A Tough Tuesday

Hmmm...good thing I'm flexible. I got next to nothing done today...felt puny all day... Didn't plant the tiger lilies, didn't go to class. sigh... Feeling better this evening, but who knows. It's supposed to rain again Thursday, so I have got to get those flowers in the ground tomorrow.

Feeling grateful that I can arrange my world enough to be ill and take care of myself.

Grateful to be feeling better tonight.

Remembering all the times when I couldn't/wouldn't take care of myself because of work, kids, etc.
Remember that crazy idea I had that I'd be just as sick at home as I would be at work, so I might as well be getting paid.

I was thinking earlier in the evening about something I read in the book Amazing Universe for the class we're taking, it said that the Sioux tradition reminds us, all creatures EXCEPT the human are born knowing how to live in harmony. The human must learn this skill. ..

To let respect for differences gradually replace fear of differences is a challenging task. I was reading a blog I happened onto the other day, and the writer was saying something about one of her small children saying something very derogatory about Obama and how cute she seemed to think it was. And I just think, God, save us! This is how this shite goes on and on and is passed from generation to generation. When does it stop? Don't you want better for your children? Aren't the 40's and 50's OVER yet? Just when I want to think that mankind has begun to evolve, I read something like this and it makes me cry. The face of racism is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot of it in my years on the planet. And the thing that kills me about it all is this:
WHAT WE DO TO OTHERS, WE DO TO OURSELVES.

You cannot escape the truth of that. Humankind is connected by DNA and atoms and energy particles. We are all one in a swirling cosmic dance of joy and delight. I loved it the first time I read about molecules being "excited"--I jumped up and yelled Yes-Yes they are!!! And so am I!! lol I find a great reality in that childish taunt "I know you are, but what am I ?" I am you and you are me and we are God and God is us...and the laws of Quantum Physics are proving that every day. It makes us all sacred and holy and when I lash out at my brother, in thought word or deed, I am lashing out at God. When I don't teach my children to respect people and to be kind and to be loving toward everyone on their path, then I am sorely remiss in my duties as a parent.

Sheesh. Okay--off the soapbox.
That was a lot of energy for late in the evening, lol.

May we all be blessed with love.

Namaste.

My Monday

It was a me-me-me day today. Needed some downtime and time to relax, so I headed off for the nearest college town and got me some manicure and pedicure action. It was wunnerful. Then I did a wee bit of grocery shopping and then came on home. I have been listening to music and cooking and having a grand day.

I will be home all day tomorrow until time to go to the class. I have about a thousand tigerlilies to get in the ground and 2 sedums (autumn joy, the dark red one) and a few other odds and ends as well. It has rained most of today...just a soft rain mostly, with a little squall tucked in here and there for good measure. I am amazed at the plant growth in the past 2 days. You can't even tell the yard got a haircut on Saturday, and my clematis is taller than the trellis!!! The pea pods in the garden are almost 2 inches tall. The grreens are coming up nicely, and am just starting to see the beets too.

I have a sick kitty...not eating and vomiting from time to time. May have to take her to the vet...

Scarey thing, this swine flu outbreak. Head of the CDC was saying today that it won't do any good to wear masks, and I haven't any idea what the death toll is up to now. And then an earthquake on top of it Mexico City. Prayers being flung about the Universe for everyone to be safe. There are reports of the same flu in Israel, CHina and the United States. This couold be some kind of a deal. Hubby works with some guys that were taking a trip down to Cancun in 2 weeks. Not any more, probably. I need to get online and read the latest info... I just happened to have seen CNN when I was having my piggies attended to. We haven't had a television now for over a month. It's been an incredible blessing.

I'm ready for bed. Just stopping in to finish up my day in the right way. With a gratitude list:

1. I am healthy
2. I am sober.
3. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not anymore.
4. I am absolutely loved beyond a shadow of a doubt.
5. If my life were any better, I maybe wouldn't be able to stand it!
6. My relationship with Creator grows more every day.
7. I am blessed today.
8. I know that it's hard to be hateful when you're feeling grateful.
9. I have found a place where I fit, and it's called Alcoholics Anonymous.
10. I never have to drink again if I don't want to.



Namaste.

Sunday on a string.,..

A nice peaceful shot of MY Blue Ridge Mountains.


Another exhausting and wonderful day. A meeting this morning and gave a 3 month coin to a sponsling. Then a light lunch with hubby and then off to the CSO to hold the workshop for new GSR's. Only about 12 people in attendance. Not a great turnout, but there was lots of competition on this almost 85 degree day. lol

Came home and sat around for a minute and then proceeded to plant 6 pounds of fingerling potatoes. Also started some pumpkins and some yellow bell peppers and green bell peppers in flats. Al my heirloom seeds came yesterday except for 2 types that they were out of. Red bell peppers and something else.

Then it was a short play time with the doggies and then supper.
I am whipped.

What a blessing it is for drunks like us to have boring old normal days! I am grateful for these times. Taking hubby to work tomorrow and then off to get flea stuff for the dogs. Grateful to have the money to spend on stuff like this.

Grateful to have the opportunity to play in the dirt. To be able to raise much of my own food. To always grow enough every year to give away too. To enjoy silly stuff like this...I can remember a day when this kind of life bored me to tears. When all I wanted to do was run. To be anywhere else but where I happened to be, with whomever I happened to be with. Never happy, never content or satisfied, always looking for a different answer.

All this has changed for me. It's been a wonderful journey into my life and I am loving it, every step of the way.

How blessed are we?

I'm off to dance with the sandman.

Namaste.

Last Saturday of April

Oh my. What a wonderful day I have had!

Long, surely, and full to the brim with community and creativity and spirituality. It started off with an early morning and a leisurely breakfast/brunch. Cared for all the critters and the house and the birds outside. Went to the springs to refill the drinking water jugs. I pulled a couple of loaves of zucchini bread out of the freezer from last years uber bounty (lol) so they could thaw and be sliced and plattered to take along to the Earth Day celebration we were attending. We were out of the house by noon and headed out. I'll save the descriptions of THAT for tomorrow morning, as I am really tired tomight.

I am constantly amazed by the world I live in today. More all the time, I am in love with the beings who cohabitat here. It seems like the longer I live, the broader my horizons become and the more I appreciate every last drop of my existence. Maybe it's because time is going by so quickly or I am savoring each moment so much more. I don't know...

By the grace in my life today, I look at the world-- my world-- through new eyes almost every morning. I have a set of small rituals and rites that I perform consistently that send me on my way in a grounded and serene manner. I have a list of people that I say the smallest of prayers and blessings for (usually) before the sun comes up. I look to the Four Directions like my grandmother taught me and I bless the world. There is a tribe of Natives that do a ritual called the Jump Dance, because it is their job to help keep the earth in balance. They are taught from infancy that they have a sacred responsibility to do this, so that man might continue to live and prosper in the world. I feel like I have a responsibility too, to keep my world in balance and to maintain the ritual of blessing every person, every animal that crosses my path. A responsibillity to care for my planet in every way I know how. That includes everything from my rituals and prayers to recycling and greening up the place.

I am blessed to have a connection to my world that I thought I had lost in my years as a practicing alcoholic and drug addict. Those lost years, when I was disconnected form people and from life. Today I am in my life up to my armpits. Fully involved and immersed in a life that is so full and rich and blessed.

I am blessed to have new friends all the time.

I am blessed to be a tool of my Creator...as useful today as is humanly possible for someone like me. An open channel, a cracked pot. *grin

I am especially blessed to have lived long enough to get to experience all this.

And for these things, I am truly grateful.


Namaste.

Trifling Tuesday

The end of a busy busy day here on the Prairie. I'm bone tired in a good way...and got lots accomplished.

Tonight was the Amazing Universe class. The discussion was lively and varied and all in all, I think I'll go back again, lol. It was a lot of exploding primordial ooze talk, very scientific. Lots of timeline technical stuff and elements and cellular history.

On the way there, we saw a coyote walking purposefully across a field in a semi residential district. He was quite beautiful, looked fat and healthy. Later, on the way home in a different place, I had to slow way down as a red fox ran out onto the road. He stopped and looked at me as if to say "Exxxxxcuuuuse meeeee" and then he skittered back from whence he came. Kinda cool, seeing 2 predators in one night like that.

The night sky was covered with a gazillion stars and it was clear as a bell. The wind finally died down and that made it really nice. It's supposed to be 70 tomorrow and then 75 on Thursday. Yippee!!

I have plans to have lunch and then hit a nooner with two women, both mid-sixties, both with about one month sober. It should be interesting, lol. One just moved here form CHitown, and she doesn't know many people here. I got hooked up with her through a hotline call. The other is one of my sponslings, and she is on fire with sobriety right now. WooHoo! It should be fun to get them together. Older women have a hard time in this program sometimes. Lunch makes it easier. *wink

Not too much too say tonight, except that, as usual, I am feeling especially blessed to be walking this sober road. Read an obituary last night of someone I went to school with and used to party with here when I was young. Died of the ubiquitous "organ failure". Some of us get to get sober and clean and some of us stay out there and die before our time. It's an old story. Godspeed, Steven.

Grateful to have all kinds of things to do today besides drink. How great is that?

Life's a dance, when you know the Steps....



Namaste.

Monday, Funday....

Yeah...Funday...right. Not when you have 4 scheming little demons sucking the life outta you..
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These kittens are running and climbing and jumping everywhere. They are such fun to watch. It's exhausting too, trying to keep up after them. They aren't the least afraid of the dogs, and are climbing and batting them and playing with their tails. What fun...they are 7 weeks old now and are eating kitten kibble mixed with canned kitten food, 2-3 times a day. Mama Kat cannot keep up with them. They are fat little roly poly things and extremely active.

I have had several women out here in the past week or so who haven't been to my house before. Spring is a beautiful time of year out here...the grounds are blanketed in violets and the little spring peepers. Lots of flowering trees up and down our road too. Daffodils and tulips, redbuds and that gorgeous new green of the willow trees. Hyacinths and Surprise lilies, forsythia and lilacs. The irises are about 3 inches tall now and the hollyhocks are getting a good start as well. All my daylilies are looking great, the Liatris is about an inch and a half high. One of my new sponsees is bringing me some old fashioned tiger lilies and some bearded irises (black and deep red!!!!) for my yard when she comes out Thursday. I've been looking for some tiger lilies...not so easy to find anymore. I don't know if they bred them into extinction in the process of creating day lilies or what. When I was a youngster growing up out here, they were everywhere.

I've been thinking about starting a big plant swap here locally. It could really be fun, and is a great way to get lots of diversity for your landscape at no charge. I'll need to research how you'd put one together so it could be organized enough to work. I'll keep you informed as to how it goes.

It's time for spring cleaning. If I could just get the motivation and energy on track I'd be alright. lol I have lots to do... just to get ready for the Gathering this summer. I also have to find the family reunion flyers I made and get them in the mail. awww.... I think I put them into my notebook that I keep all the park info in. It's always the first weekend in June. I already have all the pavillion and campsites booked and taken care of. It's the weekend before everyone comes here, so that will be a little hectic, but not too much. Just have to remember to breathe in and breathe out...lol

Enough rambling. Time for me to visit the Sandman...ZZzzzzzzz.......


Namaste.

Sunday the 19th of April

....Does it look like this cat is sticking out her tongue?????
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I am being terrorized by a pack of 4 furry demons who are in warp speed mode tonight. They are pulling CD cases off the shelf, climbing into garbage cans, jumping with all 4 feet into their water bowl, and taking running leaps at my bare legs in an effort to race up to my chin and bite me. At 7 weeks old, they are masters of the running spinning ninja leaps and crab jumps. We spend most of the time doubled over with laughter at their antics. But not tonight. I am tired and cranky and they really need to GO TO SLEEP !!!!!

I am feeling especially blessed today by the love of my animals. That unconditional love that reminds me that we are all connected and that man is just another animal on the planet.

I am back from my journey into the seamy side of life, lol. Doctors and hospitals and fears and finances. My health is good. Everything has come out alright in the end, reminding me that the time I waste worrying over things is not time well spent. I am grateful to know these things and put them behind me. I may never go to another doctor again. lol

I went to a meeting this morning and it was a 12x12 study, the topic was Step 4. It was a lively and spirited discussion with a good attendance, even though several of the regulars were AWOL. Afterwards we went to lunch with a friend and then it was time to head down for the monthly District meeting. It was short and sweet and we were out of there in less than an hour. BooRAH!! A lot of people feel that this kind of service is not their cup of tea, but it is our responsibility to do these things to ensure that AA will continue to be here for the next generations of alkies that are moving up. I have always enjoyed this part of service structure myself. I am awed by the way AA operates successfully against all odds. I'm honored to be part of it. It's one of those things I will never understand...that people don't think they should have to do service at this level because it isn't "fun".

I'm grateful for having been inducted into AA at a time and place where the notion of giving back [to AA] what has been so freely given to me was an edict, not a suggestion.
I'm grateful that I can be of service of any kind, at any time.
I'm grateful that I can be an example of AA at work.
I'm grateful to have friends of the caliber that do not shirk duties becasue it isn't "fun".
I'm grateful to be back posting again on this blog...
And I'm grateful for all the people I know in recovery, who show me that there is a blueprint for living here, available even to someone like me.


G'night all....