Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas Christmas, burning bright, in the forest of the night...

 So, it's mostly over.  Gifts exchanged, food eaten, messes cleaned up.   It was a bit of a thin gift giving around here this year, but that's okay.  We had a friend over on Christmas Eve for supper, and then today we ate leftovers, and easy food, and watched movies.  We did NOT watch A Christmas Story or The Grinch or It's A Wonderful Life.  (We have those movies, and we usually watch them, but not today. lol)  I'm not sure where the day went, but now it's late and everyone except me is sleeping.

 And I'm a little melancholy...thinking about things that I can't change or do anything about.  I feel like a silly old woman.  I didn't hear from a one of my siblings today.  I didn't call them either. So, as much my fault as theirs I guess. They all have kids and grandkids and all that goes with that, and  a couple of them have big extended families as well.  I didn't want to barge in on any of that.  So, instead I'll just sit here and feel sorry for myself.  lol  And I've really had a pretty good day. I'm tired and sore from all the cooking I did yesterday. But the food was good and I didn't kill myself cleaning or anything ! lol  I made a pretty rustic meal and my guest thought it was rather gourmet.  So that is always a good thing. 

 It is such a stressful time of year for so many people. Not for me so much...because I just don't get all up in it like some people do.  A friend of mine's mother died last night. That will probably color her holidays forever.  Anothers child got really sick today and she was frantic. Yet another had to race her mother to the hos[pital Christmas morning with a stroke. I have a habit of getting a little sad at Christmas...a habit born of all the years I didn't have my son when he was small.  When I was still drinking, I would just stay drunk until it was all over.  Once I sobered up, everything changed.  I finally got him back when he was almost 16, but by then the habit was ingrained in me. Call it regrets, fears, cell memory... even now it affects me. It's not horrible or debilitating. It's just a sadness that washes over me,  usually mild. It wasn't even happening this year until tonight, when everyone was asleep and everything was done.  Probably because I'm tired. 

  At any rate...tomorrow will come soon enough. I have to take the insulated bibs back that I bought for the Irishman and exchange them for the next size up.  They're just a tad too snug.  They go over the top of his work clothes.  Hopefully they will have some still...and have the size I need.  My son was thrilled with the granola bars I made for him and put in a Xmas tin. We also gave him a couple of pairs of heavy boot socks, some house slippers, a dvd and a book of wild mushrooms in Illinois.  I "owe" him a batch of granola too. I just didn't get that made.  The Irishman got a pair of slippers, the bibs, a dvd (Where The Wild Things Are) and a new nice leather wallet.  I got some perfume,  2 dvds (Contagion and Water For Elephants), a sweater from my inlaws and a sweater from my husband. Oh, and a cooks scraper...I don't know what to call it...the straight edge metal scraper that you can chop with or cut dough.  I've wanted one, but just never got it for myself. I always can make do with something else. lol  We had a nice breakfast of ham and eggs and I made a batch of cranberry/blueberry/almond muffins.  It was a nice morning.  And it was all downhill from there.  I roasted a small turkey breast and put the small piece of ham in the oven too. Around 2:30 ,  I sliced that stuff up, put out some cheese and crackers and small slices of leftover multigrain baguette from the night before, got out the platter of pickled stuff from last night too, and we feasted while watching a movie. Just pretty much grazed the rest of the day.  lol  I offered to reheat some french onion soup from last night, but nobody was interested.

 All in all...a good Christmas.

  Hope your was the same.

  (I didn't get this finished last night after  But here it is)





Mama Pea said...

Yup, Christmas time is often hard for oh-so-many reasons. Our good neighbors buried his father and sister on Monday of this week. Things like that certainly have an impact of the holidays. At Christmas dinner, our daughter asked hubby and me to tell her about her early childhood Christmases that she was too young to remember. At first it made me feel very sad because those were years when we had so little money, a leaky roof over our heads and not enough firewood to keep ourselves very warm. When she was five, her "big" present was a bed pillow because she didn't have one. But then we started remembering the fun we had, the things we did that made for good memories. If we could go back and change things revolving about Christmas, I'm sure we all would. But what is the saying . . . we did the best we could at the time. It's just that -- darn it! -- we seem to remember the regretful things, what we see as our shortcomings more than the good times. We need to put the emphasis on how much better we have it now. And be appreciative and thankful! Amen.

Insightful post, Annie.

Beth said...

I am always a bit sad at Christmas time too. My husband died in December as did one of my sisters. I try to put on a happy face because I am so fortunate to still have family even though they are not close by. I think you are probably closer than I am to my brother who lives close to Belleville.

Cloudia said...

We gotta be happy crones, not only silly old gals!


from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^= <3

Akannie said...

Thank You, Mama Pea.

It is true that there have been so many times that were way harder than now...and we are all hard on ourselves about things that we maybe had no control over. I do know that some of my best memories of Christmases past were the ones when we had no extra money and had to make it all up as we went along. lol

Thanks for brightening up my Thursday!

Akannie said...

I know what you mean, Beth. I do always try to put a happy face on it, and it isn't until later, when I'm alone, that I let that mask slip sometimes.

I am close to your brother!! I'm about 40 minutes north of Belleville !!

Akannie said...

Dear Cloudia~~ that is SO true !!!!

Aloha and bright days ahead !!

Anonymous said...

Love you.

Willow said...

I felt a bit melancholy too and we are allowed to wallow a bit aren't we !
Then I knew it was time to snap out of it and went for a walk in nature , almost instantly I felt grateful for the simple things in life and everything came back into perspective.
Life is ultimately still what we make of it after all is said and done.
Sending bright blessings your way today.
Be Well,

Susan said...

I wonder why so many sad things happen this time of year. So many things are stacked against happy thoughts and feelings: limited daylight/sun, the end of the year, long winter ahead, too much focus on spending/buying/cooking. It's tempting to focus only on what has happened (bad) and not what might happen in the next year (good). I am again appreciative of your soul-searching posts, as it allows me the freedom to search my own. May we all have more happy than sad days ahead.

Akannie said...

Louisey...Love you too.

Akannie said...

LOL, Willow, I guess we are. I'm thinking that I need to go out back and lay down on the ground...does that sound crazy? Like there's something ungrounded in me that needs the Earth. And you are so right---it is exactly what we make it.

Akannie said...


I know, right ? Maybe it's just exactly that contrast that makes it seem so. I don't know. But I do know that what Willow and you both are saying is ringing very true to me right now.

SO grateful for blogger friends that get me. And show me things I need to see. Much love and a prosperous new year to us all !!!

Mariodacatsmom said...

I get a bit Melancholy on Christmas Day also. My mother was from a huge family who tended to gather together for Christmas, New Years, Easter, etc. Now there is just my husband, myself, our married daughter and her husband. When they leave on Christmas Day to go to his parents, it's a little sad. I miss those big family gatherings. I'm thankful for what I have, believe me, but at Christmas I really miss a big group of people laughing, kids playing and having fun, etc. Oh well, things change. Happy New Year friend.

Mariodacatsmom said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Akannie said...

MDCM...I know just what you mean. I'm from a large family too, and now it's just me, my husband and son. Way back in the day, we used to all gather at all the holidays, but then it got too hard with grandkids and great grandkids and people scattered all over the country. So that's probably part of my melancholy too. Thanks dear one !

Rita said...

Hi Annie,
Since I moved away from the Twin Cities in 1999 I spend Christmas alone and never hear from anybody in my family...not even Dagan and Leah, who are busy doing their running about for the holidays. I sometimes call my folks just to shock them--LOL! It used to make me a tad sad the first few years, I think. But I have gotten very used to being alone--quite happily actually. In fact, so much so that I can't even imagine the hoopla anymore. I'm so used to the peace and quiet--and, yes--watching It's A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story with a Miss Karma snuggle here and there.

The saddest I remember being over Christmas was when Dagan's dad finally decided to take him for Christmas--and I was alone without my little boy--and kids are the biggest reason for fun on Christmas. But he's 39 now, so that was a good long time ago--LOL!

I guess I decided that since I friggin' love Christmas that nothing was going to dampen my spirit. It's those stubborn Swedish genes, I think. ;)

Happy New Year, Sweetie!! Much love and hugs!!

Akannie said...

Merry Christmas, Rita !!

I spent a good amount of time with no family around at the holidays for years...I know what you mean about the peace and quiet, lol.