Saturday, August 30, 2008

A Particularly Sober Saturday...

Feeling especially blessed today, after a long long day of meetings and speakers and food and fellowship. We started off the day with a breakfast potluck and 2 speakers and then to a birthday celebration with cake and then to a nighttime potluck and speaker meeting. The last one is not a meeting I have ever attended, but was asked to come tell my story and so, there I was!
The best part of sharing one's experience, strength and hope is that you get another chance to look at your life. At what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. And when I take that opportunity, I can get a glimpse of how much I and my life have changed. Like a camera snapping the moments of drama and comedy, I get to dip and dive and dodge the truths about myself. The more tragic events become grist for the comic's mill, and the dark comedy of the way I lived is apparent. Sometimes I feel like an old slapstick movie...keystone- copping my way through the years. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the incredible loss, the sense of disconnectedness that was always my companion. Othertimes, I can focus on the miraculous facts of my life. How I didn't put a bullet in my head, or kill myself or someone else driving drunk. How I somehow managed to escape the Aids epidemic unscathed, after all those one night stands and blackout encounters. How I can still have a relationship with my son, after all is said and done.
In the end, I am overcome with a sense of being blessed in a manner completely unbefitting someone like me. By the fact that grace is indeed undeserved favor, and that the hand of God is apparent in every aspect of my life. And I will never understand the whys and the wherefores. And that it's okay--I don't need to understand. I just need to integrate gratitude for each and every thing that occurs. And trust that this elegant grace will always bless my life.

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