Friday, August 18, 2017

You can call me "Your Highney-ness"

  It's a strangely beautiful day here on the prairie...temps in the low 80's, humidity is moderate and the skies are clear and sunny.  My laundry day is almost complete (last load in the dryer).  I am doing a little, sitting a little and trying to just ease through this Friday afternoon. Probably going to go out tonight for a meeting and then some supper with my honey.  It'll be an early evening.

   The world is a shambles.  Feels like, anyways. Seems like every day one more unimaginable thing happens. Or gets said.  Or ...something. I am suffering from an even worse case of media burnout than I did during the election.  And yet it's like driving by a train wreck--you just can't not look.   I was listening today to a clip of one of Hillary Clinton's campaign speeches where she was talking about Trump. It was frighteningly prescient.  It was sent to me by a Canadian friend of mine.  I have friends all over the world and none of them can believe what is happening in Washington DC either. It's like a satirical horror movie with very dark comedic undertones. Except it's not. 

   So all I am capable of some days is staying where my feet are.  Which feels a lot like burying my head in the sand, because I am not capable of rationally managing my outrage.  It's a fine line sometimes between accepting and trusting. Accepting that the world's gone mad and trusting that it's gonna be alright somehow, someday.  And staying informed. And discerning between the real news and the not so real news.  And hearing it all without wanting to slit your own throat.  Trying to retain balance in an unbalanced world.  Trying to just...breathe in and breathe out.

   I am struggling with some personalities, people in my life with addiction issues, people who act like spoiled children because they don't get what they want when they want it. People who refuse to hold themselves accountable for their own actions or try to change anything to make themselves feel better.  People looking for a magic bullet to make them feel okay. News flash: there IS no magic bullet that will make you be anything you are not. Nothing changes you but hard work on YOUR part. And boo hoo-- nobody can do the work but you.  No person , place or thing holds the key to your transformation.  Nice try though.  I've been trying to be more even handed about looking at the world the last 50 years (and I can do that now that I'm almost 65), and see if I can tell where the great divide happened. That gaping maw of an event that changed human personalities to the extent that everyone feels entitled and no one feels responsible. Where it became okay to be mean and petty and selfish.  I listen to all these people denouncing political correctness and I want to scream -- You insipid bastards !!!  It's called HUMAN DECENCY !!  I hear all the hate and all the anger and I just want to wave my magic wand and stop it all. Engender a condition where if you can't say anything nice-- you can't say anything at all.  Selective muteness.  How many chances do we get ? How many times can we continue to make the same mistakes and still not learn a damned thing ?

   On a good day, I feel the song of a new world.  I can hear it breathing.  On other days, I am beyond brokenhearted.  And then of course, I am reminded of one of my favorite Zen Buddhist koans: 

     "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After         enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

  Guess there's always wood to be chopped and water to be carried.


Tracy H said...

I am feeling as you are, and if you ever figure out when the divide happened, I'd love to know <3

Ol'Buzzard said...

I grew up in a house with an aunt addicted to drugs and alcohol. I don't think there is much hope for overcoming addiction. The one thing I know is that the addicted person, besides destroying themselves, pretty much destroy the the serenity of the people around them - the people that care for them - the people that feel responsible for them. Their personal addiction negatively effect everyone within their sphere.

I agree with you about Trump. I try to chop wood and carry water; but trump is like that car wreck that you can't help looking at...
the Ol'Buzzard

piseth san said...

if you ever figure out when the divide happened, I'd love to know <3