Tuesdays in the country

[Leo de Catrio]

It was a long and busy day today. I just finished cleaning up the kitchen from supper and the remnants of the chili endeavor. Tomorrow afternoon I'll start the big batch...today I made a lovely white chili. It's made with cannelini beans and ground turkey, onions, garlic and chopped [mild]green chilis. The spices are breathtaking as well....cumin and oregano and cinnamon and of course, cayenne pepper and white pepper. Sea salt. It makes a great soup, and you puree about half the beans to thicken it and give it a rich full body. It is a little time consuming, but well worth it in the end. I made about 4 gallons of it, maybe a little more. Tomorrow the real chili gets made. I'm using about 20 pounds of ground beef and it should make my water bath canner full. That's probably the best pan I have for making it in. I'll make a batch or two of cornbread as well, and K's German Chocolate birthday cake.

Had a good day, all in all. A couple of phone calls, but mostly just me and the critters, here in the Peaceful Valley. lol We went outside and played for a bit, Caylee and Molly and Lucy and Junko Taibei. Caylee can only go out with an adult present, since the great escapade. Just until she's a little bigger and a little older. I did a little house straightening, a little chicken tending, and fed the cats and dogs. I worked on the story I'm writing some too.

These are the days when all the blessings are so obvious, I don't even feel like I have to write them down. The days when I feel confident and present and serene. The kind of day that you wake up with a 'thank you' on your lips.

I love the green of the grass and the golds and reds of the trees and the blue blues of the sky. I love the purring of my cats as they deign to honor me with their presence. I love that my husband and I are both sober and that no matter what, we are there for each other.

I am feeling especially blessed tonight. Off to bed...5 AM comes early.

[My Flowering Crabapple Tree in NC]

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.
-->
a return to love - marianne williamson

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I am grateful for things like Conversations With God, A Return To Love, ACIM. Things that have allowed me to build a relationship with my Creator.

I am grateful for all the little things in life.

I am grateful for the big things too.

I am most grateful for my sobriety and the ability to give and receive love today.

Time for that wonderful cherry sleigh bed with the handmade quilt on it that was a gift from one of my first sponsees. With it's special orthopedic mattress that allows my old broken body to get some sleep in it.

Especially grateful for that!

Nighty-nite...

Scintillating Sunday

This is the new baby Caylee. Of course, she's been with us about a month now, but--animal heirerarchy being what it is, she'll always be Baby Caylee. lol She's a real smiler...

Lots of opportunities for gratitude today. Grateful for a really good meeting this morning on Tradition4. Grateful for the meeting chair with 34 years sober. Grateful for the chance to do a little back handed service by giving someone a ride home from the meeting. Grateful to meet some local artisans at the Heritage Days festival. Grateful to get a link to the local Dulcimer Society and maybe even find a teacher. Grateful and especially blessed to have such a beautiful day in which to do all these things. Clear blue skies and temps in the low 80's. Grateful for a call from Florida from a concerned friend. Grateful for the conversation with my baby brother who had gall bladder surgery earlier this week and is doing well.

Glad to be sober enough to recognize the miracles and the blessings and the spirit all around me.

Really glad to be on this side of the dirt, still sucking air.

September's final Saturday

Hard to believe it's almost October. This summer flew by and the year as well. Ah...growing older gives the 'Speed of Light' a whole new meaning.

I spent a good part of the day with my grandson. Even now, it's sometimes hard to believe I'm old enough to be a grandma...seems like just last week, I was young and energetic and taking on the world. I think alcoholism really slows down your life too...those days went on forever, and then suddenly in the !snap! of a finger, it was over. Doing crazy things, those feelings of immortality, the times....oh, my. And now here I am--shocked every time I pass a mirror..thinking, holy mother of god--is that really me? I don't feel that different than I did say, 16 years ago. Sure - I have a few more miles on me, but crikey! Inside, I still feel 27 sometimes. It's a scary thing....lol

Today was a day of memory making times with my grandson, and mundane household chores, and everyday miracles. Those ordinary, garden variety run-of-the-mill kind of miracles that I see around me every day. The ones that bless me, and my life and my loved ones. Things like seeing the pool of tadpoles and small baby frogs, the beginnings of life that I could share with an 11 year old. Going to the school fun faire with him, where there were LOTS of grandma's, and meeting his teachers past and present and some of his friends. Watching him interact with the kids, all the little girls hug him and he is so sweet and sensitive. One of his friends was pouty beccause she hadn't won anything, so he gave her some of his tickets to go choose something from the prize table. This is the kind of child I woud choose to have as a grandson...instead, I was blessed with him. We went to the springs to fill the water jugs for drinking, and he was helping me and turned and said, "wow, gram...it's so peaceful here, isn't it? No wonder this water tastes so good."

A couple of calls blessed me today, sober women who are staying sober against all odds. Miracles.

We got a notice that they are finally fully funded with the grant to get city water out here to us. Construction will start in Jan/09..we have been waiting and been promised this for 3 years. That will mean no more hauling water, no more 'no water' when the power is out, no more being unable to water the garden without pumping water up from the pond. Another small miracle.

All my cats are in without me having to try to herd them into the house at night. A major miracle.

Miracles of this sort are everywhere when I choose to see them. Blessing me as I go about my day.

I like this kind of life and however much of it I have left, I want to experience and live it joyfully and fully. I'm going to sleep now....

Thank you, God.

Fabulous Friday

(Molly McGee the Jack Russell Terrorist and her sidekick the young Lucy Lou, after we first got Lucy from the shelter, about a year and a half ago. Little Lucy is now 3 times the size of Molly, but Molly is still the boss.)

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Ah....the beauty of everyone being gone, all the dishes cleaned up, the grandson asleep and the house silent as a chapel.

We had a wonderful evening. Grandson and the 2 year old played and played. The 13 year old played some too, but stuck pretty close to his momma. He played alot with the dogs and cats, and by the time the evening was over, he shyly said, I'd sure like to come back here sometime... I said, ANYTIME! Asked him if he liked to fish and he lit up like a Christmas tree. lol

After dinner and a nice outdoors walk around the property, we were all down at the pond, where the Grandson was teaching the two year old to find just the right little stick, make a wish, kiss it, and throw it in the water. They were having so much fun. Then we all clomped back up into the house for ice cream sundaes.

I'm that good kind of bone tired from cleaning and cooking all day. Plus the noisy frenetic energy from having a bunch of kids in the house just wears me out. In the past hour that everyone's been gone, I have finished the last 2 chapters of the Joyce Carol Oates book I was reading...We Were The Mulvaneys. It was a wonderful story.

Big gratitude list tonight.

1) Children who hug me and say "I love you-I missed you so much!"

2) Appreciation for simple home cooked meals.

3) Constellations in the bright night skies of the country.

4) Cyber friends who are trudging the road to Happy Destiny.

5) A peaceful home.

6) My husband who loves me, and accomodates whomever I have to dinner.

7) Pets and their unconditional love.

8) Sobriety, in all it's shapes and sizes.

9) Drinking water.

10) Hersheys chocolate syrup in a CAN.

11) My relationship with my Creator.

Wishing you all a warm snuggly night under a quilt....

7)

Viva la Thursday !!!

(This is the road to Annie's house....)

Lovin' Thursdays. Women's Meeting was wonderful, discussion this week and the topic was emotional sobriety. It was freakin' awesome.

Got to try to get to bed early tonight, and here it is 11:30 already. sigh...not enough hours in the day, it seems.

Had to help a mommy with a whacked out 2 year old tonight. It got unreal...screaming and twisting around and stiffening and kicking ...it would've been funny to watch if the poor mom hadn't been ready to shoot herself in the head. Baby daddy went to rehab, a program that goes for like a year. Baby has been acting out ever since he left. Mommy is at her wits end. And broke, and lonely. It was a real emotional event for her, and I think she's about to snap.

I feel very blessed to NOT have a very young child today. I often think, watching these mothers of young kids struggling to stay sober, that I am kinda glad I drank all those years. (not really, but you know what I'm saying). I feel blessed to be able to help out in a couple of small ways. I am grateful to have sponslings that are committed to sobriety, even if they're a tad suicidal. I am grateful to have the abundance to share to have 2 of the women I sponsor and their kids (1 each) over for supper tomorrow night. It will give them a break and some social life and hopefully a sense of belonging and connection. I am blessed that my grandson will be here for the weekend too, and he loves little kids. I am blessed (dove-o-roni) that I can eat a half a Dove bar. lol And I am blessed to be blessed by my HP...

I am blessed to have the chance to write this blog every night, because I get good feedback from a few people and it keeps my eyes open to the miracles and the blessings around me. It helps me feel connected too. I read other blogs and it recharges my batteries, and gives mne so much hope, knowing that we are all in this recovery thing together.

I am feeling like one lucky duck!

Wiped out on a Wednesday

Sheesh...it has been one long day.

Grocery shopped, finished laundry (it finally dried!), went to a meeting, had several emotional and tearful phone calls from someone in her 5th day of sobriety, went to lunch with 4 women from the meeting, made fajitas for supper and filled in all the blanks with various and sundry assorted household cleaning jobs.

I swear--you'd think my house would be spotless for all the time I spend cleaning it, but it never is. There are puppy toys scattered around all the time (I pick them up, put them in the box, and they take them out agaion, one by one). I vacuum daily because when you have 3 dogs, 5 cats and a bird and a husband, there's lots of fur and feathers and tracked in grass and mud to be cleaning up constantly.

And now we're moving into deer season around these parts and every wannabe hunter in the area comes out this way to hunt on private lands. It makes me sick. The sounds of guns going off terrifies me. Then, they field dress the deer, leaving piles of innards and legs and whatnot laying around for my dogs to find and drag home. SO for the next 4 months, my yard will look like a boneyard in a forensics movie. And my dogs will have the most vile breath you can imagine, because believe me, the worse it stinks, the more they'll like it. One time last year, my Jack Russell came backing up the driveway, pulling the entire back leg and shank of a full grown deer. It was 4 times longer than she was, and it was HERS, and NOBODY was gonna take it away. sigh...

SO, Just for today, I'm gonna be grateful that I have 3 happy dogs to clean up after. Grateful that I am willing and able to keep my little cottage clean (mostly). Grateful that I don't ever have to go through that first year of sobriety again. Grateful that the local store had pork loins on sale for .99/lb and chicken breasts (boneless, skinless) for $1.99/lb, and I had enough money in my food budget to go buy about 20 pounds of each to put in my freezer. Grateful that my freezer has lots of my garden veggies in it as well as other meats and fruits and fish. Grateful that I have a freezer. That I do, in fact, have 2 freezers. Grateful that my pantry is stocked with lots of beans and rice and canned goods and pastas.

I'm feeling blissfully blessed tonight....(maybe it's just the half a dark chocolate Dove bar I ate)...Time for sleep....