Monday Morning running wild...

The bee balm is blooming...I just love this stuff. The flowers are so lacy and delicate looking...

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  It's been an interesting weekend. I haven't posted since Thursday because life just got ahold of me and wouldn't let go. lol  I wanted to get in here last night, but lost my internet connection again. Don't know what that's about, but it was really annoying.  I did everything I knew how to get back online and nothing worked, so it wasn't on my end. So, I shut 'er down and read a book. Until about 10:30 PM, then I went to sleep. It's back on this morning. (Duh...I guess that is obvious). lol

 Thursday night I went to a womens meeting, and got to see the new baby of one of our members...a beautiful little boy.  6 weeks old. wow...I can almost remember when my Tom was that little. lol It was a good time and got to see my dearest friend who was there unexpectedly too, so it was awesome all the way around.

  Friday I got to watch one of my "girls" walk across the stage and get her diploma. I was so proud of her...it wasn't easy , but she persevered and made the dream a reality.  Afterwards we all went out for a celebratory pizza party, the Irishman and I, another 2 friends, her dad, husband and 2 daughters. Got home a little late (for us), and had a really good time.

  Saturday I went to a morning meeting that I attend and got my 22 year coin. It was a really touching morning there, as several of my sponslings attended and had nice things to say, we had a newcomer, and a young man said such nice things that it made this old woman cry.  I was feeling especially blessed. 

  Yesterday the Irishman went to an Assembly. He rode with another guy, but I had to be up at 4 AM to take him to meet the guy in town. I went to bed early enough on Saturday night, so it wasn't too bad.  Until later in the day, lol.  My son came over and did a bunch of things for me...replaced my kitchen light (the old one went kaput and wouldn't l put out any light anymore, when you could get it to actually come on.). He tried to fix my oven and couldn't. He took down some big tree limbs over my back deck that were in dire need of removal. He did some heavy duty weeding out around my flower beds on the rock wall and pulled those big weeds out of the middle of my rose of sharon.  (Did I say he's tall??  lol  I couldn't get to them.)  I made him and myself a nice breakfast and we had a good day together.  Then he trotted off to see his dad for Fathers Day.

  I had another meeting that I had to go to to give one of my girls her 5 year coin. Couldn't bake a cake, so had to settle for buying a batch of cupcakes at the local bakery. That was 4:30 til 6 and then I was finally on my way home....

  The Irishman was here when I got here. And grumpy.  And so was I.  And so naturally, we had an argument and now we seem to be having a passive aggressive battle of wills. He left for work this morning a half hour early, didn't eat breakfast, and didn't clean up the mess the little dog left in the office. Because I didn't shut the door last night. On purpose. I almost slept in the spare room (Which--oh yeah--I cleaned on Friday too--finally) and then decided that would be cutting off my nose to spite my face, as the bed is nice, but not as comfortable as my own bed. He said something to me in the midst of this argument that was very hurtful.  Because he was rattling on about the business end of the assembly he attended and I said I didn't really care. He stormed off into the other room and came back and viciously said some stuff. after I apologized for being rude. sigh....and I was immediately pissed and the rest of the evening pretty much went to hell.  On a brighter note, one of the things I do when I'm angry is take it out physically, so I took the broom outside and got all 3 decks swept off, something that has been on my list for the past 3 days, but it was too hot to do when I had time.

  We rarely fight or argue, so it's really uncomfortable when it happens. And I am so stubborn and so is he.  I don't know how long this will go on, but not long, I'm sure.  I can't take it, it's not worth it. I have done a good job so far at not shooting off my mouth and coming back at him with the thousand things that I keep thinking.  :)

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  I am getting ready to sit with my neighbor today, while his 65 year old wife goes zip-lineing .  (I'm not kidding!!)  She's my role model.  lol  I have to be there in an hour...I've been out, the chickens are taken care of and I need to eat and get dressed. It will be a long day....but I've got a good book and the weather might be nice.  We've been having a string of hot days again, but finally got a really good rainstorm Saturday evening...it's 75 right now at 7 AM...supposed to get up to 97 today.  YIKES.  Maybe I better go out and put a little extra water in my potted plants....

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  Have a grand day...a new start, a new week.  

Namaste.

Wednesday ...and counting the hours...

Lemon Meringue...

   Company coming on Friday. House: still not cleaned. Laundry: not done yet.  Green beans: picked another full peck today, and must can today or tomorrow. Teapots: finally back up on cabinet top shelves.  Sigh....my list seems to grow longer instead of shorter.  The good news is this: I know how my relatives live, so nothing here...and I mean NOTHING...will offend or shock or disgust THEM in any manner.  This is all about me.  The bad news is this: now I don't have so much motivation to kill myself doing all this.  lol  I was thinking that I might call my son and see if he has the time to come do a couple of things for me that I can pay him for. Not big jobs, but things that would take some of the pressure off me. He's not working much, off and on like crazy, then downtimes that make him nuts. He'd probably come do it just to keep busy.

   I was hoping to have 4 days off, but it's not to be. Looks like I have to work my regular 2 days off and take only Saturday and Sunday so that I can be with the family. How I long for the days when my time was my own and I could do everything anytime I wanted to.  When I wasn't at the mercy of other people and their opinions and their demands...oh well.

  I went out to feed chickens and take Roxie to the backyard when I noticed that I had green beans out the Ya-Ya again. It's a blessing, don't get me wrong. But it takes almost an hour to pick that bed. And it kills my back. And then I noticed that it is dry as a bone out there, so apparently the Irishman is coming home from work, eating the delicious meals I have cooked for him, plopping on the couch,  turning  on the tv and not moving a muscle.  I know he's not been sleeping well. But neither have I.

  Marriage.  It's something else, isn't it?  I saw a little thing at a craft show once that said ...

    "Marriages are made in Heaven,

     But then, so are thunder and lightning."

   I have been married and not married. In a good marriage and a not so good marriage.  In love and out of love.  And mostly, listening to my friends (married and not) we are usually yearning over the fence at the marriage we don't have, or at the single life we wish we did have.  Greener grass and all that, I guess. I am the married sort. I guess. lol  I have spent the better part of this relationship of  two decades either trying to accept him the way he is or trying to change him for his own good.  LOL  It's a conundrum.  Some of the things that I found SO charming about him back then drive me nuts in the right now. He has changed and grown and mellowed...a little too much in some ways (IMHO). But we are a good match, all in all. And  I think I speak from experience when I say that  sometimes that is as good as it gets. There's no perfect life when you live with another human being, I don't care what sex they are. There are going to be days when you pick up those socks that are in the middle of the floor, 2 feet away from the laundry basket, and it will be the last straw. And you will throw them out the window or set them on fire or put them in his lunchbox. There are going to be times when you look across the room in incredulous horror, not believing that THIS is the person that has been sleeping next to you all these years. And there will be those times when you look at yourself in the mirror and wonder where the time has gone and how did you get so old so fast. And then you will look back across the room and know:  He's sucked the life right out of you.  LOL

   Of course, there will be other times when you can't believe how the stars must have lined up so right for you to have a blessing like this in your life.  When you realize that here, this person right here, is the one that you have shared history with, that knows you better than you know yourself sometimes, that can still make you laugh after all these years.  

  And for a minute or two, it is all worth it.

  I still want to bake a pound cake.  And those beans aren't going to can themselves. And the marital bed still hasn't been made. So, here I go...off into this life we have made for ourselves that is pretty darn wonderful.

  

  Namaste.