I am trying to stay awake later and later. I have gotten my sleep patterns all goofy because of the surgery pain and the pain medications and all that jazz. Everyone says "Go Slow" and "Take it easy" and I really have been...but the problem is that I am sleeping a lot and going to bed way early (for me) and then I am walking the floors at 3AM because I am awake and my muscles are cramping from laying too much and my brain is racing. lol Last night I stayed up til after 1...then for some reason I woke up at 3. And then went back to bed at 5 and got up at 7 because I had some places to go. Long story short, I was so freaking exhausted that when I did get home this afternoon, I lay down and slept the sleep of the dead for over 2 hours. And I am still tired. lol
Life is slowly getting back to normal; A new normal. but nonetheless...
Today (7th) was my darling girl's birthday. When she was alive, we always got together for her and my birthdays. So many little things that change and sadden and tear your heart out when you lose a loved one. I texted both her kids and said I love you. I know this will be hard for them. I hate it when you lose someone so close to holidays and birthdays and such. She passed on the 12th, and their Valentine's Day will always be marked by her passing... and so close to her birthday too (within a month). I called my brother at home a few days ago to check on him and the answering machine picked up and it was her voice and I started bawling...felt like someone punched me in the gut. I could barely leave a message. All these things will ease with time, but time seems to be all warped for me right now.
Had the PT at the house today and I was complaining that all this is taking so long and everything is going so slow...and she looked at me like I was nuts. She said--honey. You're only 3 weeks out of a major surgery. You're doing great. And I was---what ? Feels like it's been 3 months. The knee is doing great and the only pain I really have is the soft tissue damage from all the manipulating of muscle and tendon that they have to do to get knees in and knees out. It's almost more severe discomfort than pain, but I still don't like it. lol I will be discharged from Home Health this week, do 8-10 weeks of outpatient PT and get to working in my garden. lol
Spring is showing itself around these parts. We supposedly have some serious rain coming the next 3-4 days. It was almost 70 degrees today, but cloudy. Just enough sun to make you happy. lol I opened up the house to blow the stink out and turned off the furnace. At almost 1 AM it's still 58 degrees out there. How weird is that. I just looked and now they're saying no rain tomorrow, but moderate rain Wed-Thur-Fri. We'll see,
I'm going to head for bed here in a bit and see what happens. One of the local markets is having their big 10 for 10 sale and have both carrots (2 lb pkgs) and celery on sale. I need more dehydrated celery as I'm down to my last jar. And I was thinking about canning some carrots. So I'll be making a quick trip to the market in the morning I think. We'll see how the night goes. Sometimes I get so little sleep that I wind up napping off and on for much of the day. That's a habit I need to break./ lol
Namaste
7 comments:
Hope you feel wonderful surprisingly soon!
Gosh, Annie, I think you're doing great considering how much has been going on in your life. I'm just glad that knee surgery is behind you now and there's nowhere to go but up. Sending you lots of virtual hugs. Hope you get some actual ones, too! :-)
Annie, Annie, Annie! What are we all going to do with you, dear girl? You've not only just gone through major surgery but major emotional upheaval. No wonder you're feeling a little beat up and out of sorts.
On the other hand, it's really hard to keep a good woman down. And you are a good woman. And do not like being "down."
Add me to those sending virtual hugs, okay?
It's hard to be patient, when it's not in your nature. BUT, it's important to heal well. You sure as shootin' don't want to regress. Be kind to yourself, Annie. And keep in touch. :)
Don't fight your sleep pattern, just go with it. Enjoy the time you are up: perhaps start writing a book - we all have one in us, though our chances of getting it to publication is small - it is the writing that is cathartic. It is having something to focus on that is important to fill your wake time. In the arctic with 24 hours darkness and 24 hours daylight you come to realize that schedule is not something natural - your body clock will regulate what you need. Go with it. As summer comes on it will eventually regulate itself to something more to your liking.
Best wishes
the Ol'Buzzard
May the sun continue to shine for you as you heal. Those anniversaries stay with us forever and it's hard to work with your feelings your not at your best yet. More hugs to you.
Thank you all for your kind words... I am healing from the surgery, slowly but surely. And I am blessed to have women in my life who constantly remind me that these things take time, and it's only been 3 weeks and all that. lol I spent the weekend at the conference, and stayed home today (Sunday) because I could not do one more thing. lol I had a mtg I should have gone to, but that's okay...
Yesterday was a month ago she left us. How does that time go so quickly and yet so slowly when you are dealing with grief ?? sigh... I will be back soon...I m gong to bed early (9PM now) so I'll probably be up at 3 again... Until then...
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