Monday, July 5, 2010

  Suffering from some vague angst tonight...not sure what..or why.  Feeling disconnected and unloved and hopeless and useless...and all for no reason really. But I don't like it one bit. No sir, not one bit.

   A busy weekend.  All sorts of weather, from balmy days to blistering heat, to torrential downpours.  Friday was my boys birthday, 39. Yegods! (No wonder I'm all crazy!!).  Saturday was a stay at home day,  some garden and yard work. Sunday was a fishfry/fireworks party at a friends house. Today was a nice picnic at a local park with the Irishman, where we sat around in the great outdoors reading, playing checkers and eating. Then we played a few games of bocce. I beat him 2 out of 3 games. Tonight I was home alone for several hours. I played with the idea of going out to a meeting, but wound up staying here. Worked in the garden weeding and picked over a quart of the years first blackberries. Huge. Most of them the size of my thumb. (The pic today is not them, lol. It's black raspberries.) And now it's past my bedtime.

  I don't know what these brain glitches are that sink me from time to time. I've been thinking alot lately that I'm not ready to be old. There were so many things I wanted to do first. I'm in a mood about the state of humanity too. I have several young family members that I see on a certain social networking page...and they sadden me and scare me with their hatefulness. Their ignorance and racism and general lovelessness break my heart. I have already blocked most of them from my feed, because I cannot bear to even see it.  They live in the south,  where it seems to be socially acceptable to act the way they do. 

  And then I read the things people write, and they use all sorts of heiroglyphics: they can't spell, they misuse words,  and they say things that make no sense.  They quote things out of context and make statements that have absolutely NO facts to back them up.

  Am I getting old????????????????????????????????

  Maybe I should just go to bed...things are bound to look better in the morning. I am tired...and I have an early morning.  I wish I could go on retreat...just for a few days to clear my head. Or have an electroshock therapy treatment. Maybe that would clear out the cobwebs....

 Wish me luck.



Mary LA said...

Love you Annie -- I spent some time this week at a shelter for battered women and while I was moved by the women's courage, I felt despondent about the ongoing battering, violence and conflict where I live.

Are you able to do a retreat for a few days?

Hugs & strength

Andrew said...

Love to you Dear One. Take good care.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I wonder if it's a weird moon phase cause I (and I've now read a few other blogs) have been feeling like this too!

Prayer Girl said...

I'm sorry Annie, but for some odd reason I just had to laugh as I read your post. I know it is not funny to be in the place where you are and I end up there too sometimes. It is miserable.

BUT - on the other hand, it just sounds so very human. And..laughter.. is good medicine. And when I get that way just going to bed is often a wonderful solution too.

Brain glitches? Getting older? The ignorance of the masses? I've been down each and every one of those thinking paths. In the end I must always fall back on my admission of powerlessness and my reliance on God.

Thank God we have our programs.
I love you.


Dianne said...

hey, I haven't blogged much either, but you are going through a time-out after all the social activity of the big birthday! Gosh, 39, that's a biggie! I always have a down-time after events like that....
garden, walk, check out the sunlight in nature.
it's all good.
present and attentive,