Still Saturday...

 This has been one long day.  (And not in a good way...lol)   It's getting near midnight and I just came back from driving to meet someone who is having to give a kitty back. She's heartbroken, and ALLERGIC.  I feel so bad for her, she had little Sookie long enough to get really attached to her. The reason it happened so late is that she got a call that her father has had another heart attack and she has to go out of state.  Sigh...it's the little calico, and she is scared witless to be back around this madding horde of cats after having been an only cat for a few weeks. Hopefully she'll adjust. 5 cats are leaving Monday to go to the farm. That will leave me with only 11...(ONLY!!!!!!!)  I am getting old...

   Tomorrow is my family reunion. I don't want to go, but since I am the coordinator, I don't have much choice. Once there, it'll be great...I have been a mess all day, and I don't know why. On the verge of tears,  depressed...feeling like I am having a hormonal meltdown.  It's been awful. I stayed home this morning and started mowing ...the humidity was horrific and by the time I had 3/4 of it done I was ready to collapse. Luckily, that was about the same time the Irishman came back from his streams and river cleanup, so he took over and finished it. I didn't eat well. I didn't drink enough water. I felt the effects of it all day.

  (Just went out to check, and she's running and  playing with the other kittens like she never left. )

  I made a lovely pasta salad to take tomorrow--full of sun dried tomatoes and fire roasted red peppers, basil, chives and parsley from my garden.Garlic vinegar and olive oil as a dressing. Some cracked black pepper and sea salt and garlic. I was gonna do some other stuff too, but I just couldn't make myself do it.

 The dark brown hair color turned my hair--you guessed it!! BLACK.  Criminey.  Several people said it looked good, but I'm sure they were just trying to make me feel better.  My sponsor said it really brings out my eyes. lol  Hopefully it will tone down a little after it's been shampooed a few times.  It's pretty close to my natural color, actually, but  that actual color looked a lot better 30 years and 80 pounds ago.  Right now I get a shock every time I look in a mirror.

  The prodigal one has moved all her stuff out of my studio apartment today too. She came, (thinking I'd be gone, I suspect) without calling first, so I was surprised to see her pull up.  Now I can get in there and clean it up. It's not too bad, at least at first look.

  A week from today is my 20th anniversary of being sober and my 18th anniversary of life with that man.  I'm having a hard time getting excited about any of it. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. I sure hope so...

 Guess I'd better go to bed because I have to get up early for the 2 and a half hour car ride down to Rend Lake.  We have to stop and pick up my sister too, as her beloved one is being an ass and refusing to bring her. He's a world class Jerk. She's disabled and can't drive. 

  Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back to my usual Pollyanna self, running around with rainbows shooting out my butt.  This down in the dumps stuff is for the birds.   :)   

Have a good night, all....

 Namaste

Friday in the rain...

It's a been a monsoon out there. Easing up for now, but not sure for how long. 48 degrees and rain makes for a messy stay-at-home-in-the-house kind of day. A perfect day for baking bread. And catching up, as my internet connection has been very spotty, at best, for several days.

And so, my house smells like the corner bakery and I am in flannels and sweats and big socks...enjoying the quiet solitude. Thinking how good a nice stew would be for supper, with thick slices of warm buttered bread alongside. I could make a Jamaican pork stew with sweet potatoes and onions and garlic and celery in it. Not too spicy, but certainly with a little jerk seasoning in it. I have some tomatoes and okra too I could throw in there. That sounds like a good idea. I have some packages of boneless pork country ribs in the freezer that would make a nice base, if I cube them and simmer in the electric skillet for a few hours they will be melt-in-your-mouth tender. Are you hungry yet? lol.. I even have some brown rice from the sweet and sour chicken I made a few nights ago when my sister was here. Sometimes I like these stews over rice..makes a nutrious and satisfying meal.

A woman named Rashanna (who I have lost and cannot find again) taught me years ago how to cook brown rice that (when you're poor) is almost a meal in itself. You brown the raw rice in oil with chopped onion and fresh garlic and celery. You add basil and black pepper and simmer it until the rice is cooked. Browning the rice really brings out the lovely nutty taste. You can add bits of whatever you want to it...leftover cooked chicken or tofu or anything. That's how I cook it most of the time. So, thanks! Rashanna Smith...maybe someday she'll google her name and find me. We lived in Clearlake, CA at the same time back in the 70's. She had moved there from Calistoga, back when it was a little nothing town, surrounded by wineries.

The bread is about 15 minutes away from being done. And so you know that my lunch will be a cup of tea and a slice of warm buttered bread...lol

I was supposed to go hear Greg Mortenson (Three Cups of Tea) speak today at 2. My neighbor and I were going. I started feeling a little punky yesterday and hated to tell her I couldn't go--she was so excited about seeing him. Then I thought, I'll just suck it up anyway...go to the amphitheater in the pouring rain and deal with it. Then she called me early this morning with news that her mother had fallen and broke her hand and was getting 27 stitches in her head and she wouldnn't be able to go with me. So...once again...God does for me what I cannot/will not do for myself. I am fighting off whatever crud has been going around and I don't need to sit out in the rain. The older I get, the more careful I have to be about not getting pneumonia.

Just finished a delightful book by a woman named Martha Cooley. It's called Thirty Three Swoons. About the perfume business and Russian theater history and love and family. Absolutely wonderful...and I read the whole thing yesterday.


I have had a busy busy week, and needed to stay home and recuperate the past couple of days. Glad I can do that today...and not be jumping out of my skin, like it used to be. Soft sounds of jazz on the stereo, a little lunch, and kitties laying in my lap...

It doesn't get any better than this....


Namaste.

Silly Saturday

[A Smile From God]



Been a busy few days here on the old homestead. Mundane things like planting rhubarb and planting flowers, cleaning house, inventorying pantries...my new glasses came in and I had to go pick them up on Friday Took my vacuum down to the repair place last week. The prognosis may not be good. Trying not to speculate...lol

Today was my brother's 54th birthday, so about 15 of us got together at the Red Robin joint for lunch. We really had a great time. My son and DIL and youngest grandson came, my niece and her brother and his wife and family, SIL, sister and her husband. I found my brother a hat that said "My fishing addiction is not the PROBLEM, it's the cure!" And a T shirt that said "I got a fishing pole for my wife....best trade I ever made"...and a bunch of odds and ends of hooks and lures and fishing stuff. Life is good.

I planted about 75 hen and chicks today and hurt my back again. I am so sick of not being able to do anything without paying a price. I did a little housekeeping and a little cooking and a lot of playing with these demon kittens who like to run up and down my legs when I'm sitting in the computer chair or standing at the sink. I have to wear long pants all the time. My hands and legs are so scratched up it's funny.

I am so blessed today, beyond my wildest dreams. I remember someone saying when I was in early sobriety "If I had gotten everything I wanted when I first got sober, I would have been seriously shortchanged". That's sure the way it has been for me...above and beyond my greatest expectations.

Namaste.

Saturday in the Park

[ Frankie Figgs, sleeping on a cold winter's afternoon]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been cold and blustery all day. Grandson is here for the weekend, going home tomorrow. Since it was a rainy cold day, we decided to go to the movies to see Monsters VS Aliens. The matinee prices in Litchfield are only 3.50 apiece, and afterwards we went to the Ponderosa for the lunch buffet. We had a good time and it was a fun movie. Then we came home and putzed around for the evening, until right about 9 PM, when the power went out. Then we lit candles and made hot chocolate and played some neverending hands of UNO. It was the lesser of 2 evils....his other choice was Monopoly. Arrgghhh......

Tonight was the Earth Hour, when lots of people turned off their lights for an hour from 8:30-9:30 PM. Wonder how that went? Our power went out all by itself. lol

In the morning we are taking Junior home and then hitting the 10 o'clock meeting. We m,ay be stopping by to pick up a newcomer, but she didn't call today, so ??? We'll see. I didn't go to the meeting I usually attend on Saturday mornings, since Tristan was here. But I was at one on Thursday, and then on Tuesday before that. I might just stay sober....

Mommie Katt and all the babies are asleep by the loveseat. They are so adorable, and are climbing and running and just too sweet. One of them climbs up my pantleg and onto my chest any time I am, sitting down. Then he/she snuggles all up under my chin and puts the little paws on my face. Awwww..... (I am such a sucker.)

Just learned that someone I know has decided to go the Marijuana Maintenance route. Jesus....do we never learn ? I want to just smack her. I have to speak my piece about this...I have seen so many people start like this and wind up dead. So many. You just can't do it. It's not the way this thing works, and that's all there is to it. I want to scream at her--"Quit fu(*%%ng around before you wind up on a slab....." Of all the people I know, who SHOULD know this thing is life and death for us...she's the one. It breaks my heart, that's all. I have watched way too many people die in the almost 19 years I have been here. I take this shit personally....

I need to hit the hay. 7:30 is gonna come mighty early and it's 1 AM now.

I'm blessed to know people who convinced me that I could be sober if I would put down all the crutches and stop looking for loopholes. I'm grateful that I believed them.

I'm blessed to have gotten here face down in the dirt.

I'm grateful for every shot, every drug, every man, everything I ever did...that brought me here.

I'm blessed that God watches out for fools and drunks, because I have been and still sometimes am--BOTH.

I'm grateful that I survived my life to get sober, even if my mom and dad never got to see it.

I'm blessed to have a husband and many friends that are sober and understand me...no matter how ridiculous I get.

I am grateful to have a spirit that sometimes sings....


Namaste.

Tickled Green on Tuesday

Happy St Paddy's to you all. If you ate corned beef and cabbage tonight, God help the person sleeping in your bed. LOL

Here's hoping you find your pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow, before the leprechauns snatch it away!

I have had a blessed day...time outside, working in the yard, time inside cleaning and cooking. Pets to love and care for, friends to love and care for, a great conversation with a nun. A nice meal with my beloved. 4 baby kittens, whose eyes are wide open...making them too adorable to even think of giving away...(oh no--I did not say that!)... my life is simple, but it is good. It is getting simpler all the time. I am happy and content. I have everything I need, and then some.

I have been taking a long look lately at the way my life has unfolded. Sobriety has been the best thing that ever happened to me. If it were not for sobriety, I would have no marriage to this wonderful man that I met at an AA birthday party. I would not have a comfortable home in the country, where I can sing and dance and pray and play to my heart's delight. None of you sober people would be such a huge part of my reality.

Wow. Gratitude is a gift I choose every day.

What a lucky duck I am!!

Namaste.

Too,Too Tuesday

[The famous sign on the way to hubby's work....]

Life is just full of mystery, isn't it? ROTFLMAO....

Took the baby cat to the vet and almost 350 dollars later, she seems no better this evening. We have antibiotics and eye goop and all sorts of various and sundry things to help her get better. The good news was, after $165.00 worth of xrays....she has no pneumonia. arrgghhhhhh.. I nearly laid a golden egg when the receptionist gave me the total...I was NOT my usual gracious self.

I had to stop and take a picture of that sign above today. I have been meaning to do it for a couple of months, but never had the camera with me. Today for some reason I remembered and went into the house and grabbed it.

Just finished watching an episode of Saving Grace with Holly Hunter. I love that show and am so glad it's back on again. It was a new one, made in 2009. Also watched the new one with Eric McCormack in it, Trust Me. It was okay, but I don't think I would bend over backwards to watch it. I LOVE him too...but not this show so much.

I am tired and crabby and need to get some more sleep tonight. I have to get up and keep the car again in the morning, as I have a chiro appointment. I almost called today and rescheduled it...I still might. I am just so darn tired.... If I go to bed in the next 15 minutes, I might feel alot better in the morning. Novel idea, eh?

I'm going to try to give kitty a dose of Clavamox before I go to bed. Hubby and I wrestled her to put the antibiotic drops in her eyes and the ear mite stuff in her ears tonight. I swear, you'd think we were trying to kill her ! I feel so bad for her...she's just miserable.

I had 2 AA newcomer calls tonight. One is an older woman who's wanting to get into a detox, and they are few and far between around here. Is that true everywhere? The ones around here all lost their funding. I guess the really bad alkies just have to shake it out and die under bridges now. I finally found a place...and I pray she'll actually go. This is a woman who was once sober for a vey long time. She did all the things we know not to do, and then hasn't been able to get sober again. Or maybe it's better said that she hasn't wanted to badly enough yet. She sounds pretty desperate this time. I can only pray for her and I told her I will do anything I can to help her, but I can't do it for her. So I found a place, and gave her the phone number and told her she has to call them herself. There but for the grace of God go I...

I am so blessed to be sober. People in my family usually just drink until they die. I don't know why the grace fell on my head, or what plans Creator has for me. I only know I am thankful to the very core of my being.

I am so blessed to have 2 people in my life today that relapsed after having double digit sobriety as long as or longer than me. Because it puts a face on alcoholism that I cannot ignore. It puts a definite line right down the middle of the road for me. This side--you get this. That side-- you get that. The choice is mine, every single day of my life. Do I want to be drunk or do I want to be sober? Every morning I get to ask myself that question. And so far, every day the answer is the same. I want to be sober. I never want to live in that hell ever again.

Say goodnight, Gracie.


Namaste.

'Fraidy Friday

[Cats in the windows, cats on the bed, cats everywhere you look]

A low key kind of day today...the kind of boring day that would have sent this alcoholic out in search of some real "FUuuun!!!!" back in the day. I did some housekeeping and some cooking. Baked a chicken and rice casserole for supper, the kind that you put in the oven at 250 degrees and leave there for about 3 hours. The kind that smells up your house to the point that you never want to go out again. The kind that makes you think of when you were a kid and used to go to granny's place and she'd be cooking up all that wonderful old fashioned real food. THAT chicken and rice casserole.

Was supposed to have guests, but at the last minute there was a shift in plans and so they're coming tomorrow instead. She was worried I'd done all kinds of stuff, and she was going to cause a real problem by not coming. I said no, honey child, you're family now. I don't do extras for family. And I am absolutely flexible.. not a problem. I just wanted her to make it easy on herself-that is the whole point of the little getaway.

Talked to a neighbor. Bad news, his 401k has lost over a hundred thousand dollars, which is putting the kibosh on his retirement plan. He thinks he will have to go back to work. We are thinking about taking our IRA out as well, and just pay the taxes and penalties and put it into a savings or CD. We've already lost a lot of it, and Alan Greenspan says this economic tsunami is just beginning.

It's a hard call to make...I am feeling just a little pessimistic about the nature of investment banking these days.

At any rate, again....my pantries are stocked. We have the means to survive....although I am, nearly out of toilet paper. *grin

Lots to be thankful for as we round the corners into November. I am grateful to have family close by, something I did without for years. I am blessed to have a loving home to live in, not like the war zones of years past. I'm grateful that there are 12 steps to help me live my life one day at a time. I'm grateful that, at least in my little family, the chain of alcoholism and addiction has been broken. I'm blessed to have a fuzzy little puppy asleep at my feet. I'm grateful that there are meetings close by, that I can attend AA almost any time I want/need to. I'm blessed by the spirit of sharing and giving that I find everywhere I look.

Time for a nice hot shower and off to see the Sandman....

Fruitful Friday

[Junko Taibei in one of her favorite baskets]

This is the youngest of the cats. She's the puppy's best friend. She sleeps quite often on top of the cockatiel's cage, which blows everyone away. She washed up in a terrible rainstorm one night, about 8 weeks old. I thought I heard a crying outside, and the dogs ran to the door. When I opened it, there was this little tiny drowned rat looking baby huddled up against the storm door. Of course, I brought her in. The man of the house got THAT look on his face, and I said"Well, I can't leave her out there! She's wet and cold and hungry." He rolled his eyes, I fed her, and she's been firmly entrenched in the family ever since.

When I count my blessings, I always count my pets. (and that takes a while, lol). I used to have a little cocker spaniel named Sophie, she was all black and had cataracts as a result of birth defects from the mother being overbred. She was a beautiful little black dog, with the biggest heart in the world. I made the mistake of working for a veterinary office for one year...she was brought in by a rescue organization because nobody wanted her because she was about 75% blind. We never gave her that prissy cocker cut...she was always a little wooly bear, except for twice in the summer we'd shave her down short so the sticks and twigs wouldn't get all tangled up in her hair on our walks, and also because she got hot easy. She was the best dog I have ever had. She was with us for about 10 years, when she contracted a liver tumor and I had to take her in finally and have her put to sleep. I cried for days. The vet tried to talk me into letting them take her in the back, but I couldn't. The least I could do for my sick little dog was to stay with her til it was done. When I got hurt and was hospitalized for a couple of weeks, P said she wandered the hgouse every night looking for me. When I finally came home, hospital bed and all, she never left my side. All those months when I couldn't walk, she never abandoned me, and I wasn't about to abandon her now. When her little valiant spirit left her body, she was as light as a feather and felt like a ragdoll in my arms. I will never forget her, or that day, or any of it. I was a better person for having her in my life. I will always be grateful to the people who threw her away, and to the rescue folks who knew me from the office, and to God, for sending that little angel to me. Even now, 2 years later, I'm sitting here crying like a baby telling this. Sheesh...

Anyway, I am grateful to be an animal caretaker. I am grateful to have these guys teach me about unconditional love. (The dogs are all here, licking and nuzzling me when they heard me crying...the cats are looking in too , just to make sure everything's okay). I am grateful to be, as the little thing on my fridge says: "Caring for pets, and feeding wild birds in winter, makes us partners with God."

Enough for tonight.... Bless you all....