Falling leaves

 Geez...this seems to have happened fast.  

  It's very chilly today, not 50 and breezy, with intermittently cloudy skies. I am shuffling around in my flannel pajamas and fuzzy slippers like an old woman. The kittens have gone out and come in a couple of times, they want to be out there but it's just not warm enough for their delicate sensibilities.  The Jack Russell Terrorist is in and sleeping comfortably on the couch.  She's not enamored of the cold either. 

  The leaves are everywhere, rustling and crackling as you step through the yard. I went out (in my robe) and fed the hens and filled the water dishes, and looked at the remains of the gardens--giving up the fight. We have had a couple of soft freezes and they are done in. Fine by me. 

  I have a Caribbean pork stew going. The recipe changes every time I make it, as I use what I have. Today it is loaded with boneless pork chunks, okra, sweet potatoes, edamame, tomatoes and corn.  It smells of ginger and cumin and garlic and onion and the aroma is heavenly. I'm debating making some quick rolls to go with it, but I'd better decide as I have to leave for work in a little over 4 hours. Maybe corn muffins would be good. That would certainly be easier than making yeast rolls.Or really, even biscuits would be good with this...garlic cheddar biscuits, like the ones they serve at Red Lobster. Yum.

  Can you tell I like to eat when the weather turns?  The main thing I love about fall and winter is that I can make soups and stews to my hearts content. The Irishman loves these thick stews like todays, served over rice. They are nutritious with all the veggies from our gardens and they stick to your ribs, as my granny used to say. And don't forget the comfort food side of it...thick, steaming bowls tummy toasting goodness. Not to mention the fact that they reheat well and make a great lunchbox item for  you-know-who.

  I have started NaNoWriMo..written about 4K words so far. That feels pretty good. By the end of today I should have over 5000 written, if I am to stay on a schedule of output to manage the 50K by the end of the month. We'll see what happens. My pattern the last couple of years has been to procrastinate, stall, be obstinate and skip holidays. LOL  Perhaps this year I will do better.  I have, however, bought 2 new books to read, just in case I need to be distracted. I admire the stamina of real writers who enjoy the discipline necessary to stick to goals and work diligently until they finish a manuscript. Last year was the first time I have ever completed anything like this, and I was so full of myself for a while I could barely breathe. 

   Alright, I smell stew that needs a bit of stirring and I shall open my googledocs and get to work. I may have to stop and take a shower and get dressed first. Or not. I feel pretty comfy right now, but I also feel like I could easily go back to sleep. Tomorrow I need to make a coffee beans run to Edwardsville and pick up a couple of things at the local food coop as well. I thought about doing it today, but since husband has to work mandatory OT again tomorrow, I may as well use up the morning doing some shopping. Maybe I can hook up with my friend Cathy and have a little lunch. hmmm...good idea.

  Have a wonderful autumn, all.  Run and jump in the leaves and smell the woodsmoke from your neighbors stoves and remember all the good things in your life. 

Namaste.

Is it really the end ????

End of October.  End of canning. (I know I've said that before, but this time I REALLY mean it!) 

 Just finished putting up 23 jars of a green tomato relish called chow-chow around these parts. It was one of my old Dad's favorite things. You go out right before the first frost and pick all the green tomatoes, the tiny  bell peppers, and whatever else you might have out there hanging around that didn't quite make the cut. Then you chop it all up together, add some sugar and spice and everything nice, cook it about 2 hours and then can that bad boy. It's quite good, especially on bratwurst sandwiches. There are as many different ways to make this stuff as there are cooks, and I sort of looked at a few recipes and said to myself :Self--take a little of this one and a little of that one and get on with it !  And so I did. It's got garlic and onion and Granny Smith apples in it, and good strong cider vinegar.  I'm thinking that I might want to try my hand at making my own vinegar...how hard can it be, right?  And the price of cider vinegar hit the roof here lately...almost 5 dollars a gallon.  CRIKEY!

  I'm very tired and need to go to bed. Just took the last batch out of the canner and if I don't head for bed, I'm gonna have to get something to eat. lol  I made sweet and sour chicken and rice for our late lunch today...we ate at about 1:30 and then I was off.  I wasn't hungry when I fed MissB...now, I'm suddenly starving.  I looked around in the fridge, but nothing is grabbing me.  Maybe just a little rice or something? I need to start keeping hard boiled eggs in the fridge like I used to..they are great for a quick pick me up...my blood sugar is feeling off...and carbs are the last thing I need.  Cheese then. A whole wheat tortilla quesadilla....

  I am almost finished with Eat, Pray, Love....finished off a Sue Grafton novel as well, and will soon have to find something to read. About a month ago, I bought a box full of books on the cheap, all hardbacks,.and am making a good dent in them.I have her next book, Committed...as well as a Kurt Vonnegut book  called Look At The Birdie...Lots of stuff to distract myself with this month, when I should be writing my brains out for NaNoWriMo...

 Almost 1 AM...I need to be shuffling off. I'll post some pictures tomorrow of my pretty jars of relish...Maybe I'll even get some laundry done...

  Sleep beckons....

 Namaste.

October's end...

3 days left before we start the dreaded move into Holiday Mode.

  Already the stores are usurping their Thanksgiving displays with Christmas. No wonder we're all so crazy this time of year. What a blessing is a life that encompasses One Day At A Time as it's basic tenet...it [almost] saves me from the insanity that comes with this time of year. It feels like dancing as fast as you can, but never quite catching up to the music. lol  If I let it.

We're are trying to decide if we'll be going to Wisconsin this year or staying home and then taking a trip someplace warm in January (if we can pull it off).  The Irishman is suddenly feeling guilty that he has been taking all the trips the past couple of years and I am always staying home. lol  He still has a ways to go, truth be told, to catch up with all the travelling I did up to 5 years ago. It is such a chore to try to go somewhere...so many animals and so few people willing to help or even be hired to do it.   We shall see...

 I really wanted to get to back to daily blogging this past summer and it didn't happen. Life got in the way. Now it's time for NaNoWriMo, and I am completely out of the habit of writing every day. We'll see if I can make it through this year or not.  I have my pal Mary to look up to for inspiration and fun...If anyone can inspire me, she can [again].  I will never be a writer...I have no discipline. None whatsoever.  I am like an errant child, whining and griping all the way. I won't write for days on end, and then I'll go crazy and write like a maniac for hours and hours without stopping.  

 I am one sick puppy.

 On a brighter note...I got some peppers strung and am getting ready to start some French Onion Soup. The Irishman is working today OT, this is our one day that we try to spend together...he will be home this afternoon sometime, I guess, and not work the whole 10 hour shift that he normally does. So..I shall make soup. And clean and putter and do anything except all the things I should be doing. lol

  Cold cold this morning. It was 10:30 before the frost finally burned off...a hard one this first time of the year. I need to sally forth and check out my backyard...

  Blessings and salutations to all y'all out there. Have a blessed day....

Namaste.

The chill is on the moors...

Well, it would be, if we had moors.  lol  As it is, the frost is on the pumpkin, with our first serious blast of cold coming in today and tonight. Guess I'll run out and gather whatever remaining peppers and tomatoes are lurking about, picked a half bushel the day before yesterday. Chickens need tending too, and it's time to hook up the heat lamp and thermostat for that. 

  One good frost, and we can begin the fall cleanup that I always put off until there's no hope whatsoever for the poor plants. I can't bear to tear them out of the ground while they still have a bit of green on them.

 The new chooks are laying like crazy, so I have a mass of eggs in the fridge again. Not complaining...I will make some goodies tomorrow on my day off. Thinking I could make a few quiches and freeze them. I've never frozen them before, but I'm pretty sure it's doable. I want to make French Onion Soup today, and cook a nice meatloaf for husband's supper.  Guess I'd better get on the ball. It's 10 and I'm still in my flannels. But, it's rather grey out there and not exactly motivating me to get moving.

 I am going to string the remaining jalapenos and hang them to dry. There's not a lot of them, but enough to not just let them rot.   I want to make some vegetable soups to freeze or can as well...enough tomatoes for that, easily. I feel like it has been a very productive year for me harvest-wise and take great pride in my full cupboards and freezers. Lots of fruits and vegetables for the long winter ahead. 

  I so cannot WAIT for this election to be over. It is so nasty and outrageous around here, I am keeping the radio turned off. I am subjected to television while I'm at work, but I mute the sound a lot when she's not paying attention, lol.  She's not a big tv watcher anyway, thank goodness.

 My doggies are all inside right now, sleeping in the warmth. It's really on;y barely chilly out there, but the change is in the air, and they know it. I'm wearing sweats today...it will be 27 tonight. I love watching the seasons change as Mother Earth starts her journey into winter...the slowing down, the shedding and rearranging.... the descent into sleep.

 Guess I'd better get on with things...wanted to check in and let you know I'm still here, in one piece, and living life to the fullest. 

  Namaste.

Shuffling...

Shuffling through the day.  Feeling better, but still not quite good...husband says I may have malaria, when I told him I don't feel feverish anymore on the outside, but it's hot inside my head and my eyes hurt.  lol

The cough is lessening and I have a little more energy every day, with the help of some over the counter chemical concoctions. Slept very well last night. Everyone keeps telling me to go to the doctor and get antibiotics, but I try to not do that, as they affect me in more ways than they help.

  I have a big crockpot of chili going and have been cleaning my master bathroom. I'm only here while waiting for the floor to dry that I just mopped. It's a HUGE room, and gets so messy and dusty and I don't clean it nearly often enough, and for that I am penitent. I bought some new rugs for the floor in there and it seemed like the perfect time to clean. I have to go sit with my little lady at 2:30, so I'm running the clock here.

  Been conversing with family about the state of the BIL...everyone is worried and no one knows what to say or do. One sister said...You mean we have to wait for him to want to do this on his own ??!?!?!  lol   Yes, afraid so, I said.   Recovery, as we all know, is not for people who need it, but for people who want it.  

 ON the bright side, it's a glorious fall day here. The sun is shining, the skies are blue and it is dry, although they are talking about possible rain in the next night or two. We could use it, it's pretty dry out there. The colors are lovely and the trees are all shedding their leaves at an amazing rate of speed.

  Okay, the clock is ticking and I realize I haven't eaten anything yet today.. not a good thing. Hard to find an appetite though...

  Alrighty then...I am outta here and shuffling off to finish another day. Tomorrow: APPLESAUCE !!!

Namaste

Stalling....

 I am up and back at it...struggled with the dreaded "bug" going around and was in bed for 3 days. Missed 2 days of work AND screwed up my one day off. lol  Went back on a short shift yesterday...good thing it was. Wore me out. 

 Climbed out of the hole only to find a house covered in dust, carpets in dire need of vacuuming (at the very least) and a bushel and a half of apples screaming out to be sauced. Got part of them done, and should be in the kitchen finishing them now. But ... here I sit, at the computer.

  

  Stalling.

  OH well. There's always tomorrow, right?  I woke up from dreams of being at a casino with my ex-husband and a group of misfits. Gambling and drinking. Hmmm...woke up thinking maybe I'd get dressed and go to the local boat casino.  I have a few extra dollars in my pocket...lol.  More I think about it,. the dream may have been a subtle message that I am gambling with my sobriety. Haven't been to a meeting in a while and don't want to go. I have been insecure, judgmental and just plain feeling sorry for myself.  As usual,. the last thing I want to do is be around fellow alkies, and it's probably exactly what I need.  

  Top this off with the fact that my BIL was carried out of a football stadium on Sunday, having his second grand mal seizure from drinking like a fish.  And some of his family is in extreme denial, as he is himself.   And it's really scary, because I love him, and I am afraid he is going to kill himself or someone else. And there's nothing I can do about it. 

  Powerless. Once again. Still. 

  The thing in my life that never changes...all I can do is give him to God and trust that there is a plan for him and that the plan has his best interests at heart.  And I want to fix it. And I want to make him understand that there is this life in sobriety that exceeds a persons wildest dreams. Got a call from a young man last night that can't stay sober, but he keeps coming back and keeps trying...maybe there is hope for these damaged children of God. The BIL refuses to seek treatment or help of any kind, swears that he's got it handled.  I know it is killing my husband...and there's not much he can do either.

 My niece in FL got married weekend before last. In the pictures I have seen, she is holding up a Jack Daniels bottle in her wedding gown. My SIL said they were all shitfaced ..they drink and drink and drink.  I have another niece here that does the same thing. All around the same age, mid twenties. All thinking it's a big joke, so much fun, and I just think "Wait until you cross the line." Wait until you lose the power of choice whether to drink or not. Wait until you are on that dark lonely road that leads to misery and despair, and pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Wait until you are sitting in a jail cell, wondering how the hell this happened.

  And so...I sit and think about gambling with my sobriety, about apples waiting to be sauced.About how none of us are immune to the dangers of relapse and none of us are ever rid of this demon of alcoholism.  A daily reprieve ...contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.  Angry, resentful, judgmental...doesn't sound like my spiritual condition is exactly being maintained now, does it ??? 

  Sigh.  Okay...I know what to do. Like Rumi said so well...

  "Prayer is an egg.

Hatch out the total helplessness inside. "

Namaste.

Such an autumn day....

 The Irishman has left for a 3 day backpacking trip...and tonight I will be pulling the big quilt out and getting flannel sheets on the bed. I love this quilt, made by my friend and quilter extraordinaire, Pam. 

  Made a big steak and eggs and potatoes breakfast and sent him on his way. He'll be back Sunday evening sometime. I'm so grateful that he has found a friend he can do this stuff with...we used to be big-time campers and hikers, before I got hurt. Now I cannot do it, and I'm glad Jerry can. (BTW--I cooked some sweet potato in with the red potatoes, all from the garden, and cooked with bell peppers -red,yellow,green- and onion and fresh garlic. I can't tell you how great it is to eat a meal like this (our eggs, of course) and be able to say--I grew these.)

  LIttle Swayze is acclimating, though he's still peeing a lot. sigh...male dogs--this is why my 3 are all females. Speaking of which, Molly McGee is on the loose, out running and playing and being a crazy little dog. She flew by once this morning and then dashed off again.  lol

  I'm off today. I am torn about whether to run into town and then back home again, or just not go at all.  I need to get the tables set up in the garage and start digging sweet potatoes. I got a few the day before yesterday and they are huge.  They need to lay out and harden off a bit before storage. I could wait and let Mr. O'Kelley do it when he gets home, but he'll be knackered and not good for much, I suspect.  So, maybe I'll start the process and he can finish it up next weekend, if I don't get it all done.  I am so glad to be home I can't describe it. lol  My life feels like I am on the run all the time these days. I do need to go to the bank before 5 o'clock, but otherwise, I could probably just stay put. That sounds lovely....

  The weather is gorgeous...70's and bright cloudless skies and sunshine. I am feeling a bit warm, and have opened all the windows and turned on the window fans. Burned some lovely incense, cleaned up the kitchen and am contemplating changing clothes and showering. I put sweats on this morning when I got up at 6...it was quite chilly, around 48 degrees.  Not so much now...lol

  Gonna let my day unfold slowly and all by itself, I think.  Hope your day is as good as mine....

Namaste.