Almost old as dirt...

 

 

   It's Sunday June 2nd. It's a beautiful day with lots of sun after a week of off and on stupid amounts of rain.  I have puttered about and done a bit of laundering, a bit of critter care and a bit of fooding. It's 3 PM now, and considering I didn't go to bed last night until after 2:30 and then didn't get up until almost noon... I'd say I've acccomplished a lot.  lol   Or certainly enough for a Sunday.  I'm such a heathen... about the only thing I have taken from Christianity is their " Sunday Day of Rest" thingee.  lol  And Love one another. Which I do a better job of some days than others.  Oh well.   It's all a matter of perspective. Such is life. 

  I am looking at all the things that need doing around here and are not getting done, things I CAN and CANNOT do myself.  It's disheartening. My little front [guest] bathroom has the floor falling in for about 5 months now, a little worse every day. Haven't been using it all .  My son is going to fix it next week, he brought most of the materials in today while we were having tuna salad sandwiches for lunch. I tried other avenues but couldn't get anyone, so he said he's do it.  He's on vacation this week.  Every time he offers to do something, someone in this house gets their panties in a bunch, even though that person has no intention of doing any of it.  Today it pissed me off. I'm pretty sure I told him it was happening, but he doesn't remember.  So after slamming about a bit, I came back here to offer some prayers and meditations to whatever gods might be listening. I got the kitchen cleaned up. I have a small basket of his work clothes on the table to be folded. Peeled the rest of the medium boiled eggs that didn't go in the tuna salad.  Still clenching my teeth and muttering.  So... Bless him and change me. Bless him and change me.  Bless him and change me. 

  It's gotten me thinking about the life I live and the spiritual growth I have barely managed so far in my 71.5 years on the planet.  Almost 34 of those years sober.  You'd think I'd be better than this by now.  I'd hoped I'd be better than this by now. But as with most things, it is what it is and I better get used to it. Or change it.  So what can I do to change the things I can ?   Talk to someone else about it to get a clearer view. Pray for everyone involved, and that includes me. Start taking steps to clarify my intentions, no matter what anyone else thinks they know.  Considering the amount of stress and physical and neurological changes going on here due to health issues and AGE, (and certain character defects) it might help to write things down and post them on the refrigerator or somewhere.  So there's no argument about what was or wasn't said.  And I guess I'm done with this rant. My blood pressure feels lower and I am breathing quietly and the noise inside my head has stopped. Mostly.

  So, Sunday. I have more things to do, one of which is getting back to reading another Michael Connelly book I started called Dark Sacred Night. It's a Hieronymous Bosch detective book.  Always good stuff.  I may or may not give that man a haircut. He looks like raggedy man and has been very passive aggressive about not getting it cut. I HATE doing it. Mostly because it's not my area. I am not and have never had any training in the barber arts.  He asked me to do it and I didn't want to. That really amped up the srgument.  lol  

  That might be it for the news at Honeysuckle Hill.  Nothing exciting, lots of ridiculous and mostly just a couple of bozos trying to wind their way through a life road filled with potholes.

   Whatcha gonna do ??

The Time has come, the walrus said....

.........To talk of many things--of shoes-- and ships-- and sealing wax and cabbages and kings. Of why the seas are boiling hot -- and whether pigs have wings.

  I woke up in a melancholy state this morning. Not sure what triggered it, except that I am hurting again today and railing against the confines of a 71 year old body that has been rode hard and put away wet. (So what did I expect to happen by now ?)  Sigh... perhaps it was the memories of my dad this past Memorial Day weekend. Perhaps it was just time, in a Universe I neither understand or control.  It started out with a crying jag, just some sobbing really. And feelings of pain and loss and abandonment and being tossed aside by people in my life. And it has washed over me randomly throughout this morning. 

 Yuck. Almost 34 years sober and I still don't cope well with my emotions. Maybe that's part of it. (Cell memory)  Almost 2 weeks to my sober anniversary. I haven't gotten too squirrely the last few years around this, but I certainly did in the past.  And maybe it's a culmination of things. Feeling thrown away by 2 women in my life. Closing doors and all that... new ones have opened as well and that is always good.  But it doesn't change the loss of friendships.  And I don't know that I should mourn these losses... or even want to.  I want to trust that [eventually] all things happen for the best. I want to believe that my Soul Journey knows exactly where it's headed and why. I want to believe that everything is not about me, that perhaps my part has just been a catalyst in someone else's journey and now my part is done.  I can live with that.  But the old childhood traumas are etched deep in my psyche. And sometimes they interfere with my growth as a spiritual being. 

  So.  Life continues happening around here.  lol  Not quite halfway through the chemo treatments, himself became deathly ill from a build up of the toxic drugs. He apparently has a deficiency in a particular enzyme (DPD).  This enzyme binds to and carries certain toxic chemo drugs out of the system. So his just built up until he was so dehydrated and starving and toxic he almost died. He couldn't eat. He lost 40 lbs in about 2 months.  He was hospitalized for over a week.  IV fluids 24/7, added potassium and other nutrients by IV.  It was very scary. They stopped all treatments and he got better.  Tomorrow we have a surgical consult. An MRI showed that the radiation and what chemo he had shrunk the tunmor markedly, so they're going to remove it.  Then we see.  Last week he went back to work part time.  lol  You wouldn't know anything was going on to look at him.  He's still more tired than usual, but has been working at building up his muscles and stamina.  It's been a rollercoaster, to say the least.

  Well, I cried through some of this writing. Sheesh. I used to be a tough old broad.  I don't know what happened.  lol  (Just kidding.  I know exactly what happened.)  Guess I'm going to have to make a dr appt and see about some pain management. This hip pain is not receding and it's been more than 3 days now.  Sigh... getting old ain't for sissies...

Sledge hammers and litterboxes

 

  This has been a rollercoaster of a few months.  I don't know  where to start.  I feel like I really need to get some things out of me and on paper, so I have chosen to blog about them, since this doesn't get read by many anyway.  I take full responsibility for that, as I am such a hit and miss blogger the past few years. It is past midnight and I am beyond tired.  This past summer one of my nephews died of a heroin overdose. A couple of years before that, HIS nephew died of a heroin overdose.  My heart breaks for the brother that these belong to. It is brutal and senseless and so unnecessary.  The one that died this summer lived with us for a while when he was in HS. His life has been nothing but grief to his family these last years and it was inevitable. I tried at one point to get him into a recovery program, hooked him up with a nice young man close to his age, but he didn't want any part of it. It's heartbreaking watching the havoc addiction wreaks on the lives of the addict and everyone who loves them. Then just before Thanksgiving, my husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer.  We kept the news to ourselves for a while, as he tried to process it all. Then we told family members. I had confided in a couple of very close friends, but he was keeping it bottled up. Finally he told a few people and then it was out.  December was full of consults and dr appointmnets in St Louis and in the first full week of January, they started radiation treatments.  We're blessed to have one the nations top cancer centers here.  The medical care from the VA has been superb.  My husband has a great attitude and managed to work half days through the treatments.  After they were finished, the side effects began. He has missed the last week of work and is feeling really crappy.  (**it's weeks later now).  He missed another week and a half of work before he could go back.   He had a little down time before they started the chemo treatments, and on January 30th the first infusion was administered. The second one is coming up in 12 days. In between, he takes 2 weeks of chemo PILLS, one week off, then the next infusion.  Total of 4 infusions.  Then tests to see if they can do surgery yet to remove the tumor. He's had some strange side effects from the chemo, most are fleeting. He looks tired. He's worked 40 hours this week by the time he gets home. Last week he was able to work 20.  This stuff is not for the faint of heart.  Today is his 64th birthday. He doesn't want a celebration, but I'm making one of his favorite dinners of lemon chicken with rice and some vegetable.  He's lost about 8 pounds since this started, his appetite is different than normal.  I made some sugar free chocolate pudding with almond milk since he didn't want a cake. lol  The chicken is marinating right now. I've been a householding fool today, and managed to get a lot of things done, (like laundry and scrubbing out litterboxes). I have a little birthday bag for him with an Irish flag and a Celtic symbol on a chain that he'll probably never wear. But I liked it.  lol  

   So, in between all this, I had a bad diverticulitis attack that landed me in the ER.  They ran all kinds of stupid tests (as they are wont to do) and then ordered a post ER Ultrasound on my gall bladder. Seems I have developed gall stones. Sigh... not causing any real trouble yet, but they want to remove the thing before it does. Been a real clusterfork trying to get it scheduled because I need to do it around his treatment schedules and I want to do it half an hour from here instead of over an hour where they originally wanted to schedule it. It's all been frustrating. Oh, and did I mention that my brother also died rather unexpectedly in December, right before Xmas ?  At the same hospital they wanted to send me to ?  So...you can imagine my general state of mind. Top that with a new phone I got that will not work well...supposed to be "senior friendly" and I bought 2 and after much ado, am sending them both back and getting my $$ refunded.  Dropping calls, not opening apps, lousy reception and speakers.  Luckily I only set up the one to see how it worked. lol  So we still have one halfway dependable phone. 

  All in all, it's a wonder I haven't run screaming through the streets. But so far, I've been okay. We have lots of love and support around us and I am so thankful for everyone that has offered and done little things to help us. My friend Mary comes to mind, who said once... "Life comes at us like a sledgehammer sometimes.  No time to duck."  Whew. 

I'm the worst blogger in the history of blogdom...

 

But, in my defense, it's been a crazy few months. lol  Not that I haven't had tons of stuff to blog about, but getting the time, motivation and energy (all at the same time) to get on here has been the problem.  Even now, I should be cleaning up this house. Instead I have sat on the front porch and read and waited while the fat lazy mailman stuffed a box that was too big into my mailbox, instead of driving up the driveway and putting it on the porch. Hell, I would have even walked out to his truck and gotten it. I couldn't get the damned thing out of the box and had to come back in the house (cursing his name) get a long flat edge screwdriver and pry it out of the mailbox.  Luckily it was double boxed, so I didn't damage the dvds.  I was furious.  So far I have refrained from calling the PO and registering a complaint. He really is a huge lumpy limpy mess. This isn't the first time he's done this.  But dammit, I am disabled too.  Grrr... (bless them and change me...bless him and change me...)

 On a brighter note, it's beautiful out there today. Sunshine and blue skies.  We have had the screwiest weather imaginable, all year. May is proving to be no exception to it either.  It got to temps in the 80's, then crashed back down to the 30's. Lots of severe storms.  Dust storms so bad (from freshly plowed fields- we live in corn country round these parts) on the interstate north of here that it caused a gigantic crash Monday morning of 30 commercial vehicles and about 42 cars...7 people dead and 30 injured. Explosions from gas tanks and big trucks created black smoke you could see for miles. 60 mph winds that were NOT tornadoes.  They closed the road for 2 days trying to get vehicles cleared away, and then the next day the winds were bad again. Today though, it's barely breezy and the temps are in the mid to high 60's. 

  I'm getting ready to start a batch of marinara for supper tonight. All vegetables, salad and garlic naan, unless I run to the store right when he gets home. I was going to bake some garlic rolls, but like everything else I was going to do, I haven't.  lol  I've been hungry for some Sketti. I probably still have time to make the rolls...but I probably won't. I don't know what's wrong with me.  I have 6 baby kittens that are about 4 1/2 weeks old and so cute I am paralyzed with adoration.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  lol  They are starting to gallop down the hallway now and climb anything they can reach.  Including our pantlegs.  lol

  So...all in all still alive and well.  Life on Honeysuckle Hill moves on.  Life continues to be a series of miracles.  And that's about the gist of it.

  

So... this is how it feels....

 

   We have been the proud parents of a severe winter event here in the midwest. All over the country, actually.  The winter of '22 will go down in the history books as one with the most severe winter weather in centuries. Something called a bomb cyclone hit the Great Lakes regions and spread it's perverted cheer all over the country.  Texas had zero and single digit  temps for crying out loud. Here in  Corntown, we had temps below zero with wind chill factors of 35 below.  The wind blew for 3 days at about 25-35 mph non stop. It was scary. For the first time since we lived here (18 years now) the water pipes froze and as of today we have been without running water for 5 days.  The temps are finally on the upswing and in the 30's today.  Heading for the 50's by Thursday. Hopefully that will thaw things out so we can see where we stand as far as repairs, etc that may need to be made to the plumbing.  It's really aggravating and makes everything so much harder and I am stomping my feet and having a hissy fit.  lol  And that has changed ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. 

 

 I had a good cry last night. I don't know if it helped or not. I don't generally fall apart when SHTF --  I'm usually really good in emergency situations.  But this time I am just tired. Seems like it's been one thing after another (it has) and I am not being my usually resilient self.  Add the weather, the financial strains, the deaths of people I love, the illnesses (Covid is back in the house ! Not my house, but probably a matter of time).  Being a one car family when we 're used to having two. The physical issues I am dealing with. Having all these ANNOYANCES going on in my life.  And that might be the worst part. None of this is life shattering. None of this is anything, in the great cosmic scheme of things. And this isn't even the first time in my life for a lot of these things. But, for whatever reasons, it is all hitting me really hard. The house isn't warm enough. The windows are drafty. I can't come and go as I please. I'm tired of everything being os hard.  Boo Hoo.  Poor little me.  lol

  I have spent more time this past month in a melancholy state than I maybe ever have in my life.  Not completely depressed, I don't think. But certainly tinges of that. I'm not normally a depressive person. I tend to have a very Pollyanna-ish outlook on life.  I am blessed to have not been raised in a religious family (although plenty of my siblings and cousins are now, it seems), so have spent my life picking and choosing what works for me in terms of a Creator or Higher Power or Spiritual life. No heaven or hell, no good or evil, necessarily. No sin. Waywardness, maybe. It gives me room to grow and learning to be the Annie that God dreamed me to be. Whoever God is. Connections. To the Earth, to God, to each other. Some spiritual guru said, When I hurt you, I hurt me.  We are one.  I like that. And it gives me pretty clear guidelines on how to live. Another guy said, Do unto others as ye would have others do unto you. Same thing.  Be kind. Love others [as best you can].  Primum non nocere, latin for First, do no harm.  Attributed to Hippocrates, but not part of the Hippocratic Oath. Part of the unspoken Annie Oath though. In 10 days I will celebrate 70 years on this planet.  Whether I have been on other planets before this one, I'm not sure.  But it wouldn't surprise me either.   Not much surprises me anymore, with the exception of my own behavior sometimes. So I think sliding into 70, being home alone a lot more, and this shitshow of my life right now has me feeling a certain way. Whether it's depression or melancholia, doesn't much matter. What matters is...what do I do with it ?

  So, for today, I am trusting that things will be okay in the end. If it is not okay...it is not the end. I don't have to skulk around pouting and hissy-ing.  I don't have to say things that don't need saying.  I don't have to do ANYTHING I don't want to.  Because THAT, children, is the gift you get for living this long. 

  Later taters. I need to go stir that big pot of veggie soup I made for vegetarian supper.  See you in the funny papers.

Last day of November...

                         

   And we slide into the end of the year.  The weather this past month has been stupid warm or stupid cold, with not much in between. Yesterday was 60 and today is about 35 and feels like 29 because there's a healthy wind blowing out there. Tonight's low will be 19.  My brain and my body can barely cope. But still, I soldier on. lol

  We had a nice Thanksgiving with himself's brother that drove down from the Twin Cities and a friend. My son stayed home because he was deathly sick. The other guest was having some troubles and cancelled. It was a nice meal, I cooked a small turkey and a small spiral sliced ham. All the trimmings.  It was a good day all around. We had a nice visit with Mike, who left on Sunday to make the trek back. In the meantime,  lots of people I know are suffering from an epidemic of flu and colds and upper respiratory viruses. One of those folks came by for a visit on Monday and then got really sick in the middle of the night. She called to tell me and I tried to reassure her not to worry, I would probably have been exposed somewhere, one way or another. 

***Taking a break here- need a shower and to get supper figured out. Wanted to start this***

  Jumpin' Jehosophat !!  I thought I had started a new blog post, but when I looked on Dragon Woman's Kitchen, there wasn't one. So, I just figured-- my old pal senility has visited again.  lol  Then I go to start a post here and find the draft.  Didn't get very far and never found my way back. 

  It's the story of my life.

 Just for the record, 2022 has NOT been my favorite year.  Certainly not the worst in my life, but definitely down there in the lifetime rock 'n roll favorites. 

  It's the middle of December now. less than two weeks til Xmas. I have one decoration up, but I might be inclined to get some out today.  Maybe.   It's rainy today, but about 55 degrees too, so there's that. The weather has yoyo'd up and down so much you never know what's going to happen. Cold winter Illinois temps are supposed to start moving in next week, so we'll see. I could do without those Arctic temps, but it is what it is.  So far, our house is warm, the roof doesn't leak and we have enough food to eat for probably close to a year. If we are careful.  The world over sees people and countries tightening their belts and trudging through life and sometimes falling flat but mostly not... dire predictions coming at us from all directions, amidst the head in the sand ostriches claiming that things have either never been better or aren't really SO bad. Things look scary out there though, to this little Pollyanna. I am  (and have been) trying to keep my thoughts positive, my actions kind and my pantry full and that's about the best I can manage.  Life here on Honeysuckle Hill has had it's ups and downs this year.  2 years ago I would have told you that THAT was maybe the worst scariest year ever.  And it WAS interesting.  Achilles tendon repair in February, which resulted in my being no weight bearing for 2 months and partial for another.  Covid hitting like an atomic bomb, affecting everything in it's wake. Then August was open heart surgery, and being housebound for the next 6 months to keep me from being exposed to Covid which could have easily killed me then.  Lots of time for introspection, surely, but mostly lots of time figuring out how to make it through.  The next year was mostly occupied with learning how to live [gratefully] in my new normal and within my new limitations. Oh wait, did I forget to mention in February  '21 I fell in the bathroom in the middle of the night and broke my ankle ? A very nice break, called a Trimalleolar fracture where 3 bones break down in the lowest part of the ankle, which required surgery and pins and plates and another 6 weeks of ABSOLUTELY no weight bearing. 3 days home from the hospital, sitting in my recliner , my sweet little JRT dog, Molly laid down beside my chair and took her last breath while we loved her across the Rainbow Bridge, breaking my heart into a million pieces. We knew it was coming.  She was almost 18 years old, way past her time. Then a month later I lost one of my outside rescues-turned -lap cat that was hit by a car at the end of our driveway. We never quite made her an inside cat, as she was an adult when she adopted us. Then all this gimpy walking, etc caused pain in my knees (replaced in 2017), which caused pain in my back (more pain, as I'm already dealing with the chronic pain of an old industrial accident). And then my neck got involved and my shoulders and ... it goes on and on. 

  So life goes on... and we with it.

   And now it's December again. A time of parties and gaiety and rich foods and gifts. My gifts this year have already been bought and paid for. A huge vet bill when we thought our Bella was dying, which she did not. Yet. And that is enough of a Xmas miracle for me. A dead truck and no immediate view of what to do excepts share the good vehicle we have. Which is mostly inconvenient for me and otherwise not a big deal. After 30+ years of cohabitation, we don't need to exchange gifts, we have plenty of food for a nice Xmas meal. We have lots of friends and family who love us. We have each other, still crazy after all these years. lol  

  It looks like it might be a tough winter. But the gifts of trying to live it all one day at a time help immensely. The kernels of faith carried in every human being in our soul, give us hope and some trust that everything will work out exactly the way it is supposed to for the good of all. In my world, 2 + 2 = 4 still. Love will win over hate. Kindness is always the best choice. And especially, this:  

Reverie...

 

  It's a quiet Thursday here on Honeysuckle Hill. I love days like this... I was able to sit out on the front porch with my coffee first thing this morning, and be serenaded by the buzzing of the hummingbirds, the calls and whistles of all the wild birds both in the trees around me and at the feeder.  I love living out here. It's certainly not a mansion, but I get to have space to breathe and be in wonderment a lot of the time at the beauty of the natural world. And other times it's inconvenient living so far away from towns and people and stores. (But not often enough to make me move.) lol  And that's just life, isn't it ?  You do the best you can (or want to) with what you've got and you take the good with the bad and the happy with the sad and in the end it all sorts itself out, one way or another. 

                         My front yard on Honeysuckle Hill.

  I'm listening to cassette tapes the past few days.  Yep, you heard it-- cassette tapes. Those buggers are practically indestructible and last a lifetime. The problem is finding some way to still play them, when even cd's are becoming obsolete. Like me. I feel like I am obsolete a lot of the time.  It used to bother me.  Now that I'm sliding into my 7th decade of life, I don't care so much.  Still obsolete, but don't care.  lol    But listening to all this old music has made me a little melancholy, or thoughtful, or something... Pulling up old memories out of the nethers of my mind.  Yesterday I listened to John Denver. That really tugged at some heartstrings.  The day before I listened to Paul Simon's Graceland. Today it's Peter, Paul and Mary. We disconnected from Direct TV this month and I used to always play the music channels, so I had to find a new option and remembered that I had an old stereo in a pretty little cabinet, so I dug it out and set it up.  So far can't get the turntable to spin at the correct speeds and the cd player won't open.  But the tape player and the radio work okay. It'll do for now.  (Don't tell, but I also do have vinyl phonograph records. LOL)  

  Life seems to be whizzing by. School has started again, so twice a day the school bus rumbles down our country road.  Autumn is on it's way and the summer is winding down. I'm getting some free produce from some kind people who are sharing their bounty either because they're really sick of the vegetables and all that goes with that OR they're sweethearts.  lol  Probably a little bit of both. At any rate, I'm grateful as the tomatoes and cucumbers are just enough for me to eat.  And we all know, there is NOTHING like home grown tomatoes.  And I adore those little pickling cukes, just wash and eat. YUM.

  I broke my ankle about 3 days after my last post on here.  Took a dive in the bathroom in the middle of the night, fell over the little trash can.  Trimalleolar fracture. Least common, doc says (naturally). 3 bones broke down in my ankle, so surgery, pins, plates and 6 weeks of no weight bearing.  Almost drove me mad.   I'm not good at that kind of stuff.  But all over now and am back on my feet with just little twinges of pain from time to time. I think I've had about enough.  lol  I don't like being in a wheelchair. 

   Guess I'll stop rambling. I felt like writing this morning, maybe I'll work on my story that I'm trying to turn into a book. (Not trying that hard, but it crosses my mind from time to time...)  So much going on in the world that it's easy to be distracted.  And I'm teetering on senile, so there's that.

 Hasta la Vista, kids.

On Death and Dying.

       I'm preparing myself to sit Shiva for my JRT.  She's dying, and she's taking her sweet time about it. This behavior is not unusual for her, as anyone who's been owned by a Jack Russell Terrorist will attest.  The entire world is at HER beck and call. My husband  (who is the primary property of this girl) cannot bring himself to believe that she is ready. I spend at least 15 hours a day with her, he spends about 4. When he pulls out the leash, she suddenly comes to life and hobbles out the door with him. All the rest of the time, she is sleeping or staring aimlessly into space, or doing what she is right now- alternately laying under my feet, trying to walk down the hall, stumbling, or looking like she doesn't know where she is.  It's breaking my heart...the thought of having to have her put to sleep by our vet. I would really like for her to go in her sleep, as I think that would be easier on all of us. Tonight I was telling her to "just let go. We will be alright. It will be alright." and through my tears I started laughing, because that damn dog NEVER lets go. Of anything.  She came to us at about 4 months old.  She is almost 17 now, which is past the best by date of a JRT. If you'd known her as a pup, she never stopped running. It was like she was charged up to the max and had more energy than she could hold. When we brought her home, she immediately marked her territory, which included about a 17 mile radius of neighbors properties as well as our little place. And for a lot of years she ruled that territory with a vengeance. She started slowing down a couple of years ago, and due to some issues we had to start putting her on a lead anytime she went outside. She had an indomitable spirit, but it definitely changed her. We had to start giving her arthritis meds a few years ago. Now her back legs will go out from under her randomly and she stumbles and falls sometimes. She's taking a maximum dose and there's not much left to do. Vet says, she's old and it's amazing she lived this long.

   The other animals have been sticking closer to her the past day or so.  I trust that they sense something humans cannot, and she is even sharing the dog bed with Sassypants, the special needs kitten. She has had it in for that kitten ever since she came here. We decided that she (dog) knew that something wasn't right with her (cat) and you know how brutal animals can be (in our eyes) with defective babies. Molly didn't want that kitten even breathing her air. Every time kitty crossed her path she would snarl and snap at her if she got too close. Kitty loved her anyway. lol When Molly would fall asleep, the kitten would sneak over and lick the pads on Molly's feet. It was hysterical. The past 6 months they have made friends. Now they share the dog bed that kitty took away from the dogs.  This old girl has been loved fiercely by us and she has loved us the same. Her loss will leave a giant hole in our life and I am not looking forward to it.  Over the past years together we have lost several animals that we have loved and every time I have said, No more, I can't take it again.  And somehow I survive it and somehow life goes on and somehow, we have memories enough to keep us heartbroken for years to come. 

     Maybe tonight is the night. Maybe not.  She wants to go outside now and howl at the moon. That's how I want to go too...

                                     

                                         

  Ai ai yi...  A million things to do and haven't started one.  What IS it with me ?  I feel so lazy some days. Yesterday I accomplished quite a lot and today-- zilch.  I have a 5 gallon bucket of apples to process that are still setting there., I have dehydrated celery that needs put away. It's almost time to make supper and I haven't even thought about it. I was out and about in the world today for a minute. Then I came straight back home and that was it.  Didn't even get a nap in !  Of course I didn't get up until almost 10, so there's that. It's a little warmer today than it has been. Still a tad chilly, but I turned off the heat for a bit, to give everything a rest.  

  Yesterday I used my electric roaster to cook a turkey I bought and didn't have room for in the freezer. It was yummy, we had turkey and stuffing last night for supper. Today is Meatless Monday and I am not sure what I'm fixing, but thinking about Peanut Butter Tofu with brown rice and steamed broccoli. That's always good.  I made myself a Mushroom steak for lunch from the bag of 'shroom steaks (Hen of the Woods) my son brought over the other day. Boy, is it ever good !The 'shrooms this year have been amazing.  I have quite a lot in my fridge that he's brought me and as soon as I empty the dehydrator, I'm going to dry some of them. Love those things, and they are humongous this year. Look at these he brought by last week--

So I'm feeling pretty good about the oncoming winter and  whatever else is coming. Gas prices are high, food prices are high, shortages are showing up... but I have done what I can and my pantry is stocked with nutritious foods. I feel pretty confident that we can get through it all, no matter what. Being prepared brings a feeling of confidence that is extremely satisfying. Some one said to me the other day that they were trusting God to take care of them. All I could think was that God helps those who help themselves. Who knows really ?  I know that my family won't starve.  We have backup plans in place for lots of different scenarios... which include food, heat and water. Winters in Illinois can be fickle. I try to conserve and preserve what I can. Be thrifty.  Be conscious of the world around me.  And to come from a place of love in everything I do. 

  That should cover it.  

Duck, Goose, MACARENA !!

   

   Feels like the world has lost it's ever lovin' mind.  AGAIN.  I am torn between joining the madding crowd and fleeing to an isolated place of solitude. Hurricanes, earthquakes, wildfires,  record high temperatures, floods, drought...end of war, more war.  Too much of some things and not enough of others.  I know lots of people feel as embattled as I do.  I see it everywhere. Now the Covid Delta variant is spreading like crazy and the hospitals are full to bursting with unvaccinated people and those with run of the mill problems like heart attacks can't get a bed.

 When does it let up, for crying out loud ?  We could really use a break. 

  I have been trying to get my pantries restocked. It's time for a major re-organization in there. I've been spending more time out in the world these past couple of months (not necessarily a good thing) and things have gotten a little cray cray here in my abode. Plenty to do always. Not quite enough energy to get it done. Sigh... it's an old story.  lol

  Been canning some meats when I find them on sale. Going out in a bit to try to get some more chicken. 10 pound bags of leg&thigh quarters for .49 a lb.  I cook them and then bone the chicken and can. All told, it's a protein source for meals that's VERY affordable and versatile, with chicken scraps to can into dog and cat food.  Not that I've done that yet (have refrigerated and frozen, just not canned).  That will come in handy since pet food supplies are getting hard to find, and I have 4 cats and 3 dogs. Buying up what dog and cat food I can find, but never hurts to have some backup. Because I keep stocks of rice and oats, I can mix any of those with chicken scraps for a filling and nutritious pet food. If I have to. And before anybody loses their shit over me feeding my dogs chicken bones, these have been simmered/roasted over a couple of days and are soft as all get out.  And I do feed my dogs bones and they never have a problem. JS.

  I need some food in my gullet, to get dressed and to get back home.  lol  I can't believe I haven't posted here since June. Not sure what I've been doing, lol. Hope you are all staying well.  I passed my 1 year post heart surgery anniversary. Seems like a hundred years ago, and sometimes like last week. lol  Things are rolling merrily along, though a little slowly sometimes and with plenty of naps sprinkled in. 

 Been cooking 3 vegetarian meals a week mostly. It's been fun trying different recipes from other countries, like Egypt, Thailand and India. We are doing almost 100% of our eating at home these days, so that keeps me busy. We've always eaten at home a lot...  Maybe it just seems like more now.  

  Alrighty-- time to get my big butt dressed and fed and out the door, before I decide to take a midmorning nap.  lol  The godawful heat seems to finally be done, and the temps have been a little cooler the past few days. We were having heat indexes around 107. It was so humid you had to swim through it. Have an exciting Friday, nippers.  

Om mani padme hum

 

Thus the six syllables, om mani padme hum, mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha….

— His Holiness the Dalai Lama,

Well... I certainly got the BODY part down.   Now I just need to work on the mind and my foul mouth. LOL  

  It has been a crazy couple of weeks around Honeysuckle Hill. You know all about the water heater debacle. Next in the terror of 3's was the central air conditioning. The raccoons have gotten under the house and torn up everything, which includes the duct work for the air and heat.  Little bahstahds.  And of course, we here in the prairie state are having record hot temperatures that make it impossible to even go outside. The heat index a few days ago was 115.  That's freaking Death Valley temps, people.  Sheesh.  After making numerous calls to assorted and various HVAC places (after my regular guy couldn't even give me a future appointment, he is so overbooked and bogged down), no one is available that lives in our area. I called one guy in the city 30 miles away and they said because we're way up here, it would be a $100.00 service fee and they couldn't get out here until the middle to end of July.  Thanks but no thanks.  My son went under the house and jury rigged a few spots and it helped a little. For a minute. Then the days that were so hot the AC couldn't keep up, so the condenser outside froze up. In 100 degree temps, people, it froze. OUTSIDE.   We finally went to Lowe's and bought a second window unit to put in the open floor plan living room/kitchen.  Short term solution. But it made it comfortable.  I had gotten a memo from the cardiology team urging me to ..."exercise EXTREME caution in this heat and stay insode as much as possible." Also bought all new duct material to replace all the old stuff that was torn up.  He got under there and found a busted sewer pipe and a giant mess, so he spent the biggest part of Sunday cleaning up, and replacing that. It was really disgusting, and I felt so bad for him. But he soldiered on and got it done.  Thankfully we finally got a little rain and it cooled things down. And now today (and the next few days I guess) temps are in the low 70s.  Bizarre.

  I have been chanting a lot these past few days.  lol

  Last night we headed south to a short speaking engagement. Still not sure why they asked ME to speak  on a topic of prayer and meditation and a conscious contact with God. I'm one of God's rodeo clowns. lol  But it was  good to see people I haven't seen in over a year and it wasn't a huge crowd, so that was good. I have strange relationship(s) with the gods of my understanding.  I identify as a tree hugging, dirt worshiping, mutant Buddhist. I'm sure that tickles the shit out of God. The only reason I was able to stay in the recovery program that was full of God this and God that, was because they added a caveat: Why don't you choose your own concept of God ?  31 years ago (or 32, depending on how you do the math) I didn't have much belief in anything.  And my spiritual journey began. A man told me not to worry when I said I didn't know if I would get it fast enough. He said "Ya gots to crawl befoe you walks."  And maybe I have been crawling ever since. But it's okay. I have a deal with the god that I may or may not understand.  I don't drink, one day at a time, and I try to be a little better on all counts than I was yesterday. I pray a little, I chant a little and I dance a little.  And the god of my misunderstanding taps her foot and bobs in time. 

  I brought in the hummingbird feeders and cleaned and filled them and moved them around.  One feeder is not getting hit at all, picky little turds.  I may have found a solution. When I looked out the window a minute ago, there were about 10 hummers out there, fighting over 2 feeders.  That's just what they do.  lol  I also filled the seed feeder and the suet cage and there is a massive amount of traffic out there. Cowbirds, Sparrows, Indigo Buntings, Cardinals, Blue Jays, Wrens, Titmouses (Titmice ? lol) . Catbirds, Chickadees,  and a few others.  I think the cooler weather has triggered there appetites. We always have a lot of traffic, but this seems like way more this morning. I did a lot of vacuuming and carpet shampooing and am paying for it today. My lower back, my left hip and leg hurt like the dickens.  So I am going slowly into this good day and not planning to do much of anything beyond what I've done so far. Already you can barely tell I vacuumed...the dogs are shedding like it's a paying job.  Sigh...  oh well...  Today is one of 2 or 3 meatless meal days that we have been doing for a while.  Not sure what I'm going to fix, but it will probably be something simple.  I will look through some recipes and figure something out.  I keep tofu and several kinds of beans on hand all the time for protein sources.  And eggs we eat.  And lots of rice and quinoa and millet.  And vegetables of course.   Sometimes I sleep too long during my nap and wake up startled and run in and throw veggie burgers in a skillet.  lol  I don't think there are any left in the freezer though. I got some first world problems today, I'll tell you...

The Plight of the Haggard Homeowner...

 

 This is why there is mariticide. (Mariticide (from Latin maritus "husband" + -cide, from caedere "to cut, to kill") literally means the killing of one's husband or boyfriend. It can refer to the act itself ...) Sometimes someone just needs killing. Numerous trips back and forth for parts because things don't fit.  Cut out part of the wall because this new water heater is bigger than the old one. (Don't ask).  No hot water for 3 days now. It has been a home repair shit show extraordinaire.  Then it was all piped and the glue dried and ready to turn on, only to find out there was an airleak in the pipe leading to the overflow bladder, which must have gotten damaged trying to get the old heater out.  Of course, it's on the BACK SIDE of the copper pipe, so there was no seeing it ahead of time. He is at the end of his rope...my uber intelligent nice guy of a husband. He considered strangling the boy at the Rural King who had no idea what he was talking about, when he was looking for a coupler to fit the pipe he had to replace.   He is not generally a violent man.  But I suspect that home repairs can turn even Caspar Milquetoast into Charles Manson.  He just came in and said everything is glued and in place and now we wait 2 hours for the stuff to dry. 

Update: It's leaking.

  Jesus.  

Not one to ever know when to give up, he's back there, at it again.  I am in the other end of the house, except when he needs me to do something useful, like google the difference between  C PVC and regular PVC. And offer moral support.  

  In the meantime I am working on the back bedroom, cleaning it up and getting ready for a house guest this next weekend.  That poor room... everything with no home winds up in there.  It IS the home for some things. The closet is a storage/pantry. There's a shelving unit that houses several small appliances, including 2 crockpots, a rice cooker, a dehydrator, an electric skillet, a waffle iron, a George Foreman grill, a large cone colander in a metal stand.  Last Christmas's rolls of paper, bags of ribbons, gift bags  and several assorted and sundry cardboard boxes were on the bed. Other things that I put in there, thinking--I'll get to those later (and don't).  And of course, that also where, all along one wall, we store our 45 gallons of sprig water that we get from the springs and drink, There's a large dresser on another wall that houses linens and stuff.  The top of said dresser is a train wreck.  It will take me at least 2 days probably to get that room cleaned up. But git 'er done I shall.  I've made a big dent in it today. Work a while, stop a while. Work a while again. It's my MO. lol

  I found a fully cooked smallish (loaf pan sized) meatloaf in the freezer that is thawing for supper tonight. Trying to empty out enough of the freezer to be able to put ice cube trays in.  lol  It's 88 right now, and feels like 94. We've gone from winter to summer it appears. It's not horrible in here, AC and fans going, curtains drawn. Drinking lots of water. I'll heat the meatloaf in the airfryer, cook some potatoes with onions in the microwave and heat up some peas the same way.  Not much added heat to the house that way. 

 **New update:  Apparently he forgot to glue that particular joint..  All the pieces had to be dry fit and then glued and he overlooked one.  Bless his heart. He glued it and is now off to the park with a dog.  He needs a break from this circus...lol

  Well, I'm ready to get back at it.  There are canning supplies in there that I need to figure out whether to put in the garage or ??  And I may vacuum and I may not.  Might be a tomorrow job. We'll  see. AT any rate, it looks like we may have the water heater installed.  Again-- we'll see.  Hats off to all of you people who manage to keep your homes and homesteads in working order without resorting to murder.  Prayers for those of us who struggle.  

  Happy last week of May.

  

Living a life stark raving sober...

 

  Lots of people sleeping these days.  Have had strange conversations with people who have their panties in a wad about not getting a vaccine. Being part of the more vulnerable population makes me take this bs a little personally.  I don't care if you want to get the virus, but I sure as hell don't want it.  It's the age old argument about where your rights (legally or morally) begin and mine end.  I told someone this morning that if it were me and I carried (knowingly or unknowingly) this thing to someone and it killed them, I would not be able to live with myself.  I guess I don't understand how everyone doesn't look at it like that.

  I'm eating some dark chocolate--IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY.  That's the kind of day it is.  Some days, it just is what it is and other days I am in a fighting mode about all the stuff I live with daily.  It's exhausting. Thank goodness I don't feel like this every day. The past 20 years have been a circus fun house of learning to live with permanent disabilities that are rarely pretty or fun to talk about.  That are sometimes so frustrating I want to scream.  Other times I'm a regular girl Buddha, smiling through the ride.  I'll spare you the details.  Suffice it to say that life has handed me lemons on occasion and I have thrown them angrily against the wall.  Or made lemonade. You know, depending on how I feel on a particular day.  I suspect this is the way most people live their own circus lives.  Not insinuating that I am different than anyone else and certainly not unique. We're all doing the best we can and just walking each other home. Or, you know, making a shirt out of their skin.

  Himself is walking the dogs. His OT shift today was shorter than usual by a couple of hours.  He watched with amusement for a bit as I whirling dervished my way around the house. It got to be too much, so he had to find somewhere to go.  Or he was afraid I'd ask him to run the vacuum. Either way, he's off to the park and reservoir to let dogs run.  It's about a 3 hour endeavor generally, as he takes them one at a time. The Meemonster,

of course, cannot be allowed off the leash. She'd wind up in Alabama. But the 2 older dogs run to their hearts content and always keep the truck in sight in case this is the time he decides to abandon them.  The first picture is Bella and the second is Miss Molly McGee, the Jack Russell Terrorist.

He gets a walk in and they get their run in and they all live happily ever after.  And I get a little extra time to finish up some things and get supper on the table.  Win/Win.

Alright. Enough for now. I haven't been able to write much since the big event last August, and in my mind I don't understand, since it seems like I'd have even more to say. Having a mild brush with death changes a person. No argument there...

  Later, taters. I have cleaning and cooking to do. 

  

...and the sailor home from the sea...

 

  This is my favorite picture, taken at his 80th birthday party, in Altoona Wisconsin in October of 2016.  Our little inside joke was that I was his "favorite daughter-in-law".   Joke because I was his only daughter in law.  That's how I would always sign our cards to him and when I talked to him on the phone, I'd say Hey Pops-- it's your favorite daughter in law !  And we would both laugh.  I met Gordie Kelley about 8 or 9  years after my own father had died, so he was my dad's stand in for the rest of his life. They were a lot alike actually, in temperament and personality, so you can imagine I loved him from the beginning. 

  They will lay him to rest tomorrow, up in northern Wisconsin, next to his first wife, my husband's mother. He was blessed to have known love twice, his second wife died about 6 months ago. She is laid to rest next to HER first husband, in the same Catholic cemetery.  Their children will gather to pay their final respects to a man that fiercely loved his family, was unwavering in his commitments to the Lions Club and the church choir, and was the craziest pontoon boat driver I've ever been on board with.  He loved his little trailer up at the lake, and fishing and drinking beer. He served his country in the United States Navy and was an active veteran. A couple of years ago, he got to take part in the Freedom Honor Flight with his daughter (a retired navy person herself) by his side.  Freedom Honor Flight flies veterans to Washington D.C. to visit the memorials built in their honor. The day trip includes visits to the World War II Memorial, Korean War Memorial, Vietnam Wall, Marine Corps War Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. With spring and fall flights, the organization coordinates the transportation and itinerary of more than 200 veterans annually.  It was probably one of the highlights of his life. He was a really nice man and I am so grateful to have had the chance to be part of his family. He totally and enthusiastically accepted me from the start --  no questions asked, no conditions. He was one of those rare people who loved with their whole heart.

  So, it's been an emotional and relieved time for all. He was ready to go "home". He had been in a nursing home for over a year and it was hard for him to understand why no one was coming to visit (Covid) and when his son called him (usually a couple of times a week), he was more and more confused.  His health had declined and his will to live was diminished.  We are all so thankful that he didn't suffer too long and that most of his children were at his side when he made the decision to let go.  It will be hard to learn to live without him, but he leaves behind a trail of smiles and family memories and Packers memorabilia and comfort in the knowledge that he lived a good full life. He lived to see his great grandchildren born.  I think, maybe, it doesn't get much better than that.

 Goodbye Pops.  We'll see you on the other side.

Hump Day, Babeeee.....

 

   Finally- snow.  North of us has had snow, south of us has had snow, and finally today we have snow too.  lol    Not that it's my favorite thing, but it sure is beautiful and it blankets everything in a soft quiet kind of tranquility.  It's much better retired of course... I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to.  I'm still in my pajamas right now, and might just stay in them.  Getting dressed seems a little overrated on days like this.

  The pandemic has changed everything.  My once hectic life has slowed down a lot, just in time for  a heart attack and surgery which demanded slowing down.  I had an icky Achilles tendon surgery in February of last year which had me housebound and in a wheelchair for a good amount of time. Got out of the worst of that just in time for the Corona Virus.  So this has been a year of contemplation and quiet, of re-evaluating and reconsidering. Some of this, I'm sure, is my age. Some of this is the times. Weird times.  People are losing their minds. I seem to be finding mine.  lol

   The critters are napping all over the house. The dogs have been out and back in a couple of times.  The old girl doesn't like the cold, the baby keeps wanting to go out and check it out and then run back in.  The outside cat comes and goes.  She's been sleeping inside on the colder nights and will sometimes even stay inside during the day.  She has a little basket high on a table to sleep in where those  other horrid cats don't bother her so much.  She's old and cranky and has no tolerance for their shenanigans.  The twinlets are 2 years old and the Grey kitten is 1, and still very kitten-ish and playful.

  I've got some stew meat in the microwave thawing to make a nice pot of beef stew for supper.  Full of carrots, potatoes, onions and celery, it will be a nice with a loaf of fresh baked french bread.  Himself works outside parts of the day, so he comes home hungry and cold and grumpy.  A nice substantial supper puts him right. We usually eat around 6:30-7, depending on what time he rolls in.  This weather might slow him down some, or some days he works late.  Nice thing about a pot of stew is that it will be ready when he is. Our evenings are pretty quiet, and he is usually off to the shower and bed by 9:15 or so. He gets up around 4:45 AM and works 10 hour days M-TH, then [usually] an 8 hour OT day on Fridays.  Makes for a long week, and I try to do everything I can to make it easier for him.  

  Found a recipe for a DIY oven cleaner made with some pretty innocuous ingredients, so I may try to clean my oven this afternoon. before I get the bread going.  And then again...  lol  I have a hard time with commercial oven cleaners. Seems I react to something in them and wind up coughing and choking from the fumes.  So, I'll try this and see if it works.  My friend assures me that it does, but she doesn't cook like I do, and I'm pretty sure her oven never gets as trashed as mine.  lol  I'll let you know.

  I've been cooking and canning up a storm.  Hit a grand meat sale, and bought about 75 pounds of 80% lean ground beef, pork loin and bottom round roast for around $150.oo.  I froze 2 batches of pork loin chops, several packages of ground beef and a couple of bags of stew meat (plus cooked a roast for supper one of those canning days)  and canned all the rest of it.  My pantry is stocked. I've been buying some extras of basic staples like flour and sugar and oats and oil and rice.  Should be able to go without grocery shopping for a while. I have bought a few extras now and again of things like laundry supplies, dish soap and paper products.  My first aid kits are all stocked.  Pet foods are stocked (mostly) .  Playing with the idea of canning some dog food, but that may or may not happen. 

  That's about it from here on the Hill. Hanging out, staying in and trying to not be too worried about how crazy people are getting. I have high hopes again about the state of our nation with a new president, I pray that everything will work out without too much strife.  There does seem to be a faction of folks that  don't want to anything but cause strife.  It is worrisome...  Be well everyone

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World...

 

  This has been one crazy week. Crazy, scary, devastating.  I have no words.   On my birthday, Wednesday, Trump and his minions attempted to stage a coup to stop the certification of the election.  It didn't work. Lots of property damage, people damage and 5 deaths. These idiots were filming themselves as they terrorized Congress and destroyed property.  Now the FBI is asking for help identifying them FROM THEIR OWN PICTURES and rounding them up a few at a time and they are outraged. They brought weapons into the Capitol and threatened people, even threatened to hang Mike Pence because he was doing his job. And they are butthurt about being demonized and arrested now.  If it wasn't such a travesty it would be funny. Unbelievable.  Certainly a bd I will never forget.

  I have been staying home most of the time, going out now and then to do a curbside pickup of groceries.  I had to take my new glasses back to the eye place today, because I can't see with them.  I'm back to wearing my old ones, which frankly, are fine.  The nice man at the office finally figured out what the problem was and they will have to re-grind my lenses and they should be ready to p/u by the end of the week. He also said the new prescription was not very different at all. I wish they had told me that before I spent 250 dollars on them. (And that was my share- after insurance.)  While I was out, I stopped by a local discount grocery store and picked up a full case each of diced tomatoes and chickpeas. Then stopped to load up on pet food.  I got all put away, and even found jars for 20 of the 40 pounds of flour that came the other day and has been sitting on my dining room table, lol.  Today sesame seeds (2#) and wheat germ (1#)  came, so I jarred that up for storage too.  I use the wheat germ in my bread. I use the sesame seeds in lots of things. I've been cooking more Middle eastern and Mediterranean dishes, and many of those call for things like tamarind paste and fish sauce and sesame seeds.  I keep this stuff stocked up.  I love having the opportunity and ability to make and try lots of dishes from other cultures.  Last week I made a Muslim style rice noodles with beef that was out of this world !  I keep a nice stock of pastas, including rice noodles, cellophane noodles, soba noodles and regular old egg noodles and macaronis.  Also rice and quinoa and cous cous (which we don't eat very often, but it's nice to have).  Being able to buy things in bulk from Amazon is nice, especially during these crazy quarantine times. My husband hates that I'm on a first name basis with about 5 delivery drivers.  lol It's just a sign of the times. 

  I have been thinking about canning some dog and cat food items...things I could mix with oats or rice in the event that I couldn't get dog and cat food.  I don't want to get crazy about the state of the world, but today the FBI is warning law enforcement across the US of possible  armed protests at 50 state capitols starting Saturday through the inauguration on Jan. 20th.   These people have lost their minds.  As far as I can see, it wouldn't be a surprise for the chain of supply to be interfered with. I like to think we are prepared for anything that happens, but I don't know.  I guess we can just do what we can do and trust that it will be enough. I've looked at my seed vault and thought about ordering some more garden seed, but I probably have enough.  Again-- I don't want to get too crazy. There's enough of that in the world. 

  I have skills.  We have survived some pretty scary things-- natural disasters (tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes)...a car accident 5 years ago that turned our world upside down for a while. Food shortages and rationing things, tho no one starved and it was minor compared to some places, it's not something we're used to dealing with in this country (or in this house).  I have been convinced that it was necessary to keep a stocked pantry because 1) We live out in the country and if it snows a lot, we can't get out and 2) You never know what might happen.  When himself was hurt in that accident and couldn't work for 3.5 months, we got a real exercise in what it could be like, just from having to pay bills and survive on my disability. And we did it.  And it was scary and eventually satisfying to know we could do it. And there you go.

  Alright, this old girl needs to hit the hay. I have plans for tomorrow...some things I really need to get done. Here's to democracy and level heads and crossing things off my list.  It could turn out to be a very productive day.

 

Monday Musings 2021

 

  Here we are... the first Monday of January in 2021. It even feels like a sci-fi thriller.  Covid is wreaking havoc with peoples lives,  supply chains are slowly being disrupted, and people are generally grumpy AF.  Someone was talking today about a Covid "syndrome"  and my two cents was that we're just scared shitless of dying.   Call that a syndrome if you want.  I call it fear.   And of course we are afraid.  The numbers keep climbing, the vaccines aren't available like they should be, and we don't even really know that they will work.  And the reality of the seriousness has finally sunk in, even to the people who called this a hoax and "just the flu" a year ago.  With over 350K dead and a confirmed minimum of almost 21M cases in the US alone, even the die hards now know someone who has had it or died from it. Scary times around this world of ours. 

  I am eating a bowl of leftover stew for my breakfast/lunch.   Life is going right along here on Honeysuckle Hill... made it through the Holidays and his 12 day vacation with no angst or bloodshed.  lol  He was starting to get a little restless, pacing and such, 12 days is a little much. He said last night he didn't want to go back to work, but I think secretly he did.  lol  

  Today I am doing a tiny bit of housekeeping, but I slept late and so kinda shot myself in the foot. I think that I am  making a meatless Monday meal, maybe a pasta with putanesca sauce and some home made french bread. And salad.  I'm hungry for a salad. Picked up a grocery order from Aldis yesterday and got most all of it separated into meal sized portions (the meat--chicken and ground beef).  Thought it was all put away (he helped) but I just found 2 bags sitting on the pantry floor.  If I get off my butt and put them away, I can still at least vacuum (and have supper ready) before he gets home at 6. lol  Had a thought to doing laundry today, but it can wait til tomorrow. Trying to pace myself. lol He went for a hike yesterday, and pulled in the driveway 5 minutes after I had unloaded all the groceries from the car...7 bags and a box.  I was plum tuckered out after that.  lol    The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be...

  So, as you can guess, I have been stocking and restocking my pantries. I am going to can some ground beef tomorrow or Wednesday. Freezer is full.  And all of it needs re-arranging probably and inventorying.  But the weather has been goofy and I have been lazy and it hasn't gotten done.  I did inventory the pantries, and am pretty happy with that.  I am waiting for pork loin to come up on sale again so I can CAN 10 or 12 jars to add to my meat stash.  I have chicken, roast beef, and a couple of jars of pork left.  I have store bought canned tuna and salmon. I have a case of shelf stable tofu, plus a couple of packages. All in all, I feel pretty ready  for any worst case scenarios, food and supply wise.  I still have a few things that I feel you can "never have too much of" that I will buy as I see them. One of those is chickpeas, or garbanzo beans. They are a great source of protein, and I have learned to make several Indian dishes with them for a base.  AND-- I secretly eat them right out of the can, heated up with a little butter and black pepper.  lol   Usually when I find myself either not wanting to eat at all, or craving protein.  I am awfully grateful that I have a broad palette and like most things, and that I love culinary adventures. I have made American (of course), Vietnamese, French, Thai, Indian, Mexican, Greek, Italian, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Moroccan, Native American, and heaven knows what else kinds of cooking. It helps that I have a man who is not too picky, and will try anything once, and loves to eat too. 

  That's pretty much it from the Hill.  No more dr appts unless I have a problem. Keeping a casual eye on my vitals, and doing what I am supposed to be doing. We have both been healthy and are so thankful for that.  The critters are all fat and sassy and make our lives better every day. Here's to 2021 --  may we all march to our drummers and keep our heads held high.