Thursday, December 8, 2011

Drawing down from a long week...

   (I LOVED this....says it all)

I'm tired. Too tired, and now the doc says the EKG shows a problem. A "possible" inferior event--whatever the hell that means. Do these guys just make this shit up as they go along? And how can one guy look at it and say it's good and another look at it and say it's not? The latest wants me to have an echocardiogram and a stress test. At a hospital that HE chooses.  

  The whole thing smells very funny to me.

  At any rate...

  One of my dearest friends died yesterday. She lived her life like a freight train sometimes, lol, hard and fast and did whatever she wanted to whenever she wanted to.  And in the end, she died peacefully of a cardiac arrest.  And I have cried and remembered and processed as much as I can, and I am exhausted. And I will miss her with all my heart, and remember our times together with great love. And there will be a hole in me, from now until forever.


  If that weren't enough...little Roxie took off like a bat outta hell last night and disappeared. I mean--vanished without a trace. We looked everywhere for her and she was nowhere to be found. That really gave me something to cry about. *grin.*  She was gone all night long, and all I could think was that she was lost and the temperature was in the 20's and she couldn't find her way back. Would the coyotes get her? Would the big German Shepherds that live up the road find her? 

 I didn't sleep well, everything considered. When I got up this morning there was still no sign of her. I went to my 10 AM dr appt and  then went to do a little grocery shopping and when I got back, there she was, curled up with the Jack Russell Terrorist (who doesn't like her, normally). I was beside myself. She ran into the house and dove headfirst into her little burrow of fleece blankets. She proceeded to sleep most of the day, either in the blankets, or up on my lap. 


  I feel all funny and disconnected and sad and scared and tired.  I am going to bed in a minute here, because the events of the past 24 hours have just been too much. 

  I actually cleaned house a little today, just to give me something else to think about. Well, that AND my old high school friend is coming by tomorrow morning for a quick visit. lol She has some cat allergies and so I try to make sure things are vacuumed before she comes.  Poor thing.  I took the leaf out of the table, put groceries away, vacuumed, swept and mopped and put a lace tablecloth on the table. It looked so nice...and later, when I was sitting in the living room with my DH watching The Mentalist, I looked over and realized that I had put a lace curtain panel on the table.  AND IT FIT.  Crikey. I'm leaving it on there too, lol.  I have the loveseat covers in the dryer and the chair cover in the wash. Before I go to bed, I'm going to get those covers out of the dryer and get the others in and started. I'm not putting the slipcovers on tonight though...if I do, they'll be full of cat and dog cooties before daybreak.


   This is short and not so sweet...I hope I'll be in a better frame of mind tomorrow. Must be the moon....



Mary LA said...

Annie -- you've been on my mind. I'm so glad Roxie came back safe and sound. I hope the docs sort out the problem.

And we are both going through the loss of our friend. Pppfffttt! as she would say! Her emails and posts make such funny and wacky and wise reading.

Take care and I wish we were closer geographically at times like this.

Beth said...

Dear Annie, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I know how deeply you are grieving.

PLEASE!! do what the doctors ask you to do. An echocardiogram is not painful at all. I have had this done several times. I had 2 stress tests last year. Do these things to put your mind at ease if for no other reason.

You will be in my prayers!


DJan said...

I too am sorry for your loss. It's so hard to lose friends. And I echo your previous commenter: please do what the doctors need to evaluate whatever it is. You are way too important to many people, so you need to take care of yourself.

I am sending you virtual hugs and good vibes. I hope you can feel it.

Teresa Evangeline said...

Best thoughts to you over the passing of your friend. Maybe Roxie needed to skedaddle for a while, but I'm so glad she returned safe and sound. I would be thrown into a large panic if Buddy disappeared for the night.

When I first read about your doc's concerns I read it as an "interior event." That makes more sense than inferior. Nothing inferior about any part of You! I'm in the "smells very funny" camp.

Curtains can be whatever you want them to be and so can tablecloths.

Annette said...

Ohhhh losing a friend is *really* hard. I am so sorry. Yes, please take good care of yourself, go to the doc, get his tests and see what comes of them.

Your going to bed reminds me of that email joke that went around a while back. The married couple says, "Let's go to bed....the husband goes. Hours later the wife comes in after unloading the dishwasher, loading the few dishes in the sink, wiping down the counters, seeing that car needs water, so she fills that bowl, realizing the floor if yukky so she quickly mops, then uh oh, the dryer has clothes in it....she folds and puts away, then puts the clothes from the washer into dryer so that they are ready to be folded in the morning when she gets up. 2 hours later she comes in to get in bed and the husband says, "I thought you were coming to bed." "I am" she says.

Be gentle with yourself right now. ((HUG))

Rita said...

So sorry to hear about you losing your dear friend...and the scare with Roxie...and then the doctor, too! No wonder you couldn't sleep!

I must say that when it comes to heart stuff I've been around it a lot with my son (rare congenital heart defects) and, in my experience, the regular doctor (or even the cardiologist) will do a general look at the EKG, but then it is sent off to the specialists for closer evaluation. This goes for your xrays, echocardiograms, ultrasounds, etc. So it is possible that the specialist picked up a possible something that the doctor would not have noticed.

Doctors are affiliated with certain hospitals, so they always want you to go to one they are connected to. That's why if you ever want a second opinion it's better if you can go to a doctor who is not associated with the system the first doctor was in, if that makes any sense.

Oh, and there's anterior and inferior something or other on EKGs. Not sure what they mean, though. I think it has to do with location of the electrical current in the heart?

So please go in and have the echo and stress test, okay? And don't be afraid to ask lots of questions.

So glad Roxie is home!! :)

LindaM said...

I'm real sorry to hear about your friend. I'm glad that Roxie came back too.

Well the E.R. people don't read more than basic radiology stuff and always will defer to the pro who does. I hope that you can resolve all of this and its good that you found out. Its better to know-even if the Dr.s might be pulling some stuff-you need to know what shape you are in.