It's later than you think...

November is winding down. Doesn't it seem strange to have Thanksgiving right at the tail end of November this year ??  The weather--dear God the weather. Between 50 and 80 tornadoes reported here (Illinois) 2 days ago.  Anyway, it was crazy. I was home until the winds seemed to be abating...it got greenish yellow black on the north side of the house and the wind came in like the furies from hell. It was scary...and then it was gone. Slowly the sky would alternately clear up and then cloud over and finally it was sunny. I drove to Alton and saw lots of branches down between here and there, and garbage cans rolling through the countryside, and even a twisted up and destroyed trampoline in  a cornfield.  The damage was all far to the north of us and well...you know.  Even my friends from Australia saw it on their news. Crazy.

  Have a friend coming by early tomorrow to have coffee and chat. My house is a wreck.  Hers never is  and I am loathe to have her come, but I already said yes.  lol  Not that she will care, but I care.  (I know you know what I mean...)  I didn't have time to do any kind of householding today...was out of here at 10 AM to lunch with my niece and sister-in-law, and went from there straight to the office to volunteer a 4 hour shift. Rushed home from there to get here and make supper for the Irishman...a simple supper of chili/cheese and onion omelets and toast. (Since I had made a pot of chili yesterday).  I swept the wood floors and took the glass off the dining room chandelier (dust bunnies hanging from it--Criminey!!  Where does all this dust come from ????)  and washed them and put them back up.  Vacuumed the furnace filter (because it was time). Cleaned the dining room table and put a new clean tablecloth and napkins on it. Dusted.  Early in the morning I will vacuum the floors and furniture and then that's all I'll be able to get done probably. She's coming at like 9 o'clock. I'm going to have coffee and some muffins in the oven. I'll distract her with food.  LOL

  Tomorrow afternoon I will be waiting for a furniture delivery for my neighbors...the company called me today and said between 1 and 5.  


  I can hear the Barred Owls out there going crazy tonight. We have a LOT of owls around here, and they call to each other across great distances.  Drives the chickens and the cats crazy.  Thought I heard a cat wanting in, but not hearing it now.  2 of the 4 cats are in the house already.  The big Russian Blue, PoPo is doing better with his ruptured eardrum. The antibiotics are all gone, and I think tomorrow I will call the vet about getting more. He is walking with his head cocked at a goofy angle almost all the time...I think maybe it relives the pressure or something. He is clumsy and off balance, and I expect he will be until that eardrum heals. I promise you, he is milking all the extra affection and cat treats for all he's worth.

  Thursday I'll be picking up the woman who's going to help me clean and then Friday I am going to meet my old neighbor for lunch and see her new house.  I think the move has been really hard on them after all, so I shall go and spread a little pixie dust...and hold her hand and pray that things will get a little easier soon. 


  I'm sleepy now, so off to bed I go.  6 AM comes a might early and I will need every minute I can get to make myself and my house presentable.  Wish me luck.   :)






Namaste.

Rainy Saturday nights make me go all soft...

 It's been a goofy day...all grey and cloudy like it would pour any minute. Then it would sprinkle and all go away. Not much sun, but a really slow day, like time was wrapped in cotton batting, unable to define itself. It was supposed to get pretty warm, and it maybe did hit 55 or so. They forecast 65. Oh, well. What do they know ?

  It's raining now. I can hear it on the roof and the windowpanes, shy little taps played by the water gods.  We finished supper and I sat on the couch and read for a couple of hours and now I am here. I don't really have much to say, but tomorrow it will be a week since I have posted, and that just won't do.

 I made bbq ribs and sweet potatoes and succotash for supper.  And every one of the 19 times that man said "sufferin' succotash"  I wanted to stab him in the neck with a spoon  But I didn't.  Good girl me, eh ?


 I have gone from a period of isolating myself out here in the country to being back in the thick of it again. It's not a bad thing. But I feel pulled apart sometimes. A symptom of a spiritual malady, I'm sure...because I am NOT being pulled apart by it.  Feeling feelings that I'd just as soon not have I guess.  They will pass, and as my dear sweet Maureen used to tell me  "Feelings aren't facts".  I miss her.  I miss all the people who have left my life and this world.  We just had a tragic teenagers-in-a-car  accident here a few days ago.  One young girl killed (the driver) and it seems so wrong. And you have to grieve for her parents and family, while feeling blessed that it wasn't YOUR child or one of your family members. And I think this has just scratched the scab off that well of emotion that we carry inside us when we've lost a lot of people to death in any of it's many forms. Any kind of abandonment etches it's tattoo into your heart and it's the first icky place you run to when your mind gets like this.  "Driven by a hundred forms of fear..."  since I'm back out there working with new women again in the program,  we're spending a lot of time talking about all this kind of stuff. This morning I realized that over and over again I get a chance to make the right choice, the right decision. That is my Creator's loving way of saying--come on, let's give it another try.  Somebody needs help--will you say yes ?  Or will you swim back into that murky pool of self centered selfishness ?  Sometimes I do pretty good and other times I'm a dismal failure.  WII-FM...What's In It For Me ?  Not the mark of a compassionate soul...

 I am doing a 28 day meditation challenge  with Oprah and Deepak Chopra. Today is Day 6.  It is a good discipline for me to sit in meditation at least one time per day.  So far I am liking it and am feeling centered by it (even if this post doesn't sound like it).  lol  Definitely calmer.


  My son has been working on my bathrooms the past couple of days.  I had him put a new vanity and sink in the front bathroom and move the big sink from that bathroom into my master bath in the back. The new (to me--free from a friend doing a remodel) oak vanity is smaller than the old crummy one, so he has had to redo some floor tile and we'll have to paint the walls (I was going to paint that bathroom anyway).  The biggest thing is that I have now lost a LOT of under the cabinet storage and will have to figure out how to declutter that whole mess. lol  I have someone coming over next Thursday to help me out with some cleaning that needs doing...she needs to get away from where she lives for a minute or three and I could use some help. I will feed her, talk to her and listen, and put a little cash in her hand, as she's homeless, jobless and is at one of those low points in life where it seems like no matter what you do, you're screwed.  Welcome to your bottom... hopefully. The best motivation EVER to make a person rethink their life. WooHoo.  lol  I took her out to lunch today for a sandwich and a bowl of soup and a home made root beer and you would have thought I took her to Elaine's.  lol  Giving back that which was so freely given to me, once upon a time. (Well--all the time, really).  Such an easy thing, to be kind. Why don't we do it more often ?

  Had a little epiphany the other day, listening to a story of how someone had helped some friends of mine with a big deal...and I thought...Blessed people, bless people...which makes blessed people, who bless people.  And the goodness and kindness just keeps traversing the planet.


  I made granola today and I can still smell the lingering aromas of cinnamon and vanilla and honey in the air. I also burned my pumpkin candle for a while and you can still smell that too. Pumpkin Mousse. A nice soy candle made by a local woman.  I can't wait to see what scents she comes up with for Xmas...

  All right. I've spent enough time here saying nothing. Stalling.  I am doing NaNoWriMo again this year, and am woefully behind on my word count.  I need to bite the bullet and get to it. The month is half over and I'm only about 1/3 of the way to my goal of 50,000 words.  Can she make it ??  Does she have the perseverance ??  Will she get off her lazy butt and JUST DO IT ?????

  Maybe.  It could happen.




Namaste.

My house smells like meatloaf (not the musician)

 It's been a slow and restful Sunday here at Honeysuckle Hill...I have been home all day, by myself mostly. I did some puttering and clearing up and out in the kitchen (islands, counters, cookbook shelves). Relocated some things, tossed some things. Baked a meatloaf for supper, with baked sweet potatoes and green beans. It was...awesome.  The sweet potatoes this year are magnificent...so full of flavor and thin skinned.  And the meatloaf was maybe one of the best I've ever made. 

 I cleaned a little sat a little, talked on the phone a little. Daydreamed a little,  cooked a little, read a little.  


 I woke up in a mood to declutter...so much junk accumulates in my kitchen it's scary.  I cleaned off the table (again!).  I cleaned up and cleared off the island--another crap magnet.  Then I tackled my kitchen counters. Arrrgghhhh...it just never ends.  Oh, and I also cleaned off my desktop. AGAIN.  

  It was a good balanced day, all in all.


  A friend of mine died this past weekend...he was an older man and had been ill for some time...so it was a blessing of sorts. He was a fine southern gentleman, and will be dearly missed in his local sobriety community and among all his friends.  Adieu, Sir...

  There was an accident a few miles from here yesterday that claimed the life of a young girl and 3 others are critically injured and in the hospital. My heart goes out to the parents and families.

  The circle of life is in constant motion, ever turning.  My great nephew Reef Greyson turned 1 year old already and my other great nephew Aiden Micheal is trying to cut teeth.  Another great nephew Rowan Oscar has severe allergies that are being relieved by essential oils his mother has found. It's like a miracle for them.  

  The world is a busy place.


I am having lunch tomorrow with a young woman in the nursing program who needs someone to interview for a school thing and it can't be family, so she asked me. I'm not sure what the interview will be about, but she's buying me lunch at the healthy place -- Crazy Bowls and Wraps-- so I don't really care.  LOL

 I'm meeting an old friend on Wednesday for a noon meeting and lunch, and that will be a kick. I haven't seen her in a while and the call from her today (just in time for one of my many breaks) was a joy.  I was just thinking about her the other day...and isn't that how that always works ?  I drive by her house regularly and always think of stopping, but am usually on my way somewhere or on my way back and in a hurry.  I need to stop that hurrying nonsense.  lol


 It's nearing bedtime...I've been doing a pretty good job of getting myself in bed by 11:30 and getting up at 6:30 or 7.  Trying to change those old habits of staying up half the night. Not good for me.

  Speaking of not good...yesterday morning I suddenly developed black string-like floaters in the vision of my right eye.  Guess I need to have the eyes looked at, I don't know. I googled it and asked a few people...The Google result pretty much summed it up as --"You're OLD".  A few of my friends have experienced this as well and all say there is nothing to be done for it. Apparently as we age the vitreous humour in the eye starts to harden and that's what causes it. Crap.  It isn't bothering me nearly as much today as it did yesterday. Nearly drove me nuts yesterday, plus my eyes felt irritated.  And that made my head hurt.  Today it's all okay, except for the spidery strings that keep dashing across my line of vision.  One of my biggest fears has always been losing my sight, so you can imagine where my imagination took me when that first started.


  Oy vey.


  On a brighter note, the new neighbors have landed and all is well there.  Yesterday morning I baked 2 loaves of persimmon bread and took it over. They are a really nice couple and will make wonderful neighbors. Hallelujah !  Then later in the day, I had to bake 2 more loaves of pumpkin bread, because I didn't leave any at home for the Irishman.  It is very good as well--made, of course, from last years pumpkin abundance.


  Okay--I need to head on to bed.  Wishing you all sweet dreams...




  Namaste.

The Dance of Life

  The dance of life..transitions and changes and growing and living. It's exhausting.  I really believed that by this time in my life, I would be done with all this change. That I would be the woman God dreamed me to be.  That things would just settle down some.


  That doesn't seem to be how it works.

 I'm flummoxed by life some days. Today.  It has been a strange couple of weeks and an especially strange today.  I am being hit head on by some emotional issues and they are requiring me to take an especially long hard look at myself.

 I don't want to.


I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm physically in pain. I'm bitchy. I'm snarky. And I am in one of those KMA  moods. I hate feeling like this. Today I spent part of the morning with my old neighbors, finishing up the cleaning, etc (they've already moved) and the new owners are coming in this Saturday.  That was emotional enough. The weather was awful: rainy, cold and bitterly windy. Then I drove into the city (which I hate to do--St. Louis is a major pain in the butt to drive in) and to the giant megalopolis that is Barnes Jewish Hospital to see my ailing aunt.  The hospital is huge (like 4 or 5 campuses) and so easy to get lost in. Naturally, I had to drive all the way through the parking garage all the way to the roof because it was full. Level 5. I get inside, walk 4 blocks before I finally find an information desk, only to be told that I am in the wrong place. I am in the north end of Barnes NORTH and need to be at the south end of Barnes SOUTH.  I should have parked in the other parking garage. I can go back, move my car (I have already been ticketed in to this one, so I'll have to pay that and then pay another one too)-not to mention having to drive back out into that traffic. My other option is to walk the 3 city blocks  to the other end of the hospital. SO, walk I did. Then, elevator up to the 11th floor.  I came upon some of my family in the waiting room, where I dropped into a chair. 

 My aunt is so frail. They had to shave her head and do a craniotomy. She is in horrible pain, because when you have a trauma event like this in your brain, they can't give you any narcotic pain medicines.  It was awful...she is one of the sweetest women in the world, and it was really hard to see her suffering like this. I stayed for about an hour, spent some time with my cousins, and then headed home. Right at rush hour. And when I left the parking garage (which BTW, cost me 5 dollars to park in)  I apparently missed a  turn somewhere because I did not come out the same way I went in.  And because I almost never go to the city I don't know my way around. Nevertheless, I finally got home.  It's normally about an hours drive from my house to there, and coming home took me about half an hour longer. I just kept driving until I saw a highway marked EAST and stayed on it til I came out somewhere.


  So. It's now 1 AM and I am not the least bit sleepy. In fact, I am wound up like a top.  I am upset about something going on with my husband and me.  I am worried about my aunt.  I am wondering what the point of my life is. I am feeling underwhelmed about a lot of things that should be motivating me and overwhelmed by all the rest.  I am seriously hoping things look better to me tomorrow, because I am about ready to run for the hills. 



  With that...I bid you adieu.  Perhaps sleep is the rx...





Namaste.

I looked at the sun until I was blind...

This morning is the total eclipse (also called a hybrid eclipse, because this eclipse starts out like a ring around the sun).  I tried to look at it through the sheers and couldn't see anything, so I yanked those curtains open and stared as hard as I could at the fiercely shining orb in the sky.  When I walked away, I couldn't see anything for about 5 minutes, and all those times my mother yelled about not looking right at the sun or I'd go BLIND!!! echoed in my head. Bloody hell. She was right. Finally my vision is returning, lol...and I can see the letters on the keyboard again.

It's a cold morning here, I woke up to 30 degrees. It feels chilly in the house with the thermostat set at 68, but if I turn it up, it will get too hot. I have some plans for some housework that may or may not get done today.  Laundry, maybe...and vacuuming. I didn't do anything yesterday but babysit my ailing husband, who requires every ounce of my attention when he is hurt.  On Friday, he slipped off a big piece of culvert pipe and fell, catching himself, but jamming his shoulder in the process. He couldn't sleep that night because it was hurting so bad, so I talked him into going to the Urgent Care a couple of towns from here. They x-rayed it and said that the joint itself was fine, but the muscle was sprained and to take it easy a couple of days. he got a 2 day pass from work if he needs it, and something to relax the muscles and help him sleep to take at bedtime. Sooo...we sat around on the sofa and watched some of his favorite movies last night  and had popcorn and some chicken and noodles later for supper.  I think it was the 3 cups of hot cocoa that did him the most good.  :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now it's November. And I have committed to NaNoWriMo for the 5th or 6th year in a row.  I dropped out 2 years. I finished 3 years.  And now this year.  So, 6 I guess.   It's a good exercise.  And I am the worlds most undisciplined person, so there's that.  And in the meantime, I am sitting here in the middle of a ridiculously messy house that needs a giant tornado or something to just smash it to smithereens so I can start from scratch. Because it feels like I can never get on top of it. I clean around the edges and I get 1 thing cleaned up only to have 2 more get trashed. And it's disconcerting...I used to always have such a clean nice house and now I live like a hobo.  I try to convince myself that it's just shabby chic.  That's it's "lived in". That I don't even WANT a magazine quality house. And some of that is true, but this is insane.  I just can't seem to get it together lately. And I'm not lazy, really. But it's like the mess grows when I'm not looking. 

Sigh...

I like to think it's like this:

                                          But I'm afraid it's more like this :

  LOL  (And NO--that's not really me...)



   So, if I get off here and get some laundry going and get some cleaning done, I might take myself out of here this afternoon to play a little.  The husbandman is off to a meeting, feeling better this morning and I was so ready for his moaning butt to go away.  lol  The thought of him being home for 2 extra days this week is killing me.  I would never have made a good nurse...

   The boy is off this morning too, he found some sheepshead mushrooms that he is going to harvest and is very excited about. I was really hoping he would have brought me some chantrelles this year, but he didn't. Oh well. I'm not quite as excited as he is to try new wild mushrooms...

  It's quiet here this morning on Honeysuckle Hill. The lazy spoiled dogs are all sleeping in here in the sun  while I tap away at the keyboard. They are big babies when it comes to the cold outside. I need to pull the covers off their furniture and wash them too--they make a mess this time of year. We had a couple of days of good hard rain and they brought all that in too. Not to mention all the leaves falling that are tracked in incessantly...I swept both porches and decks and within minutes you couldn't tell I had done a thing. 


   Feels like a soup or a beans day, though I am playing with the idea of a roasted butternut squash and caramelized onion pizza for supper.  I'm already craving comfort foods and it's barely cold outside. This does not bode well for the diet. I have still been stuck at 18 pounds, which is remarkable considering I am eating almost any damn thing I want the past 2 weeks.  Isn't there some kind of old sacred dietary law about food this time of year?  Like Thou shalt not diet during the High Holy Days Of Gluttony  (or something) ?  If there isn't, there should be.


  I could keep prattling away here for hours, but this house isn't going to clean itself.  And even though I carefully turned the clocks back last night, today is speeding away from me.  What good is it then, I ask you? If it isn't going to help me in the time management department, then I say to hell with it.



***************************

  So there's the lowdown from Honeysuckle Hill...Messy, crazy and always trying to look on the sunny side.  Well...mostly.

  Have a grand Sunday...




Namaste.

Such a busy week it's been...

Honestly...I haven't fallen off the face of the earth.  Not YET, anyway.

 But it's been a busy time, full of end of the garden season doin's...things like tearing out old dead plants, weeding the walking onion bed and cleaning that mess up, picking the  remaining pole limas off the freeze  killed plants, and putting them on a plate to dry.  I harvested seed heads from the chives, both regular old chives and my favorite, the garlic chives. Digging out the last of the tomatoes and getting the gardens all strawed in and put to bed for winter.  Gathered up the last few butternut squashes....small but viable.  Inside I've been making granola, canning pickled green tomatoes,  and trying to keep up with all the day to day stuff.

  Our neighbors moved this past week...a very sad occasion (for us) and we wish them all the best.  I'm feeding their sweet dog that they are debating leaving here with the new owners because he has lived out here in the country (at that house) almost his entire life (9+ years)...and he is beside himself. I keep loving him up and telling him all will be okay...it makes me cry.  I understand , but still...if he doesn't get along with the new owners dogs or there is any other problem, we will try to bring him here and keep him with us.  Unless she decides to try and take him after all. They are moved into a subdivision in town and he would have to be an inside dog...and he has NEVER been a dog who ever wanted to go in the house. His domain was their nice garage and he loves it there. It was hard to say goodbye to them...

  I got to spend some time with some of my wonderful family on Sunday.  Loving all these babies...

      Me, Aiden Micheal, Skyler and my son in the long grey hair.

       This is another great nephew, Stewart-a little doll !

    
  This is all the older kids (nephews and nieces) out in the parking lot at the end of a great Sunday visit.

It's been cold many mornings, and now today has been rainy all day, but at least it will stay warm at night. We've had a couple of hard freezes.  The change in the weather is trying to slow me down, and I've been in a lot of pain the past week or two. Somehow I keep soldiering on, lol

I'll be curious to see how the pickled green tomatoes turn out. They look nice enough. Takes at least 2 weeks to "cure"  before you can open one to see. Dang.  lol

I'm going to spend much of tomorrow working on the last bit of bathroom stuff--mainly, I will be decoupaging the outlet and switch plate covers. I'm going to use leftover wallpaper border.  I think they will turn out pretty neat--I'll let you know. MUCH cheaper than buying themed replacements for the old plastic covers.

There's been lots of goings on on the social front too, as there usually is this time of year.  Bonfires and weenie roasts and get togethers.  We've been doing a little of that. Lots of speakers and potlucks in local AA too...keeping us plenty busy.  To be honest, I'll be glad when the snow starts to fall and I have an excuse for not going anywhere.  lol

Okay-- I'm pooped and need to go to bed.  Hope everyone is having a safe and warm end of October--there is already snow falling in a few places.  Not here though, thank goodness. November is right around the corner, and all the good food and gratitude that go with that.

Feeling particularly blessed...

Namaste.

Where have I been ?

 In the bathroom.  That's where I've been.  lol   Changing this room from a cheap can of flat pale blue paint (all I could afford at the time) that was a big mistake a couple of years ago...to this:  a beautiful expensive (to me--30 dollars a gallon)  paint and primer combination , color called Tea and Honey. Looks more apricot beige-y to me, but hey--I like it.  It's warm. It's a step below a semi-gloss. It's clean and goes well enough with the border up along the ceiling.  I am ordering a new shower curtain and a microfiber liner (recommended by several women). The old fabric curtain is about 9 years old, and has been washed about 1 too many times. lol  It will be laid to rest when the new one arrives.

  This bathroom (master bath) has a HUGE handicapped shower stall, and the room itself is about the size of most kitchens. It has (had) a long vanity with a double sink. I removed one of the sinks because it was nasty and cracked (back when we first bought the place) and cut a piece of plywood to lay over the hole, that I painted in a dark green to match the vanity. More counter space was good.  We really only need one sink anyway. It has a big walk-in closet off the side, which is as big as most bathrooms.  I spent one whole day (almost 6 and a half hours) scrubbing and cleaning that damn shower stall. I used a spray soap scum remover, bleach, sos pads and baking soda and vinegar.  That sucker is as clean as it has EVER been since it was new, I bet.  I burned my hands and a couple of fingertips with bleach.  Ouch. Never mind--they're healed up now.  (and yes, I KNOW, gloves.  sheesh.)  lol  (There's a long story behind why this shower gets so bad and isn't cleaned more often...much of which has to do with my husbands job cutting steel pipe and my crippled old body that has a really hard time doing this job myself).  Anyway...

  I went to Lowe's and bought 2 new lights to go over the mirror...rectangular shaped chrome bases with 3 lights on each.   The boy will install them for me, as soon s I get all the second coat of paint on, which is happening today. maybe. lol  I'm pretty sore from going up and down that little ladder yesterday and the day before. 

  I am playing with several ideas for a new towel rack beside the shower, one of which involves a short oar or boat paddle, wooden, with brass hooks screwed into it.  Another which is a beautiful piece of driftwood.  Or perhaps a jigsaw cutout of a sailboat, painted and detailed by me.  (Both with hooks).

  I've been kinda in the zone.  lol  And I have a big box of peppers, green tomatoes, okra and cucumbers sitting on my kitchen island screaming out to be processed. And laundry to do. And house to clean. We'll see what happens...


  On a different note...I am in the middle of talking with people about doing another workshop/lecture series about eating low on the food chain.  Or changing the way we eat. Or  what do I do now ?  lol  Still kicking ideas around about what to call it, but it will be offered to (and directed at) people who have CSA shares and are often not quite sure about what to do with all that bounty. Or how to fix it. Or what some of it is. lol Thinking about aiming it at CSA members, Sierra Club people...you know, that kind of audience.  I am excited about it, and am supposed to be kicking around what to call it, and what will it entail...leaning towards vegetarianism and certainly eating more locally and nutritionally.  It won't be until probably late April, early May.  Fun stuff.

  Okay...the laundry soap isn't going to make itself. The painting fairies won't show up either, probably.  lol  I best get my old self in gear...finish up this cup of coffee and get dressed.

  Happy Autumn, all y'all...



Namaste.