Rest in peace sweet soul...David Bowie has left this worldly realm and gone on to the next great adventure. I have been listening to him through the years since about 1969 I think... and I know that the world will never forget him. Fly on, David...fly on.
"Look up here, I'm in heaven," sang David Bowie on Lazarus, one of the songs released on his final album, Black Star, which came out on his 69th birthday -- just two days before his death on Sunday. "Oh I'll be free. Ain't that just like me."
Ah, the world is full of it. Full of disease, full of heartbreak, full of the unimaginable. Sometimes I think of the people in the 1700's and how they rarely lived past 40 and maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. We, on the other hand, have desperately chased every possible opportunity to stay on this planet as long as we can. I'm not saying I want to die, but maybe the realm of man NEEDS to be shorter. We can do less damage that way. I just read an article (about 4 months old) about the mass killing of feral cats in Australia. By poisoning with a gut wrenching poison--drawn out horrible way to die. My God...Hopefully, the rodents (that are NOT in the government) will run out of control and show them that there is a balance in the world. I am watching my sister-in-law ie of brain cancer, and they have finally stopped all the madness of treatments and experiments (that did maybe give her an extra year or so to anticipate the end-- is that a good thing ? I don't know). I have watched several people die long drawn out deaths thanks to the miracles of modern medicine. And the good news is, you don't really get to choose. Much. I could be wrong here, but I feel like my family was bullied into all this time of clinical trials and new drugs...holding out an insidious carrot of hope that MAYBE a miracle could happen, while at the same time saying that this aggressive cancer is fatal. It was almost passive aggressive at times. Until finally, my sis said--no more. No more. And even then they wouldn't just let it drop and respect her wishes...until they said a lot more things trying to convince her husband and children to do one more thing, just one more. And when they wouldn't budge said...well, we always told you this was fatal. The hospital systems in this country are abominable in their business first dealings. It hurts my soul.
I am so full of thoughts today about living and dying and hope and despair. Not my usual genre of writing subjects. I have had a year of remarkable losses and still as much joys...little packets of joy that drop around me. I can pick them up or not. Small miracles and devastating realities. Not that miracles are not a part of my reality, because they truly are. I am incredibly grateful for that. I was listening to an old interview with natalie Cole --daughter of nat King Cole-- last night with Tavis Smiley on Public Radio. She died on New Years Eve from IPAH...an idiopathic hypertension disorder, She had a kidney transplant about 10 + years earlier. It was so refreshing to hear her saying that her getting a kidney that was donated directly to her was a miracle, and that God had things she still needed to do, and messages she needed to spread. She was a remarkable singer too. I have lost family members, fur babies and friends this past year. And it isn't over yet.
And I guess that this is the way of life. And the older I get, the more people I will have to learn to live without. And the trick is keeping my heart open, no matter how badly it is broken. Remembering that learning to let go of the ones I love will always break me a little...and a little more...and that has to be where the light comes in. And I will learn to be better at letting go. And keeping in mind that my needs are not the most important. That sometimes people need to not suffer anymore. They need to not be forced to stay here and be subjected to one more minute of anything, just so I can not be without them. To learn the compassion that comes with life on life's terms. To remember that we are all stardust....