And now...back to our regularly scheduled programming....

  It's a hot and humid morning here at Honeysuckle Hill. 73 degrees already at 7 AM and gonna climb to the mid 90's before it's all over. This is a picture of one section of the honeysuckle that climbs the fences on the front and sides of the house and driveway. It is absolutely lush this year, and the smell  knocks your senses for a loop every time you walk out the front door. I adore honeysuckle...it's one of my all-time favorite flowers and I don't care--no, I LOVE!!-- how invasive it is. I'm thinking seriously of transplanting some up onto my front porch rails. We already have bees all over anyway...and in a year or two, I would have a front porch rail covered in vines and flowers. They are pretty evergreen too, so it would be  nice in winter.

  The pickup truck is back in the shop this morning.  And now my little car needs a new battery. The light keeps coming opn, randomly.  I'm agonna take it down to Auto Zone and have them test it. It's at least 4 years old and I'm not sure what the life of a car battery is these days, but I'm guessing it's as short as everything else.

  Am I just getting old?

  It seems like nothing lasts anymore. Has the world of manufacturing forgotten how to make things that are not disposable?? Or am I just a naive idiot??  I am stuck in a warp of thinking that when I buy something, that should be it. It should live as long as I do. (Which is really scary, if you think about it). lol  I have always been like this. I guess I need to get over that, huh?


  I need to get out and finish mulching in the garden. Bales of straw are up to 5 bucks apiece this year...it's like mulching with gold.  I cannot believe how fast this garden is growing ...is that my age again??  lol  It all looks beautiful, I'll say that for sure. I already have a golf ball sized tomato on one plant...one that I missed, I guess, as I pull the flowers off them the first month or so, until the plants are bigger and well established. It's so cute, I can't bear the thought of pulling it off, so I'll leave it be.


  The chickens are laying well and happy, although it stinks over there from all the rain mixed with chicken poop mixed with grains laying about out in the run. The inside coop smells sweet from the fresh straw...whoever thought I would like that smell so much?   And the smell early this morning when I was out feeding the girls and the humidity and the dew and the drifting honeysuckle smells nearly made me delirious.

   Reading Ms Moon this morning, I am reminded about how much my world has shifted these past few years. As I enter an older and wiser stage of this existence. As I leap from the uncertainty of youth to the resigned uncertainty of old age.  As I find the joy and yes, Ms Moon, the kindness, of the life I have carved out for myself, I know deep down that truly, in the end, it will all be okay.  And if it's not okay, it's not the end.


  Now. Get back to your regular week...it's Tuesday for crying out loud....



  Namaste.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

 The green beans are looking great, in spite of the weird cold snaps we've been having. This bed also holds a small edamame patch and a few cukes down at the other end. It's about 30 -35 foot long.

Oregano. Planted in the bed where the old pea seed I planted didn't come up. I'm making REAL sure this year to date all pkgs of seed.  lol  Oregano is a perrenial that will come back with no special treatment.


    It's a glorious day here. Rained yesterday, but not a lot. Apparently it was saving itself to go up and knock the heck out of Judy's barn this morning. But it's 82 at noon here and tomorrow is supposed to be dry as well, with temps around 91.  We have no plans really for this holiday weekend,. but next weekend is our annual family reunion/camping weekend. I still haven't found anyone to come feed the animals while we're gone. Very worst case scenario--we don't camp and just go down for the big Sunday noon potluck. 


    I have hotdog and hamburger buns raising...they are whole wheat this time, because I am apparently out of white flour! (I know...I can't believe it either.)  I also am out of vital wheat gluten, which I use when making whole grain bread because it helps it rise better. Sigh...At any rate, I'm sure they'll be fine.  We will have smoked brats for lunch today, with some pickled beets and some devilled eggs. Maybe I'll open a jar of pickled peppers too, and serve it all up with chowchow...Also have some corn chips left I think, with salsa. Then I have to head down the road to sit with MissB. 


  I'm off to get some lunch ready, he should be home anytime. He's out picking up roofing felt and straw bales...lol..another holiday weekend in the life of parttime homesteaders I guess.  We have to redo the roof this summer, and are going to start picking up supplies a bit at a time so we don't have to pay for everything all at once. The shingles we will, so that they will deliver them up to the roof, and save these old people from having to carry the damn things !


  Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone.



Namaste

This past week blows...

Here's one of my peonies, down by the driveway...

Little red roses, in the same area...

Here are Shasta Daisies and lilacs and lilies....there's a birdbath in there somewhere...lol..in the backyard.

And here's a shot of the garden about a week ago, maybe  a little less. Beans, I think.





Good God.  It has been crazy around these parts. Tornadoes, severe thunderstorms, baseball sized hail and now it's cold. Getting down to 40 tonight. It barely made the mid fifties today...I was wearing sweats for crying out loud.     IT'S MAY!!!!!!  Not only May, but the tail end of May.

 The temperature on Wednesday dropped a whopping 20 degrees in one hours time. We had tornado warnings, funnel sightings, 55 mph winds and torrential rains. Trees splitting and branches cracking and limbs falling everywhere.  Last Sunday a big tornado hit Joplin, MO and it has been hysteria ever since. The local St Louis tv stations are preempting shows and running their Storm Center for hours on end. I want to go unplug them...I know they provide a service, but criminey...it feels like fear mongering. There was a huge line of storms advancing that COULD have the POSSIBILITY of rotation. And there was some, but only a little damage and for heavens sakes...dial it down a notch, guys.  When you live in the midwest, these storms this time of year are what it does here.

  Okay. That rant is over. And I really do appreciate that they are concerned. Really I am. But I had to laugh when they said something to the effect of using your computer to keep following them if you're in a tornado. The last thing I'm going to be thinking of is following the tv station during a tornado.


  I had a nice lunch at Olive Garden today with my niece and her mother. Two of my favorite women in the family. The weather was yucky, but we ate and then we went to the World Market, which is one of my favorite places to shop. I got some Thai Lotus candles on sale and a couple of other things. Then I went to Petco and bought some food for the Cichlids and some chemical that is supposed to clear the murky water. I picked up some compressed rawhide bones for the puplios. Then  I came home, grateful that I don't live down there in the city and can sit on my back deck and listen to the songs of the bullfrogs and the cardinals and the chickens singing hymns for me. And let out a long sigh of relief to be back on Honeysuckle Hill once more.


  In the morning I will go take some more pictures of the gardens. Miraculously, nothing was destroyed by the hail and winds and rain. And things look about 3x the size they were 4 days ago.

  Time for me to hit the hay, been up since 6 and am running on fumes. I am very emotional and hyper-sensitive and those are just a couple of the ways I can tell how exhausted I am...tomorrow will be busy, have a sponsling celebrating a year and a friend celebrating 26 years...we will take the former out to dinner and then go to the meeting where she'll get her coin, and then adjourn to the latters home, where we'll have coffee and dessert probably and catch up.

  Life is good. And bad. And everything in between.  That's what makes it so precious....


Namaste.

Busy days...

  But never too busy to put cut flowers on the table...these gorgeous irises (or "flags" as my granny always called them) are from my yard. I got them for free from someone tearing them out of their yard and were going to throw them away. The stems are so long  many of them leaned over to kiss the dirt or broke, so I cut them and brought them in the house. I found the gorgeous vase at a thrift store. It's perfect for these daddy long legs!!

  It's been strange weather around here, finally warming up to about 77 today. The humidity is high, so it feels even hotter. They keep predicting rain, but so far we have seen none of it.

  The Irishman got the tent out and went through the camping gear today. When I got home tonight, the tent was set up in the front yard. He says he's airing it out, getting ready for our big camping trip. It looks like the circus is in town.  lol   (Which , of course, reminds me of something I heard years ago in an AA meeting...."Just because the monkey's OFF your back, doesn't mean the circus has left town!") to explain how crazy we can sometimes be, even though we have put down the drink and dope.

  No word yet on the autopsy findings. My friends young son came by yesterday and we hugged and he cried...I told him to come out anytime....it is all so sad...


  On the bright side, we got the sweet potato slips on Friday and got them in the ground. Put in 2 dozen plants. Beauregards.  And everything else is coming up nicely. Trying hard to keep the sprouting potatoes pulled up from the tomato bed...bad call on my part--volunteer fingerling potatoes coming up all over that bed. Tomatoes don't like potatoes. Sigh....The green beans are already about 2 and a half inches tall!!  And the corn is up and all the salad stuff is going gangbusters already.(Have I said how much I love gardening????) lol



  Going to check out a new church tomorrow, I think. It's in the town where I went to high school, about 15 miles from here.  Or I'll sleep late and miss it.  lol   Either way, I'm sure my day will be grand. I am not really a church goer, but sometimes I feel the need to sing.


  Time for me to hit the hay. Tired to the bone tonight for some reason. Yesterday I made some wonderful veggie burgers for supper, with homemade hamburger buns. I will never buy hamburger buns again. These were so simple and outrageously GOOD!  For the veggie burgers, I was going to make them southwestern, with black beans and salsa, but instead, I started with a Nature Burger (do you know what this is???) base and added chopped onion and leftover pinto beans, to finish those up. Then I finely chopped some celery and added black pepper, garlic and celery seed. I had a leftover ear of corn on the cob...cut the corn off and threw that in too.  They were so good....I sauteed some mushrooms and onions to put on top and we were in hog heaven.  Today for lunch I just made some old tuna salad for my husband and sonny boy (who came by to fish a bit) and we all had a nice lunch of sandwiches, blue corn chips and homemade salsa. Yum.

  Alrighty. I am off to meet up with Mr Sandman.  Catch you all later....


Namaste.

The fragile nature of life...

My phone's message alert went off as soon as I turned it back on this afternoon. I had been in a meeting, and when I came out there it was. I answered it and a very serious voice asked me to please call her as soon as I got this-it was important.  I called, and was told that a friend of mine had died that morning. A relatively healthy 40 something alcoholic who could not stop drinking and stay stopped to save her life.

 She had lived here for a little over 6 months, out in the studio apartment, while she tried one more time to get sober.  She did alright for a while, and then, as usual, she as back on another bender. After a couple of these, I asked her to please move out, as I could not have that here. Our agreement was that she could live there as long as she stayed sober.

  She managed to quit drinking a couple of more times since then, only to have some catastrophe or crisis send her back into the bottle again.  She lost her last in a string of temporary jobs. Her son wanted nothing to do with her.  Her boyfriend that she had a love/hate relationship with, told her to get out of his life...he couldn't take it any more.

I am deeply saddened by her demise. She was a wonderful human being when she was sober. I knew a side of her that was all soft and loving and breakable. The outer persona was brittle and brutal and sometimes  mean. Always keeping her guard up. Always such a child in there. 

Unfortunately for people like her, and like me, and like so many I know....this is what we get.  If we drink, we die.  We absolutely cannot drink for any reason , of any amount, in any way. Complete abstinence is our only hope. We crush the people who love us, we do things we would not normally do, we hate ourselves with such a ferocity it is unimaginable.

If we are lucky, we find ourselves in a life and death situation where recovery is the only option.  I am so grateful that I had the shit kicked out of me by life one last time, right after I got arrested for druink driving.  I am so grateful that there was no where else for me to go. I suspect that if there had been one more shot, I would have not made it here. Like my friend, I would have kept hitting myself in the head with that bottle until finally my head split wide open (metaphorically speaking) and all the life drained out of me.

  I have known so many people these past 20 years that have died. Because they could not live with alcohol or without it.  Because they could never be convinced they were worth saving.  Because they had to chase that high, that buzz, one more time. Because this might be "the" time they got the relief they were looking for.  And they are dying of things that don't look like death by drugs or alcohol...but they are. Things like seizures and respiratory arrest and cerebral hemmorhages. Things like massive heart attacks. Things like intestinal bleeding.  People who are worn out and used up and oh so tired of the tragic comedy they have been living for far too long. People who have only 2 choices left to them. Live. Or Die.

I am feeling so bereft tonight. I know that there is nothing I could have done differently. I know that none of this has anything to do with me, really. But I also know that in my heart I will continue to wonder if there wasn't something I could have said  or something I could have given her that could have prevented this.  It is all so tragic. Her 17 year old son will continue the rest of his life without his mother. Her parents and step parents have lost their daughter. And I have lost a friend...

 At last, she has peace.

 RIP, M.R.

May 17, 2011

Namaste.

Mondays Meanderings...

   Wandered around outside a bit this morning...looks like we survived the rains/wind okay, with the exception of a few purple irises that decided to lay down in the dirt. I have a ton, so I just cut the long stemmed flowers off and took a bouquet to Miss B, and put some on my own dining room table.

  Am pleased to report that there is major germination going on out there, and the plants that are in are looking great.  Supposed to have some warm weather coming up, after tonights possible low of 36. Keeping my fingers crossed it doesn't get quite that cold. I am soooo done with this chilly damp weather.


  Read Miz Moon's blog about Pearl, and I started crying over losing my Lucy all over again. It feels like this grief will never subside, though I know it will.  I have so many pawprints on my heart...Lucy, Sophie, Bella, Seamus...Little Caylee came over and put her paws on my chest to lick the tears off my face. She is such a sensitive dog, and has not left my side since I started to cry. She's laying here at my feet, with one paw on my leg. Anchoring me. Loving me. This is why there have always been and will always be animals in my life.  Unconditional love.

  The mechanic called and said that the truck is done and we could come pick it up. I will go first thing in the morning. He had said earlier that he might not get finished with it until Wednesday, but ...maybe it wasn't any big thing...(hope, hope!)


  I spent a leisurely morning housekeeping...doing some laundry, vacuuming up tons of dog and cat hair (gotta love this time of year when the shedding begins...)...homey stuff.  I miss the time when I never had to leave the house for days and days at a time if I didn't want to...As much as I like the extra money, I have a feeling something is about to change. We shall see....we shall see.


  I am having a problem with someone and it feels like 13 year old girl BS...I was always a tomboy. I played with the boys and rarely hung out with girls when I was a kid, becaue I couldn't handle all the games. I refused to get involved with the cliques, the gossipy crap, the competition. And I am feeling like that is what I am dealing with here. I'm not going into detail about it ...but if it doesn't resolve itself, I might be travelling down a different road soon. And I am being a bit bitchy about it, which makes me feel like as much of the problem as anyone..I have drawn a line in the dirt, and crossed my arms and am being as stubborn as I have been about anything for a long time. AArrrgggghhhh....


  In the meantime, the moon tonight was so fabulous, hanging there in the dusky sky that it almost made me cry.  I love a good full moon, and it's a remarkable sight to see out here on the Prairie, with no city lights to mess it up.


  Okay, I have to go to bed.  I am cranky and tired and weepy.

  Snuffling off to Buffalo....



Namaste.

A wet and cold Sunday in mid-May

 (Sorry--but I thought this was hysterical!)

  It's been raining since Friday evening. After I hand watered most of the garden, of course. And by hand watered, I mean carrying watering cans full of water from the rain barrels. Arrgghhh....So now everything is well watered, and temps have been 50 or below, after days of 90 degrees. Today was absolutely yucky.


  There is lots of sprouting in the garden, despite the cool temperatures. And my irises are all blooming too. It's lush and green and wet out there.  lol


  I am tired and checking in before I go to bed. The Irishman has to take his truck to the garage tomorrow morning and drop it off. Something wrong with it...hopefully not too serious.  We cannot easily afford a big auto repair bill. Oh, well. It will work out the way things always do. Sometimes easier than other times. I'm thinking of a humorous quote..."It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay--it's not the end."

  Watched a very strange movie tonight from Netflix called Little Children.  Had mixed feelings about it...

  This wet cold has my joints in an uproar. The arthtritis is getting worse and more painful. I guess that is the nature of arthritis. Reminding myself to move, move, move...even when it hurts. It hurts much worse if I don't.  My hands are hurting tonight, as well as my knees and ankles.  I could use some good hot weather to just lie out on the chaise lounge and let the healing energy of the sun do it's stuff. Maybe tomorrow I will use the jacuzzi at the gym. That affords some relief too.


  I chopped down my chives today, Mama Pea.  I froze a bag of flowers to see what they do too. 2 quart bags, one of garlic chives and one of reguilar old chives.  Snipped and frozen. WooHoo!


  Okay. I'm heading to bed.It's about half past midnight here and the old bed is calling me.

  Tomorrow it's supposed to be a tad warmer and much sunnier. Here's hoping....




Namaste.