The 3 F's...(Friday February Fourth)...

 It's already been a long winter.  I have been snowed in here at the house since Sunday and will be venturing out today for the first time.  It has been heavenly. The opportunity to cook more and lounge around and actually eat meals with my husband for a change...divine! 

  This was the beginning of a storm that dumped about 3/4 of an inch of ice and a foot of snow. The winds were terrible, drifting the snow as much as 5 feet in places. It was beautiful though. There's something about the black and white beauty of the ice in winter that has always mesmerized me.

 This is my peach tree in the front yard. In honor of it's courage, I baked a peach pie with fruit from the freezer. Yum! The second round of it was not as bad. And now there's another one coming in Sunday or Monday, I guess. We are all set, though I may go buy some more utility candles today.  We only lost power for about an hour on one day, miraculously enough. The Irishman says it's because they had to put in so much new stuff the past few years.

This is one of my favorites of the pictures I have taken the past few days. Love the lighting...And of course, the eerie beauty of new fallen snow.

  

   I'm back o schedule starting today. After having put in a month of 8 hour / 7 days a week...I was ready for a break. Now the break is over. I haven't really accomplished much around the house like I thought I would. lol  But my brains feel better.

  Haven't been blogging or writing or doing much of anything lately. No inspiration or motivation or something. Don;'t like the way I'm feeling mostly, but haven't been hurting enough to do anything about it.  Unfortunately, that's how it often is with people like me. Feeling rather fed up with some things in my life, I have withdrawn and isolated  to the point of almost complete inactivity. Of course, I'm talking about AA..the fellowship, not the program itself. I realized last night the worst part of it all for me is that I have always been so in love with it all,  and now it seems that is gone. Maybe I am just growing up.  Maybe I've just finally come off that pink cloud after 20 years sober. Whatever it is, I am grieving the loss of it. A couple of people have tried to tritely tell me that I need to work on my resentment, but it isn't that at all. And I am sick of having shit parroted at me from the rooms. (That does sound a little resentful...but it's really worse than a resentment. It's a LOSS.)  At any rate, I am not worried about drinking, or killing myself or any other of the myriad things we could do to ourselves.  I just want to get to the other side of this, because frankly, it isn't fun.  If the landscape of my sobriety is going to change, and I'm pretty sure it is,  I'm ready for it to HURRY THE HELL UP.  lol  I have not darkened the doors of AA since last September, except for the uncomfortable hour I spent in a room for the Irishman's 30th  back in October.  I think he is a little concerned about me. Interestingly enough, the tables have turned and he is now up to his armpits in service work. He hadn't done anything for years. lol  There was quite a while when he didn't even go to meetings. So maybe this is all a part of what happens and I will be in a different place about it all soon.  Or not.  I am taking it ODAAT, and curious to see where this is all going. Even though I'm uncomfortable enough to be moved to tears from time to time, and sad...I'm still wading through the emotions behind all this.

   Quote for the day:

  "...any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out."  ~~Chekhov

Namaste.

A beautiful Saturday...

  Today I woke up to a brilliantly sunny day, a husband kissing me and saying Happy Anniversary, sweetheart, and kittens yowling and howling and wanting their breakfast. Spoiled little buggers...

 On June 10, 1990 I had the last drink of my career. There's always a question of how us crazy alcoholics count these birthdays, but where I got sober, the emphasis was on celebrating the last drink you will ever have to take. And that's the way I do it.  I am grateful to know that I have a life that is possible only because I got willing to go to any lengths to stay sober.  And I continue to live that way and to always remember.  If they had told me to stand on my head on a streetcorner and spit nickels, I would have figured out a way, lol.

  So, today I celebrate 20 years of continuous sobriety.  20 years of doing a few simple things, one day at a time. 20 years of trusting that God has a plan for my life, whether I can see it or not.  20 years of learning to do everything a different way,  from cooking a turkey on Thanksgiving to calling a total stranger and talking about my fears.  From learning how to be honest with myself, to learning how to be honest with you.  From learning how to trust to learning how to be trusted.

  It's been a miraculous journey, for a woman who could not quit drinking on her own. I am grateful and humbled by the whole thing...the people in my family usually just drink until they die. I am the first to break the chain, and find a new way to live.  As a result of that, I have a son with 10 years of sobriety, because he watched his hopeless drunk of a mom find this new life in Alcoholics Anonymous.  And the miracle continues...

  Today we had a small celebration bbq at the home of a friend. Then we watched as friends renewed their wedding vows. Now we are home and settled in for the evening. Tomorrow is another birthday to celebrate, a very kind and wonderful man celebrating 36 years of recovery. Then another bbq at a friends house.  A full weekend here on the Prairie.

  Feeling really blessed tonight...

Namaste.

Saturday January 9, 2010

The Snowbringer. I swiped her from somewhere that evades me just now, because I thought she was so incredibly beautiful.

The mercury is registering ZERO degrees right now. It will get colder still before daylight. A friend of mine in Floriduh sent out a picture of a snowman she built yesterday. This is some crazy shit, dude. Today there was a 6.5 magnitude earthquake off the coast of my old stomping grounds. They are saying that there are some gas, sewer and water leaks, some traffic lights came down, minor injuries from breaking glass, but all in all...no major damage.I have to admit...I kinda miss earthquakes.


Heading south tomorrow to my brothers for my nieces 7th birthday party. Hard to believe--seems like she was just a baby, waiting to come home from the hospital. She had to stay a while, becasue she was a 7 month preemie and had lots of problems. BUt today she is a little hellraiser and constantly on the go. She had to have a lot of operations so she could walk, and the Shriners Hospital in St Louis were such a blessing to my family. It's one charity I never fail to support...they work miracles for families and children. Today she's one of the healthiest kids I know. (Thank you, God.)


Trying to get to bed early tonight, so I'm cutting this a little short. We watched 2 movies tonight, first Silence of the Lambs and then Hannibal. Had some wonderful Spaghetti and garlic bread for supper. A low key stay at home kind of Saturday. Nice..........


Grateful tonight to be sober and happy. Grateful that all my needs are met and all my wants are few. Grateful that I have a nice warm house to live in and that I have plenty of food to eat. That I can read and write and watch 2 movies in 1 night if I want to. That I have family who never turned their backs on me at any time during my alcoholism, even though they probably should have. That I have grandkids who have never seen me drunk.


That I can go to sleep, and wake up in the morning ready to face a new day, and be grateful for everything that comes.


Blessings and sweet dreams to all y'all....


Namaste.

Monday, November 30th, 2009

Friends...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I'm so blessed to have friends today, and they're almost all the "good" kind of friends. Not the kind I used to have, the ones who were always there for you as long as you were buying the next round. The ones who were there when they needed something from you (which was usually the case). I'm talking about the kind of friends that are there when you're hurting, and are there when you need them, no matter what time of day or night. The ones who care about you, even when you're not at your best. Or maybe it's ESPECIALLY when you're not at your best. People in my life that I don't have to lie to, or worry about what they think of me. The kind who love me just as I am, warts and all. The kind who love me even when I'm acting like an ass.


I guess what brought this on was a conversation I had today wiith someone who has no friends except the people he drinks with. He has no self esteem, no identity apart from partying, and no self respect left. He has started lying about everything all the time, and it breaks my heart. I know he's in a lot of pain, and yet he refuses to even consider that there might be another way to live. And today I had to give him the old spiel...the one about I only care if I don't drink. I don't have any business with what you do. The one about, if you aren't finished drinking, then you're wasting your time here. And as brutal as it sounds, it's the truth and we all know it. Each and every one of us has to drink until there's no reason to drink anymore. And then we can set aside our perceptions and misconceptions about sobriety, and open our minds that tiny crack to let the willingness in. Be beaten up enough to let the hand of AA reach out to us and to grab on for dear life. And some of us grab it and many of us don't. And that's just how it is. No one an get any one else sober...each of us has to make the choice to not pick up that drink. I'm so grateful to have gotten sober in a place where they hammered into me in the beginning...JUST DON'T DRINK! NO matter what, we have to want to be sober more than we want to be drunk. And if we can't find that, we are not done. Period.

But as for me, I am grateful to be past that awful first year of not drinking, no matter what. And into the part where it doesn't even occur to me...not even when my ass is falling off. lol

And I'm grateful to have people in my life who support me and this decision not to drink. They not only support me, they love me. And I am happy. And for the first time in my life, I like being me. I don't fantasize about being you. I don't constantly wish I was someone and somewhere else.

And life is a dance.....


Namaste.

Monday night is right

Oh me oh my. It has been a busy day of cleaning and laundry and going to the home of a sponsling. A young salmon who continually swims upstream in the waters of his discontent. I am tired and I am probably not going to finish this until morning.

I got a very sweet and nice present today from the mother of the young gay man that I sponsor. She made me a beautiful wreath made up of dahlias and mums and cattails...I love the sentiment, and I know that she supports her son and is so very worried about him. I spent a lovely couple of hours in their home last night, and he and I went over the first step again. Something seems different about him this time, I can only pray that he is really ready this time. I am blessed to get the chance to do this kind of stuff...yesterday I got a phone call from a woman who sounded either very drunk or like she'd had a stroke. Said that she got my number from someone who said I could maybe help her. She needed information about the ..."A and A classes and the books that go with them." When I returned her call, it went straight to voicemail and she never called back. I'll try her again tomorrow, and it amuses me the things people seem to think that AA is...or isn't. lol I remember looking at that Where and When the judge had the bailiff hand me, and thinking OGod...what now?? I had no idea what it was going to be like. I had no facts about AA at all, but plenty of prejudice and skepticism. And lots of boiled down fear. And baby, look at me now. lol


Okay--it's tomorrow.

Tuesday. I have some chicken and rice soup simmering away in the kitchen. A sponsling that was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago. I am going to go ahead and make the salad and get that ready, and maybe it will just be tonight's supper. This same girl and another were supposed to be meeting me last night at a meeting and called and said they decided not to go. One is a year and one is 15. They were just going to hang out....lol. Fine by me. I just changed where I was going. I can do the same today...living my life and getting on with the hundred things I'd rather do...lol. It's a lovely morning here on the Prairie, with temps just below 50 and brilliant sunshine and blue skies. I want to get my front porch cleaned up, wipe all the cat tracks off the table, clean the rocking chairs, put up some fall decorations. A good way to spend an autumn day.

A friend of mine is celebrating 11 years tonight at a 7PM meeting and I will go. She has lots of ups and downs and I guess we all do. But staying sober 11 years in a row, one Day at a time, is no mean feat. And it deserves a celebration!!

I'm off to stir soup.

************************

This blog got lost in space!! It was gone and then it reappeared... Yowsa!!


Namaste.

A Sultry Saturday....

Squash




Aha....It's a sultry and hot Saturday...this weather tries to let up some, but can't quite manage. Tonight there is sheet lightning in the distance, but the chance of rain is only about 30%. Not enough...and I suppose I'll have to be out in the early morning, carrying a bucket and watering my incredibly thirsty flowers. Checked on the garden this evening...most of the bigger veggies are doing well, but some of the smaller ones are feeling the dry...

Thought I'd write in blue. Just because I can. lol The dishes are done and the animals are fed and the doggies are outside for their final rush before bedtime. I think I'd maybe like a larger font though. Not that any of this really matters in the Great Cosmic Scheme of Things. The miracle is that I'm writing at all.

I have been incredibly busy the past few days. And I am exhausted and trying to catch up on my rest, futile an act though it is. I heard 2-- 4th and 5th Steps in 2 days. That was emotionally exhausting for me, for some reason. I had a young woman and her 13 year old son here for 2 days. I have had planting to do and holes to dig. And it has been outrageously hot here, with threatening heat indexes. And then there is, of course, the housekeeping and the animals and the rest of my lovely tangled life as well.

I remain, naturally, especially blessed to have a full and frantic life...complete with lots of people and animals and stuff to do all the time. I am suffering with this knee...I have full empathy for dear Una...until you've had this problem, you have no idea just how painful it is. I am limping terribly and in constant pain now. It hurts to sit and drive and get up out of a chair. I'm trying to keep the swelling down by keeping it elevated as much as I can. I have a doctor appointment on Wednesday to get a referral to a guy who can fix it.

My beloved is helping me as much as he can. Today we went to a matinee to see a new Sandra Bullock movie...sweet and funny. Then we came home and had breakfast for supper, since neither of us really very hungry, we just had eggs and toast. Beautiful orange large yolked brown eggs from my chickens and a wonderful 8 grain bread, toasted to perfection.

Everywhere I look, I see the elegant blessings of a sober life. Filled to the brim with love and laughter and service and joy. A life I could never have imagined for myself. A life that is the gift of taking some simple steps and staying away from the drink, one day at a time.

....and
"holy is the place I stand
to give whatever small good I can
and the empty page and the open book
redemption everywhere I look
unknowingly we slow our pace
in the shade of unexpected grace
and with grateful smiles and sad lament
as holy as a day is spent.
and morning light sings providence
as holy as a day is spent."
(--Carrie Newcomer)

Namaste.

Fascinating Fridays

It's a good day when you haven't had to use booze as your core solution to all your problems. I am one of those people who, in the past, would do anything to change the way I felt, because I was never okay. I would pour copious amounts of booze into this hole in my face, take any and every drug imaginable, move, sleep my way across the country, shave my head...you name it and I have done it. And mostly it would work for a little while. But in the end I always wound up back at ground zero...wondering how I was going to make it through my life.

And then the earth opened up and I was swallowed whole by my disease. The bottom fell out. I hit the wall. I was face down in the dirt, and I was in that horrible place where nothing worked anymore and nothing made me feel better. I couldn't stop using drugs and alcohol and I couldn't keep on using them either.

And that was when my Creator sent a guy into my life that helped me shift the paradigm. If it wasn't for him, heaven only knows where I would be today, or IF I would be today. (My mother died of this disease when she was 1 year younger than I am today). Anyway, I have a shrine in my heart for this guy that saved me. And he knows he saved me, or helped save me, because when I was 2 years sober, I wrote him a letter thanking him for the part he played. His name was Officer Reynolds, and he worked for the California Highway Patrol. He's the guy that arrested me and then broke a bunch of rules, like not handcuffing me and letting me ride in the front seat with him down to the police station. He sat with me in the holding cell while I waited for them to come and fingerprint me. He talked to me about this organization called AA and that they helped a lot of people like me. He told me that since this was my first offense, the judge would probably make me go to some meetings and pay a big fine. He told me that I could be okay, and that I could find a way to live without having to be drunk all the time.

I don't know what got me to thinking about Officer Reynolds today. I don't know why I got one of the nicer cops that night. I was a sloppy , stupid, obnoxious drunk. There's more to this story, but it's enough to know that I have never forgotten him or his face or his name in over 20 years.

I was thinking about how blessed I am to be sober today. To have a relationship with my Higher Power. To have friends that I can call when I am experiencing that dark night of the soul. To have a place to go where people know me and help me in ways I would never have imagined.

The Elegant Blessings of a sober productive life...full to the brim with love and self respect and compassion. It doesn't get any better than this....

Thursday, Thursday

Blessings abound on this first day of the new year. I woke up and proceeded through more than half the day, working on the assumption that it was Saturday. Imagine my surprise! It didn't matter that Saturday could never follow Wednesday. I had completely suspended logic and reality for a bit there. lol Of course, I was in Home Depot part of that time, so that might account for something.

I bought a newer (newer than mine) computer from a guy on Craig's list for a mere pittance. He was getting rid of this one because Santa had brought him a new system. It's a Hewlett-Packard with gonzo memory and a bigger badder hard drive, and a new sound card...all upgraded by him recently. He said he had gotten several calls after he listed it, and most of them wanted to strip it down and sell it for parts. He wanted to bless someone who could really use it. So my blessings started early this morning....

Beginning, of course, with no hangover from too much New Year's Eve. No angry words with my dear husband. No splitting headache or shame or guilt. Just woke up glad to be alive and happy.

I have to get up early to take the dear one to work so that I can keep the car and go get a sponsee and spend the day doing AA related things. And I am really bushed.

Blessed to have a warm bed and a loving husband and good sober friends. Blessed to be able to be connected to the internet and meet all these great people. Blessed to be blessed.

That's my story...and I'm sticking to it.


Happy New Year, y'all....

A Wicked Good Wednesday

Ah...just realized I can't post a picture on here because none of my photos are in this 'puter...
And yet...I am blessed to be back online. I am blessed to have all my baking done (finally). I am blessed that my husband just brought me a big cup of hot cocoa.

Mostly I'm being majorly blessed with a break in the weather. It rained some today, but there were periods when the sun shone through as well. It wasn't quite as cold as it has been, made it up in the 30's today! Hooray!! Supposed to stay like this tomorrow too, cold, but dry. No white Christmas this year...

I'm going to try to get a few more things done tonight and then I'll finish up in the early hours.

I have a couple of new sponsees again...one has 12 days today and is wound up like a top. She's a cute little thing, and is right on track. Everything is a major event and she doesn't know what to do. I can remember feeling like that...whew. It makes me tired just watching them spin sometimes. lol

I got a call from a friend in southern Missouri. He's sober about as long as me and has come up here to visit on 2 occasions. I adore him and it was so good to hear from him, and that life is rolling along. Am hoping to see him this summer when I host my next gathering of cyber-sober folks. It will be in June this year...the same weekend as my AA birthday -the 12th. Anybody interested in coming drop me a line. They're always a lot of fun...

Okay...Santa is on his way and if I don't go to bed I won't get any presents.

THAT ain't happening...

Merry Christmas blessings to you all....

Monday, again ????

[The view across my front yard, 2005]

Well, here we are, another day come and gone. I could wax philosophic about the passage of time, or my place in the Universe, but instead I'd like to talk about something near and dear to my heart. (ahem.)

Yesterday morning at the meeting, my glasses broke. I've had a feeling they were about to, as they just felt fragile. I was cleaning the lenses and they pretty much just came apart in my hands. The weld that holds the nosepiece broke. Luckily, I had my prescription sunglasses, so I could still see (plus, I looked totally incognito and cool.). Fast forward to later in the day, and I'm trying to find any kind of old glasses that I can still see out of, to no avail. Finally I found a pair that didn't give me an instant headache. They aren't quite right, but at least I can see the keyboard. I don't like the way they look, or the color of the frames (a dark bronze), or the way they fit. But hey, I can use them. I really cannot afford new glasses right now. So....drumroll....the other day the Medicare book came in the mail. I'm thinking, I'll find out what Medicare covers and maybe I can get new glasses. OR something. I swear...it's like the book is written in Chinese.
Now, I'm a relatively intelligent human being. I can figure out lots of stuff. The only place where it talks about eyecare is under A) Diabetes or B) [this is a direct quote] "Eyeglasses(limited): ONE PAIR OF EYEGLASSES WITH STANDARD FRAMES (OR ONE SET OF CONTACT LENSES) AFTER CATARACT SURGERY THAT IMPLANTS AN INTRAOCULAR LENS.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Does that mean that I can only get glasses if I let them implant a lens?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

How do seniors on Medicare afford glasses?

I'm bewitched, bothered and bewildered... (that reference is for you, 'roni. Happy Homecoming!)


Sigh...oh well. I still have lots of things to be grateful for today.

*All my critters are in house, safe and loved
*I have a wonderful marriage based on mutual respect and good humour.
*I have most of my family living within a hundred miles of me or less.
*I am over 6000 words into NaNoWriMo
*I am geting to know more and more great folks in the blogger community
*I am sober. Just for today.
*Listening to others problems make mine feel small.
*I have a huge share of meetings close enough to attend any time I want.
*The 12 Steps have absolutely changed my life.
*Today I have a faith that works.
*I have a nice warm bed to climb into, I am not homeless, and am well fed.
*My health is relatively good.
*Tomorrow I get to vote my conscience and exercise a right that a lot of people don't have.
*Today, I am a child of God, and I try to act like it.


Sweet dreams, all y'all.

Settle down, it's Saturday!

[The late, great Augie...aka Octavio Augustus]

Just a quick post to say that I'm feeling pretty darn blessed today. All the stars were in alignment and all the little synchronicities fell into place. Made for a very pleasant and comfortable day.

Someone said once, "It's impossible to be hateful and grateful at the same time, so I choose grateful." I loved that. Took it to heart, in fact. The more grateful I am, the better I act. The more grateful I am, the more I have to be grateful for.

Today I am grateful:

*For my family

*For my animals

*For my home

*For my blogging community

*For friends

*For NaNoWriMo buddies

*For friends in general

*Most especially, for my husband, who loves me unconditionally

Life is good.

Terrific Tuesday

[My two guys on the apple wagon, with the lost kitty]

Oh my goodness. I'm "aching in the places where I used to play". What a long day...way too much time standing in the kitchen, my neck and back hurt and my hands hurt from all that chopping. But--the apple butter is made, almost all the pie slices are in the freezer (4 gallons), I made an apple crisp for supper, with oven-fried pork chops, stuffing, green beans with onions and bacon and a side of apple slices sauteed in butter to go with the pork chops. I have about 8 pints of applesauce. The apple butter is all cooked and run through the blender and is now simmering away in the slow cooker. It will be done by morning. The house smells heavenly--apples and cinnamon and nutmeg. I am guesstimating that I'll have about 20 pints of apple butter. Maybe a little less. Surely enough for the two of us and then some. Hubby's lunch is packed and I am ready to drop.

I didn't get the birthday cake for tomorrow night made because I was shy one egg. (And apples took up all my time, lol). SO-- I'll take hubby to work in the morning, stop by Wally World at my favorite time to shop (6AM), and come home and bake the cake. It's a wonderful cake...5 eggs and 2 sticks of butter, coconut, nuts, cream cheese frosting. It is a very labor intensive cake, but so worth the effort. You have to separate the eggs, beat the whites until stiff and then fold them into the batter. Add the egg yolks one at a time, alternating with the buttermilk mixture. and whip,whip,whip!! It's a really beautiful cake.... Maybe I'll take a picture of it tomorrow and show you.

I'm grateful that I know how to do stuff like this.

I'm grateful that I have the means to do so.

I'm blessed to have a friend worth going to all this trouble for.

I'm blessed to be able to contribute to my family's food experience.

I'm grateful that NANOWRIMO doesn't start until November. lol

I'm especially blessed to know that I am loved, that I can let go & let God.

I'm grateful for all the blogs I read every day....

You guys really teach me so much .

Sweet dreams.

Saturday for the memory books

[The Little Prince, picking Jonagold apples]

This afternoon we took a trip out to a local orchard for U-Pick apples. It turned into one of those really wonderful times and the LP said "I will never forget this day!" This particular orchard grows about 20 kinds of apples and 48 types of peaches. And pumpkins, of course. I had no idea there were even that many kinds of peaches! When you go there, they have a petting zoo with goats and sheep for the kids. There are a couple of playgrounds. Today there was a program, a Suzuki class from Edwardsville (strings) and they played from 1-3pm. My guess is that they were about 9 year olds. It was marvelous. They have a bakery and a little food court, we bought a tray of apple slices with warm caramel drizzled over them. We used to always get that at the street fairs and the Apple Festival in Hendersonville, NC when we lived there. It's a heavenly treat. The LP had never tried it before and he was so surprised by how good it was. We shared that tasty treat and then later, after we picked apples, we had a giant chocolate chip and a giant flaxseed cookie. We all tasted them both--lordy, they were easily 6 inches across. That flaxseed cookie was one of the best things I have ever tasted---I MUST have the recipe!!!!!! lol

SO, you wait for the guy (one of the sons-it's a family operation) to pull up on the tractor. He pulls 3 wagons, they all have straw on the floor, one has bench seats all around, one has a platform in the center and you sit on it, and one is just a wagon like a hayride. He asks what kinds of apples everyone wants to pick. People start hollering out what they want, and I think there was only one couple that wanted something that wasn't available. We wanted Jonagolds. Ours was the farthest pasture, and when we got there, (as he did at each stop) he got off and told us exactly how to pick an apple, twisting until it comes off in your hand so you don't destroy the little bud on the branch directly above the stem, because that's where next year's apple will grow. He suggested that we try the Winesaps that were a couple of rows down. He also explained about how we should take an apple, shine it all up and clean on our shirts, and bite into it and taste and make sure it's what we want. So we did. They were some of the best apples I have ever had... we picked about 10 pounds of Winesaps and 40 pounds + of the Jonagolds. I will make apple butter and can some for pioes, and keep a few for eating. Then he circles around and comes and picks us up again to take us back to the sheds. They have 2 dogs, Molly and Oscar, a German Shepherd and a Lab, that follow the tractor and play with the guests and eat apples. They both also have company nametags on. LP got a real kick out of that.

It was a wonderful day, and I took some pictures and the LP wants some pictures. He is asleep now, and I thought I would take a couple of the photos and print them out tonight and send them home with him tomorrow. We have an early day, leaving here around 9 to pick up someone who needs a ride to the meeting and there we will celebrate Pat's 28th AA birthday. My son is coming too.

It was a day full of blessings. Too many to count, and just enough to reinforce my gratitude for my sobriety, without which none of this would be happening.
*Blessed to be a grannie
*Blessed to be a wife.
*Blessed to have a world in which love is the most important thing.
*So blessed, that those "feelings of uselessness and self pity" have disappeared.

Blessed to be a part of this community of recoverybloggers.

Night all....

Simple Sundays

[Natural Bridge State Park in Virginia]

Whew....what a Sunday. A beautiful day with a high of about 83. Sunny and clear.
We started the day out with the 10 o'clock meeting. It was a great meeting, got to give a friend who made a surprise visit his 9 year coin. He has moved north of here about 2 hours to be in a union apprenticeship program, and he said his birthday was last week, but they don't celebrate birthdays with coins up there. Craziest thing I ever heard of. lol SO I dug around in my purse and found my old nine year coin and gave it to him. It was a great step meeting on the 8th step, and lots of good stuff was shared.

Then hubby and I headed off to the Old Settlers' Days celebrations up in Calhoun County. That was a lot of fun. On the way home, I got a call...my sponsee had her baby!! She called me an hour after he was born. He's having some minor problems, so they shuttled him over to St Louis to Children's Hospital. But he is okay, and she is fine but exhausted. The little beggar weighed in at 8lbs15 ounces. YIKES!!! That's half grown!! I can't wait to see him... I told her, I'm probably gonna get all stupid...I love babies....

I got a beautiful green swirled stone mortar and pestle today at the flea market. It's new and from India...I've been looking for a cheap one (they can get really expensive!) and this one was 7 dollars. I need it for grinding herbs. I'm tickled pink to have it!

Everybody's sacked out and asleep but me. Guess I'd better think about going to join the ranks.

My gratitude list of blessings is long tonight:

Blessed by healthy new babies and new first time mommies.
Blessed by friends.
Blessed that my cousin is doing well after having 2 stints put in.
Blessed that I can walk around outdoor events.
Blessed to be a faithful member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Grateful that I can be there for someone else in their time of anxiety.
Grateful that I found this blogging community.
Grateful that tomorrow's a holiday.
Grateful to know my Higher Power.
Grateful to be able to trust people, when for years I couldn't.
Blessed to be me, where I am, now.
Blessed to be able to look on the bright side...most of the time.
Grateful that today, I don't have to overreact to things.
Grateful that today I don't HAVE to act out. (Even tho I do sometimes)
Grateful to be on this side of the dirt.



Sweet dreams, all y'all....

Wednesday on a whim

One of those blissed out, mellow, comfortable like old jeans...kind of a day. Did a little house blessing, then a little yard blessing. Swept the front porch and sidewalk, to keep all that cut grass form being tracked through the house. Played with the dogs and served the cats. All in all it's been a very low key day...

Except for the exciting part where the local grocer had chicken breasts on sale 10 pounds for 10 dollars. Naturally, the harmonic convergence makes this happen just when my freezer stock is diminshed. I am in constant awe of things like harmonic convergences and solar flares and 2 for 1 sales. It wasn't boneless skinless chicken, mind you, but it was all natural no antibiotic chicken, all the same. We have been talking about going vegetarian, but it keeps not happening. I finally told himself this morning that I just couldn't do it. It's too hard, I whined. For the past 6 months or so, I have been cooking a vegetarian meal every other day. And we're not eating hardly any red meat. Mostly chicken and fish. I'll continue doing it like that. But not strict vegetarian...not right now. Just can't do it.

I have followed vegetarianism off and on thru my life. The first time I was 19, and stayed with it for over 12 years. The next time I stayed with it about 6 years. So it's an off again on again thing with me. I love to cook, and being creative isn't really that tough. Maybe I'll be ready soon. Not sure why I'm being such a crybaby about it. Thing is, he doesn't really care, I don't think, even though it was his idea in the first place.

Ah, life....

And for today, my blessings come in the form of this marvelous passage from the Big Book, one of my favorites:

"Perhaps the best thing of all for me is to remember that my serenity is inversely proportional to my expectations. .......I have to discard my "rights", as well as my expectations, by asking myself 'How important is it, really. How important is it compared to my serenity, my emotional sobriety? ' And when I place more value on my serenity and sobriety than on anything else, I can maintain them at a higher level-at least for the time being."

So blessed to have a new pair of glasses, and more solutions to life on life's terms than I have ever had in my life.

Remembering the hand made paper placard on my fridge that says: YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD--SO ACT LIKE IT.

And so it goes...

Rainy days and Mondays...

Early evening, hubby is out to the Sierra Club meeting and I am here with the furry side of the family. I decided not to go tonight because I mowed today and stepped in another Jack Russell Terrorist hole...sigh....turning my ankle and hurting my back again. It's that weird hurt that you know is gonna be a bust tomorrow. Dang...and I was trying to be careful. The man of the house filled in the last one I stepped in, so I guess Miss Molly McGee decided it had to be replaced. See, here's the thing about JRT's...they are incorrigible. NO one is their master. They are runners and roamers. And they can be the sweetest little things in the world, IF you can overlook their obvious character defects. She's my little Aladog...

Had one of those God things happen today. I finally was returning a call to my friend B. as I drove into town to the PO to get some stamps. The phone didn't ring, and I heard the eerie electronic sound of someone dialing. Hello, says I, hello?? And she very slowly says...hello...is somebody there? And I start laughing and she recognizes that goofy gutbuster of a laugh of mine. We talked for about half an hour, and she said some things that I really needed to hear today. She was talking about something she's going through and writing a 4th step inventory about...and it was the absolute perfect thing for me to hear. All the planets were in alignment and the neurons were all firing in order...and I heard it.

My sobriety date is June 12, 1990...and I'm telling you, ever since I put the plug in the jug, I have been witness to more miraculous stuff than any one person wants to see. Some of it is real "garden variety" miracle stuff, and some of it has been BIG stuff. And I am grateful to be privvy to some of this stuff, and I know none of it would be possible without sobriety.

Today, I'm grateful that that veil of addiction has been removed. I'm grateful that I can be grateful, and not be a victim. I'm grateful to have the option of choosing gratitude every day. And like that little weird greeter guy at the door at my first meeting said..."You don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to." The trick is to have a life that makes it easy to NOT want to. The program and fellowship of AA gave me that.

SUCH a deal.....

A Particularly Sober Saturday...

Feeling especially blessed today, after a long long day of meetings and speakers and food and fellowship. We started off the day with a breakfast potluck and 2 speakers and then to a birthday celebration with cake and then to a nighttime potluck and speaker meeting. The last one is not a meeting I have ever attended, but was asked to come tell my story and so, there I was!
The best part of sharing one's experience, strength and hope is that you get another chance to look at your life. At what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. And when I take that opportunity, I can get a glimpse of how much I and my life have changed. Like a camera snapping the moments of drama and comedy, I get to dip and dive and dodge the truths about myself. The more tragic events become grist for the comic's mill, and the dark comedy of the way I lived is apparent. Sometimes I feel like an old slapstick movie...keystone- copping my way through the years. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the incredible loss, the sense of disconnectedness that was always my companion. Othertimes, I can focus on the miraculous facts of my life. How I didn't put a bullet in my head, or kill myself or someone else driving drunk. How I somehow managed to escape the Aids epidemic unscathed, after all those one night stands and blackout encounters. How I can still have a relationship with my son, after all is said and done.
In the end, I am overcome with a sense of being blessed in a manner completely unbefitting someone like me. By the fact that grace is indeed undeserved favor, and that the hand of God is apparent in every aspect of my life. And I will never understand the whys and the wherefores. And that it's okay--I don't need to understand. I just need to integrate gratitude for each and every thing that occurs. And trust that this elegant grace will always bless my life.

A life of grace

Not sure why I'm starting another blog. I just felt the need to make a little place where I can explore the blessings of a life lived in sobriety and kindness (mostly). I will start by telling you, gentle readers, that I am sober lo these 18 years through very little of my own volition. lol I always get a little crinky (just this side of cranky) when I hear people talk about their faith and their beliefs and their Jesus stuff...not sure why I really care. It's not that I don't believe in a power greater than myself (I do) and it's not really that I begrudge them their religions. It's just...I guess it's just that I don't share the party line dogma and have been rebuked for that more than once. Or maybe it's just that I am jealous. I don't know, honestly.

I'm gonna try to start off slow here and see what happens. I am blogging on another site, at wordpress, and it's the first time I've taken on such an endeavor. I am a very undisciplined person, so maybe that's what I think I'll procure from all this jibber-jabbering. I've been posting there for about 37 days or something. With the exception of not taking a drink for over 6000 days, I haven't done much else this consistently.

Okay then. Now to look and see what my dumb, un-savvy, computer ass has done to the theme of this blog!

Up and away !!!!!!!!!!!