Tuesdays twitterings

Several days of stormy and not quite raining days. We need a drink badly...the gardens are looking stressed, and we've no way to water them just now. Today, however, is looking promising. I see spatters of drops even now, and should probably be considering unplugging the electrical stuff.
I am blessed--they are laying the water pipe along our road. The serenity out here is cut short by the equipment they have brought to dog trenches and unload pipe. But I can live with it for a bit. One Day At A Time I can stand the noise to have running water. It's my new meditation. lol

I forget how quiet it is out here...until it isn't....or until I go into town to visit a friend. I am awed by the way people who live in cities don't even hear all that racket. Immune to it, I suppose, as a result of being hammered at constantly. It offends my sensibilities. lol

I've been searching my bookshelves for a book that I KNOW I have..and cannot find. I only have 6 bookshelves, for crying out loud. You'd think I could find one little book. It's called the Ken of Atta.... I have to do an opener at the class tonight and the session is on community. That's what I recall a great deal of that book being about....(though I could be mistaken-I haven't read it in 15 years.) lol I have some nice jazz playing on the stereo and am going to do a bit of sweeping up before I bake a peach pie. I have about 7 softball sized peaches off my tree and need to use them. They're gorgeous. Sweet and juicy.

Yesterday and this morning, I have been listening to a relapsed(ing) drunk cry and sob and be totally hysterical. As much compassion as I can muster, I nonetheless told her that she needed to grow up and that nobody ever died of a broken heart. For godssakes--she's been in an on again off again relationship with this guy for maybe 4 months. Maybe less. And she can't "take the pain"...And last night she hung up on me. This morning she called all apologetic, said he still hasn't come home, and started the sobbing all over again. She has to work at her new job this afternoon. I hope she doesn't blow that--jobs are hard to come by in these parts. I asked her if she was drunk, and she said NO. But I don't know if I believe her. She has an alcoholic habit of lying alot. lol I gave her some very explicit instructions about getting on her knees and asking God for help, and she said something like The darkness of Satan is covering me...(all the while sobbing hysterically) and I said NO--the darkness of DRUNKENNESS is covering you. STOP DRINKING!!!!! OR--do whatever you want. If you want to throw away everything you were just telling me yesterday morning (before the fateful event of HIM being 20 minutes late coming home from work) that God has given you since you got sober, by all means, keep drinking. You are grown and ou can do whatever you want. All the while she's screaming IT HURTS SO BAD!!! Until I wish I had the car today, so I could go over and slap her. (And that, dear friends, is God doing for me what I cannot do for myself! lol) I just told her again to pray and ask God for help, and call me later this afternoon.

It's exhausting.

And I am grateful. Grateful for people who told me things like they didn't care what I was FEELING--they only cared what I was DOING. Grateful for the women who told me I wouldn't die because my marriage of 18 years was ending. Grateful for the people who said "God never closes one door without opening another." Blessed beyond measure for the people who showed me the way, no matter how stupid I acted. lol


Maybe I can help this one get back on track. Maybe I can't. But I will stay sober today.
And that's the miracle happening in my world today. That no matter what, I never have to drink again, if I don't want to. That there's nothing so big that my Creator and I can't manage it.



Namaste.

This is Thursday??

A day of days.

On a bright note, I picked up a big pile of yellow and lavender irises that a friend dug up in her yard and gave me. I just have to figure out where to plant them and then get it done.

On a less bright note, I called the doctors office this morning at 8:30. They took a ,message (about the referral) and then no one bothered to call me back all day. At 4 PM I called again, asking to be put directly back to the person in charge of the referrals. Her name is Aiyesha. She said, very nonchalantly, yes, I got the message that you called. I said well??? She said, I haven't gotten around to it yet.
I very calmly said, What? You haven't gotten around to getting me a referral to a specialist from an appointment 8 days ago? I can barely walk. Exactly how long does it take for you to call another office for a referal?
She very quietly said, No, I have not. Your chart isn't marked URGENT. So, I'll get to it whenever I can get to it.
I said WHAT ?!?!? And she said--I SAID I will get to it whenever I get to it.
At which point, seething and angry and hurting, I said "Don't bother. I will see a different doctor." And I hung up.

After I spent a moment crying in frustration, and walking around the house in circles, I called the new branch of this same healthcare foundation which just last week opened in Bunker Hill. I got a very nice woman on the phone who, when I gave her a quick rundown of the problem, apologized for what just happened. And I said I wanted to make an appointment and she said, I'm sorry, we aren't taking any more clients today, I can't get you in until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. I said, relieved, that would be perfect. I will see you at 10 o'clock. She asked for a little info so she can get my records from the database.

So, we'll see what happens tomorrow.

Tonight, my grandson is here and we had root beer floats while we watched a movie and he is now firmly ensconced in his favorite bed (hideabed in the living room) surrounded by all the dogs and cats. I'm ready for bed too.

The pain in this damned knee is now at about a level 8 constantly. I am worried that I am doing more and more damage to it by walking around on it. Trying to be sensible and keeping it elevated, which helps relieve the pain a bit. Skipped my meeting again tonight becasue it hurts to drive so badly. I may have Patrick get my crutches down from the garage storage...

I am more grateful to be sober tonight than usual. To be able to find solutions, in spite of other people. To have the clarity of mind to be able to stand up for myself and make a decision that's in my best interest. To be able to be proactive in my own healthcare. To be able to be assertive. Things I never could do when I was drinking.

I'll be way glad when my life gets back to being all full of light and laughter and rainbows shooting out my ass all the time.... I'm getting sick of hearing about all this all the time.


Namaste.