Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tuesdays twitterings

Several days of stormy and not quite raining days. We need a drink badly...the gardens are looking stressed, and we've no way to water them just now. Today, however, is looking promising. I see spatters of drops even now, and should probably be considering unplugging the electrical stuff.
I am blessed--they are laying the water pipe along our road. The serenity out here is cut short by the equipment they have brought to dog trenches and unload pipe. But I can live with it for a bit. One Day At A Time I can stand the noise to have running water. It's my new meditation. lol

I forget how quiet it is out here...until it isn't....or until I go into town to visit a friend. I am awed by the way people who live in cities don't even hear all that racket. Immune to it, I suppose, as a result of being hammered at constantly. It offends my sensibilities. lol

I've been searching my bookshelves for a book that I KNOW I have..and cannot find. I only have 6 bookshelves, for crying out loud. You'd think I could find one little book. It's called the Ken of Atta.... I have to do an opener at the class tonight and the session is on community. That's what I recall a great deal of that book being about....(though I could be mistaken-I haven't read it in 15 years.) lol I have some nice jazz playing on the stereo and am going to do a bit of sweeping up before I bake a peach pie. I have about 7 softball sized peaches off my tree and need to use them. They're gorgeous. Sweet and juicy.

Yesterday and this morning, I have been listening to a relapsed(ing) drunk cry and sob and be totally hysterical. As much compassion as I can muster, I nonetheless told her that she needed to grow up and that nobody ever died of a broken heart. For godssakes--she's been in an on again off again relationship with this guy for maybe 4 months. Maybe less. And she can't "take the pain"...And last night she hung up on me. This morning she called all apologetic, said he still hasn't come home, and started the sobbing all over again. She has to work at her new job this afternoon. I hope she doesn't blow that--jobs are hard to come by in these parts. I asked her if she was drunk, and she said NO. But I don't know if I believe her. She has an alcoholic habit of lying alot. lol I gave her some very explicit instructions about getting on her knees and asking God for help, and she said something like The darkness of Satan is covering me...(all the while sobbing hysterically) and I said NO--the darkness of DRUNKENNESS is covering you. STOP DRINKING!!!!! OR--do whatever you want. If you want to throw away everything you were just telling me yesterday morning (before the fateful event of HIM being 20 minutes late coming home from work) that God has given you since you got sober, by all means, keep drinking. You are grown and ou can do whatever you want. All the while she's screaming IT HURTS SO BAD!!! Until I wish I had the car today, so I could go over and slap her. (And that, dear friends, is God doing for me what I cannot do for myself! lol) I just told her again to pray and ask God for help, and call me later this afternoon.

It's exhausting.

And I am grateful. Grateful for people who told me things like they didn't care what I was FEELING--they only cared what I was DOING. Grateful for the women who told me I wouldn't die because my marriage of 18 years was ending. Grateful for the people who said "God never closes one door without opening another." Blessed beyond measure for the people who showed me the way, no matter how stupid I acted. lol

Maybe I can help this one get back on track. Maybe I can't. But I will stay sober today.
And that's the miracle happening in my world today. That no matter what, I never have to drink again, if I don't want to. That there's nothing so big that my Creator and I can't manage it.



big Jenn said...

I learned when I worked in the crisis center not to talk to anyone under the influence about sobriety. It is a total waste of time. Sounds like she can create enough crisis to stay good and drunk, including setting you up to use "your meaness" to stay drunk too. I have no patience for the disease at all anymore it's sad to say.
It's a good thing there are plenty of people that do have it like you!jeNN

Carol said...

Ah, that alcoholic lying. I have a co-worker who grew up with it, may have 'it' and I don't rely on her word in the least. Not a biggy, just don't believe stuff until I see it.

Steve E. said...

Never died from a broken heart--only from a "stopped" one!

Annie, you are SO good to share your stuff like this, it is actually 'training' for some who have never "been there".