Ah.....a minute to myself. Wanted to write a Flash Friday, but think I will do it on the other blog...Akannie's Weblog
I want to write today about the magnificent blessings in my life. About the way I have been changed from a person who was never okay...never satisfied. Always discontent, always irritable...always on the run. If I wasn't on the run physically, I was on the run emotionally and spiritually. I couldn't sit in one place for very long, and every where I went, there I was. I was never good enough, in my own mind, and certainly never enough in the lives of the people where I inserted myself. I have had a couple of really fulfilling days lately, and I feel the need to talk about this a little.
I truly believe that I can have experiences and never talk about them to anyone...and not feel that they are valid. I can share the miracles that occur in my life today, and in the sharing, the magnitude of them cannot escape me. It's at times like this that I really believe my Creator speaks to me...and cares for me....and takes care of me. I learned all kinds of things in early sobriety about going to any lengths and getting out of my own way, and putting in a teaspoonful and getting back a truckload.
What is a life?? An event of constant change and joy and sorrow. It's learning how to not anticipate the worst and (GAD!) even be hopeful that things are going to be good. It's learning to be useful and happy and free of the tyranny of my own mind. It's being open to the possibilities of life...admitting that I don't possibly know what's around every corner and what extraordinary things might be on their way to me. And finally...feeling that I am still on the journey. That I can be hungry enough for the good things and keep trudging. That I can be awestruck by magic and mystery and delighted by things like a sweetpea growing up strong and green after a frost has all but killed everything else. That mums thumb their noses at weather. That kittens love to jump and chase butterflies.
I realize how blessed I am today that...
- I can read and write.
- I have food enough in my house to feed Cox's Army.
- That there are days when the people in my life blow my phone up with their calls.
- That people trust me, because I am trust worthy.
- That I can be counted on to be a balance of truthfulness and loving intention.
- That I found out that LIFE IS NOT A RACE --just in time.
- That I am in love with my life and with my sobriety.
- That I have a family that didn't know me when I was at my worst.
- That I have a second family that did know me then...and loved me anyway.
- That I am slowly learning some discipline.
- That no matter how old I get, I can still learn new things.
- That I am on fire with NaNoWriMo this year!
- That it doesn't matter if my hair is grey and my skin isn't 24 anymore.
- That you love me. And I love you. And that helps me love me.
The class was extraordinary last night and the potluck was wonderful, and the people from the other potluck (that I missed) were raving about my food!
Life is a beautiful thing.... I am going to go clean a closet and move some things around. Already spent party of the morning on some 3rd Step stuff and will go to a meeting tonight.
Life's a dance...when you know the Steps!!