The Audacity of Hope

 The title of this post is, of course, from the book of the same name by President Barack Obama.

  I'm writing this today from a country that used to be the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.  A country where respect and common decency used to be the norm. Now it's a place where a militia type Federal police force made up of a gang of thugs (made up mostly of security forces from the border where they hate anyone who isn't white already) . I remember  the shootings of students by National Guardsman at Kent State and how the entire nation was shocked to the core by the killings at a war protest. Now it's a country where people are being pulled off the streets and dragged into unmarked vans and whisked away. (Does any of this sound familiar ?)  Now it's a place where a long respected heroic BLACK congressman dies and the POTUS refuses to attend the funeral. And then refuses to put the flags at half mast and then does for half a day (amid backlash) and then removes it again.  Now it's a country where the  Administration incites hate and racial unrest every time he opens his mouth.  The latest is his stirring up shit among white suburbanites and publicly rescinding affordable housing acts put in place by the guy that wrote this book. 

  How did we go from an educated, literate compassionate president to this monstrosity that is in the WH now ?  This man whose gibberish is impossible to understand ? Who can't speak in full sentences ?  A man who declares bankruptcy over and over, neglecting to pay his bills, lying and lying and lying some more. And then claims to be a successful businessman who is going to "help" this country get back on it's feet. (Which, btw, was not "off" it's feet until he took office and started screwing with International trade relations, screwing over American farmers, and the hundreds of other things he has done to line his own and his cronies pockets.  

  There are no ethics, no integrity and no soul in our government anymore. We have turned into Hitler's Nazi Germany. This once great country of ours, forever a beacon of hope and good in the world, is now a sad laughingstock. And the ones that aren't laughing are shaking their heads in despair and fear.

  I can't decide if I am going to post this blog  or not. I am so despondent over the state of things here.  My inclination is one of 2 things: to completely withdraw from the world and stay here at home on Honeysuckle Hill doing what I can to prepare for the crash that is coming (or already here-- food shortages, outrageous unemployment, civil unrest)  or get my old fat happy ass out on the streets and scream until something changes.  I guess you know which one I'm choosing.  I screamed about Nixon. I screamed about the Viet Nam war, I screamed about Reagan and I screamed about Bush (es).  I have laryngitis of the soul from all the screaming I have done in the past.  I am tired.

  But... today is a sunny Sunday and I am contemplating making some kind of dessert.  And maybe a low country boil (because that's fun).  I am considering the idea that meditation and prayer might be the only things I can do these days. Living with intention. I despair over the people I have known who think this is all great or funny or whatever the hell they think. The ones that harbor as much hatred and fear and racism as the man in charge of this country does. They probably really need my prayers, but I have a hard time not closing my heart to them. 5 years ago, if you asked me if those kind of people were actually in my life, I would have said, no--of course not.  The people I am friends with are not like that.  Turns out many of them are.  And it breaks my heart.

  I am stopping here.   Maybe I will post it, maybe I won't.  But I feel better having gotten some of it off my chest.  I think I'll work on straightening up my little living space and listen to some soothing music. My soul is tired...