Finally...it feels like winter...and I'm spring cleaning

 When it snows even this much, it's too much to go out in. lol

  We actually got between 3 and 4 inches. And it was beautiful powdery snow. The main thing is that the temps have been way down in the single digits and low teens.  And windy. SO it's a miserable deal out there. I still have to march around the house and go out checking chickens several times a day, otherwise the eggs are freezing and breaking.  I have been taking warm oatmeal out to them in the mornings and they really love it. I only open up their coop into the run for about 5-6 hours, sometimes less. Depends on how cold it is. We have a heat lamp in there but with the door open it doesn't stay very warm. So once the afternoon sun starts it's descent, I close them back up. So far it has worked pretty good. I'm walking very slowly and deliberately to make sure I don't slip and fall. Although if I busted that knee....no, no.  Never mind.  lol The snow plow has still not made it's way to our road. One of the farmers up the road came through with a tractor and a blade, and mostly just packed it into a slippery sheet. I cannot risk going off the road out here because I would never be able to walk back home. So when it's like this, I stay home.  sigh...

  Speaking of that knee...my pt/inr numbers went all screwy again. They have upped the dose twice now on the coumadin.  My regular doc has been on vacation the past 2 weeks and when he comes back, the ortho will have a conversation with him and hopefully I will get this knee done.  I am this close to stopping the coumadin completely and drinking apple cider vinegar with garlic and ginger in it. The first time I had a blood draw after they upped the dose, the numbers had fallen yet another point. sheesh...



  And as always, life goes on here at Honeysuckle Hill. I haven't left the premises since Monday night and am starting to get a little bit of cabin fever. lol  Not too much though--God knows there is enough here to keep me busy til spring if I would just hunker down and get to it. I have been doing a little cooking and a little of this and that. Finally yesterday I attacked those cabinets and drawers in my kitchen. I have a mouse problem (nothing new--every winter we are the Ritz Carlton for touristy rodents) and had bought some of those sonic rodent repellers. I don't think they're working really. After I cleaned out all the drawers--vacuumed. scrubbed, new liners-- the next morning I saw evidence that they were still here. Grrrr....my next exercise in control is going to be peppermint oil on cotton balls  We'll see.  Either one of the cats or one of the dogs caught one the other day...the dog had it when I saw it, and the cat was standing over her while she growled and bared her teeth at him. I won eventually and got the chewed up mouse away from her and tossed it into a snowbank. It galls me that I have mice while there are 4 cats living in my house. lol


  I have had a couple of friends/family members wind up in the hospital this past week. Both were TIA's and stroke. One also had had a heart attack that did some damage.  And 2 or 3 more musicians have died too.  Is there a great culling of the planet happening ??  I wanted to thank all of you for your kind words on my last post. I have not responded,  but I have read them all and they comforted me. I'm trying to rearrange my emotions surrounding all this.  It does me no good to be  walking around all dismal and despairing. None at all. I need to find that fine balance where I can acknowledge my grief and fear and still look for and see the millions of tiny miracles. I was chatting with a friend last night, and reviewing the conversation, I was aware of how intolerant I am becoming in my old age. This will simply not do. SO--what to do ?

  I spent time today cleaning up and uncluttering this office space. It has been a mess. It started last fall when I got a new computer but was in so much pain and limited mobility that I just threw it together willy-nilly so I could use it. I had cords and crap strung out all over the top of my desk and there is such a pile of medical bills and notes to myself and just crap that I couldn't use the desk without constantly knocking over the modem and pulling cords that would knock other things over. Sounds almost cartoonish when I say it out loud. Suffice it to say that it was a mess with a capital M. There were also all kinds of things piled in the floor near the desk and by the bookcases. You could barely walk in here. Since I spend an inordinate amount of my life in this room (altars, computer, bills, books, writing) I thought it might be a starting place for creating a serene place to be in.  When there is chaos surrounding me physically, it leaks into my head and my heart and I become someone I don't much care for. Since I spend a lot of time alone, that just won't do. lol  So I spent a couple of hours re-routing cords and clearing away clutter and putting things back where they belong (hair combs and ties and earrings), recycled empty bottles of medicines and liniments and bio-freeze and Vicks  and all that.Dusted everything, vacuumed and although it is still very messy by some people's standards, it is a comfortable place for me to be now/ And I can even see my desk calendar.

  My behavior so reflects my spiritual well being. When I am not right (and I am sometimes the last to know) I start behaving badly.  I swear more. I become very critical of other people. I become very intolerant and impatient and judgemental. I become irresponsible. Lazy. Mean. Sarcastic.  I don't want to be those things. I want to be ...well, maybe not Miss Suzy Sunshine, but certainly a pleasant and loving human being. I want to have a quiet mind and a peaceful heart. So,,,let it begin with me. Let it start right here, where I am.  With  a clean desk and a clean house. Well...clean as it gets around here.  That will be good enough.




Namaste.

Ch-Ch-Changes...

  Rest in peace sweet soul...David Bowie has left this worldly realm and gone on to the next great adventure.  I have been listening to him through the years since about 1969 I think... and I know that the world will never forget him. Fly on, David...fly on.

"Look up here, I'm in heaven," sang David Bowie on Lazarus, one of the songs released on his final album, Black Star, which came out on his 69th birthday -- just two days before his death on Sunday. "Oh I'll be free. Ain't that just like me."


  Ah, the world is full of it. Full of disease, full of heartbreak, full of the unimaginable.  Sometimes I think of the people in the 1700's and how they rarely lived past 40 and maybe that's not such a bad thing after all. We, on the other hand, have desperately chased every possible opportunity to stay on this planet as long as we can.   I'm not saying I want to die, but maybe the realm of man NEEDS to be shorter. We can do less damage that way. I just read an article (about 4 months old) about the mass killing of feral cats in Australia. By poisoning with a gut wrenching poison--drawn out horrible way to die.  My God...Hopefully, the rodents (that are NOT in the government) will run out of control and show them that there is a balance in the world.  I am watching my sister-in-law ie of brain cancer, and they have finally stopped all the madness of treatments and experiments (that did maybe give her an extra year or so to anticipate the end-- is that a good thing ? I don't know).  I have watched several people die long drawn out deaths thanks to the miracles of modern medicine. And the good news is, you don't really get to choose. Much. I could be wrong here, but I feel like my family was bullied into all this time of clinical trials and new drugs...holding out an insidious carrot of hope that MAYBE a miracle could happen, while at the same time saying that this aggressive cancer is fatal. It was almost passive aggressive at times.  Until finally, my sis said--no more. No more.  And even then they wouldn't just let it drop and respect her wishes...until they said a lot more things trying to convince her husband and children to do one more thing, just one more. And when they wouldn't budge said...well, we always told you this was fatal.  The hospital systems in this country are abominable in their business first dealings. It hurts my soul.


 I am so full of thoughts today about living and dying and hope and despair. Not my usual genre of writing subjects. I have had a year of remarkable losses and still as much joys...little packets of joy that drop around me. I can pick them up or not. Small miracles and devastating realities. Not that miracles are not a part of my reality, because they truly are.  I am incredibly grateful for that.  I was listening to an old interview with natalie Cole --daughter of nat King Cole-- last night with Tavis Smiley on Public Radio. She died on New Years Eve from IPAH...an idiopathic hypertension disorder, She had a kidney transplant about 10 + years earlier. It was so refreshing to hear her saying that her getting a kidney that was donated directly to her was a miracle, and that God had things she still needed to do, and messages she needed to spread.  She was a remarkable singer too.  I have lost family members, fur babies and friends this past year. And it isn't over yet.

 And I guess that this is the way of life. And the older I get, the more people I will have to learn to live without. And the trick is keeping my heart open, no matter how badly it is broken. Remembering that learning to let go of the ones I love will always break me a little...and a little more...and that has to be where the light comes in.  And I will learn to be better at letting go. And keeping in mind that my needs are not the most important. That sometimes people need to not suffer anymore. They need to not be forced to stay here and be subjected to one more minute of anything, just so I can not be without them.  To learn the compassion that comes with life on life's terms. To remember that we are all stardust....


Namaste.

The years they come and the years they go....

This is a photograph of me from 1975 ( I think). In my big old farm kitchen  I loved that stove...lol


  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


  Not sure why I wanted to post that. Probably because I was 22 or 23 years old here. And a couple of days ago I turned 63.  It was a quiet birthday, no fanfare. And that's probably the way it is supposed to be at my age. But I have to say, that little girl inside me (who never got birthday presents or parties because it was soon after Christmas and there was no money and I was the oldest and surely I UNDERSTOOD that...) still feels so hurt when nobody makes a big deal about it.  Silly huh ?  Oh well. A couple of my girlfriends are taking me to lunch tomorrow and that will make up for the rest of it. It always does. Sooo thankful for the women in my life.


  I had dr appointments the past 2 days as well...trying to convince these doctors that I NEED to get this other knee fixed. It hurts terribly and has thrown off my balance and all so much that now the new knee is hurting.  The regular doc, who has me on the Coumadin and is saying not for 6 months, reconsidered after watching me walk down the hallway at the office wincing and in tears.  He said if the ortho was willing to bridge the treatment with Lovanox for the week before the surgery and then put me back on the rat poison after the surgery, he would agree. When I told the ortho that, he said it was a good idea and we could do that. The ortho today told me that he has done some research and that  a person who has surgical blood clot issues as opposed to history of blood clots, is a viable surgery candidate after 3 months of coumadin. I've been on it for 3.5 months now.  So he is going to call the other dr this afternoon and  will get back to me early next week. Hallelujah.


  The bad news is that I had the PT/INR drawn yesterday and they called me today and told me it was low again. 1,8  crap.  So, they altered the dosage again. Good thing I'm not totally senile yet...I'd never be able to keep up with this constant prescription change.


  Did I tell you that we finally started watching Downton Abbey. We are loving it !!  Hooked.  lol


  I took down the decos before my birthday this year...something I rarely do. Just tired of looking at them. And of the moose cat knocking everything off the tables over and over and over. lol He's a great cat, but a bull in a china closet. I think I have a picture of him...

 He thinks he owns everything and everyone.  He's a hoot.



  Lots of upcoming stuff in the next few months/weeks/days..committee meetings and conferences and book club and on and on and on. We are still having pretty ridiculous weather--it was 55 today. Before that we had record rainfall and serious flooding all around here. We got about 13 inches of rain in 2 and a half days. It was crazy. But an arctic blast is supposed to be moving in after the weekend and we will supposedly see some single digit temps. More like January, though I must say I am not looking forward to the icy roads and stuff. Of course except for drs and my sister-in-law, I don't really have to go anywhere...


  Enough about me.  Did you all have wonderful holidays ??  Are you marching into 2016 like the warriors we are ?  lol   Tell me more...



 I'm up early and so must try to get to bed before midnight. I am not getting enough sleep lately (pain and stress, I guess)  and need to try to be more disciplined about it.  It makes a big difference if I even just set a constant bedtime and stick to that, regardless of how many hours of sleep I actually get.  Beats me ??  (And speaking of Beets, lol--I was given 3 boxes of small beets that were pulled up out of the mud and mire and got about 14 jars of beautiful pickled baby whole beets out of it.  Sure felt good to can something (AND, my pantry was devoid of beets.)  Yay !!!



OK--I'm outta here.  Cheers !



Namaste.

Janus the 2 faced God

 Ah, January.  Looking forward, looking back. Closing out the old year and opening the new. Memories and resolutions and retrospection and introspection. It's exhausting, really.  And it's cold and dark and one should just take a cue from the animals that hibernate through the winter. Get thee to sleep and wake up when it's spring. 

  We had a lollapalooza of a storm last week. Way warmer than it should be. Our place got over 13 inches of rain in two and a half days. Everything is leaking everywhere. Peoples homes flooded. Roads were closed (some still are, even after 3 days of no rain). The big floodgates were closed in several areas. We live on the Mississippi River (well, we don't, but are within 20 miles of it) and the old girl has taken a hit. The river reached flood stage before the rain was halfway finished.  Our place is a mess. The mud room took a hit from a tree branch and has been leaking like a sieve. Himself got up there today with some plastic and some 1x2 's to get us through. We need a new roof, but can't afford it right now. Even if we could, there's not a roofer available for months.  The yard and gardens and the chicken run are big sloppy messes. I have to be so very careful walking out through the yard getting the chickens in the morning because I have already slipped once. Bad knee is very unhappy. New knee is sore. Sigh...I go see both doctors this coming week. Hopefully I will get scheduled for second surgery ASAP before my walking cockeyed causes a problem with the new knee. It will depend on the other doctor appointment when we see how the INR is looking. Hopefully all is well and I can get off this damned Coumadin. I really dislike taking it...


  Christmas and New Years both were very low key here and quiet. My son came for supper on Christmas Day and that was about it.  My youngest sister and her family all went to Florida the day after Christmas and got home last night.


 My sister-in-law is on the last leg of her brain cancer adventure. They have now stopped all treatments and called in hospice. She has lost most of her muscle control and speech. She is sleeping about 22 out of every 24 hours. Thank God she is not in pain. We went down for a visit yesterday on New Year's Day and I am going back down tomorrow afternoon. I will try to be there with her as much as I possibly can.  Her sister from California arrived last night and will stay for the duration of her time with us.  It is all heartbreaking, as these things are.  My brother is holding up much better than I expected him to and I am so grateful for that. Her children are hanging on and having a hard time as they watch their mother slip away.  We are all at that place of grief and relief that comes when someone you love will finally not be suffering, as you face the finality of their impending death. It is hard to not want to hang on. To keep her with us as long as possible...when that is not in her best interest. 


  And so it goes. Life on life's terms, we call it in the recovery rooms. The circle of life continues on, with or without my permission.  No matter what.

  I have about 2 bushels of beets in my kitchen waiting to be canned. I should have gotten on them today, but a half dozen other chores really needed my attention and the beets were just pulled yesterday and gifted to me by a friend. My pantry is completely devoid of pickled beets and so I am tickled to pieces. They are nice and small so I can pickle them whole. I am excited about getting to do some canning. 


  I am off to bed. Busy day tomorrow that will be starting early.  It's midnight already, and one of my resolutions was earlier bedtimes. Gotta run.

  Welcome to 2016 , friends. Let's live it to the fullest !





Namaste.

Christmas Week 2015

  It's Christmas week here at Honeysuckle Hill.  The decorations (minimal as they are) are up, the few gifts we buy are bought, and the both of us are down with  the crud. lol Here's Santa at the dining room table, overseeing the festivities. This table cloth will be  changed out soon for the holiday one and the candles will be it for Christmas supper. I've been digging out the holiday music cd's too.

 We're appreciating all the blessings as we wind down another year together. We've made new friends and  lost old friends as they transitioned from this place to the next. We are blessed to have lots of love at our house and all our needs are met well enough.

 The gifting stags are in their place of honor at the front door in front of the great mirror on the antique book trough table.  The little tree is up and the holiday linens are out. I am baking cookies and breads and making gift baskets. 

The Santas have collected at the top of the entertainment center, which is covered in a soft red and green plaid wool scarf with strands of gold through it. 






In short, except for deciding what exactly I making for Christmas supper, I am as ready as I will ever be to usher out the old year and in the new one soon enough. And for now, I will sit around looking at the baubles-each with it's own special memory- listening to my favorite cd of Christmas songs by Nat King Cole, and generally basking in the love and warmth of the season. I still get Christmas cards from a few people, even though I have not sent them out myself for a few years now.  And it's all so lovely, isn't it ?




Happiest of Holidays to you all...whatever you celebrate.  And all of life should be a celebration, don't you think ??




 Namaste.

"Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony, please come around: Something is lost and needs to be found!!"

  After an emotional and traumatic Friday morning of having to put our little angel to sleep, I somehow managed to lose my car keys. Well, they weren't actually lost until Monday, because I had no intention of going anywhere all weekend.  I was feeling punky and oh-so-sad ...my plan was to just lay low and rest.  After all, I had a big party coming up on the 22nd. And my house is a mess. Blah blah blah  Anyway Monday morning came and I decided to go grocery shopping and then come home and make that gorgeous pot pie for the potluck.  Got dressed, got my coat on and... couldn't find my car keys. I drove home from the veterinary hospital, so I knew I had them here. I turned this place upside sown, after completely emptying my purse. Twice. I looked on the pockets of every coat and pair of pants that I own. I looked under cabinets, under sofas and chairs and tables. I looked under the refrigerator.  I traced my path back to the car and looked all around outside it and then inside it.  I looked in the fridge. I looked in the oven. I looked in both bathrooms. I walked out to the burn pit and then to Caylees's grave. 

  No keys. Nada. Zip. Nuttin'.

  Thinking that when I hit big roadblocks, I change where I'm going...I went in the bedroom and changed clothes and thought, well...I'll make something different for the potluck out of whatever I have in the pantry. I'll start some house cleaning. Surely they'll show up...they have to be here somewhere.

  I took a rake to the burn pile...you may remember that a few years ago I hauled the Irishman's truck keys out in a handful of paper and advertisers and burned them up. The replacement cost was...more  than I care to spend, shall we say. So I was really afraid I had done that again. There was no sign of them.

  Might I mention here that, when I couldn't find them at first, I thought I'll just get the spare key that I keep hidden in the sewing machine table/altar in my office. The spare key is not there either. I ALWAYS keep it there. So, I called husbandman to ask him if he  A) had taken my keys accidently and B) had he used the spare key and not put it back...when I was in the hospital maybe?  As the phone started to ring, I could hear it in the living room.  Grrr...

  Several people told me to pray to St Anthony, the patron saint of lost things. I'm not always a big fan of the saints, but hey...well, he must have been on vacation on Monday, because the day came and went and no keys.

  Tuesday morning came and went. Most of Tuesday afternoon. I took a long nap, really not feeling good today. Have decided to cancel the party because we are sick and don't want to spread this bug around.  :(   When I woke up from my nap, one more time I said

"Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony, please come around:

Something is lost and needs to be found!!"

  I went into my closet where the last pair of jeans I had on Friday was laying across the back of a chair. I had checked the pants and had the thought about what a mess the closet was. Then I wondered if the keys could have fallen out of the pocket when I tossed them on the chair and voila ! there were my keys. Hiding and cozy in the floor. Behind the chair. 

 Sigh... the spare key is still on the lam. But I can drive again. Tomorrow I will go out and pick up some groceries and come back home, because tonight I really feel crappy. But there are some good sales going on and I need a few basics.


  Feeling bad about cancelling the party, but I'm sure that the WHO and the CDC would applaud my actions. lol  I was really looking forward to it.

   And now I'm tired and the bed is calling me and I think I will  be able to get some sleep.  Hope you all stay well. I'm blaming the coumadin  that won't let me eat any green vegetables because they contain Vitamin K which plays a major role in clotting.  Vitamin K is also essential for a healthy immune system. Grrr...


  Blessings and love to you all...tomorrow will be a brighter day. 



  Namaste
 

Dance of the Ladybug Faeries...

...and here we have one of about 200 gazillion ladybugs that have chosen to infest my house this spring-like winter.Yesterday I must have vacuumed up about a hundred, and soon as I put the cannister vac with the closed bag system (yes--I learned an important lesson the year I used the wand on the bagless and emptied it into the garbage only to have them all crawling up out of the garbage can like a Wes Craven film and re-infesting my entire house) away, 20 more came out of nowhere.
  
Our first encounter with this seasonal phenomenon came the second year we lived here and the Irishman was getting the kerosene heater out of storage in the garage and found almost 5 pounds of the little beggars inside it around the wick.  since then  it's a battle we fight almost every late fall and winter. They drive me crazy, they stink and I feel like they're crawling on me all the time. Little terrorists.

 So I am on countdown to the party. Cleaning and de-cluttering (as much as I can). And now I have to get beets today and try to fit that in to everything else. Had an opportunity to get a bunch of small beets that I will can whole, mostly pickled, some plain. Can't pass it up. My pantry is so bare....lol


  I have a daily list of things to do, and in between I have things like tonight's holiday potluck with the La Vista gang. Was thinking of making the roasted vegetable pot pie (remember the one with the little biscuit angels dancing on the crust ?

 Then I thought maybe a pasta dish would be easier...a porcini mushroom tortellini with a pumpkin butternut squash sauce. Not entirely home made stuff, but even I can only do so much... I am feeling better, but still running a little slow. Woke up to rain that has been going on all night and yesterday, but supposed to stop. And now it has and the sun is out and streaming through the window. Thank goodness. Got the chickens loosed and fed and the critters all taken care of.  Have a grocery list made and will head to town in a bit.. Yesterday the Irishman helped me take down all the light fixtures and clean them and put them back up (he's much better on a ladder than I am).  They were all full of ladybugs and dust. I got more napkin rings made, but only a few. I put a couple of small pork tenderloins in the crockpot with some taters and carrots and that cooked while we cleaned, napped and watched a couple of movies. He slept on the couch for over 2 hours about an hour after we got up (late) and I think it made him feel a little better, although last night he was a coughing fool again...


  Alright. I have a grocery trip on my  Monday list, then back home to clean the spare room and get it ready for potential guests from out of town. That and the aquarium are on today's list. That's probably all I can manage. We'll see.  lol


  Have a wonderful Monday. The weather is cooling off here starting today (last few days have been in the high 60's) and I am hoping it will stay sunny at least. And maybe dry up some of the mud. 




  Namaste...