Really? 12 days later...

 I could blame it on the cold. God knows, it's been a relatively brutal winter here.

OR...I could blame it on the madness in the world, or the solar flares, or the complete and total lack of hormones in my system.

 Or...I could just get over myself and chalk it all up to the dreadful deficiencies of my character. I have been annoyed. I have been impatient. I have been unforgiving and critical and nasty-mouthed. 

  And it has made me miserable.  So, yesterday, I decided it was time to snap out of it and get back on the carousel that is my life. And here I am.

  I have been reading a great book by Margaret Atwood called The Year of the Flood. I love her work and this one is no exception. I also am reading  The Lincoln Lawyer, which they have just made a movie from, starring Matthew McConnaghey (sp??). On top of that...I have just received some books I ordered, by a woman named Jan Phillips, one called Marry Your Muse and the other titled Divining the Body. And then of course at the local Goodwill, I found several books...among them one called Accordian Crimes, by Annie Proulx who also wrote The Shipping News. So...I have plenty to read and keep me occupied for a while.

  In the meantime, the seed catalogs keep pouring in and my dreams are of grand gardens and abundant food. The big blizzard knocked part of a tree down in the backyard, smashing one of my trellises that didn't get taken down last fall. Once all this snow melts and the ground finally dries up, we are going to have a lot of work ahead of us. There are lots and lots of downed branches and tree limbs all over the place.

  I have decided to reclaim my little  studio apartment for my own studio again. We rented it out twice in the past 2 years, and I hated having people back there. The Irishman and I have agreed that unless we become destitute and absolutely HAVE to have the money, we will not rent it out again. So...I need to get back there and clean and paint...and definitely smudge the room with sage. And then I will make it my own again. I'm really looking forward to it. 

  I have an early appointment tomorrow so I need to get to bed. It's midnight already...sigh....there don't seem to be enough hours in the day anymore. Is this part of the aging process?????]

  Namaste.

The 3 F's...(Friday February Fourth)...

 It's already been a long winter.  I have been snowed in here at the house since Sunday and will be venturing out today for the first time.  It has been heavenly. The opportunity to cook more and lounge around and actually eat meals with my husband for a change...divine! 

  This was the beginning of a storm that dumped about 3/4 of an inch of ice and a foot of snow. The winds were terrible, drifting the snow as much as 5 feet in places. It was beautiful though. There's something about the black and white beauty of the ice in winter that has always mesmerized me.

 This is my peach tree in the front yard. In honor of it's courage, I baked a peach pie with fruit from the freezer. Yum! The second round of it was not as bad. And now there's another one coming in Sunday or Monday, I guess. We are all set, though I may go buy some more utility candles today.  We only lost power for about an hour on one day, miraculously enough. The Irishman says it's because they had to put in so much new stuff the past few years.

This is one of my favorites of the pictures I have taken the past few days. Love the lighting...And of course, the eerie beauty of new fallen snow.

  

   I'm back o schedule starting today. After having put in a month of 8 hour / 7 days a week...I was ready for a break. Now the break is over. I haven't really accomplished much around the house like I thought I would. lol  But my brains feel better.

  Haven't been blogging or writing or doing much of anything lately. No inspiration or motivation or something. Don;'t like the way I'm feeling mostly, but haven't been hurting enough to do anything about it.  Unfortunately, that's how it often is with people like me. Feeling rather fed up with some things in my life, I have withdrawn and isolated  to the point of almost complete inactivity. Of course, I'm talking about AA..the fellowship, not the program itself. I realized last night the worst part of it all for me is that I have always been so in love with it all,  and now it seems that is gone. Maybe I am just growing up.  Maybe I've just finally come off that pink cloud after 20 years sober. Whatever it is, I am grieving the loss of it. A couple of people have tried to tritely tell me that I need to work on my resentment, but it isn't that at all. And I am sick of having shit parroted at me from the rooms. (That does sound a little resentful...but it's really worse than a resentment. It's a LOSS.)  At any rate, I am not worried about drinking, or killing myself or any other of the myriad things we could do to ourselves.  I just want to get to the other side of this, because frankly, it isn't fun.  If the landscape of my sobriety is going to change, and I'm pretty sure it is,  I'm ready for it to HURRY THE HELL UP.  lol  I have not darkened the doors of AA since last September, except for the uncomfortable hour I spent in a room for the Irishman's 30th  back in October.  I think he is a little concerned about me. Interestingly enough, the tables have turned and he is now up to his armpits in service work. He hadn't done anything for years. lol  There was quite a while when he didn't even go to meetings. So maybe this is all a part of what happens and I will be in a different place about it all soon.  Or not.  I am taking it ODAAT, and curious to see where this is all going. Even though I'm uncomfortable enough to be moved to tears from time to time, and sad...I'm still wading through the emotions behind all this.

   Quote for the day:

  "...any idiot can face a crisis; it is this day-to-day living that wears you out."  ~~Chekhov

Namaste.

A long, long day...

  Awoke to a mess of snow, wind and cold. Tromped out to feed the chickens and nearly fell on my keister, as I was wearing hubby's big rubber fishing boots. lol  They were the only thing tall enough to keep my feet out of the snow !!

  Was up early, had to go to MissB's house early again today. Needed time to make some kind of supper for the Irishman, as he has eaten all the leftovers and had to eat and run tonight. The class is reading and discussing A Sand County Almanac, by Aldo Leopold. SO...I threw together a chicken and rice casserole and tossed that bad boy in the oven. The house smelled so good!  

  Until the power went out. My oven has an electronic igniter on the pilot, so no power=no pilot light= no cooking.  Luckily, it wasn't out terribly long and they had it back on again and I finished cooking the darn thing before  I had to leave. And I had to leave earlier than normal because the roads are a mess.

  I'm always amazed at the difference in road maintenence from one county to the next. I know that our more rural county has less money for these things, and that the state is going broke...but sheesh...

  I'm sitting here with a heating pad on my neck. It was a gift from my friend Joni, one of the most generous women I have ever met. It's a rice filled lovely flannel long tube that you put in the microwave to heat and than drape it over your sore spots. It is AWESOME. Joni is someone that I met online (like many people I know these days) and have adored her since day one. When I finally met her in person, it was complete.  She is kind and wise and compassionate and full of joy. She is thoughtful and caring and wonderful. Twoderful, as she calls it, just one more than wonderful.  lol I know that I can call her anytime and get a sympathetic ear and a kind word and she understands a lot of what I go through. I was blessed by God the day I "met" her online and I will be forever grateful. As I sit here with the heat easing the knots out of my neck, I think of her fondly.  She is the kind of friend I aspire to be...and so often fall short of being.

  Well, I am really tired and so I think I will go to bed. I am reading another Janet Evanovich Stephanie Plum novel...I love this woman's books and laugh all the way through them. This one is called Plum Spooky, and was published in 2008. It starts like this: 

  " Sometimes you get up in the morning and you know it's going to be one of those days. No

 toothpaste left in the tube, no toilet paper on the cardboard roll, hot water cuts out halfway through your shower, and someone's left a monkey on your doorstep."

  Sweet dreams and snowmen....

Lemon Meringue Pie...

  Made a lemon meringue pie today. Not for me, because I am NOT a big meringue fan, but made it for a friend who's feeling poorly and declares it to be her favorite. I do make a pretty mean meringue, if I do say so myself.  I also made a small tart sized one for the Irishman...He raved about it. lol

  For what is probably the 5th time in 2 years, someone I know  had colon cancer surgery today.  This time it was a tumor the size of a tennis ball. This stuff must be epidemic, seems like every time I turn around it has hit again. I want to scream from the rooftops :PEOPLE!!!!  HAVE A COLONOSCOPY, DAMMIT !!!!!!!!!

  It was a busy day today, and all grey and dreary. Big snowstorms coming in tonight and they are predicting 4-6 inches for us. The bad news is we still have some leftover from the last storm. I have a very small window these next couple of weeks to get all the things done I need to accomplish...very busy.  Today it was one load of laundry, vacuuming and a pie. Period.  Tomorrow I need to make granola bars and fix a nice supper to be waiting for my husband when he gets home from work. The past days he's been eating leftovers...he doesn't mind, and I don't mind, but not too many days in a row.  lol

  I called my neighbors on my way home tonight to let them know I was parking in their second  driveway tonight. They are so great...we have a hill at the bottom of our drive, and 6 inches of snow would be about enough to keep us from getting to the main roads. SO when the weather takes a turn like this,  we park our cars there.I am lucky to be blessed with such good neighbors. She loaned me a book called 29 Gifts, by Cami Walker....a marvelous story by a woman who was diagnosed with MS and turned her life around with a simple plan of giving.  I have signed up at the website...www.29Gifts.org   and would recommend you to do it too. It's all about gratitude and life and love.

   Had a great talk with a friend of mine from California the other day...we have known each other about 18 years.  She is an extraordinary woman and a great role model and friend. I am so very blessed to have her in my life, and we chatted on for hours about this and that.  Good to have friends that pick up the phone and talk as though we just saw each other yesterday, when in fact, it has been almost 10 years. She came out after my big accident, when we lived in North Carolina and stayed after I came home form the hospital.  I love her....

  I really am bone tired  and need to get to bed.  Here's hoping the sun shines on you today, and every day.

Namaste.

A beautiful poem on friendship

...IS this cheating???  lol  I thought it was beautiful.

*************************************************

Everyone Needs Someone 

People need people and friends need friends 
And we all need love for a full life depends 
Not on vast riches or great acclaim, 
Not on success or on worldly fame, 
But just in knowing that someone cares 
And holds us close in their thoughts and prayers-
For only the knowledge that we're understood
Makes everyday living feel wonderfully good, 
And we rob ourselves of life's greatest need 
When we "lock up our hearts" and fail to heed 
The outstretched hand reaching to find 
A kindred spirit whose heart and mind
Are lonely and longing to somehow share 
Our joys and sorrows and to make us aware 
That life's completeness and richness depends 
On the things we share with our loved ones and friends. 
 -Helen Steiner Rice

****************************************************** 

  Namaste. 

This friend thing is harder than you think...

  I spent the day at the birthday party of an 8 year old and some of her friends.  I have never heard so much racket in  my life...surely I was never this kind of a little girl...all screechy and laugh-y....lol

The fun part was watching them all interact. Some were cousins, some were school friends.  All of them at different times were hugging and whispering and holding hands. (When they weren't shrieking like banshees).

  They all helped her with her presents, helped her bust the pinata, and helped her eat ice cream and cake. They all oohh'd and ahhh'd over all the birthday presents, especially the clothes and the new bike. They were there, supporting her all the way. Just the way friends should. Of course, it's easy to support your friend at a party. Or when things are all going well.  Or when life is rosy. Not so easy when times are tough, or awful things are happening, or you just don't feel good yourself. That's when the true nature of friendship shows itself...when you know that you have to push past your own frailties and your own limitations and be there for someone else, regardless of how you're feeling. And when you can put your own stuff on the shelf for now, and be there 100%.

  A friend of mine is facing one of the biggest challenges of her life. My job is to stand there and keep my mouth shut and let her say and do the things she needs to do right now. It isn't easy. But I know she'd do the same for me, and I know that when she is ready for advice or help, she'll let me know. Because that's how we operate. We have learned the dance of trust and love that enables us to communicate on a higher level than many. I know, as does she, that our friendship is a lifeline for us both and that we can be especially grateful to have that. It has stood the test of time, good weather and bad.  Hurt feelings and joys.  In sickness and in health. I know her like no one else does and she knows me as well...knows things that even my husband doesn't know. This substantial knowledge connects us in a way that nothing else can. It is an incredible blessing.

  Watching these little girls today, I was reminded of my 2 best friends in grade school, Joan and Randi. We were the Three Musketeers. Inseparable. All for one and one for all. I wonder where they are and what they're doing now....sometimes the friendships we think will last forever don't. People move, people die...people just outgrow each other. There are a million paths we can take, and if we're lucky, we take that path with at least one good friend in tow.

Namaste.

Forever Friends...

  

   This is Molly and Lucy.  Molly McGee is our Jack Russell Terrorist and Lucy is her faithful sidekick.  Molly came to live with us after my dorkus baby brother bought her as a puppy for his then 3 year old daughter.  Of  course, the pup was way too whacked for a three year old and was constantly knocking her down and running all over her.  JR's tend to be a little on the exciteable side...one of the most manic dogs I have ever owned.  My brother begged us to take her, and bring her up here "in the country" where it wouldn't matter that she had to run away and go a million miles an hour all the time.  At the time we had a black lab named Seamus and I said we'd bring him by and if they got along okay, we'd talk about it. Well, they hit it right off and so Molly McGee (whose former name was Daisy..ick) came up here to live at Honeysuckle Hill.  

  Molly loved Seamus to death. JR's tend to be very loyal dogs too. She would run along side him and chew on him and wrestle with him and play play play. One day I was petting him and said, OMG--Pat, look at his jaw!! The little puppy Molly had chewed him raw, all along the bottom of his mouth.  But he loved her so it didn't matter I guess.That little JR would grab that 70 pound lab's collar, and drag him around the living room carpet! They loved to play. When Sophie had gone from us, Seamus went through a period of intense grieving...walking from room to room looking for her. He would go outside and check everywhere, and when he couldn't find her, he would get very depressed. SO when Molly came to live with us, he was ecstatic and took her for his own.

  We lost Seamus, we think to a pack of coyotes. He had come home on 2 occasions all chewed up, and I nursed him back  to health. Then one day, he didn't come home. It was Valentine's Day, and we went out and looked everywhere and couldn't find him anywhere. It was desperately cold and I was so worried...we looked for days on end and never found a trace of him. It broke my heart...he was a wonderful dog. 

  Molly went through the same grieving process for him that he had gone through for Sophie. If it was possible, Molly was even more depressed at the loss of her best friend. After watching her grow more and more despondent, we decided to go to the animal shelter and get another dog.  We found a young pup. There were 2 of them, litter mates, and they had been rescued only a week before. Apparently some heartless bastard had moved and left his pregnant dog tied up outside the house with no food or water or shelter. By the time someone called the animal control people and they got there, the mother and 4 of her pups had frozen to death. The surviving pups, both girls, were named Flora and Dora by the shelter workers. We fell immediately in love with one of them and took her home with us. We named her Lucy , as in " Luuuuuucyyyyyyy......you got some 'splainin' to do !!!" At first Molly wasn't real sure about this interloper, but we sat down and explained that Lucy's mommy had died and she needed a family and so we brought her here. In very short order, Molly had accepted Lucy and the two became inseparable. Lucy is now 3 times the size of Molly, but Molly still reigns supreme, lol.

  These dogs run together, sleep together, play together, eat together. They share everything and that now includes little Caylee. lol  Where one is, you will almost always find the other. The fight each others' battles, they defend the homestead and they protect us too...always side by side. They run raccoons out of the backyard gardens, possums away from the chicken house, and errant stray cats away from our garage. They both love all the kitties that live here, but have no tolerance for outsiders. 

  These two best friends forever are a shining example of friendship in it's purest form.

Namaste.