Had a lovely day, went to a speaker meeting and am back home and getting ready to turn in. I have a 13 pound turkey in the roaster on low, and will let it go all night. Tomorrow is the conflicted interests and I am going to the class. I am also cooking the turkey for the AA dinner. I'll take it out to the meeting room in the afternoon and leave it there. I have to make a pasta dish for the potluck for the class too...thinking a nice ziti casserole. It has to be vegetarian, but that's no problem. I have lots of cheeses and black olives and onions and garlic...maybe I'll look for some artichoke hearts too to throw in. I probably have some in the pantry. I'm trying to decide if I want to make a garlic bread to go with it. I'll have plenty of time to do it, I guess. I am reading a new book...written in 2001 by a New York author named Jonathan Franzen the back flap says ..." A comic, tragic epic stretching from the Midwest of the midcentury to the Wall Street and Eastern Europe of today. The Corrections brings an old fashioned world of civic virtue and sexual inhibitions into violent collision with the era of home surveillance, hands-off parenting, do-it-yourself mental health care and globalized greed." Even the jacket blurb sounds frantic, doesn't it? lol I'll let you know if I can finish it. I hope so. It's chilly again tonight...41 now. I am getting up to take himself to work in the morning, so I do need to hit the hay soon. I'm trying to decide whether to turn the heater on again....maybe on low. The roaster will heat things up some too. Today I got some things cleaned up, but I still don't have those damned pumpkins out. I did sweep out front though. Maybe tomorrow....I need to make some soapy water and wash down the little table out there as well as the green rocking chairs. Everything is muddy. The ashtray (a small aluminum bucket of sand) is filled full and needs emptying. There's a dead pansy sitting there. The windows need cleaning. Maybe tomorrow...lol I got most of my list done, but still haven't found the glue gun. Guess a trip to Walmart is in the works. I'd like to get my wreath done and hung. I'm finding myself living right in the middle of the third step a lot lately. This is a very good thing. I found a little quote that says: There is no key to happiness. The door is always open. I like this! Alrighty...I'm trundling off to bed. Sweet dreams to you all....Namaste.
Oh me oh my. It has been a busy day of cleaning and laundry and going to the home of a sponsling. A young salmon who continually swims upstream in the waters of his discontent. I am tired and I am probably not going to finish this until morning. I got a very sweet and nice present today from the mother of the young gay man that I sponsor. She made me a beautiful wreath made up of dahlias and mums and cattails...I love the sentiment, and I know that she supports her son and is so very worried about him. I spent a lovely couple of hours in their home last night, and he and I went over the first step again. Something seems different about him this time, I can only pray that he is really ready this time. I am blessed to get the chance to do this kind of stuff...yesterday I got a phone call from a woman who sounded either very drunk or like she'd had a stroke. Said that she got my number from someone who said I could maybe help her. She needed information about the ..."A and A classes and the books that go with them." When I returned her call, it went straight to voicemail and she never called back. I'll try her again tomorrow, and it amuses me the things people seem to think that AA is...or isn't. lol I remember looking at that Where and When the judge had the bailiff hand me, and thinking OGod...what now?? I had no idea what it was going to be like. I had no facts about AA at all, but plenty of prejudice and skepticism. And lots of boiled down fear. And baby, look at me now. lol Okay--it's tomorrow. Tuesday. I have some chicken and rice soup simmering away in the kitchen. A sponsling that was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. I am going to go ahead and make the salad and get that ready, and maybe it will just be tonight's supper. This same girl and another were supposed to be meeting me last night at a meeting and called and said they decided not to go. One is a year and one is 15. They were just going to hang out....lol. Fine by me. I just changed where I was going. I can do the same today...living my life and getting on with the hundred things I'd rather do...lol. It's a lovely morning here on the Prairie, with temps just below 50 and brilliant sunshine and blue skies. I want to get my front porch cleaned up, wipe all the cat tracks off the table, clean the rocking chairs, put up some fall decorations. A good way to spend an autumn day. A friend of mine is celebrating 11 years tonight at a 7PM meeting and I will go. She has lots of ups and downs and I guess we all do. But staying sober 11 years in a row, one Day at a time, is no mean feat. And it deserves a celebration!! I'm off to stir soup.************************ This blog got lost in space!! It was gone and then it reappeared... Yowsa!!Namaste.
Late late and I should be in bed...but I have 2 very naughty dogs outside that won't come in the house. I've called them 3 times...there's something out there and dogs far and wide are all barking...and of course, the Kelley dogs don't want to miss anything! It's about 40 degrees outside and I can't believe they are still out there. The bad news for them is this: they are about to be left out all night. Had a good day today, mostly. I still haven't found my glue gun though. It's starting to annoy me...there are only so many places it can be. I can't finish up my wreath until I find the damned thing. Arrgghhh... We watched Good Night and Good Luck...Clooney's film about newsman Edward R. Murrow taking on Joe McCarthy...that crazy commie hunter. How different the world is now, eh? And that man struck terror into the hearts of so many and trashed so many people's careers...can't help but be reminded of a certain set of circumstances in recent years...God help us. Maybe some things are not so different after all... I have a very busy week ahead. I made out my November desk calendar this evening...it's pretty full. I am blessed to have a good busy life and to be able to do what little I do. I was thinking I need to pencil in a day for shampooing my living room carpet....lol. I also have closets that need cleaning and arranging and cupboards that are in the same boat. All things I keep putting off doing...the pantries need inventorying and straightening. The mud room needs an overhaul. Makes me tired just thinking about it all. I hope I can find the energy to get some painting done this winter. Especially this office and the hallways. Things are starting to look like they are 5 years lived in by now. Patrick is down with a bug...sore throat, stuffy head and congestion in his chest. He has taken it pretty easy this weekend...hopefully he'll be able to shrug it off quickly. He said he feels better after napping a lot today, maybe it will be enough. I saw the bedroom light on a minute ago though and it's after midnight. Could have been from the dogs barking... I'm off to bed. Looking back over my day and seeing a few places where I could have been kinder and more tolerant, and certainly more patient. Thanking my Creator that I was able to make all my mistakes today sober. Grateful to get another chance tomorrow to be better than I was today. God's got a deal for drunks that don't drink. Namaste.
Then end of another month finds me nursing a sickish husband who has a congestion/sinus-y sore throaty kind of bug. Everyone around these parts seems to have it...not me. Yet. lol I'm faithfully taking the Vitamins B&C&D and Echinacea and Goldenseal and a little zinc thrown in for good measure. And washing my hands A LOT. And staying away from sickies wherever I can. Got a call from my youngest sister this morning. She's pretty upset about her daughter who was calling her crazy drunk at 5:30 AM begging her to come get her. She was at home, and was in the floor so drunk she couldn't get up. This is the second major episode of this...my sister (naturally) is terrified and doesn't know what to do, so I said I'd call and see if she will talk to me. I've called twice now and she isn't returning my calls. The kid is only 23 years old...was sobbing that she has no friends, she hates her life, she drinks every day before work. Please keep C- in some prayers if you have extras. Maybe this will be a bottom for her, but I'm skeptical. One of my sponslings has relapsed again as well. Has been lying about smoking pot and went on another good bender a few nights ago. I wish I could spoon feed this sobriety thing to people, but I can't. If only they could believe that this is the easier, softer way! But they cannot and will not. So, I sit on the sidelines and I wait. Maybe they will have a flash of clarity before it is too late for them. Maybe they won't. I'm so grateful to be sober today, and to have that excruciating first year behind me. I'm grateful that I was 37 when I got here...and not so young that all I could think was "I need to have fun..." By 37, I had drank all the fun out of life. By 37, I was an empty shell of a human being. I read a really lovely meditation on Thursday that I wanted to share here. It is titled : I am a radiating center of peace. Heat emanates from the core of the sun, where particles bump and collide, radiating energy and warmth. When I turn my face to the sun, I feel the power that is released from deep within it, benefitting me and all of the planet Earth. Deep within me, Divine Light radiates love and energy throughouot my mind, body and spirit. Loving expressions emanate from the core of me, from my Divine nature. I have within me all I need to radiate love and peace into the world. Outward expressions of peace begin with inner peace. I focus and center myself on the Divine Light within, and every thought I hold and every word I speak are bathed in peace. I am blessed beyond my understanding today by the life I get to live. To be a grain of sand on the most beautiful beach in the Universe, to be a droplet of water in a gorgeously wild river. To be in a position to put out a helping hand every now and again and make a difference in someone's life. To look through the pain of this life sometimes and know...that behind every opportunity lies a lesson to help me on the path to Dharma, to understanding, to love. Namaste.
Monsoon weather here...relatively warm and pouring rain. The front yard looks like a rice paddy, creeks are overflowing their banks, and all everybody wants to do is sleep. I keep losing my satellite signal and am having a hard time downloading sites or pictures. It's very annoying. Tonight we will go to the home of a friend and have chili and dogs and I'm taking all the stuff to make Mexican Hot Chocolate. It's a wonderful concoction of chocolate, almonds and vanilla...piping hot and finished off in a blender to make it all frothy and good. I have some wonderful memories of early sobriety all mixed up in Mexican hot chocolate... Husbandman is feeling a little under the weather...bit of a scratchy throat. Think I'll make some french onion soup for lunch. We had a late breakfast as we slept in, so I still have time, even though it's almost noon already. There are some horrendous bugs making the rounds in this part of the country. I keep faithfully taking my echinaca and goldenseal and Vitamin C and D. So far (knock wood) it has missed me. I know personally at least 6 people that are sick though. yikes! A couple have landed in hospital emergency rooms. There seems to be a lot of pneumonia and bronchitis attached to this bug. Neither of us get the flu vaccines, so...we'll see. It sounds like maybe the rain has stopped for a minute. last night when I was driving to the meeting it was coming down so fast and furious that I had the wipers on full tilt and slowed the car down to about 15 miles per hour. It was yucky out there. I have a few more chores to do when I get off here, and need to get that soup started. I wanted to stop in early becasue I suspect we'll be out a little late tonight... I'm grateful to have friends who do fun stuff. I'm grateful I'm not one of those people whose life is over because they don't drink anymore. The truth of it is that when I stopped pouring booze into this hole in my face and deadening my heart, my life began. I have done more fun things sober than I ever did drinking. When I opened my soul to joy...everything shifted. I'm going to try to post my picture again on this post, but if it won't, it won't. lol I finished the autumnal wreath I was making, but I wanted to post the Halloween wreath I had made for my daughter-in-law a few years ago,...because it seems apropos. Weather weather everywhere...Grateful to be inside where it's warm and dry. Happy weekend to all you spooks and goblins...Namaste.
Little G-Rod enjoying the beauty of autumn... This is a tree I brought with me from North Carolina when I moved here. I dug that baby up and toted it right on over here. It was a gift from a friend's yard. Thanks, Kim!! I am grateful for an especially wonderful day. I am long tired and worn out, but it was a good day, all in all. I got to pass on a message of hope, attend a meeting, have lunch with nice people and learn some important lessons. It doesn't get any better than that... Tonight we had a blazing orange sunset that hung low beneath a horizon of cloud bank. It was spectacular. I love sunsets. I am absolutely head over heels in love with color this time of year. Look at that red maple...it's brilliant. The golds and oranges of the sugar maples are breathtaking. The brown of the dirt getting ready for a winters nap is earthy and satisfying. I was listening to the radio this morning in the car, and they were playing a song called Everybody has a hungry heart...I have a hungry heart for beauty and for nature and for love. I wouldn't have it any other way. I pulled off the road to watch a flock of cattle egrets in a field today. They are in the process of harvesting fields around these parts and the weather is not cooperating. Our one day of rain has turned into 3...so far. The stubble of the cornfields full of crows and egrets moves me. This time of year, we get to see streaming flocks of blackbirds, sometimes in a swath a hundred feet wide and 2 miles long. Bazillions of them, gliding and swooping and doing their graceful acrobatics just for me. I pull off the road to watch them sometimes, they are so amazing. Our winter birds are slowly reappearing and I need to see how much suet I have to put out. I am going to try making homemade suet this year too... Feeling grateful and blessed has made a world of difference in the way I look at everything from my life to the world around me. What a gift, eh? Namaste.
(I know, I know...you've seen this before. But..it amuses me.)
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Long busy day again today and another tomorrow. I will be up at 5 (ohgod-it'safternidnightnow!!!!!!!!!!!) and am meeting with someone at 9 and then someone else at noon. I am full to the brim with newcomer sponslings suddenly. I always have one or two, but right now I have 5. And all the others. Of course the others are not high maintenance at all, as they range from 1 year to 16 years sober. Let me rephrase that. LOL. Many of them aren't high maintenance. In the past month, I have given out a 1 year and a 3 year and a 14 coin. A 6 month coin. 2- 30 day coins. And it has all been a giant blessing to me. My life in sobriety has been filled with grace and people and love and annoyances. And I wouldn't trade a minute of it.
Autumn is upon us. The colors are breathtaking this year (because of all the rain I guess). I walk/drive around with my mouth hanging open every day. Detour Road is glorious...looks like the Master Painter dipped his brush in crimson and gold and magenta and orange and then flung it about madly. I love the fact that it's cool, and you can smell the woodsmoke in the air. The fat woolly caterpillars are everywhere. A few days ago, we had a splash of warm temperatures that brought on an invasion of ladybugs and it was like a Hitchcock movie out here! Gazillions of them....swarming like hornets. It was a trip. Beautiful chrysanthemums are everywhere...burgundy, gold, dark orange and cream. The cattails are a gorgeous orange gold color...right before they turn brown. Lots of rain has brought the green back to the grass.
I think about all the years I drank myself into not seeing any of the beautiful world around me. I see now what I missed. And I have had the good fortune to live in some of the most extraordinary places in this country. I am glad I can experience and appreciate the beauty today. That I can sit out back and take a deep breath and feel the hand of God all around me. That I have ..."Nowhere to go...No one to be...Nothing to do.".... And can saturate myself with nature and all her blessings. The first year I was sober I was out walking on the beach at Humboldt bay and marvelling at all the things I'd never noticed before...and I had lived there a long time. I looked up from the sand to see a large pod of whales migrating...it took my breath away. Today my life is all about moments which take my breath away. Flowers, sunsets, butterflies, love. The smell of fresh baked bread. A perfect brown egg.
I am especially blessed.....
Namaste.
