journey. Their music is almost all a capella, accompanied by some hand claps and such. Absolutely Amazing.

So I guess really, it's all relative. Whether you live in the city or the country, in Africa or America...in a tenement or a mobile home or a farmhouse. Beauty lies within us. We only have to look within, and the journey will be short.

I am grateful to have a grateful heart. I am blessed to be blessed.

I am grateful to have a spirit which sometimes sings.


Namaste.

Suddenly Saturday

This is one of the places we took the oldest grandson to pan for gold,when he came to visit for 2 weeks in North Carolina.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How blessed am I ???

Let me count the ways...

1. Sober as a judge today.
2. Happy, Joyous and free.
3. Not regretting my past.
4. Living out in God's country, in the peace and quiet.
5. Grateful as all get out, for almost everything.
6. I have a house full of happy pets that love me unconditionally.
7. I am married to a kind, sober man.
8. Not to mention handsome!
9. And smart!
10. I have enough food to eat.
11. I have a roof over my head.
12. I have satellite connection for my computer.
13. I'm getting water...SOON! Like, next week, maybe!
14. I have a Higher Power that loves me and wants the best for me.
15. I have friends who love me, warts and all.
16. I have a peace in my heart that I have never known before.
17. I have a spirit inside me that sometimes sings!
18. I am blessed with family and with more love than I can possibly need.
19. I can make a list like this, and it makes me feel better.
20. I can go to sleep tonight, knowing I've lived my best, loved my best, and be ready to do it all over again tomorrow.

"I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~J.B. Priestly (1894-1984)

Namaste.

Thoroughly Thursday

One of the many beautiful waterfalls near Brevard, North Carolina....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was thinking today of how blessed I am to have had the life I have lived. I've lived around the country quite a bit, and met lots of really great people, and seen some of the most fantastic scenery a person could ever hope to witness.

I'm from the midwest farm country, here where I am back living again. The plains have a beauty all their own, the lush green and lots of trees. The skies are wide open and the air is clean. I grew up here with a good work ethic and a solid foundation for surviving whatever life decided to throw me. As a young person...I couldn't wait to get out! lol I live here across the river from St. Louis, in Illinois, in a place I like to call Corntown lol


I've lived in America's Dairyland, Wisconsin. When I was about 19 years old I lived for a year in Lake Geneva. It was gorgeous. A resort town and sweet and the famous Wrigley's moored their boats there. I met a beautiful soul named Gary Micheal, he nicknamed me Sunshine. It was a year of falling in love and getting my heart broken and growing up. My memories of it (and the people I met there) are all warm and fuzzy....


I lived in Denver, Colorado for a year or so... Rocky Mountain High. The summers were hot and the winters were cold and I loved it. I spent some time working in a place that housed teen aged runaways. I met a guy named David who was going to college to become a psychologist and we became great friends. I met a lot of very cool people from all over the country...in 1975, Denver was Mecca for a lot of us. I still have a lot of pictures from there and lots of great memories. A woman named Maya became my very good friend...she lost her husband in a work accident, he was electrocuted moving irrigation pipe one day. Good times and bad times...

I lived in California...first in a resort town called Clear Lake for about 6 years or more and then on up to the North Coast in Eureka/Arcata. I stayed for about 20 years. Northern California is maybe the most stunning place on earth. While there I got to see things like Yosemite and Cannery Row and Monterrey and Disneyland and San Francisco. I got to finish my drinking (finally!!) and get sober there. My heart is there. I would go back in a blink if I thought I could afford it these days. When I got settled in California...I was home. My whole being, right down to the cells, sighed in relief. There was Randy and Polly and Jake and Marcia. There was Carl and Katie and Nancy and Barbara. There were so many people...so many faces and lives that intercepted mine. All of us on a journey somewhere. So much love. So much life. I found my partner there. I found myself.

My job sent me to Portland, Oregon for a year to work. I missed California, but Oregon is nice too. I am not a city girl, and wasn't crazy about Portland. I did love the Columbia River Gorge, the Rose Gardens, and Powells--the biggest bookstore I have ever seen. I went up on Mt. Hood in the snow in July. THAT was pretty cool. I travelled to Astoria and on up to Seattle and did lots of sightseeing the short time I was there. I was ready to leave when it was time though.

I lived in Western North Carolina for 10 years after that, in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It was heavenly. I had a bit of a time trying to live in the South, but I was in love with the countryside. The mountains are sacred to me. I did lots of travelling those 10 years...everywhere from Key West in the south to the Allegheny Mountains in the north. I visited Gettysburgh, Savannah, the Poconos, Nashville, New Orleans, Texas, Mexico, the Florida Panhandle. I had friends across the border in Knoxville, Tennessee. I had friends on the Cherokee Reservation in the beautiful Maggie Valley. I felt a great spiritual impact on my life there. My fathers mother was a Cherokee, maybe that was part of the connection. I spent lots of time hiking the Blue Ridge Parkway, picking wild blueberries up there and taking pictures and just soaking it all in. I saw Carl Sandburg's home in Flat Rock, NC and spent a good amount of time on Table Rock. I fished in the French Broad River and watched the minor league baseball team play. I picked apples and grew organic gardens and went gold panning. It was good. I made so many good friends there...all moved there from somewhere else. Karen from NY. Dave and Jules from Florida. Marv and Joyce from Ohio. Jeff from Virginia. Debbie from Ohio. Kathleen from Colorado and K'Sitew from the Yukon.


And now I am back home. Older and greyer, maybe a little wiser. And full of the blessings of this sober life. I am on a little piece of ground that is my own, making lots of new friends in this land where I grew up as a kid. Sometimes it feels eerie being here again. Sometimes it feels just right. Back in this place where, in 1977, I swore I would never come back to. Back home.


Thomas Wolfe once wrote, "You can never go home again..." Maybe it's true. It's never the same. But in this part of the country there are lots of things that have remained unchanged, and the spirit finds its place...and settles back in, until time for the next great adventure.



Namaste.