Friday, September 11, 2009

Fridays Foolishness

Slumber and dreams...

Home from a meeting that I attend regularly. Tonight was a small meeting, with only about 10 in attendance, but there was about 165 years of sobriety in that room, and 3 of the people there had under 6 months. THAT'S a pretty awesome deal. It was in rooms like this that I learned about living sober in my early days. Where the oldtimers would still "suit up and show up". Sadly, there are a lot of places where that isn't the case, and newly sober people are left on their own, flailing about with no experience , strength and hope that only oldtimers can provide. I try to always remember that when I don't feel like going to a meeting...that I am responsible for a few very important things in Alcoholics Anonymous. One is to be there, present, to show that people like us really can recover and live happy lives. One is to make sure the doors are open, so that when the new person does get here, there's somewhere to be. And one is to be a walking Big Book, and show that these principles that we practice in all our affairs, really do make a difference. Trust God--Clean House--Help Others. Pretty basic stuff, really.

It's been a good day. A little while ago, I went outside calling for my kitty Junko Taibei. When I looked up, I saw a gazillion brilliantly shining stars in the night sky, and was awed by the sight. I had just come home form the city. In the city, you almost never see the stars. I am especially blessed to live out in the country, where the stars are so numerous and hang so heavy it's almost as though you could touch them.

I had an incident with a sponsling last night and have felt a little unsettled by it all day. I have cleaned my side of the street, and after a long talk with my sponsor, feel that the ball is in her court. She is a newbie who has a problem with prescription drugs and alcohol, less than a week sober and clean after her last little episode (A sorry tale of margaritas and 40 Xanex), and was telling a newcomer older lady that she needed to see a psychiatrist. Sigh...I interrupted her and said let's go...once in the car, I said (gently, I thought...but she exploded) You have no business giving anyone advice about anything and especially not about seeing a psychiatrist. She immediately got reactively defensive and started accusing me of stuff (being mean to her mostly) ...and I said--enough. She got out of the car in a huff and told me she didn't need me or anyone else in this F*&%#ng program, that she would do this by herself. She'd show me! And I said "Good Luck" and drove away. Later I called and left 2 messages on her voice mail, she isn't calling me back. So that's that. I will keep her in my prayers.

Tomorrow we will be gone all day nearly, at the Festival of Faiths and Cultures, where the CSA is having an information table that we will sit at for about an hour or two. Then after we tour the Festival we will attend a bbq at some friends...a house warming thingee. Sunday I have to be at 5 AM so I can be ready to leave by 7 to attend an Area Assembly in Vandalia. It's about an hour and a half from my house. I am the Alt. DCM for our District, and the real guy is in Texas. So I get to read the report when they call on my district. I actually like this seamy side of AA, lol, and have been involved in service at this level from my early days. I am considering standing for the Grapevine Committee Chair, as it has been vacated by the guy who has done it the past few years. I don't think there's a whole lot to the job, which is why I think I could manage it. I am (by way of being the Alt.DCM) the Workshop Committee Chair, but that's a matter of putting on a few workshops , no biggie. Thinking about it...haven't committed to it yet. lol

I am blessed to be sober and useful and present. All gifts of sobriety.

God's got a deal for drunks that don't drink.



Steve E. said...

Many need it
Few want it

Sounds like something out of a bible...

Ah! We DO like to prescribe for our patients (Sponsees).

Prayer Girl said...

It just breaks my heart to watch someone who is just so lost remain so and turn their back on the one thing likely to help them. As you say, prayers are about the only thing left when that happens.

God bless,

Mary LA said...

Love you -- conflict is inevitable but so hard. If she stays sober, the truth will find a place in her heart.

xxMary LA

Carol said...

Good to hear someone talking about service. I keep my hand in but have to watch my motivation when I get the inclination to do more.

Madison said...

Margaritas and 40 Xanax. I'm praying for this woman today. How very sad.

Ginnie said...

I agree with you so much about the "old timers" continuing to go to the meetings. It always amazes me how many people can attain a complete new life through the program of AA and then "forget" to give back what has been so freely given to them !
I've also had similar experiences with sponsees. I'm glad you're strong enough to let it slide off.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm glad you wrote about this... I'm glad I have been given a new insight that does not allow me to say F(*# it for long before I realize that God has me in the palm of his hand and nothing I can do will make God turn away... He meets me at every street corner, in every dark alley, in every small dark space...

I was reminded more than once that I cannot even kill myself of my own will (I'm still alive) therefore I'd better come to terms with a life that I'm gonna live in joyfully or die in slowly and painfully...fighting all the way.

Sobering thought.

I chose Joy... I chose recovery!

enchantedoak said...

I'm all over the Mistress's comments. God is bigger than all of us. I had a pastor once who said, "By all means, plant some seeds." It's God's job to raise the plant up. Who knows what role you'll play in that girl's life? You stayed sober. I'm grateful my Higher Power has all of us in His hands at all times. And, you have to be willing to go to any lengths. Thanks for being an oldtimer carrying the message of hope. Come by my blog and see me sometime. I'm new and low on self-sufficiency, probably a good thing!

Fireblossom said...

I love meetings like the one you described. Cecil B. Demille crowds make me twitchy.

Funny how pride can keep us from recovery, isn't it? I mean, given how little we usually have to be proud about by the time we get here.

And...stars rule!