Seeing things with new eyes today...

 One, Two, Three....BREATHE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Woke up this morning with a much better outlook on life. Feeling better, slept until after 9:30 (which gave me a full 7 hours of sleep), and had breakfast of oatmeal.  Woke up with a bit of an emotional hangover, but I was able to make amends for my erratic behavior and apologize to my [much] better half.

   Sometimes a person just overloads and whacks out and that's all there is to it. I am normally a very patient (snork) and compromising and understanding person.  Yesterday I was not. I went from  0 to BEAST in the course of about an hour.

Whew. I am glad that's over.

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  Sipping a cup of rooibos tea this evening and sitting here at the computer thinking about going to bed. It's not 11 yet, but I have to get up early tomorrow and make sure to not miss my tax appointment.  I need to get the stitches taken out of Miss Bella too, in the next day or 2.  She has healed beautifully from the spay and was only a bit wonky for a day or two.  I need to get this desk cleaned up and pay bills and vacuum the mounds of dog hair accumulating on my floors. Certainly enough to do to keep me busy.

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  I finally made the cabbage rolls today before leaving for MissB's house. They turned out yummy and I had some for my supper, with green beans. 

   Tomorrow will be a vegetarian meal....not sure what, but am leaning into something Asian. May take a trip to The Green Earth Grocers and see if they have soba noodles.  I found them on Amazon, but have to order quite a bit. Which is okay...anyway, yesterday evening I went to one of the big markets looking for stuff that I wanted and found daikon radish and satay sauce and tamari sauce and sesame  oil and  teriyaki sauce. I still need umeboshi sauce, and can order it too, but again...if I can find it locally, that is where I will buy it. I have a large head of napa cabbage to make cabbage salad with, along with the daikon and carrot. Soba noodles with a light sauce. And a cup of the leftover miso soup. Mmmmm...that sounds good. Not sure of the dressing to put on the cabbage salad, but I know it will have tamari sauce and sesame oil and ginger.  With perhaps some sesame seeds too.

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   I am tired. I'll go to MissB's only 3 days before being off again for 2. Taking it easy. She asked me to come an extra day and I said no, thanks anyway. (Aren't you proud of me ??)  I just don't want to overdo it and wind up in a relapse from this nasty little bug again.  I've had my fill of this business....

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   Isn't it a funny thing, the way we slide into our later years and things change so much? I told someone today, (and this is the truth) that I never used to stay home, sick or not. I never missed work. Now I'm all pussed out and changing my operating system. lol  I used to say "I can be just as sick at home and not get paid for it"  I never rested if I was sick or tired, just kept charging on through, no matter what.  Now, I listen to this old body more and when I am tired, I rest. When I am sick, I try to do the things that need to be done to recuperate.  It feels more like honoring my spirit to me, to listen, to pay attention.  I did a guided meditation once in a group, where we went over every inch of our bodies, saying thank you and I'm sorry. And by the time it was half done, 90% of the group was crying. I was bawling like a baby calf. It was incredibly healing and enlightening.  I realized then that I have abused this temple, neglected it, disrespected it.  I have never been grateful enough for all the years of service, all the incredible feats performed. Illuminating, to say the least. 

  These days I try to be more respectful and compassionate on a daily basis.  I spend a bit of time in the morning, thanking and honoring this old bag of bones for a job well done.  And telling it I love it. And telling me I love me too.  And that I am worth taking care of, that I am precious and my body is precious. This old, wrinkled,  worn  out body is precious. And so it is.

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   Alright campers. Time for some shut eye.  Gonna put a salon pas patch on my aching knee and take a half dose of cough syrup and hit the hay.

    Sweetest of dreams to you all.....

Namaste.

2 AM and I'm awake....why???????

A strangely emotional roller-coaster kind of a day. I had a bit of a melt down and was all over the charts...crying, angry, hurt, stupid...  sigh...

 Everything is okay now.  And I feel exhausted from it all.  But I'm still awake and sitting at the damned computer.  And I really am tired and need sleep. I've been doing a little better (now and then) about getting to bed at a decent hour (for me). But not the last few nights. I'm blaming it on all the recuperating naps I've been taking. But I can tell you right now, it needs to stop.

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    Got a call from someone today who's battling  and struggling. Part of me wants to just say--stop fighting. That may not be the right answer this time, and I'm glad  I took the time to think about it first. 

     Found out that a friend who just lost her husband a few months ago has been diagnosed with cancer herself.  She seems very flippant about it. That worries me a little...

    Got 2 phone calls on Friday from people who care about me and I have not bothered to return either of them.  No particular reason...just haven't done it.  My bad.  Feels like something weird is going on in the old melon...

      Today I was fantasizing about the local farm store getting their chicks in and how I was going to go get about 20 of them.  I don't know that I really want 20, but it sounds like a nice number.

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   I had a curious episode of intestinal distress (shall we call it)...something I have not had through this entire time of being sick. Hit me with a vengeance today.   stomach cramps and the whole nine yards.  Seems to be gone now...I'm supposed to go back to MissB's tomorrow.  

  I am still coughing a little and tired. But mostly feeling much better. I did have a rather sore throat when I first woke up this morning, but it didn't last long. I thought maybe from sleeping and breathing through my mouth..

   There are sure a lot of people sick with this (and variations of this)  around here and around the country. 

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  I am obviously babbling and need sleep. Good night, friends of the page...I will be better in the morning.

Namaste.

It's a chilly soupy kind of a day...

And I have to tell the truth.  I ordered some seeds today.

 From Baker Creek.

 I couldn't help it.

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  I ordered quinoa seed and I ordered edamame. AND requested a catalog, just because it's such a work of art.

 And I read a blog called 2 Acre farm, and they live pretty near me. And he's planting spinach and snap peas. And I want to plant something too, dammit !!!!!!!  

  But maybe not today, because I'm recuperating and it's misty and chilly out there.

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  But I do feel better today.  Barely coughing (still some) and more energy (more than last week) and a general feeling of I'm on the way back-ness.  Thank Goodness. I am so tired of not feeling good and being sick and being isolated here at the house.  Tired of feeling like a pariah. Like a wuss. Like a plague-carrier. LOL

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   This noon I made a lovely (busy) miso soup for lunch. Had leftover foccacia and leftover marinara sauce, so I heated that up with a little asiago cheese on top and served it with soup for lunch.

  It started out like this:

   I used a quart of my homemade vegetable broth, added chopped onion and celery and carrot. Then I chopped some fresh ginger and garlic. I chopped broccoli.   I had baby spinach and a block of tofu in the fridge, so I diced the tofu and threw the spinach tofu and broccoli in at the last. I added a heaping tablespoon of miso and some ground black pepper.  It was awesome.  Hit all the right spots.

  It ended up looking like this:

   

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  As you can see by the oven clock, we had a late lunch. The Irishman was systematically taking dogs out to the reservoir to run a while, and Miss Roxie to the park. Finally we sat down to eat.  I should tell you here that we had a major breakfast of oatmeal loaded down with apples and raisins and pecans ...the kind of breakfast that will almost last you til supper, if you're not careful.

  The only thing about any of that, is that now we will have a late supper. My plan was to make cabbage rolls tonight....I have some leftover rice in the fridge and a couple of pounds (still) of ground round in the freezer. I thought that I would use up some of the leftover marinara too as the sauce. I'll need to thin it down some, of course. Serve the rolls with a side of either salad (if there's enough left in the fridge) or maybe lightly sauteed green beans with garlic. Hmm...that really sounds good. If  need be, I can always make these for dinner tomorrow...Right now I still feel really full from lunch. lol  Makes it hard to plan.

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  My son came yesterday and moved a lot of mulch. About 25 wheelbarrows full.  Put a thick layer of it along the rock wall, top and bottom.  Also along the side of the house where I planted irises. (BTW--the irises are coming up already. So are the surprise lilies. A little early.)  Then he started hauling it out back, putting it down in the walkways between the garden beds. Hopefully that will help keep the weeds down this next growing season. He made a good dent in the pile of mulch, but there's still a LOT of it there. 

  So, you can imagine my delight to read that Nathan got some of the same stuff and is putting it on his garden beds!!  I told the Irishman I thought we could, but he said no,no,no.  Now, I am vindicated.  LOL  So, just in case, I am going to put it on 3 of the 8 beds we have so far.  I'm thinking we may put in a  couple of more beds this year, as I'd love to plant beans (pintos, black-eyed peas maybe). And I'm looking forward to erasing more of the yard. MuBahahahaha...

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   Well, enough chattering for a Saturday afternoon.  It's almost dark now and I need to go clean up my little kitchen mess.  The Irishman is watching a movie called The Exorcism of Emily Rose.  (yuck).  I am reading The Changing Seasons Macrobiotic Cookbook by Aveline Kushi and Wendy Esko. And daydreaming of gardens and rabbits and edamame eating deer. 

     And trying to decide if we'll be hungry enough for all the work that goes into cabbage rolls.

Living an especially blessed life, out here on Honeysuckle Hill.

 Namaste.

Happy Groundhogs Day, Happy Feast of St Brigid, Happy Imbolec...

AND...

  Happy Birthday to my dad...he would have been 87 years old today. (For some reason all of the photos of him that I have in my files seem to be missing or not showing up right...this is fuzzy...)

  The Irishman has a birthday too, on the 8th. Both Aquarius'.  I will plan a birthday/Valentine's Day celebration for him.

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  Feeling better in some ways, not so much in others. It was a beautiful 60 degrees here today, so I opened up the house and blew out the cooties again. (Supposed to have a mild front coming in, bringing us some rain) I also did laundry and hung my bed linens all outside on the line. They smell so good...my comforter too, although I had to finish it off in the dryer, because by dark, it was still a tiny bit damp.  I did a little housekeeping and cooked some supper and that was about it. But tonight I'm coughing more than I was yesterday...I actually went to bed last night with no cough medicine and was fine, after a bit of initial mild coughing. Tonight, I have been coughing since supper. yuck.

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  Nothing much new around here...my son is coming in the morning to do some outside work for me..he needs the money and I need the work done. I'm going to have him do some pruning (lilac, rose of sharons, and roses) and he's going to start moving that giant pile of mulch for me too. I'm going to have him mulch all across the top of the rock wall, and down at the base of it too, where the irises all grow.  Also along the west side of the house where I planted irises. I  want to use that mulch in the aisles of the garden beds...it will make a nice walking path.   It'll be good for him to do some hard physical labor and work off some steam, and good for me to NOT do it. lol  Win/Win.

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  Just wanted to stop in and say hello. I can't stand to read any more of the political crap--it's driving me crazy. I need to go to bed and get some sleep and it's already after 1 AM...but on the bright side, all the laundry is done (I just folded the last load) and the floors are vacuumed and the bed I'm getting ready to climb into has clean clean sheets.  Supper dishes are done too...

  Going to try to get out and go to a movie tomorrow night...hopefully One For The Money...hope you all have a great Friday....

 Namaste.

In the still of the night...

 Every chance to touch another life,  every chance to be the bigger person, every chance to say the kind word, every chance to not pass on the gossip, every chance to feed the hungry, every chance to house the homeless, every chance to comfort the inconsolable,  every chance to guide the lost, every chance to love the unlovable, every chance to help the helpless, every chance to stand tall and be proud, every chance to lie still and be quiet, every chance to make someone smile, every chance to be the best person you can be, every day.

  Because you just never, ever know....

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  My friend Roger died today.  For him, this part of the journey is finished and I have high hopes that he will continue onward, ever onward.  I am sad, yet relieved, and the paradox coupled with the fact that he violently died at his own hand causes me great conflict. In my meditations this morning, I got to think about the illusions of this life and the emotional charges we attach to these illusions. In The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, it clearly states that "...when we are faced at death with the FACT that our body is an illusion, we will be able to recognize its illusory nature without fear, to calmly free ourselves from all attachment to it, and to leave it behind willingly, even gratefully and joyfully, knowing it now for what it is. In fact, you could say, we will be able really and completely, to die when we die, and so achieve ultimate freedom."

  And so, this is what I wish for my friend, to achieve the ultimate freedom in death. And wish him a continuing journey of peace.

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   It has been an interesting day. Taking it slow(er) and easier, I put a small pork roast into the crock pot this morning and spent the rest of the day doing small things and napping.  I didn't accomplish much, besides 2 enlightening phone conversations I had with two separate women. I don't feel up to snuff still and think I will take the rest of the week to recuperate as much as I possibly can. I walked outside a time or two, but not for long, as I have to avoid sunlight because of the antibiotic. I fed my chickens and gathered eggs later in the day. I walked down to the mailbox. It was a ridiculously warm day, apparently we broke a 120 year record with temps of 69 degrees.  They think it will be over 70 tomorrow. Last nights supper included braised kale from the garden, tonight I steamed broccoli crowns. I'm trying to include more alkaline foods every day. We already eat a lot of greens anyway...it feels like spring, and for the first time in 7 years of living here, I had a January electric bill of UNDER 200 dollars !!!!  I turned off the furnace and opened windows today for a short while (I was dressed in sweats) and turned on the ceiling fans to try and blow out some of the cooties that I am sure are swirling around in the air from my coughing.  lol  It was only for a couple of hours, and when the house temperature reached 65, I closed all the windows.  It felt so good to breathe fresh clean air.

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  I should go to bed. It's closing in on midnight and I'm tired enough.  The dogs have all been out twice, the cats are in (mostly) and the leftovers are put away. I haven't done the dishes and I really don't want to...think I'll wait until morning. There's not that many....

  Thank you all for your kind words yesterday, I feel loved and supported by your prayers and kindnesses.

   May we all be especially blessed....

  Namaste.

A glass of mango/guava juice...and thou...

 . Or something.  Read about the antibiotic I am taking and it said to stay away from caffeine..this right after I made a pitcher of green tea/earl grey for iced tea. Sigh..the bright side is all it said was that it would intensify the effects. lol. (Like that's a bad thing)...  Also supposed to stay out of sunlight. It's Cipro--isn't that the stuff they give to people exposed to Anthrax and the Bird Flu ?????  Crikey.

     Got some chicken thighs in the microwave thawing. The Irishman would like lemon chicken for his Sunday dinner, and I thought I still had some boneless/skinless breasts in there somewhere, but I can't locate them. Just as well. This package of thighs has been in there almost a year. (oops).  It'll work. I'll marinate them in some lemon juice and bake them, I think, and then make a lemon sauce to go on them atop a bed of Jasmine rice. (Can you tell I'm feeling better???)  

  It's been an emotional morning here for me. I got a text this morning from a friend telling me that another friend of ours is at St Louis University Hospital on life support.  He is about my age (might be a little younger) and sober a lot of years. He was involved in a semi crash a few weeks ago and was almost ready to return to work.  Apparently on Saturday night there was some kind of altercation and a stand-off at his place of work. He left there (I think) and went to his house, where he doused the place in gasoline and tried to burn it down. When it didn't burn, he shot himself in the head. He is on life support, last word, but not expected to live.  And I just can't imagine.... he has always been a loner, something that probably happens when you're a long distance trucker. But every time I saw him, he always had a smile and a kind word. He SEEMED okay. I don't know what happens to make a person feel they have no other option besides killing themselves. I think about how lonely and hopeless that place must be, and it breaks my heart. And I am as guilty as anyone for not knowing what's been going on with him, calling him, making sure he knew that somebody, anybody, cared.  It is absolutely tragic.

   It is a gorgeous January day outside. Must be at least 45 degrees.  This next week they're predicting temps in the 50's and 60's. Hell, I may as well plant some spinach. lol  One of the worst windier storms we had tore up the plastic on our greenhouse, so I can't plant anything there. But we could put some cold frames over a bed, couldn't we? (And by WE, of course I mean my husband). lol  And if we do that, we could plant some other things too. I was just out back, emptying my compost bucket and gathering eggs, and I stopped by the kale bed, which is still doing pretty well, everything considered.  I plucked a small new-ish leaf and popped it into my mouth, and was blissed out by the sweetness of it.  In January. Ahhhhhh......

  Well, I'd better get in the kitchen and get that marinade started.  I've folded a load of laundry and am taking it slow and easy today. I did a little cleaning yesterday (Thanks anyway, Kristen!!  xoxoxo) and a little laundry and was worn out by the time it was over. Spent the rest of the afternoon watching The Vicar of Dibley --from a boxed set I got us for Xmas a couple of years ago. It was awesome.

  Hope everyone is well and happy...and don't forget to pay attention to the people in your life. If they're needing a friend, or an ear, or a shoulder...make sure they have one.  If all of us let the people we know that we care--that we're here for them--maybe tragedies like my friend Roger can be averted.

    It can't hurt to try.

Namaste.

What day is it ?

I think I have been run over by a semi...filled with crud.  My body hurts from lying around so much. My throat is sore from coughing so much. My head hurts and my eyes water and my nose runs...my ribs hurt and I'm so tired...

  I went to the doctor today (finally) because I have been sick for too many days in a row.  And the coughing is keeping me from sleeping, and it's the weekend and the over the counter cough stuff isn't touching this crap. so the doc did some cultures and some x-rays and came back after way too long and told me I have a bacterial infection in my lungs. The rest of it is just a bad bad cold. No fever, no extreme symptoms (which would point to flu).  He gave me antibiotics and codeine cough syrup and told me to stay at home for at least 4 days and let this clear up before it turns into pneumonia. I took him at his word....I have had bacterial pneumonia, and I sure don't want that again. Because as bad as I feel now, that time I really thought I was going to meet my maker.

 Ai Yi Yi...

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 Yesterday afternoon, (in the middle of one of my sleep-a-thons), the vet's office called and said they had a lot of cancellations (people afraid of the predicted weather) and that if we wanted to move Bella's spay appointment up to Friday, they would have her in. In my muddled brain, I didn't even think about it, just muttered yes, sure. So, this morning, the Irishman hauled her 55 pound butt up to the vet's office. They kept her all day, and after he took me to the doctor and brought me back home, he took my prescriptions and headed up to have them filled and pick her up by 5. (The closest pharmacy is 15 miles to the north, right on the way to the vet's office). Bless his heart.  He is a good man, and I am one very lucky woman...

  She's still pretty wonky...and in some pain, I would guess. Keeps moving from one blanket to the next, one room to another. We just put the water dish down for her--they said after 8:30 and no food til tomorrow.  She keeps trying to vomit, but there's no food in her belly since midnight last night. She looks so pitiful....she'll be better in the morning....

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 Dear sweet Beth Marie has honored me with  a blog award. And now, in my run down condition, I have to try to think of 5 blogs to hand it off to. (just kidding)  It's this one:

 Growing up in a German farming community, I know that Liebster means beloved ... and there are several blogs that fit the bill... 

  It's for us bloggers who have fewer than 200 followers and each must link back to the blog they got it from.

 (May I have the envelope please.???  drum roll)

 1) Lori, at Beyond Dirt, my Creative  Journey  because she thinks like I do! lol  

 2) MEEMSNYC  at  Gardening in the burroughs because she continues to amaze me with her blog and recipes and everything in between!

 3) Linda, at Hello, it's me  Because I admire her so much, her fiber art, her heart and her courage. xoxoxo

  4) Judy at  My freezer is full   She juggles the farm, the job and the family, as well as all the stuff in between.

and finally....

 5) Dear Sandra...at Wild Magnolia. Her blog is a thing of beauty, as is she. Reading her is sure to brighten your day!

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  Wow. I did it, and my head didn't even explode. Although I do feel like it's time to lie down again....this stuff is kicking my butt. My house is a giant disaster. The laundry is piling up. And my kitchen is a mess. (That's the hardest thing-to me). I try to never go to bed with a dirty sink, but it's happened twice in the past few days...and may happen again tonight.  Hopefully the Queen of  England won't be coming by for a visit any time soon.  (An old joke--I have always been a little whack about cleaning, and my mother once said, "What?- Are you expecting the Queen of England????" ) 

  Alright, my darlings...I am off to the bed again. I pray that you all stay well and happy....and take care when out and about in the inclement weather (which we are supposed to have coming in again tonight).  Whether you're walking or driving...be careful!!

  

 Namaste.