Happy Halloween...October's end...

  Kitties love Halloween too....lol

***************************

    Well the night shifts are over and I'm still alive. Barely.  lol   So glad I don't have to do that too often. 15 hour shifts with an Altzheimers patient are about 13 hours too many.  Got a little more sleep last night than I did on Saturday night, so that's good. I was a walking zombie yesterday.  You know--when I was young I never had a problem working doubles and OT and whatever got thrown at me. lol

  I've been piddling around on the internet this morning and around the house as well.  I need to call the furnace guy to check on my heat--it's not working.  The house is plenty warm and we aren't freezing, thanks to  our old slant Finn electric heater that we bought about 15 years ago and still runs like a champ. So it's easy for me to procrastinate. The way things have been going, we'll have to replace our furnace this year. sigh....maybe not though..Todd has magic hands when it comes to these old appliances. He lives up the road from us and is really good at what he does.

  I keep saying I'm going to buy an Edenpure heater...haven't done it yet though. Our house is a little drafty and the windows leak air. We usually put plastic up every winter and that helps a lot. I put insulated drapes up too and little things like that go a long way. I have high hopes that I will get some window quilts made this year for the bedroom windows.  Every year we price new windows, and after we've regained consciousness, say "Maybe next year".  lol   

  I'm cooking a couple of big pieces of pork butt that I got on sale last week for .99/lb.  I'll throw some bbq sauce on it and smash some potatoes and call it supper. I have some beans in the fridge that didn't get canned yet--I'll cook those too.  It will make a nice supper for the Irishman, and some for me to take with to MissB's at 3 for my supper too. If I'm not real careful I end up eating a lot of junkie fast food type stuff when I'm at her place. I need to make a more conscious effort to not do that.  I really do prefer my own cooking. lol

  I need to get off here and make some granola bars and finish up a few things. Thought maybe I'd get a nap in this morning, but it didn't happen.  Got about 6 or 7 hours of sleep last night, so it's not too bad. The night before was awful and I came out of it with about 3 hours. Not enough...even for this old insomniac.

  Have a grand day all...and remember to be kind.

  Namaste

The St Louis Cardinals are the World Series Champs!! (even though the whole world doesn't get to play--we don't care)

...and believe we did.....and win they did!!!

****************************

  And thank God THAT'S over for another year. The 6th game , that was a very important one, ran into 11 innings and wasn't over til after midnight. You know those ballplayers were running on adrenaline last night, when they beat the Texas Rangers 6-2.  It was a thing of beauty. I wish my dear old dad had been around to see it--he was a diehard Cards fan.  

 We're not real big on sports in this house. We watch my husbands Packers play now and again...and we might catch something here or there, but mostly...well, NOT. I think he does secretly watch hockey when I'm not home, but if I catch him at it, he acts like it's no big deal.  But we do watch the Super Bowl, or at least some of it. This time we watched the playoffs as well as all 7 games of the series itself. 

 AND IT WAS  *A*W*E*S*O*M*E*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  I'm having a bit of a domestic engineering day here. The husband and son are finishing the demolition job they started yesterday on the old 1975 pop-up camper that is made almost entirely of metal. The canvas was shot (rotted--for godssakes, it's 36 years old!!!)  and you can buy new canvas for them, but it's about 1500.00 which is ridiculous, since we paid 300 dollars for the darned thing. lol  We got a few good years of camping out of it, and I mended and patched it as much as I could until it was just beyond repair. So...bye-bye.  And of  course the male members are suited to tearing things apart and up and out...so they're in hog heaven. lol  Yesterdays work netted them about 80 bucks at the scrap yard which they split. They were both happy as clams.

  We went out for Indian food last night and had a nice dinner of prawn masala and a chicken coconut curry and basmati rice.  Lots of garlic naan and Daal and it was wonderful, as usual.  We went b y our [sort of] local health food store, a great place called Green Earth Grocery and I picked up some baking yeast and spices and a block of tofu...then we went to Mr. Curry's for supper and home to watch the game.  Date night for old people.  lol

  Tonight and tomorrow night I will be staying the night at MissB's. Not looking forward to it particularly, but blessed with the extra money right now. Tomorrow we will go to a lunch at noon for a friends 40th surprise birthday luncheon...hope I am functioning.  I usually can sleep some at her house, but you never know what kind of night she will have. Hopefully it will all go without a hitch.

  Thanks everyone for your kind words regarding my little emotional storm the other night. I did look at obits from his local newspaper, but found nothing. Might look again today. It is what it is and I know that these connections are strong enough to withstand distance and time and situations. And Murr--you're right. They do come and go.

  We had a light frost this morning--cold when I got up. I think it's supposed to warm back up again the next few days. I was thinking since the boys are out working maybe I'd make that potato soup I never got around to yet... mostly because it's quick and easy....

*~*~*~*~Okay. The soup is on, the compost bucket emptied. The floors are as done as they're gonna get today.  Laundry in the dryer is about ready to come out and the washer has stopped. One more load of his nasty work clothes, which will probably wait until tomorrow when I have the clothes he has on now. Gonna straighten up the couches and chairs slipcovers' and call it a day.

  It's a really beautiful fall day out there, 57 degrees and sunny.  High of 61 today.  Think I'll go back out to the garden and pick some more green beans and peas.  

  BTW--Anybody ever freeze greens?? I have some beautiful turnip greens that need to come out of the ground soon and hate to not be able to use all those greens. The chickens will love some and the compost will love some...but I love some too!!!!   lol

   Have a grand day. I plan to....

Namaste.

Have you ever....

...been driving the road home, and suddenly just lose it?  There was a song playing on the radio that was the song my ex-husband used to sing to me.."you are the woman that I've always dreamed of...I knew it from the start...."  and I just burst out crying.  And I cried for about 15 minutes...for lost love and for broken dreams and for all the things we would never know about each other growing old. I felt like somebody slammed their fist into my solar plexus and it took the wind out of me. And I thought "He has died."  And it opened a big hole in my heart that I thought time and new love had closed.  If he has indeed died, it would be of alcoholism, and no one will bother to ever tell me, I'm afraid. I haven't laid eyes on him in over 16 years.  I did speak to him once, about 10 years ago, and the conversation was so painful that I never did it again. We separated when I got sober, when I was 37 years old, almost 22 years ago.  And for a while there tonight, the pain was as raw as it was then. 

  Do our hearts ever heal when they break down the middle?  Does the yearning ever stop and the wistfulness subside?  

  I have made a good life for myself with a good man.  And that is beside the point.

  I have been having more and more minor psychic experiences again...small de ja vu's  and a sense of someone or something hovering at the edge of my consciousness.  Perhaps this is more of that.  Perhaps not. I am reminded of the part of the story of Daughters of Copper Woman (I think)  where the shimmering cords that connect her to everyone who has ever been part of her life manifest and oh, hell...I cannot think straight right now...it's after 1 AM and I should be in bed. Maybe tomorrow I can finish this or wake up a little more enlightened and sure of what I'm even talking about or remembering.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

Goodnight.

A tisket, a tasket...a green and yellow basket....

  Ah...autumn.  The harvest season winds down and ...oh, WAIT!! What's that? Green beans and pea pods and turnips and kale and squash STILL coming out of my garden ???  LOL. What a lucky girl I am.

***********************

  Oh my. It's been a hectic few days around Honeysuckle Hill. The root canal was a financial nightmare. The cost--$1000.00. Amount insurance paid-- $530.00...amount we paid--THE OTHER 50%  !!   WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

  and--when he got home, I says to him-how's it feel? And he says still really numb.  I says surely, the post they put in for the crown would require that. And he says to me-no, no, they didn't do that. I have to go back to MY dentist for that.  (Note: today is Friday. Evening).  I am , of course, incredulous.  SO, this mouth is going to heal and then they will do it all over again ? And he says, no, he told me to call IMMEDIATELY so that it doesn't heal first.  

  Naturally, I fall over in a dead faint, because A) I have never seen anything like this and B) Here comes another 500 dollar bill. If I just killed him before he could make the appointment, I could actually make a profit.

   ************************

  The roof endeavor has been almost finished, he says there is one more small area that he will finish himself next weekend. In the meantime, my entire back deck is full of debris..shingles, plywood, all the stuff they ripped off the roof.  Just laying there, waiting for me to trip over. I would cry, but it will just make my face look funnier than it does now.

   This next weekend I have to do 2 overnighters with MissB, as someone is taking a trip east.  I hate it, although the extra dineros will be a blessing.  I must be getting old. I don't like sleeping away from home much anymore. lol

   *************************


  Well. I don't know how that got started, but there it is. lol

  It's supposed to get up to 85 today here. Weird weather for October. But then it's seesawing down to 38 then back up to 60 and OH MY! I can't keep up.

  We figured out how the raccoon was getting in after it killed a second chicken. This time (luckily) it was the old Rhodie that I've been expecting to leave this planet  for some time, but somehow never would die. We'd be SURE that today would be it, and then it would rally.  We named it Lazarus.  At any rate the 'coon got it, by climbing up the sides of the run, going under the tarp that acts as a rain shield, and then pulling the wire apart so it could get through.  We are now putting the hens up for the night and locking the door, as well as reinforcing the coon door.  sigh.... Guess they'll have to go back to stealing cat and dog food (which I am putting up every night as well)....and maybe they'll give up and move on.  That would be best.

   I watch the dramas unfolding around me and think that I am blessed to have a simple life. I know that I have some skills that will enable my survival for a while, and I know that no matter what happens, I am not a victim. Looking around, I know that we could downsize our life a lot more than we already have and be the better for it. We do have our ups and downs here, but nothing like it is for some folks. One reason for that is that we already know how to live poor. lol  It's much easier to have to cut out cable tv and dinners out, than it is to lose your 1200/month home.  Or to have to have your car payment on your Ford scrape the bottom of your account this month, than to lose the Mercedes you've paid a lot for but are nowhere near paying off.  I'm just saying, the simple life does make things a lot, well, simpler. And it really helps you keep everything in perspective.  I have enough food put by to feed us. We have food for the animals. We have kerosene lamps at the ready, filled with oil and another bottle of oil at hand. We have an emergency heat source (kerosene heater) for emergencies.  We have candles. We have a pond teeming with fish, a good source of food protein.  We have clothes and coats and shoes and we have an abiding love and respect for one another. I see a lot of couples who don't even seem to like each other most of the time, and I understand that, but if you don't treat each other with respect, you've got a problem. Love and respect go hand in hand...whether you're talking about the marriage or the Mother Earth or whatEVER.

   Alrighty then. . I'm off into the day, trying to remember to have faith that all will be okay, and that I will do my best to try to be kind.   I shall go out and try to pick beans and maybe make a sandwich for himself for supper. Something that travels, as he has his discussion group tonight. That means he must rush home shower frantically, grab whatever food I leave for him, and fly out the door to get to the group, which is 25 miles away.  Not my idea of a good time....

    Be well--and let's look for the light in one another today, okay?

  Namaste.

   

Friday already ??

This week flew by.  Partly because I spent my Thursday driving back and forth to see my new great nephew and his folks about an hour and a half away. He's 8 weeks old now and absolutely precious. Holding his head up and smiling and just a wonderful big baby boy.  I made a tied fleece crib quilt for him and tried to get one finished for his big sister Moriah, but my hands hurt too much from doing the first one. I told her I would get it finished and mail it to her. She is probably more excited about getting mail than she is even about the blanket (which will have princesses on it).  lol  My nephew told me last night that she went around all day telling everyone that HER aunt is making HER a blankie of her very own. lol  She is 4.

  I also had to work a sleepover shift in the middle of the week. That was 15 hours, home for 7 and back for 5 more.  I was exhausted.  Anyway, I'm glad to get a chance this morning to get around and read some blogs and post a little too.

  We lost a chicken last night. One of the Buff Orpingtons was pulled through the fence and demolished. Spine, pelvis, feet were left. It was a horrible mess.  What upsets me most is that last night in the middle of the World series game, I thought I heard something out there and muted the tv and strained to listen, but thought I was hearing things.  sigh....It's not the first chicken we've lost, and probably won't be the last. Part of the heartbreak of homesteading is losing animals in one form or another..such is life.

   I'm in the middle of chores...laundry, housecleaning and need to make a grocery run for a few staples like oatmeal and butter and brown sugar. The Irishman has a dentist appointment for a root canal this afternoon, so it looks like soup for supper tonight.  Hard telling what it's going to be like, they may do everything at once or they may do it in 2 appointments. Because of our dental network, he has to drive an hour away to do it.  It's ridiculous. 

  I'm moving slow...it got down to freezing last night and is supposed to hit 37 tonight. Then it swings into a warm-up again and night temps will be up in the 50's. The Irishman is out there cleaning up more garden spots, pulled out the last of the bell peppers.  The tomatoes are still showing and flowering, but the 'maters are small and most are green, though I brought in about 5 ripe ones (smallish) the day before yesterday.  Guess I'll go check the washer and think about some lunch for him before he leaves. Another day in the life of the hapless housewife...

  Been a "tough times at money high" these past few weeks. Property taxes, roof repairs, dental work and an outrageous electric bill from October.  Sigh...still, all in all, we manage to squeak through from one month to the next and I am grateful that we do it.  This is a time in history where lots of people are in a bad way, again.  I'm reading Independence Days, and she was talking about the progression of things through the Great Depression, and how, contrary to what most of us believe, it didn't happen over night. And that worries me, since the book was written in 2008 and so far, she's been spot on. And the Republicans have killed another jobs bill. And the world sits and watches and wonders.  And Quaddafhi has been killed. Or Gadhafi. Or Kaddafi.  How DO you spell that man's name? Everywhere I look, it seems to be spelled differently. I just read an article about the 7 weirdest things about him, one was that he had a huge crush on Condi Rice, and that she went to visit him in 2008 and he gave her like 200,000 dollars worth of gifts and kept a photo album of pictures of her. Now, baby...THAT is weird.  And the GOP is pissed that the Dems want to keep the Bush tax cuts only for people making under 200K a year and none with higher incomes.  And there's a baby girl missing in Kansas City. And I am ready to hunt down and kill whichever cat keeps peeing in my laundry room on the new floor.  And the earth moves around the sun. And so it goes.

    Well, another Friday lunch over with, tuna fish sandwiches with fresh ripe sliced tomatoes on the side. O.M.G.  Were they ever good.  I will miss summer with it's bounty and fresh smelled grass smells and flowers blooming everywhere. I'm going to take a little drive today, just me and Roxie, and the way home I will stop for some groceries.  I'll take in some fall colours and I'll mourn the passing of the season of play and move into the season of hunker-down.  I'll keep my fingers crossed that we don't have to pay more than $400.oo for this root canal and  that things will continue on the way they are supposed to...me in the thick of it, working and playing, living and loving.  Trying to keep my place in the balance...and being ever grateful for the things I have and more compassionate to those who don't have what I do. 

  To have the chance to live with a giving heart, a sunny countenance and the love of family and friends.  To be able to make my way in this mine field of a world and still see the beauty of it.  To live well,  love much and laugh often. 

  Namaste.

A new week...ready--set--GOOooooo!!!!!!!!!!!

  Feeling a little old today, lol.  But grateful to be on this side of the dirt and still having fun.

*************************

  I've been out in the garden, pulling up the parsley plants by the roots to hang in the back pantry to dry. Also pulled 2 large brown grocery bags  of basil (2 whole plants of one type) and a lot of small branches and tons of leaves from the rest.  We have some cold weather heading our way this week and I'm trying to NOT leave everything until the last minute.  Still need to get the heat lamp connected in the henhouse, the covers for the beans and peas at the ready, and the last of the green tomatoes picked. The turnips are looking really good, as is the kale. I picked another mess of young green beans today. This cold snap is only supposed to last a couple of days, and then back up to 50 degrees at night. At least that's what they're saying...

  I've been busy in the kitchen all morning, making spaghetti sauce and Italian bread for supper.  The bread is in the pan and will go in the oven in about an hour or so. Cutting it way too close for my liking. I haven't cooked the pasta yet, but will do that in a bit.  I may go to MissB's an hour late today.  There's salad left from last night's meatloaf supper, so that will round it out and make a nice meal.  The house smells like basil and oregano and yeast...mmmmm.....(Of course, my hands smell like basil...lol)

   Had a nice chat with someone today who's going through some personal stuff...--aren't we all? lol  Another friend is marking the anniversary of her son's suicide, and every year, my heart goes out to her.  I cannot imagine that anguish and hope I never have to know that kind of emotional and psychic pain.  I started my morning holding her in my heart and envisioning her surrounded by love and healing light.

   I was thinking today that I have so much to be truly grateful about in my life...when I'm having a rough day, I try to make a list of 10 things in my life I am grateful. That helps to pivot the feelings of powerlessness and loss.  It changes my perspective to focus on what I do have, rather than what I don't have. Today on my Facebook page, someone posted a thing that said:  Don't dwell on those who held you down. Cherish those who lift you up.

  I like it. No reason to waste my time in the negative hallways of this life. What is--IS.  Making the best of what I have, making the most of what timeI have left.  DAMN!  If only I'd known this when I was 17....lol

  Our St. Louis Cardinals are in the World Series.  They won Game 5 last night against the Milwaukee Brewers and that was that. It was hard watching those guys from the losing team...the disappointment on their faces almost made me cry.  But then, I changed my mind about it.  The team, and their manager and coaches all just walked off the field to their dressing rooms. Nobody came over and congratulated the winning team and I got a little fired up.  What has happened to sportsmanship? The Irishman says he's not sure professional teams do that anymore.  I say bullsh*t.  It's inexcusable.  

  And that's about the extent of the news from here.  Except that I had my panties in a wad yesterday because the man who lives behind me, across the pond, was shooting shotguns for over 3 hours, terrifying me and all my animals.  I was livid.  Patrick says he thinks that he shoots clays over the pond. That was supposed to make me feel better??? That puts it even MORE in the direction of my house. I despise guns. 

  I've heated up the last of the lentil soup from last week and am having that for lunch.  Hope you have something good too.

    Namaste.

A slow Saturday

  I liked this, and cannot remember where it came from. The hidden mysteries of the internet...lol

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  I cannot believe it is mid October already.  The leaves are falling so fast suddenly that I can't keep my porch swept. And both porches come directly into the house, so that means I can't keep my floors clean either. Sigh...the trials and tribulations of the modern day house frau...

  My husband has gone Trout  Fishing in America today (sorry--couldn't help it.  :)   Ah, my misspent youth...San Francisco,  City Lights, Richard Brautigan.)  At any rate, one of the local state park lakes stocks it with trout on October 12th and then opens it for a mad day of trout fishing for the weekend.  Apparently these illegal immigrant trout cannot really live in this lake for some reason, so they bus them in and  it's an executionary free-for-all. But the men get all riled up about it, and grab their gear and go. Reminds me (again--misspent youth) of opening day of salmon season on the wild and beautiful Klamath River, where the city men come and line up, shoulder to shoulder, at the mouth of the Klamath to fish their brains out for a day or so.  It's apparently a short, white-man window.  The Klamath Indians can fish whenever : Yuroks, Pomos, Hoopas and Karoks.  It must drive them mad. All the garbage you KNOW those men leave behind, and just the matter of having to tolerate them in general. However. That said, I'm sure they make a lot of money off them while they're there, and that is probably some small solace.

  Do I sound snarky today?  I probably am. I went to the movies (the little retro Canna Theater in Gillespie, IL...where 5 dollars gets you admission, popcorn AND a drink!) and saw The Help.  It was wonderful and horrible and always always...those subjects make me gnash my teeth and bellow like a mad cow.  It reminded me of my ex-husband and his college friends making a trip from California to Jackson, Mississippi when Medgar Evers was murdered, and so (naturally) I dreamt of him all night. (the ex, not ME).  They marched with Dr. King and did all kinds of wonderfully scary stuff, registering black voters, sitting in coloreds only sections, all that stuff that we used to be wont to do when we were young  idealists.  When I first met him (he's 10 years older than I am)  I was mesmerized by his stories and his values and his sense of social justice.  I was crazy about him.  I still am.

 Anyway.  The movie made me laugh and cry and be ashamed and be proud. Can't ask for much more than that from a movie....entertaining from start to finish.  Now I have to buy the book.  lol

  It has been busy around here the past few days. My bouncing baby boy came on Thursday and ripped out the decomposing parquet floor in my laundry room, and the sub-floor as well. He replaced it all with new wood and new vinyl and is coming back Monday to cut out and replace a panel of sheet rock on the wall so I can finish painting the room. He had to move the washer and dryer out of there, which was a helluva job that he pulled off with panache. He's really something, that kid. He's going to bring new trim to put around the baseboard and door too. I found a piece of vinyl that was a cream and coffee colored medium brown with a diamond design. I went paint hunting (in my garage) to see what I had as I didn't want to spend more money on paint if I didn't have to. I found about a quarter of a bucket of a peachy tan, a third of a bucket of a Killz buttercup yellow, and almost a full bucket of my Tuscany brown that I used on the doors in my living room. So, of course, I mixed the yellow and the tan together and put the Tuscany in a ladle full at a time, until it achieved a rich caramel color that went well with the vinyl.  My husband just watched and kept shaking his head....This room is going to look great once it's all finished. 

  I'm finishing up laundry this morning. I got all my stuff and recipes sent off to the publisher of the booklet for my soup workshop. I was supposed to go to a book club this morning, but it ain't happening. maybe next time.  I've got some leftover pork roast from Thursday night that I'm going to shred and some homemade bbq sauce that I'm going to soak it in, and we're gonna have some bbq sandwiches on homemade hamburger buns for lunch. Well, I am anyway. They might be his supper. Whatever. God only knows how Trout Fishing in America is going... hopefully we'll wind up with some lovely fish for the freezer. He had to buy an extra 6 dollar trout stamp to fish this...he'd better make it pay for itself.  LOL

  Yesterday he celebrated 31 years of living a clean and sober life.  He was only 20 when he was tossed into a rehab from the Marine base. (You do the math).  He wanted Mexican for supper and a movie, so we went. We try to make Friday a kind of a date night...our hours conflict a lot and it's nice.  I love this man. I am blessed.

   Okay-the dryer stopped and I ate a bowl of oatmeal with raisins and a spoonful of peanut butter in it, and I've had some coffee and I guess it's time to get dressed.  Woke up to about 40 degrees this morning...I guess autumn is really here.. At last.  

    Have a great weekend. Choose Love.

Namaste.