...and the sailor home from the sea...

 

  This is my favorite picture, taken at his 80th birthday party, in Altoona Wisconsin in October of 2016.  Our little inside joke was that I was his "favorite daughter-in-law".   Joke because I was his only daughter in law.  That's how I would always sign our cards to him and when I talked to him on the phone, I'd say Hey Pops-- it's your favorite daughter in law !  And we would both laugh.  I met Gordie Kelley about 8 or 9  years after my own father had died, so he was my dad's stand in for the rest of his life. They were a lot alike actually, in temperament and personality, so you can imagine I loved him from the beginning. 

  They will lay him to rest tomorrow, up in northern Wisconsin, next to his first wife, my husband's mother. He was blessed to have known love twice, his second wife died about 6 months ago. She is laid to rest next to HER first husband, in the same Catholic cemetery.  Their children will gather to pay their final respects to a man that fiercely loved his family, was unwavering in his commitments to the Lions Club and the church choir, and was the craziest pontoon boat driver I've ever been on board with.  He loved his little trailer up at the lake, and fishing and drinking beer. He served his country in the United States Navy and was an active veteran. A couple of years ago, he got to take part in the Freedom Honor Flight with his daughter (a retired navy person herself) by his side.  Freedom Honor Flight flies veterans to Washington D.C. to visit the memorials built in their honor. The day trip includes visits to the World War II Memorial, Korean War Memorial, Vietnam Wall, Marine Corps War Memorial and Arlington National Cemetery. With spring and fall flights, the organization coordinates the transportation and itinerary of more than 200 veterans annually.  It was probably one of the highlights of his life. He was a really nice man and I am so grateful to have had the chance to be part of his family. He totally and enthusiastically accepted me from the start --  no questions asked, no conditions. He was one of those rare people who loved with their whole heart.

  So, it's been an emotional and relieved time for all. He was ready to go "home". He had been in a nursing home for over a year and it was hard for him to understand why no one was coming to visit (Covid) and when his son called him (usually a couple of times a week), he was more and more confused.  His health had declined and his will to live was diminished.  We are all so thankful that he didn't suffer too long and that most of his children were at his side when he made the decision to let go.  It will be hard to learn to live without him, but he leaves behind a trail of smiles and family memories and Packers memorabilia and comfort in the knowledge that he lived a good full life. He lived to see his great grandchildren born.  I think, maybe, it doesn't get much better than that.

 Goodbye Pops.  We'll see you on the other side.

Hump Day, Babeeee.....

 

   Finally- snow.  North of us has had snow, south of us has had snow, and finally today we have snow too.  lol    Not that it's my favorite thing, but it sure is beautiful and it blankets everything in a soft quiet kind of tranquility.  It's much better retired of course... I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to.  I'm still in my pajamas right now, and might just stay in them.  Getting dressed seems a little overrated on days like this.

  The pandemic has changed everything.  My once hectic life has slowed down a lot, just in time for  a heart attack and surgery which demanded slowing down.  I had an icky Achilles tendon surgery in February of last year which had me housebound and in a wheelchair for a good amount of time. Got out of the worst of that just in time for the Corona Virus.  So this has been a year of contemplation and quiet, of re-evaluating and reconsidering. Some of this, I'm sure, is my age. Some of this is the times. Weird times.  People are losing their minds. I seem to be finding mine.  lol

   The critters are napping all over the house. The dogs have been out and back in a couple of times.  The old girl doesn't like the cold, the baby keeps wanting to go out and check it out and then run back in.  The outside cat comes and goes.  She's been sleeping inside on the colder nights and will sometimes even stay inside during the day.  She has a little basket high on a table to sleep in where those  other horrid cats don't bother her so much.  She's old and cranky and has no tolerance for their shenanigans.  The twinlets are 2 years old and the Grey kitten is 1, and still very kitten-ish and playful.

  I've got some stew meat in the microwave thawing to make a nice pot of beef stew for supper.  Full of carrots, potatoes, onions and celery, it will be a nice with a loaf of fresh baked french bread.  Himself works outside parts of the day, so he comes home hungry and cold and grumpy.  A nice substantial supper puts him right. We usually eat around 6:30-7, depending on what time he rolls in.  This weather might slow him down some, or some days he works late.  Nice thing about a pot of stew is that it will be ready when he is. Our evenings are pretty quiet, and he is usually off to the shower and bed by 9:15 or so. He gets up around 4:45 AM and works 10 hour days M-TH, then [usually] an 8 hour OT day on Fridays.  Makes for a long week, and I try to do everything I can to make it easier for him.  

  Found a recipe for a DIY oven cleaner made with some pretty innocuous ingredients, so I may try to clean my oven this afternoon. before I get the bread going.  And then again...  lol  I have a hard time with commercial oven cleaners. Seems I react to something in them and wind up coughing and choking from the fumes.  So, I'll try this and see if it works.  My friend assures me that it does, but she doesn't cook like I do, and I'm pretty sure her oven never gets as trashed as mine.  lol  I'll let you know.

  I've been cooking and canning up a storm.  Hit a grand meat sale, and bought about 75 pounds of 80% lean ground beef, pork loin and bottom round roast for around $150.oo.  I froze 2 batches of pork loin chops, several packages of ground beef and a couple of bags of stew meat (plus cooked a roast for supper one of those canning days)  and canned all the rest of it.  My pantry is stocked. I've been buying some extras of basic staples like flour and sugar and oats and oil and rice.  Should be able to go without grocery shopping for a while. I have bought a few extras now and again of things like laundry supplies, dish soap and paper products.  My first aid kits are all stocked.  Pet foods are stocked (mostly) .  Playing with the idea of canning some dog food, but that may or may not happen. 

  That's about it from here on the Hill. Hanging out, staying in and trying to not be too worried about how crazy people are getting. I have high hopes again about the state of our nation with a new president, I pray that everything will work out without too much strife.  There does seem to be a faction of folks that  don't want to anything but cause strife.  It is worrisome...  Be well everyone

It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad World...

 

  This has been one crazy week. Crazy, scary, devastating.  I have no words.   On my birthday, Wednesday, Trump and his minions attempted to stage a coup to stop the certification of the election.  It didn't work. Lots of property damage, people damage and 5 deaths. These idiots were filming themselves as they terrorized Congress and destroyed property.  Now the FBI is asking for help identifying them FROM THEIR OWN PICTURES and rounding them up a few at a time and they are outraged. They brought weapons into the Capitol and threatened people, even threatened to hang Mike Pence because he was doing his job. And they are butthurt about being demonized and arrested now.  If it wasn't such a travesty it would be funny. Unbelievable.  Certainly a bd I will never forget.

  I have been staying home most of the time, going out now and then to do a curbside pickup of groceries.  I had to take my new glasses back to the eye place today, because I can't see with them.  I'm back to wearing my old ones, which frankly, are fine.  The nice man at the office finally figured out what the problem was and they will have to re-grind my lenses and they should be ready to p/u by the end of the week. He also said the new prescription was not very different at all. I wish they had told me that before I spent 250 dollars on them. (And that was my share- after insurance.)  While I was out, I stopped by a local discount grocery store and picked up a full case each of diced tomatoes and chickpeas. Then stopped to load up on pet food.  I got all put away, and even found jars for 20 of the 40 pounds of flour that came the other day and has been sitting on my dining room table, lol.  Today sesame seeds (2#) and wheat germ (1#)  came, so I jarred that up for storage too.  I use the wheat germ in my bread. I use the sesame seeds in lots of things. I've been cooking more Middle eastern and Mediterranean dishes, and many of those call for things like tamarind paste and fish sauce and sesame seeds.  I keep this stuff stocked up.  I love having the opportunity and ability to make and try lots of dishes from other cultures.  Last week I made a Muslim style rice noodles with beef that was out of this world !  I keep a nice stock of pastas, including rice noodles, cellophane noodles, soba noodles and regular old egg noodles and macaronis.  Also rice and quinoa and cous cous (which we don't eat very often, but it's nice to have).  Being able to buy things in bulk from Amazon is nice, especially during these crazy quarantine times. My husband hates that I'm on a first name basis with about 5 delivery drivers.  lol It's just a sign of the times. 

  I have been thinking about canning some dog and cat food items...things I could mix with oats or rice in the event that I couldn't get dog and cat food.  I don't want to get crazy about the state of the world, but today the FBI is warning law enforcement across the US of possible  armed protests at 50 state capitols starting Saturday through the inauguration on Jan. 20th.   These people have lost their minds.  As far as I can see, it wouldn't be a surprise for the chain of supply to be interfered with. I like to think we are prepared for anything that happens, but I don't know.  I guess we can just do what we can do and trust that it will be enough. I've looked at my seed vault and thought about ordering some more garden seed, but I probably have enough.  Again-- I don't want to get too crazy. There's enough of that in the world. 

  I have skills.  We have survived some pretty scary things-- natural disasters (tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes)...a car accident 5 years ago that turned our world upside down for a while. Food shortages and rationing things, tho no one starved and it was minor compared to some places, it's not something we're used to dealing with in this country (or in this house).  I have been convinced that it was necessary to keep a stocked pantry because 1) We live out in the country and if it snows a lot, we can't get out and 2) You never know what might happen.  When himself was hurt in that accident and couldn't work for 3.5 months, we got a real exercise in what it could be like, just from having to pay bills and survive on my disability. And we did it.  And it was scary and eventually satisfying to know we could do it. And there you go.

  Alright, this old girl needs to hit the hay. I have plans for tomorrow...some things I really need to get done. Here's to democracy and level heads and crossing things off my list.  It could turn out to be a very productive day.

 

Monday Musings 2021

 

  Here we are... the first Monday of January in 2021. It even feels like a sci-fi thriller.  Covid is wreaking havoc with peoples lives,  supply chains are slowly being disrupted, and people are generally grumpy AF.  Someone was talking today about a Covid "syndrome"  and my two cents was that we're just scared shitless of dying.   Call that a syndrome if you want.  I call it fear.   And of course we are afraid.  The numbers keep climbing, the vaccines aren't available like they should be, and we don't even really know that they will work.  And the reality of the seriousness has finally sunk in, even to the people who called this a hoax and "just the flu" a year ago.  With over 350K dead and a confirmed minimum of almost 21M cases in the US alone, even the die hards now know someone who has had it or died from it. Scary times around this world of ours. 

  I am eating a bowl of leftover stew for my breakfast/lunch.   Life is going right along here on Honeysuckle Hill... made it through the Holidays and his 12 day vacation with no angst or bloodshed.  lol  He was starting to get a little restless, pacing and such, 12 days is a little much. He said last night he didn't want to go back to work, but I think secretly he did.  lol  

  Today I am doing a tiny bit of housekeeping, but I slept late and so kinda shot myself in the foot. I think that I am  making a meatless Monday meal, maybe a pasta with putanesca sauce and some home made french bread. And salad.  I'm hungry for a salad. Picked up a grocery order from Aldis yesterday and got most all of it separated into meal sized portions (the meat--chicken and ground beef).  Thought it was all put away (he helped) but I just found 2 bags sitting on the pantry floor.  If I get off my butt and put them away, I can still at least vacuum (and have supper ready) before he gets home at 6. lol  Had a thought to doing laundry today, but it can wait til tomorrow. Trying to pace myself. lol He went for a hike yesterday, and pulled in the driveway 5 minutes after I had unloaded all the groceries from the car...7 bags and a box.  I was plum tuckered out after that.  lol    The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be...

  So, as you can guess, I have been stocking and restocking my pantries. I am going to can some ground beef tomorrow or Wednesday. Freezer is full.  And all of it needs re-arranging probably and inventorying.  But the weather has been goofy and I have been lazy and it hasn't gotten done.  I did inventory the pantries, and am pretty happy with that.  I am waiting for pork loin to come up on sale again so I can CAN 10 or 12 jars to add to my meat stash.  I have chicken, roast beef, and a couple of jars of pork left.  I have store bought canned tuna and salmon. I have a case of shelf stable tofu, plus a couple of packages. All in all, I feel pretty ready  for any worst case scenarios, food and supply wise.  I still have a few things that I feel you can "never have too much of" that I will buy as I see them. One of those is chickpeas, or garbanzo beans. They are a great source of protein, and I have learned to make several Indian dishes with them for a base.  AND-- I secretly eat them right out of the can, heated up with a little butter and black pepper.  lol   Usually when I find myself either not wanting to eat at all, or craving protein.  I am awfully grateful that I have a broad palette and like most things, and that I love culinary adventures. I have made American (of course), Vietnamese, French, Thai, Indian, Mexican, Greek, Italian, Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Moroccan, Native American, and heaven knows what else kinds of cooking. It helps that I have a man who is not too picky, and will try anything once, and loves to eat too. 

  That's pretty much it from the Hill.  No more dr appts unless I have a problem. Keeping a casual eye on my vitals, and doing what I am supposed to be doing. We have both been healthy and are so thankful for that.  The critters are all fat and sassy and make our lives better every day. Here's to 2021 --  may we all march to our drummers and keep our heads held high.

Wait ?? What ??? Where did the last 3 months go ???

 

  Good grief.  I haven't posted since September.  I don't know where I've been or what I was doing, but it apparently wasn't here. 

  Truth is I have been on the run a little again.  Only to cardiac rehab, but still.  3 times a week, a one hour drive there and back. And all the stuff in between.  But now I have abandoned the trip to that hospital 3x a week because the covid virus is spiking like crazy in that county and I am not willing to risk it, especially in a hospital setting where everyone, visitors and patients, employees and vendors are all coming in the same entrance, using the same elevators and restrooms. So now I haven't left the house in a bit, except for one trip to the grocery.  

  Trying to make sure my food stocks are appropriate, and that I have all my ducks in a row for the coming winter.  I've ordered a few Xmas gifts online for front porch delivery.  We don't buy a lot anyway, so that was easy. My pantry and freezer is full. I will probably make a few curbside pickup orders from Aldis throughout, as my husband can easily get them on his way home from work.  

 About ready to maybe put up some Xmas decos.  I usually wait until the middle of the month and then leave them all up until after my birthday.  Jan 6th is the Twelfth Day of Xmas. It will also be my 68th trip around the sun.  2020 has been what it's been, and I am not sorry to see it go.  lol  Anyway, I still have some lifting limitations, so the weekend has himself here to carry the totes in from the garage. Every year I put up less and less decorations.  My husband used to say that it looked like Father Xmas had vomited all over our house.  lol  Now it's a tabletop tree and some of my Santa collection mostly.  A few other things here and there. The less I put out the less I have to put away. There's that.  lol  I have a few pine and cinnamon candles to complete the ambiance.  Good enough. But sometimes I still miss the old days...

  The pandemic is still roaring around us. I stopped going to the cardiac rehab at the hospital because that county has a crazy level of infections. So I am walking every other day, doing a pedal exerciser and a cardio video... all at home.  A friends parents have tested positive for covid and was at their house for Thanksgiving, so now everyone is quarantined.  2 other friends are still hospitalized with it. I have known about 8 people now who have died from it. We are all really becoming numbed to the whole thing. Some people are angry, some are depressed. Some try to act like nothing is happening and some are letting it make them crazy. Somehow we have to find the middle ground and do the right things and get through this. At my house we wear masks when we are out, keep masks, gloves AND hand sanitizer in both the cars, and use the hand sanitizer before getting out of the car and upon getting back in. And stay home as much as we possibly can. 

  I have done a little canning this week and am picking up a bunch of sweet potatoes tomorrow, so hopefully will have plenty of those to can as well as some to bake. They're from a local grower and I'm not sure just how much she has available, but I'll get as much as I can.  I canned roast beef  this past week too when I found a good sale on it.  Might pick up some more tomorrow and do another canner load, or maybe not. The pantry is looking pretty good in terms of veg/meat/grains ratios. 

  So that catches you up from Honeysuckle Hill. Oh, and at the 3.5 month mark from my heart surgery it's all systems GO, all my numbers are good, and the cardiac surgeon team AND the cardiology team don't want to see me again for a year.  Unless something comes up, and then I am to call them. So feeling pretty good all around.  I do have one more appt next week with the wound care people and then I think they will be done with me.  The wounds on my leg form the vein harvest are finally almost healed up. Grateful to be alive and feeling pretty darn healthy.

  So, stay safe, wash your hands, stay home and let this bitch of a pandemic  run it's course and git on outta here.

Quiet Moments

  This hangs on the wall above my computer. Helps me to be reminded that quiet is good (not boring) and that if I don't shut up sometimes I can't hear. 

  It's been a crazy few weeks and things are settling down now.  I had 2 follow-up dr appointments yesterday with the cardiologist and the surgeon and everything is right on track. It was a long tiring day and I came home and fell into a nice sleep.  lol  I am still way more tired than normal [for me], but they assure me that open heart surgery will do that to a body. All my lab work and tests are in line. I am cleared to drive again (can't wait) and can start cardiac rehab and begin lifting 15 pounds instead of 8.  lol  It's the little things in life.  I can even vacuum my own floors, as long as I take it easy and rest if I feel tired.  (I do that anyway).  Funny how the littlest things of normalcy feel like such a big deal. Having health issues like this throw me for a loop. Everything feels surreal and weird and I am way more of a creature of habit than I like to think I am.

  I have earned some really important lessons of late.  Lessons about accepting help and lessons about who says they will and don't. One reason or another... all reminding me that my happiness CANNOT be contingent on anyone else's behavior.  People will be how they are, and because I am in the recovery community, a lot of the people I know are not necessarily the most reliable or trustworthy.  Old habits die hard. Bless them, and change me, as one of my friends says.  My part is not having expectations of people.  Their part is growth.  I always say that we are all on a path... and most of us are at different places on that path.  It's the trudging that counts.  What is that saying ?  Before Enlightenment--chop wood, carry water.  After Enlightenment--chop wood, carry water.  You still gotta chop and carry. lol  I would say I am learning patience too, but that might be a lie.  Some days, if anything, I am more impatient than ever. With myself AND with others. With my body. With healing. Sigh...

  I am having some issues with my leg where they harvested the veins. The gouges don't want to heal right. So I went through a painful process of debriding last week and go again on Tuesday. In the meantime, I am packing the holes with an iodine soaked strip and changing it twice a day. It's gross. And it hurts now. My sleep is erratic. Some nights I simply cannot fall asleep. Some nights I doze off and on. Some nights I sleep like the dead for 7 hours or more. Something I will talk to them about on Tuesday. The cardiac rehab starts tomorrow and we'll see how that goes.

  All in all-- that's about it from the Hill. Husband and I went grocery shopping today and it about wore me out.  Had meant to go all week, but decided I shouldn't do it alone just yet. He did all the heavy lifting of course and was very sweet about it all. We got home, I laid down a bit and we had some leftover Caribbean stew for supper and watched some tv. Masterpiece Theater for one. A police mystery set in Amsterdam.  It was quite good. I have a 10:30 AM appointment in the morning, so I hope to be in bed and asleep at a reasonable hour. Am munching on a small bowl of green grapes and thinking about the weather change... I was freezing last  night, so tonight I put a nice thick warm blanket on my side of the bed. I also got the little bathroom heater out when I took a shower this morning. Nights have been in the mid forties and today never hit 70. One of the meds is making me sick at my stomach, and I think it may be the antibiotic she gave me for my leg. I've been actively nauseous or queasy all day.  Yuck.

  I have a few dishes to do before I wind this night up. I've been trying to get this piece written for 4 days.  lol  Ah...  finally.

My humble, broken heart...

 

  On August 9th, 2020  I had a mild heart attack.  I'd been having some minor issues for several days (weeks?) like  tightness in my chest (ala acid reflux, I thought), some shortness of breath and unexplained random nausea. Himself took one look at me and said-- put your shoes on, we're going to the ER.  I said, no, wait.... let me sit a minute and see if it passes.   I've been to ERs 4 times over the last 15 years with this stuff and it was acid reflux every time (they said). I got really clammy and sweaty and hot and he practically threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the car.  He asked if I wanted to go to Alton and I said NO--take me to Litchfield , which was about 5 minutes closer. We got there and my blood pressure was sky high, about 248/135.  I had checked it at home and it read about the same, so I assumed my cuff wasn't working right. lol  They did initial tests and said they were going to keep me overnight for observation and run the tests again in 5 hours.  When they did, I was off the charts. They came in and told us they were making arrangements to send me to Springfield (our state capitol) to St John's and the Prairie Heart Institute. They said I had had a heart attack. I was baffled.  I arrived up there sometime the next morning and was put in a bed on the Cardio Vascular Care Unit. That afternoon a cardiologist came in and filled me in. Said the troponin levels were trending back down, which was good news.  He ordered some more tests and blood work and said that when he got those results, he would decide if I got a stress test or a heart cath the next morning. I told him I was pretty sure my heart was okay.  He smiled and said-- we'll see.  But..but.. I eat way too much brown rice and kale to be having a heart attack !! I don't smoke !!  Never have.  I don't drink !  I eat healthy !  He said he had looked at my family history of heart disease and sometimes genetics win.  Came back in later that evening and told me that I was scheduled for a heart catheterization first thing in the morning.Gave me a bunch more information that I don't remember. 

  The heart cath showed a 90% blockage in the big artery and 60 and 80% blockages in the other 3. He told me they call that big  artery the widowmaker. Seemingly healthy people walking around and suddenly drop dead in the garden.  So, I was scheduled for a Quadruple CABG first thing in the morning on August 13th.  It was about a 7.5 hour surgery.  Except for the vein harvest in my leg, it went off without a hitch. Luckily I came with all my own spare parts, but the guy had a helluva time getting that leg vein to cooperate. Said he NEVER had problems like that one.  So my leg looks pretty gnarly (it's healing, but damn...).  Seems the process for this surgery is pretty grotesque.  They deflate your lungs to get them out of the way. They somehow dehydrate your body (for less messy cleanup, I'm assuming)  lol.  Then (as one nurse said when I was complaining about my back hurting)--"They lay you out like one of those flattened deboned chickens".  After the fun is over, they wire your breastbone back together and glue and stitch you up. Start the process of RE-hydrating you. They must have pumped a million gallons of fluids back into me  lol  Then after you are out of the Cardiac ICU, they put you on lasix to get any extra fluids back out of you.  It's dizzying. I had a terrible time coming out of the anesthesia. I have been clean and sober for over 30 years, and being bombarded with all the drugs sent me into a tailspin. I hallucinated for 3 days post op. I was so scared, I can't even tell you. I was afraid I had brain damage. Then they tell you you need rest, and proceed to wake you up about every 3 hours for blood tests and xrays and vitals checks. About 7 days later, if you're lucky, you get to go home.  I was lucky. So, now I have been home a little over 2 weeks. Everyday I am a little stronger and mostly feel a little better.  I am still tired a lot and nap a couple of times a day. I am pushing myself to try to do a little more every day. I am on a lot of medications (many of which I swore I would not take). But I promised himself that this time I would do everything they told me to do...so there's that. I am not a good patient. Ever.

  I have a visiting nurse that comes twice a week to look at incisions and check me out.  My friend came down from up north to stay with me these first 2 weeks at home to help, and I could not have done it without her. I can never repay her for her kindness and assistance.  💜  Thanks Angela  💜   The outpouring of love and cards and gifts and well wishes from hundreds of people in my little world has been overwhelming. I am beyond humbled by the kindnesses.  I already know how traumatic events can change a person and this is no exception. In the midst of this pandemic the whole world is changing.  My little corner of the Universe, and myself (as the Queen of Quite A Lot) has shifted once again.  I am grateful to be alive.  And to have had maybe some of the best nurses and doctors in the whole world. The surgical team was most amazing, the hospital experience was stellar, and the nursing care was some of the best I have ever seen. So many things could have happened so differently...

  True to form, I was the life of the party at the hospital (esp before the surgery), lol  I kept them laughing and acted like a complete Pollyanna thru the whole thing.  After I came home, I broke down for a bit and cried myself to sleep almost every night. Tears of gratitude, fear and relief.   Tears of getting way more love from people than I deserve.  Tears of coming a little too close to dying. It's not so much that I'm afraid to die, as I told a nurse one night, it's just that you're dead for such a looooong time.  lol

  In the middle of my hospital stay, my mother-in-law died.  My husband left Wednesday to go to Wisconsin to help his siblings deal with stuff. His dad is in a nursing home there and he needed to see him. Life goes on... it's messy and the timing is bad sometimes and the wheels just keep on turning. Somewhere in the future, we will find the time for things to get back to normal. 

  Personally, I can't wait.