Feeling a bit over the top tonight...nearing midnight and I am a little tired. It was a full and busy day, even though I foolishly made plans with someone to spend the early part of the afternoon together...knowing it would probably be cancelled (odds were about 99:1) --counting on it, maybe. And then being pissed when it was. This is chronic make plans with me so I can cancel them...girl. And every time, I say to myself--this is it. This person is so high maintenance I cannot possibly want a friendship with her. I am not doing this anymore. And then the next time she reaches out to me, I get sucked in all over again. sigh....what IS it about me???
So actually what happened was that it opened up my day and I was able to get some things done that I needed to do, and not have to rush this evening on my way to a celebration. Win/Win, I guess.
A few years back I developed a new model for my life. It goes like this:
"My happiness cannot be contingent on any other human being."
It was a good night, saw some folks I haven't seen in a while. Shared in the love and celebration of a sober life. It was all good.
And then I came home and read some stuff on Facebook from a family member (not directed at/to me, but to another family member) and it is making me crazy. And I have had to ask Creator more than once to help me mind my tongue. Because I want to jump into the fray, even though I have no dog in this fight. It's just general principle. And really, all over one or two statements....quoting Bible verses at someone who doesn't agree with you. Talking about "Christians being persecuted, as they always have been..." and it has my heathen ass in an uproar.
I try to be as open minded as I can about people and their religious leanings. When I look around me, it looks to me like the Christians (some--certainly not all), are the ones doing the persecuting, not the other way around. Claiming that Christians are persecuted in this day and age sounds like a whiny rendition of finger pointing to me, as an excuse for behavior that no compassionate person, especially not the Christ, would have ever condoned. Am I wrong about this? ARE Christians persecuted? Certainly not in this country. In this country, my experience with Christians has been that it's their way or the highway. If you're not with them, you're against them. If you don't believe what they believe , then you, my dear, are going to hell. And I have been told that. If you don't believe as they do, they will harass you and terrorize you and run you out on the next rail with everything they've got. That I am going to hell, unless I repent. Repent what? Mostly this amuses me, but sometimes it makes me crazy. The audacity of it all. My own sister said that unless I accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior, there was no hope that I could join the rest of my family in heaven. I don't believe in that kind of a God. I don't know what I believe in, except kindness and love and equality and compassion. And Justice. And butterflies and hummingbirds and the smell of a baby's head after a bath.
I believe in a Creator that loves everyone, no matter what. That believes that love and kindness are the single biggest things in the Universe. That made those incredibly many-colored birds in the rainforest of South America...finishing touches on a palette of beauty. I believe that it's okay to believe that whatever works for you must be right. Why else would there be so many different religions? If there is an Omnipotent Creator of the Universe, then didn't that Creator create EVERYTHING? Would there be nothing outside the Creator's realm? And so who is anybody to point fingers and say this is wrong or that is a sin or anything else? Isn't that just arguing with your God? And why try to beat others into submission with your religion? How can that possibly be a good thing?
Sigh...it's only Thursday night. And here I am, looking for answers that have plagued mankind since the beginning of time. Why can't we live and let live? Why can't we just all get along?
I live in a thinly veiled world sometimes and find this particular subject to be many layered and volatile. I get scared at the things that I see happening in the world today...so much fear mongering and hatred...when it all looks so simple to me. The more afraid people get, the more violent and scary they get. They start doing and saying things that are not acceptable in public, and act like it doesn't matter...and it becomes every man for himself and then look out.
So far, I haven't had to further alienate my family, and I certainly don't mean to alienate any of you. I respect other peoples beliefs and I respect their journeys. At least, I try to.
When I'm not acting like a heathen and staying off Facebook.