It's raining now. I can hear it on the roof and the windowpanes, shy little taps played by the water gods. We finished supper and I sat on the couch and read for a couple of hours and now I am here. I don't really have much to say, but tomorrow it will be a week since I have posted, and that just won't do.
I made bbq ribs and sweet potatoes and succotash for supper. And every one of the 19 times that man said "sufferin' succotash" I wanted to stab him in the neck with a spoon But I didn't. Good girl me, eh ?
I have gone from a period of isolating myself out here in the country to being back in the thick of it again. It's not a bad thing. But I feel pulled apart sometimes. A symptom of a spiritual malady, I'm sure...because I am NOT being pulled apart by it. Feeling feelings that I'd just as soon not have I guess. They will pass, and as my dear sweet Maureen used to tell me "Feelings aren't facts". I miss her. I miss all the people who have left my life and this world. We just had a tragic teenagers-in-a-car accident here a few days ago. One young girl killed (the driver) and it seems so wrong. And you have to grieve for her parents and family, while feeling blessed that it wasn't YOUR child or one of your family members. And I think this has just scratched the scab off that well of emotion that we carry inside us when we've lost a lot of people to death in any of it's many forms. Any kind of abandonment etches it's tattoo into your heart and it's the first icky place you run to when your mind gets like this. "Driven by a hundred forms of fear..." since I'm back out there working with new women again in the program, we're spending a lot of time talking about all this kind of stuff. This morning I realized that over and over again I get a chance to make the right choice, the right decision. That is my Creator's loving way of saying--come on, let's give it another try. Somebody needs help--will you say yes ? Or will you swim back into that murky pool of self centered selfishness ? Sometimes I do pretty good and other times I'm a dismal failure. WII-FM...What's In It For Me ? Not the mark of a compassionate soul...
I am doing a 28 day meditation challenge with Oprah and Deepak Chopra. Today is Day 6. It is a good discipline for me to sit in meditation at least one time per day. So far I am liking it and am feeling centered by it (even if this post doesn't sound like it). lol Definitely calmer.
My son has been working on my bathrooms the past couple of days. I had him put a new vanity and sink in the front bathroom and move the big sink from that bathroom into my master bath in the back. The new (to me--free from a friend doing a remodel) oak vanity is smaller than the old crummy one, so he has had to redo some floor tile and we'll have to paint the walls (I was going to paint that bathroom anyway). The biggest thing is that I have now lost a LOT of under the cabinet storage and will have to figure out how to declutter that whole mess. lol I have someone coming over next Thursday to help me out with some cleaning that needs doing...she needs to get away from where she lives for a minute or three and I could use some help. I will feed her, talk to her and listen, and put a little cash in her hand, as she's homeless, jobless and is at one of those low points in life where it seems like no matter what you do, you're screwed. Welcome to your bottom... hopefully. The best motivation EVER to make a person rethink their life. WooHoo. lol I took her out to lunch today for a sandwich and a bowl of soup and a home made root beer and you would have thought I took her to Elaine's. lol Giving back that which was so freely given to me, once upon a time. (Well--all the time, really). Such an easy thing, to be kind. Why don't we do it more often ?
Had a little epiphany the other day, listening to a story of how someone had helped some friends of mine with a big deal...and I thought...Blessed people, bless people...which makes blessed people, who bless people. And the goodness and kindness just keeps traversing the planet.
I made granola today and I can still smell the lingering aromas of cinnamon and vanilla and honey in the air. I also burned my pumpkin candle for a while and you can still smell that too. Pumpkin Mousse. A nice soy candle made by a local woman. I can't wait to see what scents she comes up with for Xmas...
All right. I've spent enough time here saying nothing. Stalling. I am doing NaNoWriMo again this year, and am woefully behind on my word count. I need to bite the bullet and get to it. The month is half over and I'm only about 1/3 of the way to my goal of 50,000 words. Can she make it ?? Does she have the perseverance ?? Will she get off her lazy butt and JUST DO IT ?????
Maybe. It could happen.