Friday, February 4, 2011

The 3 F's...(Friday February Fourth)...

 It's already been a long winter.  I have been snowed in here at the house since Sunday and will be venturing out today for the first time.  It has been heavenly. The opportunity to cook more and lounge around and actually eat meals with my husband for a change...divine! 

  This was the beginning of a storm that dumped about 3/4 of an inch of ice and a foot of snow. The winds were terrible, drifting the snow as much as 5 feet in places. It was beautiful though. There's something about the black and white beauty of the ice in winter that has always mesmerized me.

 This is my peach tree in the front yard. In honor of it's courage, I baked a peach pie with fruit from the freezer. Yum! The second round of it was not as bad. And now there's another one coming in Sunday or Monday, I guess. We are all set, though I may go buy some more utility candles today.  We only lost power for about an hour on one day, miraculously enough. The Irishman says it's because they had to put in so much new stuff the past few years.

This is one of my favorites of the pictures I have taken the past few days. Love the lighting...And of course, the eerie beauty of new fallen snow.


   I'm back o schedule starting today. After having put in a month of 8 hour / 7 days a week...I was ready for a break. Now the break is over. I haven't really accomplished much around the house like I thought I would. lol  But my brains feel better.

  Haven't been blogging or writing or doing much of anything lately. No inspiration or motivation or something. Don;'t like the way I'm feeling mostly, but haven't been hurting enough to do anything about it.  Unfortunately, that's how it often is with people like me. Feeling rather fed up with some things in my life, I have withdrawn and isolated  to the point of almost complete inactivity. Of course, I'm talking about AA..the fellowship, not the program itself. I realized last night the worst part of it all for me is that I have always been so in love with it all,  and now it seems that is gone. Maybe I am just growing up.  Maybe I've just finally come off that pink cloud after 20 years sober. Whatever it is, I am grieving the loss of it. A couple of people have tried to tritely tell me that I need to work on my resentment, but it isn't that at all. And I am sick of having shit parroted at me from the rooms. (That does sound a little resentful...but it's really worse than a resentment. It's a LOSS.)  At any rate, I am not worried about drinking, or killing myself or any other of the myriad things we could do to ourselves.  I just want to get to the other side of this, because frankly, it isn't fun.  If the landscape of my sobriety is going to change, and I'm pretty sure it is,  I'm ready for it to HURRY THE HELL UP.  lol  I have not darkened the doors of AA since last September, except for the uncomfortable hour I spent in a room for the Irishman's 30th  back in October.  I think he is a little concerned about me. Interestingly enough, the tables have turned and he is now up to his armpits in service work. He hadn't done anything for years. lol  There was quite a while when he didn't even go to meetings. So maybe this is all a part of what happens and I will be in a different place about it all soon.  Or not.  I am taking it ODAAT, and curious to see where this is all going. Even though I'm uncomfortable enough to be moved to tears from time to time, and sad...I'm still wading through the emotions behind all this.

   Quote for the day:

  "...any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out."  ~~Chekhov



fullfreezer said...

Hugs to you. You will get through this dark time. The days are beginning to lengthen, and slowly, surely, Spring is coming. With Spring comes new life. Right now your little seed is slumbering under the snow, waiting for the right time to emerge. It will come.
Your photos are lovely. I always love how ice looks on the trees but I HATE what it does.
Hang in there.

Andrew said...

You just gotta love that learning curve, huh?

You are perfect just the way you are.

Carol said...

No mistakes in God's world, you are finding your way. I just hope that you keep talking to us.