Flying time...

    Although things have been  pretty crazy here for lots of reasons, not much has been happening. 

   All the regular dramas keep  spinning out their plots.  A few new ones appear on the horizon, or at least new variations on old ones. The weather keeps bouncing from one extreme to the next. Chickens get tended, suppers get cooked,  houses get cleaned. Sometimes.

   
    I am sitting at the computer with an ice brace on my knee.   That's probably not what it's really called, but that's what it is. It has 2 pockets that hold long reusable ice packs, and it has flaps and velcro to wrap the terrycloth side around your knee and hold it all in place.  Ice seems to be the key.  I got my first Hyalgen injection Monday.  They normally give you a needle full of lidocaine to numb it nicely and then shoot the Hyalgan into the joint space. This is tricky, but they look at it with an ultrasound to make sure it's in the right spot and sploosh!  This was my first shot of the stuff. It took 3 (THREE) needles full of lidocaine to be able to numb it enough to try to shoot the stuff in. The first time they withdrew the needle because the new PA couldn't get it in there right.  It hurt like hell, but I was tough.  He kept hitting the bone. There is so much arthritis in there that it's mucking up the works.  The regular doc took over, and injected a second lidocaine in there, all around the knee.  As her poked and prodded the knee cap area and I flinched and jumped and said "Ow, ow,ow" he just shook his head and asked for a third lidocaine needle. So, it was finaly pretty dang numb when he finally went to shoot the good stuff in.  It was a harrowing experience.  But of course, the lidocaine made my knee not hurt, so it was all good. I finished up and left for home. When I first got here, it was feeling a little achey, the lidocaine was wearing off. I made supper (a nice [home canned] turkey and noodle casserole with a fresh baked artisan baguette) and by the time we were sitting down to eat, it was starting to hurt. I expected it to...you can't jimmy around with needles and knees and not expect some kind of repercussions.  lol By the time the Irishman went to bed, it was killing me. I came in here and put the tens unit and heat on it. It felt better for a minute.  I went to bed and spent the entire night whimpering and crying out every time I moved my leg. My darling husband got up at 5 and fixed me an ice pack and brought it in, and offered to stay home and take care of me. (I declined).  I could barely move my leg. 

  The night before, he had gone out to the garage and brought in my old crutches. I absolutely could not walk on that leg. Taking my weight off the knee helped and they're propped up here in the corner.  I didn't sleep much last night, and after he brought the ice packs in and we put them on my knee, I got another pillow and propped myself up some so that my back wasn't so twisted, and actually slept for a couple of hours.

  Today my son drove me to town to get some groceries and toilet paper. Staples.  lol  We had breakfast out and I was not feeling too bad. After I got home and put things away, I decided I'd go lie down again and put the ice on my knee and the heating pad on my back. I've been having some nasty back spasms the past few days and they were starting again.  I slept for about 3 hours. The knee has felt pretty good all evening. So, I thought I'd ice it down before going to bed and see what happens. I've cleaned up my kitchen after a nice supper of bbq'd ribs, mashed potatoes and gravy and a delightful big green salad. (I've been wicked hungry for salads lately). And though my knee felt a little stressed, it hasn't been awful (knock wood) and I'm afraid to even talk about it as not to jinx it. lol

  My son has had a few days of, and has really been great about helping me with the chickens and stuff--especially great, since there's still SO much snow out there and it's slippery. My husband has been wonderful as well, very supportive and sweet. I did venture out this afternoon, slowly and carefully, and went down to the mailbox and out back to see my girls.

  I had today off, but go back to PT tomorrow. And then again on Thursday.  I won't have to cook supper tomorrow as I have a lot of leftovers in there.  

  My sister-in-law is doing well and starts chemo and radiation next week.  Her sister is here for another 4 days...I may try to go down there this weekend.

  And that's been the story for the past few days. I kept meaning to get back here and blog about my pathetic little life, but just couldn't focus. lol


   Not sure what kind of nasty weather is coming, but I guess we'll know tomorrow. Possibility of more snow the next 3 days.  We had quite a lot of rain today, and I'm  not complaining about that. But I am surely ready for spring. 

  I surely am.



Namaste.
 

Snowpocalypse 2013

  This picture was taken about 2 hours after it started snowing yesterday.  We were lucky--no sleet or ice hit us, just a 7-8 inch blanket of heavy wet snow.  Cities around us weren't so lucky.


    The Irishman is out there now, trying to dig out the driveway.  The boy cleaned off all the decks this morning. The road has been plowed a time or two, and it looks pretty clear. I'm sure the roads in town are all fine. Like always, it's getting out of our driveway and up the hill that poses a problem.  Not for me. I have nowhere to be. I can just sit here in my warm little house and do whatever I want, which mostly includes NOT going out in the slippery cold stuff.  lol  I have cleaned up from breakfast, taken a shower, made myself a nice cup of chai tea, and read some blogs. I really should make my chooks some oaties and get something warm out there for them, since there is not much in the way of greens to be found.  I've been making their oaties with instant milk in the water for a lilttle added calcium and protein. They appreciate it, I can tell. lol

   In it's own inimitable way, life continues to roll along. No matter what.  I talked with my SIL a bit yesterday and again last night...she's doing okay. I am worried about her daughter and we talked about that a bit. I just keep reminding her that we hang on to each other and just take this all one day at a time. That's what we do. She said that her daughter knows all the "facts" and that she is terrified beyond belief at what the future may bring.  I thought--aren't we all?  She said something that really struck me: "With God's amazing Love and time, it will all be okay."  I wish I had that kind of faith...some days I kinda do, mostly I don't.  Maybe this road is about that. Whoever knows?


  My dr appt on Wednesday was another nightmare of EMG and nerve conduction tests, sprung on me at the last minute after I arrived. This time on the upper half of my body. I have bruises on the heel of one hand and up and down both arms where he punched those needles into my muscles. The nerve conduction wasn't quite as bad. I look like a junkie. lol  The ones on my hands hurt the worst, I think. And those bruises are startig to fade.   I think the PT is helping, but I am having pain in my knee again pretty bad after Monday's injection. Not sure what that's about, but I asked him when he was doing the muscle test. Told him that it hurt like hell and that the pain killer in that anti-inflammatory didn't seem to be doing any good.  He said they don't last very long. I said this one never lasted AT ALL.  He said next one be better. Arrgghhh....


  Checked on the Irishman out there. Said "You're not overdoing it, are you?" He kinda growled at me, so I came back in. lol  (I'm thinking if I bake some of Beth's banana bread, he'll like me more.)  That man does like a good banana bread. (Or zucchini bread, or pumpkin bread.--he's not picky.)


  Okay. Guess I should get off here for a bit and try to accomplish something.  I didn't do much of anything yesterday except make french onion soup and granola.  I should at least vacuum. Dog hair is rolling across the hallway like tumbleweeds.

  Have a grand, warm, dry day everyone.  Hopefully this will be winters last fling before spring sets in. One thing--this storm settled the dust of all the garden fantasies I've been having...lol



Namaste.

This life of mine...

Yesterday, this little warrior cat went to meet his Maker.

  Earlier in the day he had caught a big mouse and was strutting around the porch showing it off to anyone who'd look, and hissing out the corner of his mouth at the cats who thought they might like to take it. He was so proud of himself.

  This kitten was one of a litter of 3. The other two kittens died within days of each other, right after their eyes opened and they'd started wandering around the room a little. They were fine (seemingly) one minute and dead within half an hour the next. It was baffling. This little guy was the runt of the litter and he was looking bad and I had a thought that Mama cat wasn't feeding them  right, or her milk was bad, or SOMETHING.  So I scurried off to the vet and got some kitten milk replaceer and started dropper feeding his little fuzzy butt...about every 2 hours. He thrived and we bonded and he claimed me as his own.

  Yesterday I was baking/frosting a spice cake to take to my sister-in-law's for my niece. We were going to meet there after I got out of physical therapy. I heard my little white dog out in the driveway howling softly. It was a strange kind of howl, almost melancholy. I wiped my hands and went to the door and saw her sitting out in the middle of the driveway, facing the road. I hollered to her "What's the matter, baby?"  And she stood up and looked over her shoulder at me and then turned back to the road and howled again. I walked out a little further and then I saw  the little bundle of grey stripes laying right at the bottom of the driveway, where it meets the road.  Oh no....no, please....was all I could think as I slowly walked down to where he lay. And he was dead. His neck broken. Hit by a car or one of those damned four wheelers that fly up and down the road all the time here. He wasn't mangled, there was only a little blood at his mouth...so I suspect it wasn't anything s big as a car that hit him.  I carried him around to the back of the house and wrapped his body in black plastic and turned the wheelbarrow over on top of him.

  I am grateful that he died almost instantly.  Not much suffering.  We should all be so lucky.

  So far, these past few weeks have been awful. I can't take too much more, I don't think.

~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**~**

  My sister in law is doing okay, everything considered.   I spent a few hours down there with her (she's home) and came home when she started getting too tired. She looks pretty good for someone that just had brain surgery. The family is ...I don't know what to call it besides terrified.  The stress level is palpable, which is the last thing her body needs right now.  And though I know that nobody means to be snapping at each other or not asking for help or feeling so hopeless right now, it's kind of where they are.  Not her so much, but my brother for sure. He is so scared, I know he can't control himself.

  Today they had to go for an MRI and to get a face mask made. It will cover all the parts of her head and face (I guess) where the radiation is not supposed to go. She was worried about the MRI because she nearly had a hissy in there the last time...but she was just out of surgery and confused and phlemgy from the anasthesia so she felt like she couldn't breathe.  And her head hurt. I really hope it will go better tody...haven't heard anything yet.  Her sister is here from California, so that will be very comforting to her, I know.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*


  It was a nice day mostly at home here today. (Yesterday, now, lol)  I'm having a hard time getting this post done. Anyway, I had a nice day that included a little cooking (red beans and rice and cornbread), a lilttle hoiusekeeping (very littler, but I did at least sweep the floors and straighten a few things).  No PT yesterday, but I do go back this afternoon.  I'm supposed to go tomorrow too, but we have a big storm coming in tonight or tomorrow, supposedly, and I already told them that if it happens, I may not be able to get out.  I'm going to stop and pick up a couple of things at the market before or after the dr, depending on how it goes.  I'm completely out of garlic. I've been up and about since 7:15 this morning...took care of my animals and the neighbors animals (they may be coming back today)...and still need to shower and stuff. I got a chiropractic adjustment on Monday--much needed.  Today I am scheduled for a massage and PT.  I got the second injection into my knee on Monday too--given by the dr instead of the PA. She is much better at it. And it hurt when he was doing it and it hurt all night. Like there was no painkiller in it this time.  I was almost thinking that I might leave early and go have lunch out before going to the clinic. Or not.  lol

  I picked up my new glasses yesterday.  O.M.G.  I can't believe how badly I needed new ones. lol  I can see so much better...the good news is that the tiny cataract is not noticeably bigger than last time. The bad news is that my distance vision has deteriorated.  But new glasses has made that better. Yay! And the computer isn't making my eyes so tired either.  Don't know if that is the Zeiss lenses or just a proper prescription.

  The only thing I really need to do this morning still is vacuum the furnace filter (dog and cat hair require constant maintenance on things like filters and computers...) AND I think I'll make some rice pudding. We are officially out of dessert I was informed last night. I'm trying to get back to cooking a little more healthy...so a brown rice pudding, sweetened with honey and raisins and made with rice milk instead of dairy. OR--maybe made with coconut milk. hmmm...I just got a new case of that too, nice organic coconut milk...I use iot to make different soba noodle dishes and brulees and stuff. So, it's much cheaper to buy it by the case.  I'll bet that would be good in rice pudding...sometimes I add a bit of dried fruit from my pantry, but I think I'll just stick with raisins this time. And maybe a little coconut...It's a good dessert in the wintertime...comfort food, with lots of yummy goodness and really no bad side.

  Alright. Off to see what fresh madness may be lurking around the next corner.



Namaste.

I've fallen off the love wagon...

Oh, dear.  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

 And so I try to accept that things change and it isn't easy to let go and that holding on is one of the things I do best.

  My intentions of a love fest here for the month of February have gone awry.  I have fallen off the wagon. I feel sometimes like I can't write anything at all and other times I feel like I could post 3 times a day. Maybe I will just untangle myself from any rules or expectations and do what feels good. Hmmmmm...

  So anyway, here I am. Not feeling particularly loving. Or maybe it is, just covered in a blanket of fear. Or ego--like any of this is about me. But it is about me in a way...me very possibly losing someone I love.  Me having to watch others I love deal with their fears and grief.  Me, me, me.

I spoke with my brother finally and he told me that the tumor she has (had) is a GBM. He talked for a while and told me about having to tell her it was malignant and how it went.  He sounded uncharacteristically hopeful, for him.  When I got off the phone, I googled the GBM tumor. The results were not what I wanted to read.  And I sat here at the computer and cried like a baby.  Things like "invariably fatal".  Things like "life expectancy 1 year".  Things like "grade IV on a scale of I-IV."


  But, not being the type to believe much of anything the medical association says about health, I am refusing to condemn her to a life sentence. They did catch this early. That's a plus. And miracles DO happen.  And I will do everything I can from my end to make sure that she has everything she needs.

  It's just been a really trying week here.  But it's surely been worse for her. And her daughter and son. And Husband. I emailed my niece and asked how she was and if she needed anything.  She wrote back: A spice cake.   LOL  So, I'm going to bake her a spice cake with cream cheese frosting and take it to her tomorrow. This is the family I love. A spice cake.


  So...for now, I'm going to give myself a break about falling off the love wagon. I'm going to practice loving my family as much as I possibly can.  I'm going to bake a cake and I'm going to go to physical therapy and I am going to be the person my dog thinks I am.  And the world will keep on spinning and the sun will come up again and again, and God can work whatever miracles She sees fit. And I will trust that everything is going to happen exactly the way it is supposed to.


  Signing off...with much love in my heart for all of you.


Namaste.

The dead center of February

  I missed posting last night, the 13 th day of the month of love.  it was a long rough day on so many levels that I cannot begin to explain.  I was in bed by 10:30  (yes...me. Who tries really hard to make it to bed by 1 usually.)  I was worn out, emotionally exhausted,  and every muscle in my body hurt. 

  Today isn't much better. lol


  My dear sister-in-law went into surgery yesterday  morning at 8 AM. At 4 PM she still wasn't out.  When the dr finally came out at 4:40, he said they couldn't get all the tumor out.  They got as much as they could, and now they would start an aggressive course of chemo and radiation to tryu to kill the rest of it.  This will start in 2-3 weeks.  She will stay in the ICU for 4 days and then come home. My brother is coming apart over it all and won't talk to anyone. My niece is terribly upset and my nephew is scared, but at least he's able to communicate.  Her sister is coming in from Callifornia on Monday to be with her for 9 days or so.  I am very concerned about my brother...

  I had my first physical therapy yesterday, after the initial consult and evaluation with the head guy. It almost killed me. By the time I got home, I could barely walk and stand up. I hurt really bad. When I got up this morning, my back hurt so bad I had to put my back brace on and hobble around the house. Felt like I was about 102 years old.  I slept with a wrist splint on last night to help combat the numbness in my right hand that wakes me up every night over and over. That did help. So I'm afraid that means it is carpal tunnel;, and not a pinched nerve in my shoulder like I've thought.


  Today, they did the nerve conduction test on my low back and legs. If you've never had one of these, trust me when I tell you it is not fun. They hook you up to electrodes and shock you. And as uncomfortable as that is, it's nothing compared to what they did next.  They tested the muscles using EMG--electromyography. In a nutshell...

The health care provider will insert a very thin needle electrode through the skin into the muscle. The electrode on the needle picks up the electrical activity given off by your muscles. This activity is displayed on a special monitor called an oscilloscope, and may be heard through a speaker.

 It was a nightmare. Either I couldn't feel it at all in places, or I was nearly coming off the table. My hands were sweating and I was clammy...I won't know the results of it or what it means until later, when I meet with the doc again. And they only did my legs and lower back...I still have to have my arms done. 

  Happy Valentine's Day to me.

And the PT I did today, which included 12 minutes on the bicycle, almost tore me up again.  On the bright side, they gave me a tens unit and I have that at home now to use. I am falling apart, one piece at a time. lol

 I have to go back again tomorrow, but at least I will see the chiropractor and get my self adjusted.  Not sure what else is on the menu...besides more of this soul crushing physical therapy.

  Please forgive me if my love posts aren't all they're cracked up to be.  


  My husband got me a beautiful card and we are going out to dinner tomorrow (if I can walk).  I got HIM 4  one gallon pots of blueberry bushes and a big bag of organic sulpher.  Nothing says LOVE like a bag of organic sulpher.  lol

  I am going to have to pack it in and go to bed.  I feel like I've been rode hard and put away wet...need sleep so I can do it again tomorrow.


  Happy Valentine's  Day, everyone....  and sweet dreams.





Namaste.

12th Day of the month of LOVE

...

23. Practice “being” and have nothing to prove. Know your own value with or without results. Your value is in your human being-ness not your human doing-ness. In a society that is wrapped up in image, this is sometimes difficult to practice. People ask what you do, not who you are. But a person who knows their own value, does not have to prove it.

24. Be of service. Offer your help where you can and do your part in making the world a friendly place. We are all in this together. As Gandhi preached: be the change that you wish to see happen. You would be surprised by the impact you have.

25. Love generously. Spread random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty. Hatred is already rampant. We need to tip the scales the other way. Love is a far more powerful emotion and has far reaching consequences. Living out loud means loving Out loud. And ironically, the more you love, the more love you have to give.

~~from: 

Live Your Life Out Loud: 30 Ways to Get Started

by Sonya Derian

  These are some  wonderful ideas for spreading love and kindness in a woprld that certainly needs as much as it can get ! GO ON---LIVE YOUR LIFE OUT LOUD !   

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will tell you, I came to live out LOUD.” ~Émile Zola



Namaste.

That didn't take long...a basket full of love

Here's the beautiful basket I made last Saturday.  Am going to stain it a golden oak color I think. Wondered what I was going to use it for...

Guess that decision got made for me.  Now this is a basket of love !!  Jinga squinting at the camera flash.
 You all know how much I love my pets. You've seen pictures of some of them over the past few years. They afford us a lot of love with their companionship, their affection and their antics.  We have had quite a few pets over the past 20 years,  whenever we lived somewhere that allowed us to have them, and then of course when we bought our first house where WE made the rules. lol

  Our very first dog together was Delilah. I got her as a tiny pup at a flea market in California. Her mother was Rottweiler and Doberman and her father was Sharpei and Black Lab. She was gorgeous.  She also grew every time she inhaled. I don't have any computer pictures of her...but she was something else. She once ate an entire Norfolk Island Pine I had in a pot on my front porch.  We also caught her carryingold bricks into the yard from somewhere...and she ate those too. Chewed them until they disentegrated. LOL

  We had cats too, from the beginning.  Our first cat was a feral mother with kittens that had taken up residence in the big berry bramble in the back yard. One night she showed up at the door crying and I fed her. The next day she showed up again, with a kitten in her mouth. Uh-oh. Eventually she and 5 kits made their home in our laundry room.

And there's the three current keepers of the hearth...Molly, Caylee and Bella.  I have other pictures from in betwen, but most of them aren't labeled and I haven't got the energy to hunt them down right now. lol

 The point is this:  Love wears many hats. It shows up in our lives in a myriad of ways and personas and spirits.  Thanks goodness--we need all the love we can get !



************************

 An update--my sister-in-law's body scan showed no other tumors. Thank Goodness!  So, the plan right now is that they will perform surgery on Wednesday to remove as much of the one on her brain as they can, biopsy it and go from there. The prognosis is good.  Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts.


************************

 On another note. Today I had my second day at the doctors group who say they can have me walking like a normal person (sort of) again.  We finished up the digital x-rays and did another bit of testing, and I had the first anti-inflammatory/pain shot into my knee.  Tomorrow I go back in for another test on the muscles and nerves. I go every day through Friday ...they will start an integrative therapy of PT, Chiro, and knee injections and massage. Then I will go 3 days a week for a month and a half.  I get 2 or 3 of the anti-inflammatory shots and then they start the Hyalagan treatments. I believe it is a series of 5 shots of that, which is injected directly into the knee joint. 

  I was very impressed with the treatment plan they have for me, everything in writing. They worked out an affordable financial plan for me too. The people there have been so kind and helpful it's unbelievable. I almost cried.  After todays first shot I have less pain in my knee than I have had in the past 2 years. I know it's going to be work, but I am so happy I can't tell you. I am walking better and the knee is much less hot to the touch. I have gotten up and down all evening with just a couple of grunts. lol  Before the shot, I would have to get up out of the chair, stand for a few minutes while I tried to put weight on it and then limp across the room.  They gave me a new knee brace to wear if I'm going to be out and about for any long periods.  I have osteoarthritis in both knees.  Bursitis in both elbows. If I was a horse, they'd shoot me.  lol




 Happy 11th day of love !!




Namaste.