This is Thursday??

A day of days.

On a bright note, I picked up a big pile of yellow and lavender irises that a friend dug up in her yard and gave me. I just have to figure out where to plant them and then get it done.

On a less bright note, I called the doctors office this morning at 8:30. They took a ,message (about the referral) and then no one bothered to call me back all day. At 4 PM I called again, asking to be put directly back to the person in charge of the referrals. Her name is Aiyesha. She said, very nonchalantly, yes, I got the message that you called. I said well??? She said, I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I very calmly said, What? You haven't gotten around to getting me a referral to a specialist from an appointment 8 days ago? I can barely walk. Exactly how long does it take for you to call another office for a referal?
She very quietly said, No, I have not. Your chart isn't marked URGENT. So, I'll get to it whenever I can get to it.
I said WHAT ?!?!? And she said--I SAID I will get to it whenever I get to it.
At which point, seething and angry and hurting, I said "Don't bother. I will see a different doctor." And I hung up.

After I spent a moment crying in frustration, and walking around the house in circles, I called the new branch of this same healthcare foundation which just last week opened in Bunker Hill. I got a very nice woman on the phone who, when I gave her a quick rundown of the problem, apologized for what just happened. And I said I wanted to make an appointment and she said, I'm sorry, we aren't taking any more clients today, I can't get you in until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. I said, relieved, that would be perfect. I will see you at 10 o'clock. She asked for a little info so she can get my records from the database.

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Tonight, my grandson is here and we had root beer floats while we watched a movie and he is now firmly ensconced in his favorite bed (hideabed in the living room) surrounded by all the dogs and cats. I'm ready for bed too.

The pain in this damned knee is now at about a level 8 constantly. I am worried that I am doing more and more damage to it by walking around on it. Trying to be sensible and keeping it elevated, which helps relieve the pain a bit. Skipped my meeting again tonight becasue it hurts to drive so badly. I may have Patrick get my crutches down from the garage storage...

I am more grateful to be sober tonight than usual. To be able to find solutions, in spite of other people. To have the clarity of mind to be able to stand up for myself and make a decision that's in my best interest. To be able to be proactive in my own healthcare. To be able to be assertive. Things I never could do when I was drinking.

I'll be way glad when my life gets back to being all full of light and laughter and rainbows shooting out my ass all the time.... I'm getting sick of hearing about all this all the time.


Namaste.

Whining Wednesdays

This is a print by C. Don Ensor called Mothers Mandolin... I picked up a pair of his prints at a sale one time...

It's been a long good day. I stayed close to home til about 7:30 PM when I hightailed it out to a meeting. Really glad I went. Several newcomers and a good topic. Even if I was late, lol.

I tried to call the doctor all day today. No luck. Turns out that whole section of town had a massive power outage...no phones, no computers, no electricity. (Lack of power was our dilemma...) I called the specialist that I was supposedly being referred to, and they said they have not been called by the office. I got so angry I threw my phone across the room. I don't often have fits of rage like that these days...but I lost it. It was a week ago that I was in that office and she sent me for the xrays. It doesn't help that I'm hurting so much. I think tomorrow I will call another doctor on my own and see what happens. The receptionist at the specialists office said I can't make my own appointment with them-the doctor has to call. Unbelievable.

I did a tiny of bit of housekeeping, a tiny bit of garden work, and watched a movie and took a nap. I need to be in bed now, because I have to take Pat to work so I can go get the young Prince tomorrow morning. He's staying through Friday...we haven't seen him for a couple of weeks.

I've had more anger than usual these past couple of days. There are extenuating circumstances, but I always have to keep my fingers on the pulse of my emotions. Anger takes me places I don't want to go. I sat in the garden for awhile this afternoon after my little conniption fit. It helped calm me down and gave me pause to look at the positive side of things in my life. Birds singing, flowers blooming, garden growing like crazy.I'd like to get this knee fixed before canning time is here. Once that starts I will be on my feet for hours at a time...it's hard enough on my broken body without the added mess of a swollen knee. Sigh...

..."and acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation-some fact of my life-unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in Gods world by mistake. .." (Alcoholics Anonymous, pg 417)

And once again, I take a deep breath and step back. Tomorrow is another day and today I didn't have to take a drink...no matter what. Odds are good that I won't have to tomorrow either, if I can remember a few simple ideas and trust my Creator to take me through the day.


Namaste.

Tuesday the 7th

[When baby Lucy came to stay...]


Had a great class tonight...many of the same faces and one new one. Feeling glad that I managed to get the reading done (at the last minute) and make it there.

It was a harried day...had to go to the laundromat, get some pet supplies,make juice... blah, blah, blah. I was overly tired, and cranky [still] and annoyed at having no water. It just makes things more difficult than they have to be. Especially cleaning up the juicer after juicing 6 quarts of juice. I used peaches, sour cherries, cucumbers, carrots, celery and 2 kinds of apples. Oh, and some watermelon and cantaloupe. It tastes very good...

I realized today that I am spending more time in meditation when I feel like this than when I don't. Or maybe it's just a different kind of meditation... at any rate, things like injuries and pain slow us down and make us take time to go more slowly and contemplate our actions a bit more than when all's well and we're scurrying through life.

I'm grateful tonight that I have a program that leads me into actions and behaviors that are more in line with a life of quiet contemplation than I have ever known. I'm grateful that the hamster wheel in my head is out of commission. lol

Blessings are all around me, when I take the time to look. In the faces of friends and family...even the friends I have yet to meet. In the laughter of small children. In the shades of green in my garden. I am especially blessed to be a sober woman, on this planet, at this time.
When I think of all the years I ran around like a maniac, never seeing the world around me, always looking for the next "thing", always waiting for tomorrow and never being in today...it amazes me that I didn't turn out to be a lost soul...one of the grey people that walk around the land looking for something they'll never recognize...a contentment with things being exactly the way they are supposed to be.

Time for bed. And a good nights sleep, with no troubling conscience, no worries, and no unfinished business.


Namaste.

Manic Monday

Looooong day today and tomorrow promises to be more of the same.

I heard a 5th step, took my SIL out for a congratulatory lunch (she passed her certification test...the one she was so sure she'd flunked!) and then came home to put some stuff away and it was time to get himself from work.

I am in pain from this knee and the pain pills aren't helping much. They have one more chance tomorrow to get this appointment set up or I'm doing it myself. I'm no hero, ((Steve)). This really sucks.

I want to apologize from the bottom of my heart (((Anna))) that I didn't get to you on your birthday! I hope you had a grand day and want you to know that YOU are one of the people that inspire me. I want what you have, girlfriend! Congratulations on 24 years.

I hate it when I get so tangled up in my own stuff that I forget important things.

Have to get up at 5 again and take himself to work so I can go do laundry in town tomorrow. Sigh...

I want to take a nice long shower, but the pump has been out since Saturday again. I feel like a little kid that needs a nap.

Grateful for:
*Medical care
*Friends
*Dogs
*Sobriety(which is really number 1!)
*Blessings, elegant and otherwise.


Stick a fork in me, cause I'm DONE.

Namaste.

Simply Sunday

The bbq was a success, and we had lots of fun. The computer was down for a couple of days, and I am just now getting caught up, because I have been totally useless today. I did get yesterdays party all cleaned up this morning...but otherwise I have been laying around and sleepy all day. I'm just checking in here quickly and then heading for bed.

The pain is just getting worse in my knee and I know that is part of my crankiness. I'm also just physically exhausted...so I leave you with this thought:

"You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there."

Swim, baby...swim.


Namaste.

July's first Thursday

The hollyhocks at the front of the yard are blooming. I really love these kind of old fashioned flowers...and so do the Japanese Beetles. We have a terrible time with them every year...they eat the hollyhocks, the rose of sharon, the green beans...We seriously need to invest in the milky spore, but it's not cheap. It creates a network of underground fungus that kills the grubs of the JB, thus preventing infestation. Forever. It spreads and spreads... They are showing up now, those JB's...

We had a summer salad buffet for the potluck at tonights meeting. I picked cucumbers and snow peas and onions and basil and kale and mustard for the salad I brought. I also put grape tomatoes, 4 kinds of lettuce and spinach in it. The speaker was excellent, the attendance mediocre...bad time, I guess, right before the holiday weekend. Still in all, we had a good time.

I go tomorrow morning for the knee xrays and will be glad to have that done. The darn thing is making me limp and now causing my hip and pelvis to hurt...from walking funny, I'm sure. It will be good to have it over and done with.

All the little towns around us are having 4th of July doings...here in Bunker Hill, one of the local county government guys is going to read the Declaration of Independence. Another little town is having a street dance and music festival, and here in Bunker Hill we always have a 4th of July parade. I have to wonder how many people even know what the Declaration of Independence says. lol

Feeling really grateful, tonight, for having been blessed to live in a country whose ideals are relatively magnanimous. For all the things wrong here, there are a lot of things right. My sister and I were talking the other day about our dad...and I was telling her about how he and I used to fight like crazy about the VietNam War. She is 10 years younger than I am, and of course, remembers nothing. lol My dad fought in WWII, in Europe. He was a true blue American, like many people of his generation. He always felt like he could trust his government to be honest with him, to always do the right thing, to tell the truth. By the time I was a 16 years old anarchist, lots of things had happened that were a sign of times changing. He was heartbroken when all the truth about Watergate came out...the truth about the war, and he apologized to me later in life, and said "I cannot believe that they were lying...you were so right about it all along" And he meant it. He would always say, [in these arguments] "I fought for my country! I love America!" And I would say "If my country were attacked, I would fight too! It was a whole different thing!" I really miss my dad...he was a wonderful man and he was really very openminded about things. And (like me) the older he got, the more mellow he got.

Anyway...lol. This weekend is going to be busy. I'm looking forward to it, but even more to Sunday, when it's all over. lol

A few of the things I'm grateful for:

*Liberty
*Freedom from the drink
*Optimism
*Love
*Good memories of me Da
*Hollyhocks
*A nice sleigh bed with clean sheets
*A snoring, farting lovely man to share all these things with!

Sleep well, and dream dreams of peace...

Namaste.

Wild and Wooly Wednesday

Happy July, everyone! It's been a long first day of the month for me and I'm grateful to see it winding down.

Saw the doc today. She poked and prodded and practically stuck her fingers inside my kneecap thru the skin. Looked at me gravely and said..."This is bad." Through my tears, I said..."I know". Sooo--I am set up for xrays and they are procuring an appointment for me with an ortho guy, and she gave me some pain pills. She said--this has got to be excruciating. You have an incredibly high threshhold for pain, don't you? I pointed at the tears rolling down my cheeks and said "Not so much." lol I have to get the xrays done so they'll be ready for Dr Rogowski. I'm just relieved to be having the ball rolling.

Had a lovely lunch with a sponsee who just got back from a week in Prague. She got me a lovely gift...a gorgeous garnet necklace from the 40's, she found it at a flea market while she was there. It just so happens that garnet is my birthstone. I am so blessed to have people like this woman in my life. She made a wonderful salad for lunch that was made of: spinach, snow peas, cucumbers, onion, tofu and artichoke hearts. Had a slightly sweet/sour dressing on it--YUM! (I LOVE it when other people cook for me!!!) lol We looked at her photographs from the trip...made me want to go there even more than I already did! The architecture was breathtaking.

It was a beautiful day in the high 70's today. The world looked all beautiful and people were a lot nicer than they were when the temps were over a hundred. lol Me included. Tonight after we had dinner, hubby and I went out to pick a few peaches and the last of the cherries. I also picked a few cucumbers for the big salad I have to make for tomorrow nights speaker mtg/potluck. Found a few more snow peas (they're about gone, although this cool weather has started some flowering again!). The garden is looking all wild and overgrown and things are (I swear!!) about 4-6 inches higher every day.

Today, I am grateful for:
*A sober life, where I can give and receive love
*Friends and family
*Watching them dig trenches for!! WATER LINES!!! just down at the bridge!!IT"S COMING!!
*Nice weather
*Gardens
*Fresh Peaches
*Music and art and Natures beauty


Tomorrow is my sons 38th birthday. Wow. Where does the time go? Seems like just yesterday, he was a little toddler, getting into thjings and learning about his world.

No wonder I'm so tired.....lol


Namaste.